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Ashanta Sep 17
And then in a single night,
The pain, the anger, the fears,
The sadness, the tears.
Just came crashing down.

And then you ask yourself,
That's all it took?
A single night? A single moment?
But there was nothing,
Just a big empty space and nothing in between.
I was going so great, a year plus clean of self harm, until this exact night.
Ashanta Aug 5
For such a long time,
I've known nothing but pain.
My tears we're a burden,
And it was driving me insane.

But thanks to you and you're love for me,
I've  been happily with you for a year.
Thanks to you I can see,
Just how good life its and it's thanks to you.

Life with you is my everything,
For you've helped me heal.
You're my happiest and favorite sin,
And you've helped me deal.
  Aug 5 Ashanta
I’m addicted to the feel of cold metal sliding across bare flesh
Addicted to the instant
when nothing marks smooth skin
immediately before
red rivers rapidly rise
painting a once white canvas
with a flood of emotion,
tears on my cheeks,
sobs caught in my throat,
numbness replaced by pain & sadness.
Addicted to the imperfection
of red welts and dotted scabs that follow,
fingers drawn like magnets
to the texture of healing skin,
tracing over and over and over now fading ridges
Amazed that I am strong enough
to heal myself over and over and over.
Convincing myself that I am strong enough.
I find strength in my weakness.
6 months self harm free! Writing about it helps fight the urge
Ashanta May 26
Yes! I get it, I broke my promise,
But it's not like I wanted to.
Yes! I get it, I gave up on us,
But you also gave up on me.
Yes! I get it, I turned away,
And I've tried to be better, but you've changed.

I've own up to my lies,
I've been proving myself ever since.
I've given up on us, but not on you,
I've tried showing you that I'm getting better.
I gave up my self respect to earn yours,
All I need was you to see me.
Like you always did,
But you didn't and you broke all your promises.
You left me with my scars exposed,
Bleeding out red.
Now whose the betrayer now?

Ashanta Apr 28
All the stares,
I'm use to it.
All finger pointing,
I'm use to it,

Being betrayed,
I'm use to it.
Being replaced,
I'm use to it.

Being the second option,
I'm use to it.
And you might think I'm a waste of space,
But the truth is, I'm use to that too.
Ashanta Apr 23
Don't tell me you love me,
If you don't see a future with me.
Don't let me fall for you,
If you're not planning on catching me.
Don't make me any promises,
If they're all just empty.

Don't make me feel loved,
If you're gonna use it against me.
Don't take my heart,
If you're just gonna break it.
Don't promise me forever,
When you really mean good bye.


— The End —