There must be
a special factory
somewhere in the world
hidden away
with care

It would shape the clouds
as they come in molds
all fluffy
in pink, orange, yellow and white

It sends them out
grazing the sky
like flocks of sheep
peacefully aloft

And then suddenly
all grey and dark
boasting big,
almost bursting open on the spot
carrying all that weight
crackling with lightning
so full of energy

But so patient,
holding on
waiting
trying so hard
till the right moment arrives

Last stop of the line
destination reached
time for a festive hosting
to let it all out
let it fall

Refresh the world
with new air
a change of pace
a quick break for us all

Rip open
with bursting thunder
you deserve it
let go now
little big cloud
you've been so bave

You carried it all
kept it in you
for how long I can only imagine
and how far you must have come
be proud

Surely
the wind alone
can not make up all these shapes
I see
when I lay down in the grass
looking up
you're here with me

Watch
look at the sky
watch 'em go by
never tyring from reinventing
it's ever changing
infinite forms

So
surely
there must be
hidden away somewhere
in this world

a little cloud factory

Turn up the music,
louder and louder still.
Till my ears bleed and I go deaf.
Till my thoughts become lyrics
my body in resonance, same frequency.
My feet to the rhytm, my heart a drum to the beat.

Till I find ecstasy in drowning out myself

Love to me, is like going to a concert

mouthing the words to a song that I don't know the lyrics to
with a voice that I don't have.
Tears in my eyes
surronded by strangers
who all feel the same,

but they're not the same.

the victim
the accuser
or the perpetrator

a scheme
a cause
or a result

one great plan
the cycle of life
or  a random mess

everything
nothing
a matter of perspective

theirs
or
yours?

And yet again
I'm left wondering
Turning in bed

Do I still love you
Or just
Your afterimage?

Wild minds, strange times
We were young once
Special, privileged yes
But not in a good way
It shows
How we're interacting with the world

Knocking on wood
Waling by
Three times
Knock, knock,
crash
That tree went down
Not rooted deep enough

We're all bound to fall
We'll be doomed
Once the storm hits

I wanted to be healthy
to be happy, to be loved,

to stay kind whatever the struggle

None of it worked out

I'm good
most of the time
I'm in control
I'm satisfied, I can feel happines

But sometimes a feeling comes crashing over me
out of nowhere
triggerd
like when you finish a good book
the end credits roll
of a movie all so beautiful
emptiness sitting on your chest so heavily
I can't cry
no release granted
"pain demands to be felt"
my heart breaks, my mind trying to keep up
my heart can't keep up, my mind breaks loose
emptiness
the despair of ficitional characters
familiar but strangers all the same
not real but reality to me
I care for them, being dead inside
"face death, deal with it or lose yourself"
the last page is turned
the story stopped
all are dead and yet alive
in me
not enough room, make way

I try to numb it out to get back in control
whisky burns my lips
smoke scratches my throat
whishing for release
lose it, keep it tucked in forever
though I feel, finally
alive
I want to punish myself
I lose control for good
emotions bundle up to the surface
make up for time lost before
drunk texting
regret in the morning after
I need to express myself
to you, to anyone, get it out
there is no one here

Weltschmerz
pain of the world
all in one
tiny little heart so fragile
I'm made up of stories

My friend can I come over
I'm in that mood again

Stop now for a minute,
it's overtaken you.
Let's list off our problems, one by one,
and you know a couple more too.
Follow with your plans, your dreams, glimpses of the future
open to us or seemingly so.
Is that really what I want or did someone tell me to?

Let's see where that leads us,
what reasons, what cause, what solutions are there?
Where do we stand, or stumble
what ground do we share?
Who could we ask for help, who could we lean on,
who would  actually care?
It's hard to find someone like that really ,yeah really anywhere.
With no family, no friend, no partner life's hard to  bear.

Don't forget to breathe,
be brave, be strong. no even stronger
Continue to for a bit, before we leave,
go on, can't you?
Just a little longer

When I think of the future panic rises.

It really never ends does it?
There is no stop, no pause, no finish line,
there is no pleasing you.

I have to hit the breaks,
or crash,
Going down in flames.

Geh!
Geh weiter
Such dir einen Anderen
Wen besseren
Einen der dich lieben kann
Mit Zukunft und so

Ich bin nichts für dich
Kann nicht da sein
Nicht wirklich
Viel zu taub
Schon zu lange leer

Hoffnungslos ists mit mir, hier
Der Stecker ist gezogen, der Stöpsel raus
Laufe nur noch weiter bis  mir das Licht ausgeht
Nur noch wandelnde Hülle
Warmes Fleisch, ja
Aber kein Nährboden
Zumindest solange ich noch atme

Romantisch geht hier gar nichts mehr
Alles tote Hose

Bitter erinnere mich, daran
Wieder mehr wie ich selbst zu sein
So wie ich früher war
Als kleiner Junge zwischen Wiesen und Wäldern
Noch zu viel Angst vorm Fahrrad fahren

Erinnere mich
An jeder Pusteblume zu pusten
Knallerbsen zu werfen
Kastanienmänner zu bauen
Und Blütenschnäbel auf der Nase zu tragen

Erinner mich
An Flieder zu riechen und Sauerampfer zu essen
Gummistiefel zu tragen und in Pfützen zu hüpfen
Den Regen auf der Haut zu spüren
Schneemänner zu grüßen, Schlitten zu fahren
Und im Gras zu liegen, jetzt im Sommer
Den Blick zum Himmel gerichtet
Dort wo die Vögel fliegen
Zu jeder Wolke gehört ein Name
Zu jedem Stern

Erinnere mich bitte daran
Denn ich vergesse so schnell
Was wirklich zählt im Leben
Zwischen all ihren Regeln
Erinnere mich, damit ich wieder frei atmen
Und das Leben genießen kann

I thought,
that all of my anger
stored up throughout my youth
throughout puberty,
misstreatment and depression
just went
away

As all things just pass
eventually
naturally
over time
Can't always be raining

But maybe it's al still there
In here
locked with me
waiting patiently
and I just don't feel it anymore.

Waiting for the right moment
to strike, to break out
for the last drop to fall
and spill out
the beast freed from it's cage
finally

It went real quiet,
compared to how loud it used to roar,
not tamed, just lurking,
cowering down,
ready to jump
me
from the dark

To devour me hole again.