Those summer girls
Those moves, those curves
Hot sun beating on their soft sensitive skin
Bikini lines forming, Soaking in
Those summer girl made of sin
Let me in

Those summer girls got a curse
They make you Act different
Have you speak different
They bury your heart in the sand
Like a curse on men

Those summer girls
Cast a spell
If I’m under one how can I tell?
Let me in
I want to know
These summer girls
They have all the control

To all the girls whoever loved me
Just know that you were right
I couldn’t change
Because I didn’t want to
You only get to live one life

It was always real
As ugly as it got
For some it was easy
For others it was not

Tried to make it better
A bandaid doesn’t fix a broken heart
Can’t make it better
I’m not certified in love

The curtains closing slowly
The applauds start to dim
The show for some ended slowly
For some the second act was grim

To all the girls whoever loved me
Just know that you were right
I couldn’t change
Because I didn’t want to
You only get to live one life

I was always empty
I had nothing ever to give
You were sold a bad investment
It was never going to follow through

Your questions may be never answered
If there were any from the start
I know that mine are never ending
But life is like that in the end

To all the girls whoever loved me
I wonder where you are
I wonder if your happy
I hope your where your meant to be

You didn’t know what you were in for
When you made your move
And when it all came unraveled
You felt like you’d been lied to

Ain’t no more of this sad song
I turned it off.
I’d rather listen to the wind blow
Down a highway with nowhere to go.
It’s always goodbye
I’m looking for some hellos
This place is getting old
I’m just trying to survive it.
It’s a mess,
And at best unhealthy.
It’s a test, I’m set up to fail.
I’ve had better mornings.
Saw sunrises, looked like God.
But today I feel like I’m melting.
Ain’t no cure for being depressed.
It’s a mess
And there was no warning.
This tsunami came and washed away everything.
I’m waiting for the morning,
To assess everything.
Take a breath,
You got so much left.
You’re in the right side of time.
It’s hanging from your wrist.

In your own thoughts
It’s predictable
So sad
Look at you your a fool
What a guy
Some would say a tool
But I wouldn’t use that hurtful langue
An acolyte achievement
Be a king
Be what they want you to be
Just be
Drive south until you hit the beach
Sit upon the sand
Take it in
Take a breath
Just be
Maybe jump in the ocean
Feel the rush of cold touch your skin
Let it in
Your a king
Write your own ending
Just be
Played a mix tape you were sent long ago
By a girl from long ago
Made you feel some type of way
So your out in the old town you grew up in
Looking for trouble
Back in New Jersey
Can’t get away from your shadow
it follows you
Let it be
Just be

I wrote some poetry
but nobody seems to care
I write about all my feelings
And no one wants read it
But I understand
It’s not their responsibility to keep me happy
But it be cool
If someone read what I wrote
And told me how they feel too
I think that would be kind of cool
So just a thought
If you had a thought let me know
And I’ll write it down
Or won’t
It’s up to you
I just want to share my poetry with you

I hold a bottle to the sky
To toast to you
You’ve gone away
Not forever but maybe
Depending on what you believe

I’ll miss you dear
I’ll miss you forever
I’ll keep your picture in my rearview mirror
I’ll always remember you

Your smile left a print
I’ll miss it dear
It made me happy when I was sad
I’ll have to get used to that

The way your car smelled like cigarettes
It was the worst
But it was you
And I will miss it too

I’ll see you see you soon
It’s not goodbye
Or it is
Depending on what you believe

I’ll miss you dear
I’ll miss you forever
I’ll keep your picture in my rearview mirror
I’ll always remember you

Marshmellow soul
Covered in all the wrong things
Your a nightmare, not a dream
I just thought you’d like to know
That I don’t like you for what you did
Any I’m pretty sure it was my fault anyway
I can hear you say it like it was just today
I’m not alone
But why do I feel like it
Your like a ghost haunting me still
Can’t let it go
It’s clenched in my fist
Crazy Some people never get to feel this
I’m not lost
But I can’t seem to find my way
It’s this place
I grew up in and can’t leave
It’s got me ****** in
I’m a prisoner
I should have listened
When you said I had to run
Far away
I’m starting to think it’s just my fate
It’s crazy some people never get to feel this

Small town girl,
thought you ruled the world
A pageant queen without a crown
You been around this town
Like a merry go round
But you tell really good jokes
That something to hold on to

Strike a pose
It’s your graduation
You’ve grown up into a fool
Keep the picture to remember
Why no one ***** with you

