love
lonely

Do I stay in a space of delusion, made up fantasies, what ifs?
Or face the real of my life, excepting the emptiness.

Remembering the good and beautiful.
Looking into the sadness

Hearing your voice and finding safety and comfort.
Searching for echos that were never there.

Swooning over peppermint on the wind
Pining foolishly over candy canes

Smiling at distant past
Afraid of a very present future  

I am safe in my bubble even if it is not real.
It pops, the pain of missing you covers me again and again like waves.

So I stay in my bubble. Alone with my dreams

I love someone who isn’t mine to love.
I bath in what he has left to give to me.
It’s never enough. Never enough.
I love someone who isn’t mine to love.
We share hidden smiles and forbidden moments.
It’s never enough. Never enough.
I love someone who isn’t mine to love.
I heartache of loneliness is mine alone.
More than enough.

Loving you in memories may be worse than living in reality. You cause hidden smiles and day dreams. I live for one more stolen moment with you. Sometime forgetting to live with myself.

Smiles, bright, laughter it is all a lie. A false skin I’ve been hiding under, a secret. I’m not the woman you think I am. I am sad, lonely, hurt and broken.

I wear it gladly knowing I caused your smile.

Have I fooled you?
Or do you know that it was you who dressed me this way?
Am I the fool?

What if I never see you again
What if it was all a lie
What if I could have done something different
What if it doesn’t get easier
What if I wasn’t important to you.
What if no one touches my heart again.
What if I am alone
What if you forget about me
What if I never know love again.

I love you.
You knew that from the start.
You warned me.
You sent me away.
I couldn’t hear you through your smile and kind eyes.
I ran towards you blindly. 
Though the tears and pain.  
I would not change a thing.
Now more than ever I love you.
Loving you and the hurt it brings is all I have left.
I can’t let go.

How do I stand tall when I am on my knees.