You’re old and dying,
And you’re tired.
You can’t keep your eyes open,
Long enough to see time pass.
Oh you’re so behind, you’re stuck in the past.
You’re one last breath from death,
But you won’t give up.
You whispered you ain’t giving up for God.
You old twisted soul,
You always find a way to make them pay.
And by them I mean the ones who loved you now and till death.
It be gift if you just went.

It was early November,
When the police chief knocked on your door.
Said they found your son,
Dead in his car.
He died instantly,
Felt no pain.
But you’ll be dealing with the after math,
Way past spring.
There was a half moon above,
As you swallowed the truth.
You would never see him outlive his youth.
And they prayed for him at church,
And they lit candles.
But you didn’t see him laughing in the back.
You want him back,
But there’s no going back.
He’s gone for good.
That half moon came back,
But he was still dead.
And you couldn't deal with it at all.
So you stand at his grave every half moon,
In  a dark cemetery.
And you cry and you scream,
And you curse at God.
But it doesn’t make any difference at all.

The devil was in the corner
When you said goodbye to your mother.
You thought yourself more heaven,
But it was hell the got you in the end.
You’ll make new friends,
And keep it cool,
Between you and your new friends.
They’ll think you’re cool,
You tell stories of the before.
Make someone laugh,
It will give you credibility.
I’ll write you letters till you’re sick of me..
I’ll wonder do you miss me?
Don’t let go,
There’s someone hanging out on for dear life.
You’re bored of the life you have now.
It was more interesting before.
All the violence,
And bad attitudes.

Do not do it,
Do not let yourself slip.
Under current flows,
Let it be your peace.
Your religious mind,
Has you weak.
Cast your spell,
And try to miss it.
Your soul is bound,
To this unproven lie.
Don’t throw stones,
In this glass house
Just whisper softly,
Don’t bring this house to the ground.
Don’t shatter everything,
Let it be, let it go.
Don’t be the star,
In this reality show.
I’ve seen this ending,
I know the way that it goes.

I was drinking wine out of a solo cup,
When the shots rang out.
I saw the blood from the start,
It really looked like it hurt.
They tried to **** the president.
America are you sure?
The secret service was fast,
They covered him like a breaking story.
The reporters said it was gory,
But he was ok.
It only grazed his ear,
He pumped his hands in the air.
And I don’t care,
Who you are.
In that moment you said,
what the **** am I watching.
It’s all a blur,
They went to a commercial break.
It all looked so fake,
Like the moon landing.
They said he lived,
He’s in a hospital bed.
Talking the same nonsense,
He could have been dead.
But it doesn’t make a difference,
They don’t care.
It’s all a dream,
And we all have one.
It’s what it means to you,
Do you care enough?

You swim and you sink.
How long can you hold your breath?
This current will take you,
Take all of you if you let it.
Sway and be calm.
Let the water take you away.
The undertow will take care of you.

Close your eyes,
And just let go.
I cannot take this anymore.

I have seen the sunrise in the most beautiful places,
And I have seen it set in the saddest too.
What am I holding on to,
Could it be you?

If it is, I don’t know what for.
This mask is getting heavy.
The weight of all you left behind is dragging,
And I just want to let it go.

So press against the current,
as fast as you can.
The water is rising,
don’t drown in it all.

When the wave  comes crashing down,
And this water wipes away the crown.
that sat a top your guilty head,
You were never the king at all.

Will you repent
Will you say your prayers?
Will you admit theres something else,
Will you remain scared?

Open the door,
Open your mind.
To the thought of,
Everything being a lie.

Take care of you first,
because it may be the last time.
Tell a joke,
That only you will laugh at.

Smoke a pack of cigarettes,
While drinking the best wine.
And laugh until you cry,
For anything at all.

Tell the truth,
No matter who it hurts.
Don’t be a liar,
Thats the worst kind of soul.

Don’t be an actor,
You’re not good at it at all.
You’re a bad liar,
That’s for sure.

