I never truly belonged to myself—
not even once
—ever since I met her.
I was hers to claim;
completely and painfully hers.
I began to disintegrate when
she no longer cared for me.
Every part of me she once traced
with her finger has crumbled.
Only her touch can mold me back together.
She wanted me to stay
with the living, and I obeyed.
I have the scars to prove it.
Look, darling, I am bleeding
and bumping full of life and desire.
Ask for me and you shall find me,
alive, hungry, and waiting for you.
Though it is my true wish to leave,
I will not disobey her command.
I am awaiting my punishment,
or reward for staying even after she left.
I wonder what my punishment would be
when she knows that I almost fell for another.
That I was someone else’s reason for staying.
That their breathing changed
the closer I got to their hungry flesh.
Even the deepest part of hell knows
that I still long for her impossible commands.
My knees are bleeding,
but I keep pleading for her words to posses me.