Built a city
Just to watch it burn
Gave lessons not to learn
Laughed at everybody’s problems
Your anger is your only quality
But it doesn’t bother you

Tell a lie
But the biggest one is you
Brush you off
But you stick like glue
Tell you off
but you seem unfazed
Turn the page but it’s the same story

Strike a pose
It’s your graduation
You’ve grown up into a fool
Keep the picture to remember
Why no one ***** with you

Save my secrets for the trees
your sorries mean nothing to me
Just throw them out the window
Driving fast, have no fear
Crash the car, it’s ok
Buy a new one tomorrow

That’s how you live your life
Selfish, and out of spite
You live like you know they’ll be a tomorrow
Blows my mind
Like you once did

Took a train to the city
To go people watching
Like we once did
Central Park is so pretty this time of year
All alone but I feel so alive
You hated that about me
You just hated life

That’s how you live your life
Angry and out of your mind
You wake up every morning
And you can’t help but complain
And you say if anything else
Its for the fact
That you woke up at all

You hurt me once and I laughed it off
it all a blur
And I shrugged it off
it hurt so much
Was quick like a touch
I made a wish
it was all I had
it was such a rush
the thought that it could come true
but it didn’t. I lost you
that’s just life
it’s filled with consequences
I don’t love you, but when I said it, I meant it
It’s a rush
it’s too much
I can’t take it anymore
When we’re done
Can you let my mother know
That I loved the best that I know how
Everything I’ve ever known
is a lie, is a lie
I can’t let it go
When will we ever know?
it’s too much for me to know
so let it go
The way it always was
that’s just life
there’s nothing we could ever do
it all in the same
I just want you to know
That I love you
I always loved you

New Jersey born and raised
A little liquor makes me brave
Sad stories of the past
Always brought up after a few drinks

Somebody told me you ain’t grown
Until you talk about the past
And when you do it all becomes the same
You become a pawn in life’s game

Hold it in
Be a man
That’s what they tell you when your young
Don’t be weak

So easy to pull the trigger of your gun
Your a saint
Until you’ve done what you never thought could be done

I’m from New Jersey
You always know when your time is up
You don’t believe in love
It’s over before it’s done

I’m from New Jersey
Always looking to avoid the toll
I’m not unhappy
Just angry about it all

The traffic to the shore
The smell past exit 12
On the parkway
We know the way back home

I’m from New Jersey
I love it all
The angry people
But not as angry as if
you came from New York

Little dream
You have died
Gave you a funeral
They buried you.

Some years have passed
I still miss you
Who would have thought?
Not me.

I feel stuck
A string of bad luck
Tripping over my own faults
It’s all to much

I hate you for giving up like a child, with a toy they didn’t want
I hate myself for being so content
I hate this town, I’ve run out places to drive around.

I hate you
And I don’t even know why
You’ve been gone for so long
Like a ghost that haunts me now

I don’t know how
To go on anymore
But I still do
Like a zombie

I hope I bite you
And then you die
And we’re stuck together forever
And I don’t know why

Because I hate you
And always will
I don’t even know why
But I do and always will

Oh, you think you are the hero of the story
I was there, the night you punched  her in the face.
You told her she was boring, and the reason why no one ever sticks around this place.

Oh, they say don’t throw stones in glass houses,
but you never did what you were told.
And if anyone ever asked me, I told them
You were always a good friend to me.

You never went to church
Yeah, you taught me how to curse
You learned to be mean from your father
The therapist asked if you wanted to change,
And you said why bother?

Learned to smoke cigarettes over a pack of menthols
Helped  you get past your parents divorce in the fall.
That one time I got so drunk I couldn’t walk
You helped carry me home that night
And now we only talk sometimes.

Oh, you think that you’re the hero of this story.
I was there the night she told you it was your baby
You cursed at her and called her crazy
She walked home alone that night.

Your never to old to feel regret
That’s the thing, it’s hard to forget
Find Solis in a bottles grasp
A cigarette still makes me think of the past

Few There ain’t no hope left
In this cigarette smoke
Like the D.A.R.E officer said
There ain’t hope in dope

Torn between your Sunday school friends
And the *** heads
You hang out with
On the weekend

Spend your time watching true crime
In a basement your left behind
Everyone moved away
Can’t hold on to today

Forever seems so far away
You’ve loved before
Gave your heart away
Only to have it torn  apart

Your the villain in this story
You played your part
Gambled Away everything
You lost your heart

She said,
I’ll stop smoking when I’m dead.
I fear all that beauty
went to her head.