Run a red light,
Steal a car.
Start a fire,
In a mall.

Make a mistake,
And make another one.
Drink until you pass out,
Stay sober for a year.

You can do whatever you want,
You’re the boss of yourself.
You can fall in love,
Or break a heart.

You don’t have to decide right now,
But this big old world doesn’t stop turning.
And you’ll have to make your mind up
One day.

Well you didn’t wake up,
And I didn’t learn everything.
There’s so much more to be said,
You left behind a legacy,
But that don’t mean much.
Me and my siblings,
Ain’t living up to it anyway.
But we’re making our way,
Through this thing called life anyway.
Without you here,
Wherever you are.
In the sun rise,
Or in the rain.
I see you face,
Sometimes when I drink.
But the hard truth is,
You ain’t coming back.
And this thought sends me hurtling back to reality.
Sometimes I can’t stand the sight of me.
Been searching for love,
But hearts break at the sight of me.
I’ve done some woman wrong,
And I can take it back.
I wonder if you would be proud of me,
When I stare into the dark.
And I wonder wherever you are,
Are you watching me?
In the sunset,
In the morning mist.
I’ll  always resent,
the times that we missed.
I see your face,
Sometimes when I drink.

I remember winters,
when I was young.
I remember falling in the river,
When it was frozen.
Caught a glimpse of you in a person on the street, I followed them until it felt weird.

I miss you
I can’t believe,
It’s been so long.
I miss you.

You broke your leg,
Crabbing in Jersey.
The police let me ride in the back with you.
I miss you.

I miss you,
Like it was yesterday.
When I last saw you,
I miss you.

I saw in the hospital,
One to many times.
Always working on your leg,
It doesn’t matter now.

I remember crisp autumns,
Coaching my soccer team.
You screamed when we lost.
I remember it all.

I miss you,
Like it was yesterday.
I love you,
And I miss you every day.

Cause and effect,
You live and regret.
You can’t stand to be where you are anymore.
Holding on for dear life,
Almost made it out alive.
But you lost it at the last second,
You gave it up at the bottom.
Its all that you have,
Can’t give anymore.
Your almost dead,
You’re sure.
But you I’ve to see another day,
Yu can’t help but feel you got away.
With your life in one hand,
And in the other a new chance.

Saw you in a dream,
You were chasing me.
You followed me for miles,
Really wore me down.
You almost got me,
You almost won.

But I got away,
It ain’t as fun.
When you don’t get to ****,
The ones who want to do you harm.

I wish you well,
I hope you live.
To see a better day,
Or any day again.

I don’t know you,
But  I hope you get to live.
To see another day.
I know you’re brave.

You’ll survive it.
I hope you do.
I hope you finish the race,
I hope you win.

I love you now,
I loved you then,
I love you always.
And when it’s over,
I’ll love you still.

I’ll love you forever,
Until the sun burns out.
I love you now,
I’ll love you forever.

I remember when you told me to be brave,
And I won the championship game.
I remember when you said mom,
Doesn’t want you living here.

It was a spark,
That lit me up.
I knew then,
It was all down hill.

It the night I wished for you,
And I settled for dreams.
In the day I saw you,
And you made me scared.

I wanted to impress you,
But I let you down.
You wanted to impress me,
But you died too soon.

And the sky lit up,
With fireworks.
You said this was New Jersey.
And I always kept that in my mind.

And when the police man said you were dead.
I banged my fist against the fall.
And I walked down the stairs,
To the empty basement.

You were gone.
You were no more.
I said a prayer,
The first one in awhile.

.

When it hit your blood you were lost,
Taken from the ones you loved.
Just a taste it took,
To make you a monster.

Your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth.
You stuttered the words,
I love you so much.
Did you mean it?

He watched as your eyes rolled to the back of your head.
And you said,
This means you love me so much.

And you saw the future,
And you felt like a god.
But you never came back,
You just went to sleep.

