I feel alone and scared,
My past haunts me every day,
But the music understands me.
I cry when I'm alone,
Because I want to die,
But the music understands me.
I may be smiling on the outside,
But I'm crying on the inside,
And the music understands me.
With all that I have been through,
I'm surprised that I'm still sane,
And the music understands me.
Nothing seems to ease my pain,
So I'm forced to cover it,
But the music understands me.
Sometimes I can't,
And I get overcome,
But the music understands me.
I like the pain that I can control,
And I love the rain,
Because it's good to cry in,
But I never have to cry with music,
Because the music understands me.

I cant..
I cant take this anymore..
I'm done I have no reason to live,
To breathe,
To feel,
I've lost you,
Along with all my hope,
All my faith,
And strength,
So this is the end,
Don't sweat it,
I'm not coming back,
....

I can't lie,
I miss you much,
I miss you much,
I'm watching that goes by,
Till I get you back I'm gonna try,
I miss you much,
You were the apple in my eye,
I can't lie,
I wanna make up right na, na,
I wish we never broke up right na, na,

I think I hit the point in life where,
I'm just done.

I cried,
I fought,
I tried,

But everything is crashing down.

My demons are screaming louder.
Trying to eat away the rest of me.

and this time,
I'm not going to fight back.

Sending me away,
Don't "help me"
tbh,
It hurts me more,
Like you don't want me,
Think I'm crazy,
Don't care,
So,
I'm not going anywhere,
That's a promise,
And I WILL fight back

I'm the girl that will talk that girl out of suicide or self harm,
but has a hard time doing it for herself,
I can assure you how beautiful, perfect, amazing you are,
but doesn't want them to feel the same about her,
the opposite.

The angel lost her grace,
As mascara ran down her face.
She forgot love, remembered hate.
She no longer had her faith.

With tear stained cheeks,
Through bloodshot eyes,
She saw only pain and suffering.
Love, she couldn't conquer.

As the blue sky faded to black,
Darkness filled her heart.
Her wings vanished from her back,
And her kindness fell apart.

Even with all her might,
Her dress still went black from white.
She was sent to save,
To help those who weren't brave.

But as she looked around,
At the marks she left...
Tear stained cheeks,
And bloodshot eyes.



And as in she I mean *me

Well I got my hoodie today,
And I broke,
Maybe it is for the best,
But yet why does it hurt so bad,
I am just so tired,
Tired of trying,
Tired of faking,
Tired of sleepless nights,
Tired of caring,
Tired of being alone,
Tired of breathing,
Tired of living,
Most of all,
Tired of being Tired.
Like ****.

Yes I do, I believe,
That the only day I will be where I was,
Right there, next to you,
And it's hard, The days just seem so dark,
The moon, the stars are nothing without you,
You touch, your skin, where do i begin?
No words can explain the way I'm missing you,
Deny this emptiness, this hole that I'm inside,
These tears, they tell their own story,
Told me not to cry, when you were gone,
But the feelings overwhelming, it's much too strong,
Can I lay by your side, next to you, you,
And make sure you're alright,
I'll take care of you,
I don't want to be here if I can't be here with you tonight,
I'm reaching out to you,
Can you hear my call,
This hurt that I've been through,
I'm missing you, missing you like crazy,
Told me not to cry, when you were gone,
But the feelings overwhelming, it's much too strong,
Can I lay by your side, next to you, you,
And make sure you're alright,
I'll take care of you,
I don't want to be here if I can't be with you tonight,
Lay me down tonight, lay me by your side,
Lay me down tonight, Lay me by your side,
Can I lay by your side, Next to you, you-ou.

My promise to you it
that it would be a lot easier to **** me

Because i rather be dead
then to feel this pain

And that's just the beginning of how
i truly feel.

So many people,
Yet I pick you,
Because I see you,
And only you,
But yet,
You only picked me,
For temporary,
Not Forever,
When I had my heart,
Mind and body,
Set for forever,
You yet,
Choose others..
It's okay,
Haven't I told you,
Just like the rest,
They always leave,
I'm use to it,
Go ahead,
Just know I love you,
Like NO other..

Whatever we are, I still remember what we were..

Someone once
asked what her
being triggered
was like, she closed
her eyes and thought
of planes crashing and
car accidents but instead said
the beach
falling asleep under direct sun
only to wind up drowning
when you open your eyes, gargling
salt water where once had
been air, forgetting how
to swim, knowing you could die
right there

"It Gets Better."
   When?
            
       "It'll be okay."
           ...no it won't
              
                   "I'm here for you."
                       *******
  
                             "It's okay.."
                                *no it's not..