She grew up in a small town
In Massachusetts
Always dreamed of the city
And how she would live there.

Those tall buildings
Lights so pretty
They danced above us
You were always good
At making your dreams come true

You said over a cigarette
You know your running away
But you don't know what else to do
I don’t want to keep
Standing here still with you.

If Gods so good
Why is he so good
At ripping your heart
Right out of you?

I started speaking
To my father
He’s been gone too long now
Looking for answers.

Those tall buildings
Lights so pretty
I could taste the liquor on you
You were always good
At making your dreams come true

I took the 161 to the city
The lights they look so pretty
I just wandered around
It ain’t the same without you around

The tide is getting high on the east coast
I feel like I’m drowning
I started drinking more
Somethings can’t be ignored

I heard your living out In Brooklyn
I’m still living here in town
They tore down the old mall
It’s like it was never there

I’d **** to smoke some cigarette
And drink some Jack and cokes
Guess I’ll have to do it by myself
Your to busy dancing under the lights
With someone else

Those tall buildings
Lights so pretty
They danced above us
You were always good
At making your dreams come true

I miss you most
In a crowded room
I miss the way
Everyone would stare at you

They all wanted to have you
But you were mine
I didn’t know what I had
Till you weren’t mine

Anymore, anymore
It’s a shame
And so sad
To have loved and to not have

Anything to show for it
Your a star
And I didn’t even get your
******* autograph

And I see
From my phone screen
That your married now
At least your dream came true

You dodged a bullet
But the chamber wasn’t loaded
And I got bad aim
And I always wanna pull it

I miss you most
In a crowded room
I hate you most
When I think of you

Im your biggest fan
Your a star
And I didn’t even get your
******* autograph

Someone told me
it’s the ones you look up to
That will disappoint you the most.
I thought what a ****** mindset
That’s why my hero is myself.
Driving home at the first light
The sunlight washes off the night
And with it all my bad decisions
There’s an Elton John song playing low
Someone said where do we go?
And I laughed and said home.
And they said
We are home.
And that stayed with me for
Every single sunrise
And it came to be
A tradition to remember
And night I wish I could forget
There’s an Elton John song playing low
As my arm hangs from the window
And I’m comforted by the fact
That I’m nobody’s hero.

There’s a calm I appreciate
The kinds that comes with peace
The kind you don’t get
Not unless your in that place
That void
The great moment of clarity
Where you find yourself alone
Laying back, relaxing
maybe listening to music
And your staring straight ahead
All your worries in the world
They go blank
Nonexistent
And you’re sitting there
Staring out into space
And you smile
Because you know
Your alright
You exist
You live to fight another day
And you kinda just melt
Into a pool of clarity
Peace of mind
True calm

What was I to you?
A broken toy
You don’t play with anymore
A sad joke
You don’t tell to anyone
You keep me in the dark
A secret,
not even good enough to be told
I hate you
I hate this
But you say you don’t mean it
You won’t do it anymore
But in a week
Your back to being you
You act like your to famous
For me now
But your a nobody just like me
And I can see through all
The bad acting
You like a storm that picked me up
And tore apart my little life
And left me there to pick up all the pieces
A title wave that swept away my soul
And all my love
But you can keep it
I don’t want it anymore
Your a storm
You bring the clouds with you
They hang over head
It’s a dread
It’s so evil
Just like you

When your near and I stare into your eyes
I wonder
What do you carry with you?
Are these burdens heavy?
Do they weigh you down?
Is that why you feel like an anchor
Stuck in this small town?
You write cute poems in a notebook
Carry it everywhere
Say no one understands you
Do you understand yourself?
I wonder what you carry
And if it’s holding you back
This life is heavy sometimes
You wear it on your back
You said your mother used to hit you
Your father was checked out
And from a young age you were angry
Played the devils hand at every chance.
And you acted like a devil
But said when true evil crossed your path
You felt pity instead of fear
You said you could feel
the baggage on their back.
And I wonder what you carry with you
Does your load haunt your soul
Is the burden heavy
Does it drag you into the undertow?