Chasing a dragon,
That never looked back.
You had it all,
And you gave it all back.

So let it all be true,
What they say about you.
You were the hero,
And the villain of this story.

I’ll miss you forever,
I’ll think about you forever.
And I’ll tell your story till I die,
If it saves one life.

There was a boy who learned how to move the wind.
He was like a superhero.
He was on the news,
And in the papers, everywhere.

He was a hero until they killed him on the evening news.
The played the blues,
At his funeral.
It goes to show you, you never know how it will go.

I was there,
All dressed in black.
I saw his mother cry.
She screamed his name.
I’ll never forget.

It haunts me still.
I can’t sleep, I’m not well.
This life is such a game.
And I’m losing,
I’m losing so bad.

I visited the grave a year ago.
Just to say my peace.
I could have sworn I heard a voice say
Remember me.
And I don’t even believe in ghost.

Hey bike rider,
Harley in your blood.
I miss you,
Like the moon misses the sun.
I think of you still,
All the time.

Well you left behind a lot,
You had some demons in your closet.
They came out and scared us all.
But you memory is strong,
Your face is everywhere I look.

I remember in the sand,
You broke your knee.
I rode in the ambulance,
And I thought I’d was so great.

I wish I could go back,
But it’s stored in the back of my memories.
Like on dusky in a museum,
That only I can see.

Hey bike ride,
The wind in your face.
I miss you around this place.
I picture you,
In the open road.
Driving out into the sun.

I got your voice in my head,
All the time.
It haunts me in a good way,
I can’t explain.
I wish I had the harley in my blood,
But I don’t.

Well you left behind a lot,
Some good and some bad.
What I would give,
For a moment with you.
I’ll love you always,
Dad.

Cracks in the cement,
Your body bent.
Like a maze over it all.
Sweet but small,
A bad attitude.
That’s what they said,
That’s what everyone said about you.
You came from above,
From where your body fell from.
You fell so far,
You fell so hard.
You fell for all the bad ideas.
So let’s make it clear,
You’re not the victim here.
You never were.
You never were here at all.
You started as a ghost,
And became what you hated most.

These little things,
the build up inside of me.
Can’t feel a thing,
I’m consumed by the pain.
It takes steps to make it out of this.
I can’t help,
But to feel trap In this mess.
These little things,
The eat at my soul.
I need a break.
I can’t control how I feel.
These little things,
They’ve grown into something much worse.
I hate how much it hurts.
These little things,
They are so much more.

Started as a heart beat,
My head against your chest.
The sound of your heart beat,
It was so loud.
It grew to super sonic.
I know it was a fireworks show.
The light from you lit up the room,
Like the sun exploded.
It started with a heart beat,
And ended like a light show.
This light so bright,
It blinded people for miles.
I’m looking at the bright light,
You left wherever you would go.
And it all ended the way that you would have thought
In tragedy this love was turned to stone.
This bright light in the dark was all
That shown.
I’m standing as a witness to a horror show,
The light ain’t as bright as you thought.
And you retreat to the basement that you know,
Ain’t no light been there in so long.
You’re standing at the edge again.
The wind  blows your hair,
As the bright light of the sun beats down.
This bright light blinded you long ago.
You have to let go.

The moons glow,
My spot light.
Step on my tippy toes,
Around your egg shells.
What a mess,
What a horror story.

Just move slow,
Don’t let them see you strain.
Learn to love the pain,
Your motivation.
Open your mouth,
But nothing comes out.

Tired slow breathing,
Sounds of regret.
You slip into the darkness,
They can’t pull you back.
You’re on your own.

This silence feels like home.
But your so far away,
You reach but you can’t touch.
Your all alone,
Just like when you were born.

You scream out,
But no one hears you.
This silence feels like home.
So you stay still,
Your heart beat is the only sound.

Your driving 90 on the highway,
Why are you always running away?
It always feels so bad.
But I’m used to getting let down.