When
                                              i say that i
                                             hate myself
                                             i don't want
                                              you to say
                                                   that i
                                   am beautiful and great
                                i know   that i am not   any of
                                that        i am me and    that
                                is the      problem i am   going
                                to be       the problem      until
                                 the       day that i die      which
                                 i do      hope is soon        and    
                                 if it        works, I''m so      sorry
                                 that          i couldn't stay     and
                                  that        i couldn't have    been
                                  any        happier­    believe    me
                                   I            tried so     hard to   be
                                                 strong       but i
                                                 fear            i can't
                                                 keep          this
                                              ­   lie up         any
                                                  more       ­   i am
                                                  so, so         sorry
                                                  but i            just
                                               ­    want          to die
                                                  please     ­      let me.

The monsters my parents warned me about, when I was younger weren't under my bed..or in my closet..but they were in my head.

Amazing and beautiful
not a flower or a tree
Much prettier than that
and only I can see

Loving and caring
right down to the core
Filling me with happiness
and so much more

Eyes are so stunning
cannot look away
Gorgeous and shining
all throughout the day

Here in your arms
is where I belong
The beating of your heart
is like a beautiful song

One thing you did teach me, Even if you promise me a forever a million times, it's not true.

I'm Fine
    I'm not fine. please help me
                  
                       *I'm just tired
                              I can't take this anymore
    
I already ate
    I starve myself
            
                                                   Go away
                                                           *Show me you care enough to stay

I'm just cold
      I don't want you to see my scars

                                                                I'm better, I promise
                                                                      I've never been this bad

I'm Cold
     *I just want to die

Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
Please Stop Cutting,
Because We Love You!

Locked within the walls of my own mind,
Unable to escape,
Reaching out for help that is not there,
My demons are inside,
No one can save me from myself,
So tired of failing ad struggling to no avail,
exhausted, worn down,
Every fiber of my being screaming,
**Let Me Out

No one really knows how I honestly feel,
Daily I think of ways to **** myself,
And I have to fight that off,
Yet it never goes away,
No one knows I paint on my smile for school,
And for the public,
But I get home in my room,
And I brake,
And thinking "no one understands"
I really am just ready to let my thoughts..
win..

I feel like I'm invisible,
I feel like no one sees,
I feel like you don't care,
I feel like I'm invisible,
So here is to the people,
That feel like they are invisible.

What is life?
Where you get judged?
Where if you are skinny you're anorexic,
Where if you're fat, you need to loose it,
Where if you are the perfect size, people hate you for it,
Where if you cut, you're stupid, and need help,
Where if you don't cut, you dont fit in,
Where if you're a ******, you're too good,
Where if you're not a ******, you're a ****,
Where if you wear makeup, you shouldn't hide your beauty,
Where if you don't wear makeup, you are too ugly,
Where if you're friendly, you're fake
Where if you're  quiet, you're rude,
Where if you are being real, people dislike you,
Where people get *****, attention ***** **** it up,
Where people take meds, you're crazy,
Where people bring more people in the world just to get judged again,
So I give up trying to be what society calls "perfect"
I'm me!

Painfully aware, of all my peers
The pain, the pressure, creates real fears

Trying to escape so many eyes and ears
Over thinking so much, my mind is seared

Afraid of the judgment, so my voice has no sound
Dodging harsh eyes, so MY eyes find the ground

This lingering emotion, I cannot define
They say mind over matter, but I say matter over mind

I'm running from something, I jump into my dream
In that happy place, I can be exactly what I seem

I finally understand what this emotion must mean
Because I figured out what I'm running from...
I'm Running From Me

Saying goodbye
Was the hardest thing to do
I never thought I would
Especially not to you.

You always listened
And knew what to say
Knew when to give a hug
When I was having a bad day.

No one will ever take your place
I can always promise you this
It's hard to find someone like you
So know you'll always be missed

I look in the mirror,

And I see many things,

Many things,

But not my own self,

I don't know who I am anymore,

And maybe I never will,

Maybe I'm too far gone,

*And passed the point of return.

I am so*                          Worthless

                           *Hopeless              Invisible

                                           Helpless
                                                                 Damaged
                             Lost
                                             flawed
                                                                 Fragile
                                  Hurt
                                                    Confused
                                                                            Hurt
                                 Unlovable
                                                            Sad
                                                                          Ruined
                                   *Scared

I’m not perfect…
But I  sure do try...
I make mistakes all the time,
I do have regrets- a lot
They consume me sometimes.

I try to be strong
Brave through it all
I say sorry when I can
Try to accept when I’ve wronged.

I do my best with forgiveness,
Letting go of the past…
To enjoy what I have…
And smile as well

I love all I can
And treat each person as a treasure
At times I make tears
Other times I am hurtful…

I don’t mean to be this way,
But this is who I am
I’m Flawed and imperfect…
And I hope that’s okay.
Because I'm trying..

