The first time my existentialism
shifted to a metamorphosis far greater,
far greater than any constellation could foresee,
I began to pray.
pray for someone to feel the lawful,
evergreen,
world around us.
But I was left with a deafening cry
from an endless river,
meant to be brushed off as weakness.
The empire was destined for ruin
despite our efforts to save it.
The silence withheld all instinct
and we fell.
Fell where no one could hear me.

This is like Simon Says,
But this time you subject Simon to ridicule because of what she stands for.
In a sport where one is meant to speak out,
Fat girl says but you refuse to hear.
Fat girl says she wants to stand up,
But you tell her that she's too heavy for the heels she wears.
Fat girl says she wants to take a break,
And you tell her she’s too lazy for her own good.
Fat girl says she wants to wear a skirt,
But you tell her that her legs are too big.
All she wants to do is speak her truth,
But you see her as the embodiment of sloth.
She wants to speak on her insecurities,
And you want to strip her of that right.
You say she needs to work harder,
Drop a few sizes,
To fit into a suit,
That is unflattering in all the right ways
But when she tries to explain
Tries to be better
Tries to be someone different
Her efforts become inconsequential to the state of her mentality.
This is supposed to be a place where she can speak.
Fearlessly.
Courageously.
Unapologetically.
But you have silenced her under the pressure of standards.
You have torn her down and stripped her confidence.
You’ve taken away her ability to love herself.
You have constricted her into a box where it is not okay to overflow.
Where it’s not okay to be big and beautiful
Where it’s not okay to be fat.
She is fat.
Fat girl says she’s fat.
And it’s time that you become okay with that.

You'd think I'd have more to say
2 years and I still find a way
To bite my tongue and still feel numb
But yet, I've become a pawn.

I stuck myself to your word
Like a struggling flightless bird
And I make excuses for all my muses
But maybe, I've broken a mirror.

Maybe I've truly been cursed
Then wouldn't it be worse?
You've clung to me while I've tried to flee
But I feel nothing but regret.

You've always callsd me a nuisance
And I still choke on your nooses
Constantly on edge while you're by the ledge
But you're living in your own shadow...

I haven't been here long.
but I can hear the faucet in the other room.
drip
drip
drip...
goes the faucet in the other room.

It feels as though I'm stuck in a tomb.
there's a child whaling.
crying for there mother
and another
and another
it's no longer silent.

"Will the sound ever sound joyful again?"
I ask as my eyes fill
water pours from my eyes.
drip
drip
drip...

It all starts with once upon a time.
What an overused rhyme.
Where's the happy ending?
I'm broke and there's no mending.
I'm lost within a sullen cadaver.

What's the reason we're depressed?
Is it because we're all oppressed?
Locked under the expectations
Of societies alterations,
And in my back lies a dagger.

It is the little things.
The joy her smile brings,
and the way she calls my name.
It all plucks my heartstrings.

I'm not quite sure,
Why it´s all such a lure.
I know I'm the one to blame.
But her love is just so pure

This love will not stop.
I pray, my heart, she does not drop.
Cupid has taken his aim
And this is not a fable, like Aesop.

Turn on the faucet
Plug the drain.
Thus allows the thinking again.

I write and write
Until I can no more.
Always checking the locked door.

All by myself
In the communal room.
Where my imagination can bloom.

They always told me
That the hardest part about drowning
Is the first breath in.
That's when you start counting.

Your lungs fill with water
You're struggling for relief
And the pain seeps in.
And don't forget the grief.

I think letting go
Is just as hard
Because there's no goodbye.
Death always plays the wild card.

I´m so confused.
Everything spinning
My lungs are abused
My oxygen´s slowly thinning.

When did the red come
It´s all I can see
Now everything´s numb
Life is no longer a guarantee.

I hope you don´t see me like this
I can´t think straight
With that cursed kiss
Why was I always your bait?

You whisper small phrases,
lies written on your faces.
With my life as the token,
You make a promise that shouldn´t be broken.
With all your meaningless words,
My future flys out of my reach like birds.
When you finally let go
and the wind starts to blow,
The dream has finally ended.
My wounds are left unmended.
I walk these lonely halls
where only pictures remain on the walls.
I have become a hypnotized marionette
with a useless bayonet.
What's the truth again? Do you know?
When did I go wrong? Where did you go?
When did your lies seep into my memory?
when did they become my reality?

                         Probably
When you chose a path to bliss
and left me Falling deeper into the Abyss