I know I’m always complaining.
But I swear it’s always warranted,
It’s not all in my head.
These thoughts exist.

And make a sudden turn,
The wheels begin to burn.
And we flip, and we spin.
It’s a win,
Because stupid is what stupid does.

Holding hands, watching the sun set.
Listening to your favorite band,
On your iPhone.
We just watch as the world spins.

The ambulance came,
And they said you were dead.
You went to fast.
You sped through life,
Like a speeding car out of control.

you’re not even there
Looking at you past the mirror
What’s all this have to do with me?
it couldn’t be any clearer
Melt away that skin
Show what’s hidden underneath
What does it mean?
What can you even say to defend it?
You shrinking
it almost  pathetic
I’ve been thinking
Over this again and again
Your hands are in my head
Twisting my thoughts
I just wanna be happy
I just want to be free
I just Want to be free
I just want to be me
Free from this parasite

I was high laying out on the beach,
when a dead body washed ashore.
It was right before dawn,
The sun was peaking out,
into this horror show.
I clenched the sand and buried my hand,
as this lifeless soul laid before me,
like a beached whale.
What a story it will be.
I wrestled with the thought
of taking a selfie.
But my better side won,
Thank god for that.
This body lay next to me.
Golden hair dimmed by the sea.
This woman with no name,
In a bed of sand.
I wanna hold her hand.
As the sun starts to rise,
I can feel the high wear off.
This feels too real to be impaired.
I say a prayer,
And give a hell Mary.
And walk away.

You put all your trust in the internet
They said it was the future.
The machine will show bud the way
To a better tomorrow.
But tomorrow came and they took all the books away.
People started protesting
Marching in the streets.
The voice over the loud speaker
Said trust in the machine.
As the tear gas filled the sky.
We put all our trust in the machine
And it took over the world.
They see you when your sleeping
They know when you’re awake.
You gave them all the power
It was a fatal mistake.
You watch from the hilltop
The missiles lit the sky
The machine took over the world
That’s burning in front of your eyes

I don’t even know how to do this anymore
Write for someone I don’t even know
To make them feel something
I don’t  know
Am I just in a mood?
These words seem so weak
I’m a poet but did I ever know it?
I can’t seem to put my finder to it
I’m a mess
Does that even come close to knowing
What’s it’s all been for?
I keep writing about loss
But what did I lose?
I’m still alive
And that something
I know it is
It’s short and simple
I’m here and I
Have one more line in me
I'm a poet and I think I always knew it

Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue
But you wouldn’t drive to see me
I should have know
You were a fraud
And you were fooling me the whole time
It took a knife to cut deep enough to know
You were a crime
I committed on myself
It’s all so much
It grows out of my veins and through my mouth
I say the words that break your heart
Every time it’s like a default
And you come back
Like a drug addict
To be torn apart
Like a house in a tornado
You left a message on my phone
I don’t know why
It was full
Like the moon
That I stare at when I’m missing you
I wish you knew
You never will
This life’s a thrill
Your in for the ****
But you couldn’t hurt a butterfly

In the desperate of hours
You creep back to your master
You burrow deep inside his womb
Is it to soon
To start talking facts
You can’t be serious
You can’t be considering this again
You build your walls
But they came crumbling
And your torn apart
But here you stand again
In armor weak
You can’t even speak
Your a mess
But your still breathing
After all the stones thrown
In your direction
You took a bottle and broke it on his head
And he bled
He bled so much
You didn’t know what to do
So much blood it’s like an ocean
Your feet in the sand
You take stand
Your rush towards the door
And to your car
You drive off into the night
You build a wall
You build your walls
You separate yourself from the pain
It’s all a game
It’s all a game
It’s all a game
It’s all a game
You can’t win

