My broken heart that saved my life....

I've learnt to love my broken heart with every atom of my being.
It has become my best friend.
It has been with me since my childhood and become my only constant, my only go to, my only place tucked away for only me to feel.

It enabled my quiet side, my deep, unwavering pensive and wounded side.
A side, that without it, would never have lead me along my life path. Collecting tools along the way that now prove so valuable, that I know the best is still to come.

It broke me into a thousand pieces, sliced me up and left scars so deep that I had no choice but to embrace it, snuggle it up and with my soul for guidance, quieten a pain so powerful, that it had manifested in a long term physical disease. But this dis-ease, I have recently learnt to live with and slowly reduce, day by day.

A dis-ease that I feared would define me, wrap itself around me so tightly, that I would splutter and choke and surely die.

This disease has, unbeknown to me, regularly pushed me to my limits.
It has tested my strength and my power until I'm exhausted and heavy with darkness.
A disease that boasts anxiety, addiction, extreme constant pain and popping joints and limbs. Fatigue, dyslexia, dyspraxia, brain fog, and depression, plus an entire resume, full of equally delightful ailments.

But I am a fighter. I am strong. And I can beat it.

Me and my broken heart have teamed up once again.
But this time we are knowledgeable, we have gifts and we are brave beyond my wildest dreams.
We are compassionate, we are loving. We have matured. And we are on our way to helping heal the world. Starting from within.

I have a fire in my heart that will never permit me to give up. It is what keeps me from deep waters, deeper pockets and heavy stones.

There is a white light that fills every inch of my mind and body at any time I need it. I could drown happy in its warmth.
Each morning and evening I soak up this light, and I am still.

I am the luckiest person I know. Because I won’t let life beat me.

Love is the answer!

you entered this world
howling naked and afraid
so quit complaining

Pumpkin spice and soft fleece blankets
all required for fall
The classic need for teenage dreams
Brown and earth tones only schemes
Whipped cream and warm tea
My favorite kinds are only three
Peppermint and chamomile bring joy inside my heart
But lemon ginger it does bring warmth, without a hearth
No fire needed but much enjoyed
flames of warmth rather destruction
Autumn leaves the smells envelop
"Sweater weather" my favorite time

Some there are who move through life
without creating a ripple
on the surface of any other person’s
existence.

Some there are who burn themselves out
with an excessive expenditure of energy.

But she . . .
she touched so many lives
she enriched so many others
she displayed so many talents.

My soul reached out to hers
caressed the chilled alabaster of her face
enfolded her in its embrace,
timelessly spreading its
tentacled grip,
at odds with the chilled alabaster of my heart.

And now she has moved on
and soon it will be time for me to follow.

Shall be
Remembered
Taken in with every touch
Into my very last nerve
Every fiber of my being
Make me whole my
Soul find heaven
My life have meaning

That last first kiss
I shall savor taste
I shall be united for once
When I taste her lips
Meant for only
Me to find
From the beginning

Just her
And
Paradise