you fall
your pieces shattered
because you are adored by all
but not to the one that mattered

you pick up your parts
scattered on the floor
a work of art
he never adored

The look of welter, in a brother with fear,
Is the love that's fading along with the tears,
Broken pieces of a garden he's been crying for,
And with pain in his body, he keeps rising back for more.

The look of a father, when he gets you alone,
You have seen it coming, and you know that he's gone,
The dust under your tongue and love in your hand,
Knows that he will never come back here in the end.
And  you try hard, loving them,
Try loving them,
Try hard, try loving them.

There's a look of war in the words that he throws,
And wound the weak hearts like they're a fiery arrow,
From all that quick warmth, they have built the blame,
When all that is burning are his human flames.

He may be looking at the smile and lift,
A friendship that to you is a gift,
And there's no escape when he changes you,
But he's changing too.

And you try hard, loving them,
Try loving them,
Try hard, try loving them.

this isn’t going to make sense
cause it’s not supposed to
and if I’m being honest
this isn’t for you
it’s not even for me

I’m stuck
I’m trapped
I’m lost
I’m every other word that describes people who feel at a dead end

I’m typing on a ****** phone
That’s connected to a ****** connection
That could possibly be a metaphor for my life

I’m writing
Because I don’t know what else to do

I’m writing
Cause that’s what they told me to do

But they also told me that what I think isn’t always true
That I’m special and I just don’t see it

But that’s the thing
I don’t see it

And if I don’t see it then why should it matter if anyone else does

And if I’m thinking something why should it matter if it’s true

What matters is that it’s in my head
What matters is that it’s always there

But here I am
Stuck in the same place
Back to square one
No progress made
The same questions, whether true or not

Will I amount to anything?
Do I really help?
Am I really worthwhile?
Do you actually care?

I see these people
When I’m online
They smile and post
They edit and pose

I can’t help but wonder

Do you really smile, or do you just do it to look happy like me?
Do you really feel happy, or are you trying to lie like me?
Do you understand what I feel?

Or is it just me?

I’m not trying to be selfish
I don’t want a lot
I just want to be happy
And I want others to be happy with me
But neither is happening

So instead there’s a poem
That doesn’t even ryhme
That makes no sense
  I’ll try harder