Your drinking to get better
But you just get sicker
Your not paying attention anymore
To the signs
Your knocking door to door
For some change
When will you change
Your a mess
Your outside the Burger King again
Begging for your life
Your just a kid
Living off someone else’s heart
You did your part
And you got nothing in return
You’ve got so much more to learn
You graduated school
An art degree is cool
Until your starving for some food
You did your part
It didn’t work out
The way you thought it would
She broke your heart
Left you in the dust
Your heart in your hand
Not what you planned
You thought you did enough
You did your part
It wasn’t enough
Now your living in the park
Living off the hearts of strangers
They sympathized
They gave you money
They thought they did their part
It wasn’t enough

Walking drunk down the street
Cigarette in one hand
In the other a tall boy can
Your the flavor of the week
The boys all bow at your feet
Treat you like a god
They prey for your touch
But they don’t need to pray
Your giving it away for free
The moon light shines in your hair
Golden in the night air
Humming your favorite song
Your just drunk enough
To not care at all
Headlights in the far off distance
You wonder where they are
Does anyone care at all
If you just disappeared
Your all done up
But eyes shadows ******
You’ve been crying too much
Let your guard down
Gave your Love to a boy
Guess he wasn’t a man
Walking the streets like a ghost
Your haunted by your own thoughts
Your an Angel in the night
But you don’t believe in God
You’ve got a devil on your shoulder
And he talks too much
The stars are out tonight
They shine bright like a spotlight
You wonder what’s out there
Would anybody care
If you just disappeared
Just walk it off
Go home and sleep it off
In the morning you can start again
Or play pretend
Would anybody care
Do you even care
If you just disappeared

Those summer girls
Those moves, those curves
Hot sun beating on their soft sensitive skin
Bikini lines forming, Soaking in
Those summer girl made of sin
Let me in

Those summer girls got a curse
They make you Act different
Have you speak different
They bury your heart in the sand
Like a curse on men

Those summer girls
Cast a spell
If I’m under one how can I tell?
Let me in
I want to know
These summer girls
They have all the control

To all the girls whoever loved me
Just know that you were right
I couldn’t change
Because I didn’t want to
You only get to live one life

It was always real
As ugly as it got
For some it was easy
For others it was not

Tried to make it better
A bandaid doesn’t fix a broken heart
Can’t make it better
I’m not certified in love

The curtains closing slowly
The applauds start to dim
The show for some ended slowly
For some the second act was grim

To all the girls whoever loved me
Just know that you were right
I couldn’t change
Because I didn’t want to
You only get to live one life

I was always empty
I had nothing ever to give
You were sold a bad investment
It was never going to follow through

Your questions may be never answered
If there were any from the start
I know that mine are never ending
But life is like that in the end

To all the girls whoever loved me
I wonder where you are
I wonder if your happy
I hope your where your meant to be

You didn’t know what you were in for
When you made your move
And when it all came unraveled
You felt like you’d been lied to

Ain’t no more of this sad song
I turned it off.
I’d rather listen to the wind blow
Down a highway with nowhere to go.
It’s always goodbye
I’m looking for some hellos
This place is getting old
I’m just trying to survive it.
It’s a mess,
And at best unhealthy.
It’s a test, I’m set up to fail.
I’ve had better mornings.
Saw sunrises, looked like God.
But today I feel like I’m melting.
Ain’t no cure for being depressed.
It’s a mess
And there was no warning.
This tsunami came and washed away everything.
I’m waiting for the morning,
To assess everything.
Take a breath,
You got so much left.
You’re in the right side of time.
It’s hanging from your wrist.

