"Let's go outside."
Vicki was heading to the doors as I said, "Sure."

My mind was a million miles away.

I looked over my shoulder and caught a glimpse of him. He wore a red sweatshirt and "man-capris" as he called them. I chuckled to myself and headed out into the wintry air.

Snow was falling; lovely tangoes of wind and flake.
It was a peaceful yet empty feeling.
I could feel the snowflakes melting in my eyelashes
as I walked back into the school.
People were hustling around as the bell would ring
any minute.

I turned and he stood there with inviting eyes.

I looked away.
For the entire day I felt as though we were chasing around each other's awkward glances
and silence.
A silence we needed to be break, but didn't know how to.
Does he even want to talk? I asked myself.
My argue was that it would happen sooner or later.

I walked towards him, thinking of what to say.
His back was turned to me now; he was talking with others.

What the hell am I thinking? What could I possibly say?

I slowed down and thought of walking back, but I didn't need to.
The bell rang.

He walked the other direction.

Today marks a year since the world I knew changed.
Today marks a year since I trusted you last.
Today marks a year since I felt like a whole person.

I wish I could say a lot has chagned since a year ago, today. But I can only say that I'm alone more often. I can only say I still have dreams at night about you, about us. I can only really say that this year has been the worst without you by my side.

Today marks a year since you grabbed all your stuff.
Today marks a year since you walked out of that door.
Today marks a year since I ran after you saying "I always come back."

Today marks a year since you walked out of that door.
                                    since you walked out of my life.
And.
Today marks another year that you won't wish me a happy birthday.
So, happy birthday to me..

So  afraid  because I  love  you
So afraid  because  I've made myself  so  vulnerable
So afraid  because you are holding my heart in your hands

if  you drop it, I die.

There was only ever
         could be's
         would be's
         should be's
but there was never any
                       is's
                       was's
                       are's

There is nothing here expect thoughts of everything that isn't here.

There was only ever
     could be's
     would be's
     should be's
but there were never any
          is's
          was's
          are's

There is nothing here except the thoughts of everything that isn't here.

Never take away the only thing I've been looking forward to
because that is all I have.
The present right now is not what I want it to be.
The past only keeps coming back when I need to forget it.
But my future is the only thing that keeps me from being a
                                                                                                  void
                                                                                                  empty
                                                                                                  space

There is nothing here to keep my attention so it just keeps going back farther and farther and farther..

**Things always come back when you're trying to forget them.

There are no refunds,
   There are no exchanges, and
         There are no returns when it comes to love.

I want to ask you if you remember the first time we kissed
or the way you looked at me and how
you said I tasted like coffee and we were sitting there
under the galaxy, just us..

Sometimes I do.

when you can actually feel the pain in your chest from seeing or hearing something that breaks your heart.
when you feel that pain rushing down to your stomach, making you *****, ***** out the broken peices..
when you've purged yourself of all feeling, and you feel your body slowly start to become numb.

empty house and a damaged soul.
I can't stop thinking.

If I had been looking through
the window (as I am now)
seeing myself there (as I imagine now)
standing on my porch awaiting
his embrace

would I have stopped myself?

I don't feel anything anymore. I'm like a zombie again.

No pain, no happiness, no guilt.

If I do something bad I don't feel bad about it.
But I just don't get it; why now?