I'd be lying,
If I told you,
Loosing you,
Is something,
I could,
Handle.

My life revolves around pain,
So much it's made me,
Hurt my self and not even feel a thing,
It makes me sick afterwards,
When I see the scars and remember every,
Tiny little thing for why I have those ******* scars.

the light was there but I was blind
the image never leaves my mind
you sat there and laughed while I laid there and cried
you smiled and laughed while I frowned and died
your force was too strong for my innocent no
you were all hyped up and ready for a show
why did I have to be the doll in your stupid little game
you're the reason why I hide myself in shame
when I got home I cried for days
stupid enough to trust your ways
I'm up all night crying myself to sleep
my innocence was no longer mine to keep
I dream of you at night ya know
knowing how much you enjoyed the show
your friends were there and they didn't hear
your friends are people I also fear
I said no and stop but nobody saved me
I cried and pleaded but my voice was missing
but don't worry not all the joy wasn't just by you
more pain came by another two
I wish I would've been more smart
and listened to my dying heart
I've added up the pain
the life I had is drained
there's nothing left for me to gain
3 of y'all have permanently damaged my brain
you all wanted to play and you all wanted to touch
but saying no just wasn't a ******* enough
you're the only one who beat the game
the one who left me with the most shame
the one who caused my depression
the one who stole my possessions
all I do now is hide in my room and cry
they ask what's wrong I say a headache such an easy lie
but the truth is I'd honestly rather die

My heart is locked
with so much pain
black tear drops
fall from my face
every tear drop
leaves a puddle
with a memory
that's hiding from space
stocked away
behind my soul
shattered to pieces
with no where to go
locked away
to never get out
to see the good side
of my broken heart

You say you don't want anything to do with me,
maybe I should just end it all,
because I really believed,
that we were a forever,
i'm so stupid,
and i'm sorry,
but you said so yourself,
that you won't leave,
ever,
then i get a message,
from "babygirl"
and you are saying "this is our last time texting"
when last night I asked if it was our last phone call,
and you said no,
was that just another lie,
that i was stupid enough to believe,
so no it's all my fault like i once said before,
you should of listened and stayed away,
im sure you will next time,
but it's all my fault so live on darling.

Because that's how it all started,
She said I'll only do it once,
Until she feels the stinging,
The burning,
The red trail going all the way down her wrist,
And she does it again, and again,
Deeper, and deeper,
Until her vision is going dark and blurry,
She can't feel anything anymore,
Not even the own stinging,
She cries,
But no one wants to help,
Until it's to late,
With a note left to read,
You all chipped in to **** me,
Each and Everyone of you,
You all have accomplished a ******..

When I seen you body for the first time,
I realized how worn and torn you were,
How many battles you lost,
On your wrist,
Your thighs,
How many fires occurred,
On your sides,
Your lovely sides,
And how many times I told you,
I loved you because I do,
Because no matter how many times,
You have lost the battle,
You will always win the war.

My Best Wasn't Enough










                                                                          I get that.

I know this is a place for poems but night is a hard night and I'm trying to fight through it for my love ones, when really I want to walk right over to the corner and end it all. But, so many people tell me I have so much more to live for when others tell me to leave and that I'm worthless. I showed up today at school with fresh cuts and many people stared while others asked why? And as they ask that I ask Why Not? So here is just a little bit of what I'm feeling tonight? But I'll be okay?





“Why?’ She nods. ‘She had everything: a family who loved her, friends, activities. Her mother wants to know why she threw it all away?’ Why you want to know why? Step into a tanning booth and fry yourself for two or three days. After your skin bubbles and falls off, roll in coarse salt, then put on long underwear woven from spun glass and razor wire. Over that goes your regular clothes, as long as they are tight.
Smoke gunpowder and go to school to jump through hoops, sit up and beg, and roll over on command. Listen to the whispers that curl into your head at night, calling you ugly and fat and stupid and ***** and ***** and worst of all ‘A disappointment.’ Puke and starve and cut and drink because you need an anesthetic and it works. For a while. But then the anesthetic turns into poison and by then it’s too late because you are mainlining it now, straight into your soul. It is rotting you and you can’t stop. Look in a mirror and find a ghost. Hear every heartbeat scream that everything single thing is wrong with you. ‘Why?’ is the wrong question. Ask ‘Why not?”

******* think,
Thin they,
They know,
Know me,
Me and my,
My Girl,
******* yall,
Yall dont,
Dont know,
Know ****,
She has,
Has fixed my,
My missing,
Missing pieces,
Like a,
A puzzle,
Piece,
So do,
Do us,
A favor,
Get lost,
*******.