In your own thoughts
It’s predictable
So sad
Look at you your a fool
What a guy
Some would say a tool
But I wouldn’t use that hurtful langue
An acolyte achievement
Be a king
Be what they want you to be
Just be
Drive south until you hit the beach
Sit upon the sand
Take it in
Take a breath
Just be
Maybe jump in the ocean
Feel the rush of cold touch your skin
Let it in
Your a king
Write your own ending
Just be
Played a mix tape you were sent long ago
By a girl from long ago
Made you feel some type of way
So your out in the old town you grew up in
Looking for trouble
Back in New Jersey
Can’t get away from your shadow
it follows you
Let it be
Just be

I wrote some poetry
but nobody seems to care
I write about all my feelings
And no one wants read it
But I understand
It’s not their responsibility to keep me happy
But it be cool
If someone read what I wrote
And told me how they feel too
I think that would be kind of cool
So just a thought
If you had a thought let me know
And I’ll write it down
Or won’t
It’s up to you
I just want to share my poetry with you

I hold a bottle to the sky
To toast to you
You’ve gone away
Not forever but maybe
Depending on what you believe

I’ll miss you dear
I’ll miss you forever
I’ll keep your picture in my rearview mirror
I’ll always remember you

Your smile left a print
I’ll miss it dear
It made me happy when I was sad
I’ll have to get used to that

The way your car smelled like cigarettes
It was the worst
But it was you
And I will miss it too

I’ll see you see you soon
It’s not goodbye
Or it is
Depending on what you believe

I’ll miss you dear
I’ll miss you forever
I’ll keep your picture in my rearview mirror
I’ll always remember you

Marshmellow soul
Covered in all the wrong things
Your a nightmare, not a dream
I just thought you’d like to know
That I don’t like you for what you did
Any I’m pretty sure it was my fault anyway
I can hear you say it like it was just today
I’m not alone
But why do I feel like it
Your like a ghost haunting me still
Can’t let it go
It’s clenched in my fist
Crazy Some people never get to feel this
I’m not lost
But I can’t seem to find my way
It’s this place
I grew up in and can’t leave
It’s got me ****** in
I’m a prisoner
I should have listened
When you said I had to run
Far away
I’m starting to think it’s just my fate
It’s crazy some people never get to feel this

Small town girl,
thought you ruled the world
A pageant queen without a crown
You been around this town
Like a merry go round
But you tell really good jokes
That something to hold on to

Strike a pose
It’s your graduation
You’ve grown up into a fool
Keep the picture to remember
Why no one ***** with you

Built a city
Just to watch it burn
Gave lessons not to learn
Laughed at everybody’s problems
Your anger is your only quality
But it doesn’t bother you

Tell a lie
But the biggest one is you
Brush you off
But you stick like glue
Tell you off
but you seem unfazed
Turn the page but it’s the same story

Strike a pose
It’s your graduation
You’ve grown up into a fool
Keep the picture to remember
Why no one ***** with you

Save my secrets for the trees
your sorries mean nothing to me
Just throw them out the window
Driving fast, have no fear
Crash the car, it’s ok
Buy a new one tomorrow

That’s how you live your life
Selfish, and out of spite
You live like you know they’ll be a tomorrow
Blows my mind
Like you once did

Took a train to the city
To go people watching
Like we once did
Central Park is so pretty this time of year
All alone but I feel so alive
You hated that about me
You just hated life

That’s how you live your life
Angry and out of your mind
You wake up every morning
And you can’t help but complain
And you say if anything else
Its for the fact
That you woke up at all

You hurt me once and I laughed it off
it all a blur
And I shrugged it off
it hurt so much
Was quick like a touch
I made a wish
it was all I had
it was such a rush
the thought that it could come true
but it didn’t. I lost you
that’s just life
it’s filled with consequences
I don’t love you, but when I said it, I meant it
It’s a rush
it’s too much
I can’t take it anymore
When we’re done
Can you let my mother know
That I loved the best that I know how
Everything I’ve ever known
is a lie, is a lie
I can’t let it go
When will we ever know?
it’s too much for me to know
so let it go
The way it always was
that’s just life
there’s nothing we could ever do
it all in the same
I just want you to know
That I love you
I always loved you

New Jersey born and raised
A little liquor makes me brave
Sad stories of the past
Always brought up after a few drinks

Somebody told me you ain’t grown
Until you talk about the past
And when you do it all becomes the same
You become a pawn in life’s game

