im not going to give you credit
and say that you are the one that
you obliterated my life
because i can do that by myself

im not going to give you fame
by saying you tortured me
because i can do it

i am going to tell you
you made me strong enough to leave
and smart enough to know when to leave

You:
The striking sunset
That I always try to chase.

The overwhelming ocean's deepest trench
That I swim so hard to reach.

The countless constellations in the sky
That I strive so hard to figure out.

You:
Are the sunset,
Are the bottom of the ocean,
Are the constellations--
Insurmountable beauty,
Immeasurable vastness,
But quite frankly,
Unreachable.

So darling,
Forgive me for trying so hard to reach you,
For forcing something that isn't there.
I think I'll just stay here.
I'll get used to adoring you from afar.
I'll be contented with the fact that I can never reach you in this lifetime.
For there's still some beauty
In cherishing you from a distance.

I let different boys touch me
Because I wanted to know
Even for a second
What it felt like to be loved
Even if the love was cheap
And it tasted like ***
Like the punchline to a joke
I never got because it was me

I let different boys have different parts of me
Parts they didn't deserve
But I offered up willingly because I couldn't give anything else
after you broke me
I was looking for different fingers
to place different pieces and hoping  the outcome
would be a masterpiece
Maybe one of them would find a way
to cover up the handprints you left all over me

I let different boys touch me because I had to prove to myself
you wouldn't be the only one
that these scars marking my body wouldn't define
my worth to be loved
I am not entirely sure  
you aren't the only one who could ever touch me without slightly  flinching

I let different boys touch me because that is all I have been taught
To be a joke
To be silent
To be ready to give until you have nothing left
- they keep leaving me and I am to scared to offer up anything more than my body to get them to stay