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  Nov 2015 Poetic Thoughts
Dess Ander
I used to be alive- now I'm invisible
your words were like knives
penetrating deep into my soul
I wilted, slowly bled
from your memory

but I kept coming back
trying to make my presence felt
my efforts were in vain
I was just a mist, here today, gone tomorrow

in your memory I was a spectre
a glimmer in the past, nothing more
than forgotten photographs
where you scratched out my face

I'm forever dead to you
and now I'm motionless
despite my pleads
which you simply tossed to the wind.
Watch your body fall to pieces.
It will not be the first to give up on you,
but it won't be the last, either.

When your nose bleeds,
resist the urge to scream.
It is only because all you've eaten
in the past three days was a grape.
Calcium deficiency.

Your skin will turn yellow
and your nails will be brittle.
It's not beautiful.
You will not look like the plastic
photo lies on the magazine covers.

Your body is consuming itself.
Maybe it sounds like poetry,
but it tastes like fear.
The fear of gaining weight,
the fear of not being perfect.

Your heart will weaken,
your kidneys could fail,

If you die of anorexia nervosa,
it will not be beautiful.
It will not be poetic.
It is grotesque and painful.
The doctors will shove tubes down your throat
just to keep you alive,
while your mind screams,
we can't have those calories

How do you waste away?
It's easy to do.
Hate every piece of yourself
until it's so small you can't feel it.
I'm drowning in the stiff upper lip silence of the room draped in black.
Mourning, they say. Mourning for loss. Sorry, they say. Sorry this happened.
She was young, so vibrant. There was light and life and joy in her eyes. There was so much for her, they say.
But I saw the way life embraced her and left her skin greying and her breath ragged. She wasn't okay and there wasn't anything vibrant about her and when I begged her to talk to me, or not to me, but to someone, to get help, to please keep breathing, she refused me.
Why was I the only one who saw her fall to pieces?
Why didn't they help her?
why is she gone?
I don't understand.
Poetic Thoughts Nov 2015
“I’m afraid to get used to the breath-taking glory of the midnight sky.
I’m afraid to lose my sense of wonder to mind-numbing routines.
How do I keep myself alive
#afraid #how #numb #depression
Poetic Thoughts Nov 2015
“We cling to words like drowning men to straws. But still we drown, we drown
#drown #words #poetry
  Nov 2015 Poetic Thoughts
Lily
I want to apologize for being a sad person

*Sorry if I can only write sad poems
Poetic Thoughts Nov 2015
When will my best be good anyway?It's being afraid of being alone with your own thoughts inside your room but not wanting anyone with you, taking 5 showers a day but still not feeling clean. I could get a hundred hours of sleep and still feel tired as hell, searching for a real definition of self. It's that thanks for nothing look that people will tell you to pray & everything will be okay. Biting you're nails till they bleed. You wouldn't call me crazy if you knew how much I hate me.
I was listening to this poem by Rage Almighty, a spoken word poet. #depression #hateme #tired #suffering #giveup #self #searching
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