Hold it in
Be a man
That’s what they tell you when your young
Don’t be weak

So easy to pull the trigger of your gun
Your a saint
Until you’ve done what you never thought could be done

I’m from New Jersey
You always know when your time is up
You don’t believe in love
It’s over before it’s done

I’m from New Jersey
Always looking to avoid the toll
I’m not unhappy
Just angry about it all

The traffic to the shore
The smell past exit 12
On the parkway
We know the way back home

I’m from New Jersey
I love it all
The angry people
But not as angry as if
you came from New York

Little dream
You have died
Gave you a funeral
They buried you.

Some years have passed
I still miss you
Who would have thought?
Not me.

I feel stuck
A string of bad luck
Tripping over my own faults
It’s all to much

I hate you for giving up like a child, with a toy they didn’t want
I hate myself for being so content
I hate this town, I’ve run out places to drive around.

I hate you
And I don’t even know why
You’ve been gone for so long
Like a ghost that haunts me now

I don’t know how
To go on anymore
But I still do
Like a zombie

I hope I bite you
And then you die
And we’re stuck together forever
And I don’t know why

Because I hate you
And always will
I don’t even know why
But I do and always will

Oh, you think you are the hero of the story
I was there, the night you punched  her in the face.
You told her she was boring, and the reason why no one ever sticks around this place.

Oh, they say don’t throw stones in glass houses,
but you never did what you were told.
And if anyone ever asked me, I told them
You were always a good friend to me.

You never went to church
Yeah, you taught me how to curse
You learned to be mean from your father
The therapist asked if you wanted to change,
And you said why bother?

Learned to smoke cigarettes over a pack of menthols
Helped  you get past your parents divorce in the fall.
That one time I got so drunk I couldn’t walk
You helped carry me home that night
And now we only talk sometimes.

Oh, you think that you’re the hero of this story.
I was there the night she told you it was your baby
You cursed at her and called her crazy
She walked home alone that night.

Your never to old to feel regret
That’s the thing, it’s hard to forget
Find Solis in a bottles grasp
A cigarette still makes me think of the past

Few There ain’t no hope left
In this cigarette smoke
Like the D.A.R.E officer said
There ain’t hope in dope

Torn between your Sunday school friends
And the *** heads
You hang out with
On the weekend

Spend your time watching true crime
In a basement your left behind
Everyone moved away
Can’t hold on to today

Forever seems so far away
You’ve loved before
Gave your heart away
Only to have it torn  apart

Your the villain in this story
You played your part
Gambled Away everything
You lost your heart

She said,
I’ll stop smoking when I’m dead.
I fear all that beauty
went to her head.

She grew up in a small town
In Massachusetts
Always dreamed of the city
And how she would live there.

Those tall buildings
Lights so pretty
They danced above us
You were always good
At making your dreams come true

You said over a cigarette
You know your running away
But you don't know what else to do
I don’t want to keep
Standing here still with you.

If Gods so good
Why is he so good
At ripping your heart
Right out of you?

I started speaking
To my father
He’s been gone too long now
Looking for answers.

Those tall buildings
Lights so pretty
I could taste the liquor on you
You were always good
At making your dreams come true

I took the 161 to the city
The lights they look so pretty
I just wandered around
It ain’t the same without you around

The tide is getting high on the east coast
I feel like I’m drowning
I started drinking more
Somethings can’t be ignored

I heard your living out In Brooklyn
I’m still living here in town
They tore down the old mall
It’s like it was never there

I’d **** to smoke some cigarette
And drink some Jack and cokes
Guess I’ll have to do it by myself
Your to busy dancing under the lights
With someone else

Those tall buildings
Lights so pretty
They danced above us
You were always good
At making your dreams come true

I miss you most
In a crowded room
I miss the way
Everyone would stare at you

They all wanted to have you
But you were mine
I didn’t know what I had
Till you weren’t mine

