Dear past me, if I could tell you one thing it would be that
you are so strong
no one will realise how many things you have overcome by yourself  but yourself
so don't forget that those ordeals have broken and remade you into the blossoming woman you are now

Dear past self, you are not everyone else
you are you and nobody else
so you do not have to pretend to be a different person
you do not have to fit into anyone's mould, it would never hold  because everyone is sculpting using different materials

Dear past self, you do not have to be loud
because the people that are supposed to hear you have heard
everything you are saying

Dear past self, I want you to dry your tears now
because where I am, the sun is shining so fondly on your face
you are more or less happy in your skin, it is beginning to feel like yours

I lost nothing but everything at the same time
I never took that step forward to be who you wanted me to be
I was too selfish to give up just a little of myself to make room for you
but compromise was the missing words in our story book that had already been published
it was too late for us

I finally decided to sit down and listen to the music that was hummed as you strummed on my heart strings
The song you played was a fairytale
Without a happy ending

I have dropped all my weapons pointed at you
I'm not used to having to surrender and seize fire to let an ally in
but love has waged a war against me in the past
I was just defending myself

I did not ask for you to paint your feelings of past hurting from other lovers on my body
But you did
I want you to know
That I would not never clench your heart
And squeeze out its contents
In an attempt to fertilise my own insecurities
I want you to know that
It is ok to show emotion and to be delicate
It is ok to show weakness because after weakness comes strength
I want you to know
That I know it takes great courage to pick yourself out of the rubble war has caused instead of burying your head in the dirt
I want you to know
that I am not like her
I am like me
I would not inflict the pain of a million heartaches on you to appease my own hurting

I’m speaking at you
I’m always speaking at you because the words never seemed to penetrate your thick skull
I’m breathless
I feel like I’m running marathons just to never cross the finish line
I keep circling endlessly
Never moving forward
Never moving backwards
Never moving
Never growing
What is the point in watering grass and it never getting greener
My love I have to uproot myself
Start afresh on new soil