And I keep wondering
Will there ever be a day I am satisfied?

I look around and know some people do like me

I look around and I know some people don’t matter

I look around and all I feel is rejection

I look around and all I want is to be alone and to be laughing with everyone all at once

I look around and maybe I am too judgemental

I look around and think how basic and fake and materialistic these people are

Yet who is the one alone?

The lack of friendships is getting stale but the predicament is that everyone annoys me

So maybe the issue is not with anyone but myself

But what about quality over quantity?

What about finding a true friend?

Even back home my roomate has her own group and does not include me. My other friend has her own group who smokes *** and I cannot. My other friend has her own group and they are graduating and leaving. I have my boyfriend. Maybe that is why I have no group.

Have I ever had a group?

I had a best friend.
I had a small group but somehow always felt slightly outside.
No one is perfect and I lost my best friend.
My group I was never a solid part in is spread across the state.
My future is one where I will move frequently.
How will I survive if I once thought I was a social butterfly and am now a socially awkward loner that desires to be included? That desires to go to clubs and dance but also desires to have alone time? That desires to read for hours but also desires to explore the city endlessly? That is shy of people I will see everyday but can spark up a conversation with any stranger I see?
And all I wonder is what is wrong with me?

The warmth I find in your arms gives me inner peace that is difficult to navigate alone.
The love in your eyes gives me inspiration no beautiful scenery can.
The acceptance that you wash over me is one I will never claim myself.
The grace of you is one I am forever grateful for.

What does it mean to be in a place you’ve dreamt of and still be crying?

Right now, I’m just a someone
Nothing great, just a someone
I am a someone, maybe less
Not whole, just broken, full of regrets

Wish I know what I want to do
I’m just a someone lost in the woods
No one else left to help me stand up
I’m only with the wolves, waiting to eat me up

Running for my life on bare feet
Splinters and cuts are etched too deep
I don’t mind them no, I just want to get out
22 years and I still haven’t been found

Tell me how to save someone’s life
Ran too fast and jumped from the heights
Now I’m in the water, drowning
Let me stay here, let this be the ending

Don’t want to go back, no one misses me
The say they love me, but why didn’t they try to find me?
I’m deciding to die here, just leave me be
I’ll be happier on the other side, don’t you see?

Just sleep on your cushion, nice and safe
Four walls around you, no storm can break
This is just life, you’re meant to be happy
Someone’s sad, that’s her destiny

I am all alone.
In a world that I do not know.
I am all alone.
Without a friend or foe.
I am all alone.
Without a mate or love.

I keep wondering,
Would I survive alone?
Is there better out there?
Is our *** life normal?
Should I explore my sexuality like I wish I could?
I keep wondering,
Would I survive?
Is there a new best friend out there?
Is the one I have now no longer mine?
I keep wondering,
Would I ever leave him?