Anymore, anymore
It’s a shame
And so sad
To have loved and to not have

Anything to show for it
Your a star
And I didn’t even get your
******* autograph

And I see
From my phone screen
That your married now
At least your dream came true

You dodged a bullet
But the chamber wasn’t loaded
And I got bad aim
And I always wanna pull it

I miss you most
In a crowded room
I hate you most
When I think of you

Im your biggest fan
Your a star
And I didn’t even get your
******* autograph

Someone told me
it’s the ones you look up to
That will disappoint you the most.
I thought what a ****** mindset
That’s why my hero is myself.
Driving home at the first light
The sunlight washes off the night
And with it all my bad decisions
There’s an Elton John song playing low
Someone said where do we go?
And I laughed and said home.
And they said
We are home.
And that stayed with me for
Every single sunrise
And it came to be
A tradition to remember
And night I wish I could forget
There’s an Elton John song playing low
As my arm hangs from the window
And I’m comforted by the fact
That I’m nobody’s hero.

There’s a calm I appreciate
The kinds that comes with peace
The kind you don’t get
Not unless your in that place
That void
The great moment of clarity
Where you find yourself alone
Laying back, relaxing
maybe listening to music
And your staring straight ahead
All your worries in the world
They go blank
Nonexistent
And you’re sitting there
Staring out into space
And you smile
Because you know
Your alright
You exist
You live to fight another day
And you kinda just melt
Into a pool of clarity
Peace of mind
True calm

What was I to you?
A broken toy
You don’t play with anymore
A sad joke
You don’t tell to anyone
You keep me in the dark
A secret,
not even good enough to be told
I hate you
I hate this
But you say you don’t mean it
You won’t do it anymore
But in a week
Your back to being you
You act like your to famous
For me now
But your a nobody just like me
And I can see through all
The bad acting
You like a storm that picked me up
And tore apart my little life
And left me there to pick up all the pieces
A title wave that swept away my soul
And all my love
But you can keep it
I don’t want it anymore
Your a storm
You bring the clouds with you
They hang over head
It’s a dread
It’s so evil
Just like you

When your near and I stare into your eyes
I wonder
What do you carry with you?
Are these burdens heavy?
Do they weigh you down?
Is that why you feel like an anchor
Stuck in this small town?
You write cute poems in a notebook
Carry it everywhere
Say no one understands you
Do you understand yourself?
I wonder what you carry
And if it’s holding you back
This life is heavy sometimes
You wear it on your back
You said your mother used to hit you
Your father was checked out
And from a young age you were angry
Played the devils hand at every chance.
And you acted like a devil
But said when true evil crossed your path
You felt pity instead of fear
You said you could feel
the baggage on their back.
And I wonder what you carry with you
Does your load haunt your soul
Is the burden heavy
Does it drag you into the undertow?

Been dancing by yourself
In the dark
For too long.
Always in a bad space
Head is filled with
Too much sad.
But every now and then
You smile
But you take it back
Like it was a bad word
And you are a child.
I’ve watched you stare
Out into stars
Waiting for someone
To pull you down.
Like your stuck in this world
In a giant waiting room
To be picked
But you just
Sit and wait.
And it’s eating you alive
But your bones are strong you say,
They’re not gunna get you
Not like this.
They had you on suicide watch
Behind glass like an animal
Pacing back and forth
But this ain’t a zoo
It’s your life.
So you keep dancing in the dark
All alone
Like a star of your own show
It’s easy when you know,
This is as good as it gets.

How could we be creators of such great love
And then just let it go?
We should be ashamed
How could we say to each other
That we would never leave
And then one day never speak again
Not even as friends
It’s sad and it’s a shame
To have loved so hard and thrown it all away
Killers of the greatest love the world has ever known
And now it’s like it never even happened
A memory not even good enough to haunt me
And so it stirs above in the stars
With every other love that’s died and been forgotten
A universe of killers of love