You remember me from Highschool?
That was six years ago!
I'm nonbinary now, and I'm gay
Dropped out of college, moved to and from LA
I've had four separate jobs
With different levels of pay
I've fallen in and out of love,
In and out of more beds than I'd rather say
I've had cats, and Jury Duty,
I even changed religion, okay?
You remember me now? I don't remember me then!
So spare me the back-when, what can I even say?
It's been six years since Highschool
I don't remember a single day.

Eve of Christmas Eve,
Cross-legged in my reindeer tights,
Sipping stew from a spoon,
Spoon should be bigger, stew needs more meat
More seasoning, I should adjust the ***
Simmering, boiling, stirring
Christmas record playing in the living room,
Lights above the door frame, lights about the fireplace
Lights on the trees outside in the drive

So it's warm in the kitchen, warm from cooking
Baking cookies, chopping onions
This old wood house gets cold but that's alright,
While we keep the fire alight
You'll come in from chopping firewood in the snow
Spin me round and bury into my neck, your icy nose
While I yelp
"Put me down!
Or else kiss the sugar and cookie dough that I missed
Off my cheeks, and just for good measure, my lips"
I forgot to hang mistletoe

It's eve of Christmas eve, my toes tucked under your thigh
Under this blanket we've curled within
There's nothing but a hunk of bread left on the table, the record's spent, and on the TV, credits roll.
A small plastic tree on your desk,
Presents in the closet ready to go
The fire laying low, as we drift asleep, the snow drifts grow outside,
I've got nothing left on my wishlist, no more dreams I can never unwrap, if you just promise...
No, just this is quite alright.

.Heat.
Must hold on,
Closer, until, meld ontop of-
Body against, heat of body,
Holding on, to someone,
Someone I love- like a ladybug,
Like a lizard, so cold, just want,
Body heat. Just need reptilian comfort,
Drunk, cuddled, human to human,
Hold me. One sec more. One more minute-
Such strong arms-
Wrap around me, I drape across you
You don't mind? Do you?
Only us, no other, no one else in all
In all the city, the country, provence, world
Just us. So just. Please
please.
Remember it was just us, once.
And you, you couldn't tear yourself away from me and I
I tried to slip away but now I
I can't move away for all the
Motivation in the world
warm
Let me be a lizard
Let me be dependant upon your warmth
.Let me..

Empty aching, missing, forgetting
Waiting on a face to appear
Through cloudy memory,
Do you remember me
Dancing through our minds
of smoke & mirror.

Aching, missing, forgetting
Waiting.

Let me tell you about Puerto Vallarta.
How cool air comes in over the ocean,
and how even in the rain the boardwalk
is beautiful and serene.
Let me tell you about sipping a sangria
in old town and the bouncing bridge
and the old fountain in the square.
Let me tell you about the new club
they opened in the basement across the street
and the top floor suite where I lay
with a man for the first time.

Let me tell you about Mexico.
The way the poolside music wakes me at 11
Let me tell you about El Panorama,
watching fireworks from the pirate ship below
Lighting up the bay as I dig into the
best steak, best views, best service
Let me tell you about Quimixto, Las Caletas
Days spent dancing on boats, and scuba diving
The same waters we fish and surf on
One with nature and the city

Man, I miss this and Gerry,
Four years to the day we met I'll be there
Telling the ocean about you, just for one day.
But you may never see these things you missed,
Your bare feet are no longer welcome upon the sand

Let me tell you....

*Let me tell you of
Taking my two best girlfriends there,
From the market to the marina,
And the flowers the men would give us-

And in another week that'll be me again,
Older but still free, soaking up the sun,
Flirting and dancing and swimming
Just my 23rd year down in PV,
And my story goes on

Are you cold, my darling? You're shivering-
Shrugs me off, says she's never felt warmer
Throws on slippers and disappears past me down the hall, I'm left
Hand outstretched
//
My girl can't stand to sleep alone
I work all night just to come home
To strangers in our bed, and I ache
For how lonely she must have felt
//
My darling girl, why don't you rest your sleepy head,
You can't face all the demons inside, can't go to sleep,
Instead you've fled and I,
Pinned your wings to the ground, like so many,
But like only me, I let you go and so,
You chose to stay, it's the only way you would
I'm afraid,
You're always ready to fly away from me
And I, can't stand to see you go too far
I'm frightened.
Can't keep the tears away when I see you turn
away with a frown, concentrate too ******* spreading jam
Stirring tea
Artificial warmth, like the heat you swear radiates off my shirt
I gave you and the forced desire
To always keep things civil, traditional, a facade of happy-
Just. nice.
But we're a cluster of stars, burning and dying.
And you can't blame me for trying to keep you wild,
Nor for wishing you'd let me in and take me along.
I'm just a man.