Been dancing by yourself
In the dark
For too long.
Always in a bad space
Head is filled with
Too much sad.
But every now and then
You smile
But you take it back
Like it was a bad word
And you are a child.
I’ve watched you stare
Out into stars
Waiting for someone
To pull you down.
Like your stuck in this world
In a giant waiting room
To be picked
But you just
Sit and wait.
And it’s eating you alive
But your bones are strong you say,
They’re not gunna get you
Not like this.
They had you on suicide watch
Behind glass like an animal
Pacing back and forth
But this ain’t a zoo
It’s your life.
So you keep dancing in the dark
All alone
Like a star of your own show
It’s easy when you know,
This is as good as it gets.

How could we be creators of such great love
And then just let it go?
We should be ashamed
How could we say to each other
That we would never leave
And then one day never speak again
Not even as friends
It’s sad and it’s a shame
To have loved so hard and thrown it all away
Killers of the greatest love the world has ever known
And now it’s like it never even happened
A memory not even good enough to haunt me
And so it stirs above in the stars
With every other love that’s died and been forgotten
A universe of killers of love

In a basement apartment
You fester with your demons
Till they tear right through
Been angry for to long
Nothing makes sense anymore
Wide eye expression when you turn on the lights
You keep it dark to hide from the light
Her memory creeps into your mind like poison in the night
It happens every time
Stretching through your veins likes vines
What is the remedy
To heal the enemy
That’s living within you
You’ve seen better days
You weren’t always this way
Is there a cure?
A friend had mentioned religion
Said you should prey to God
But you don’t believe
And you probably never did
Your not the type to be saved
Your mother tried when you were young
To give you faith
But it didn’t stick
It only made you sick
Pushed you in the direction of foul things
What is the remedy
To heal the enemy
That’s living within you
You’ve seen better days
how you’d wish to be
Back there
Back anywhere but here

Your feet in the sand
Of a beach
on the other side of the world
And I can’t understand
How you made past the front door

Im caught up in the in between
I can’t make it past the start
I don’t even know where that is
It’s something out of a dream

So when the  bc phone doesn’t ring
Im not surprised
I don’t know why
I even have this thing

In a catatonic state
To busy to eat
But so much time on my hands
It’s a wonder I can even speak

Don’t let the monster out
I keep telling myself
Keep it buried deep
But it wants to feed

Don’t let the monster out
Oh what fun we could have
Keep it buried deep
Don’t listen when it speaks

Oh but it’s so convincing
Knows just what to say
I don’t dare to release it
It wants to eat

I come home to an empty apartment
Your not there again
And I’m left with the stars and the moon spinning in my head

I used to love you
Now I hate you
And I don’t remember it happening
But it did

Your not who you said you were
Your a liar
Or I’m a fool
I prefer the former
I’m to selfish myself

I used to walk Side by side with you
Now I feel miles apart
You used to hold a special place in my heart
Now it’s just darkness and pain

I used to love you
Now I hate you
Your a bad memory
I wish that I could forget you
Like you forgot me

oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
This wasn’t part of the plan
To fall in love with a narcissist
And be the one who only thinks of themselves

I’m in shock
Shake me off
I need to get back to myself
This really isn’t me
Im a shell of my former self

Oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
Someone wake me
Am I still dreaming?
It’s a joke
But at least the punchline is funny

I showed you mine
And you took it and ran
Past the finish line with my heart in your hand
You showed me yours
that day

Oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
The man on the corner was screaming
“What happened to my country”
As you were saying something cynical
“It’s always been this way.”

The dreams all came here to die
We all make it up as we go along
Waiting for that burning sun to go out
We’ll all have such a good time

We follow the ambulance sirens
Just to see something real
Just adding fuel to the fire
And you asked
How does it make you feel?

Oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
This wasn’t part of the plan

When I was younger I thought that I could fly
And  one day I tried
all my dreams came crashing down
along with myself
That was the day I learned
life was a lie.

When they came and took my friend kicking and screaming from his room
they said that he was crazy.                    
I thought to myself
not you too

It’s funny how you can be the villain in your own story,
and still save the day
What would people say
if they knew the truth
if they really new you

When they brought my dad out on a stretcher
into the freezing morning air
My heart died with you
and I thought
not you too

The radio is dead
But the static is calming still
The board games grew old and tired
When you started standing still

You stopped playing games
Started lighting fires
Told one lie as a child
Now you tell more to cover the others
Your a mess
Your a lot
But your never gunna let that bring you down

You tell yourself in a rearview mirror
In a parking lot of a 7-11
All your friends have grown distant
And you feel all alone
But you’ve never been happier

One day your young and fearless  
The next your old and frail
But just think of the stories you will tell
Faking a heart attack
To scare all the nurses
One day they won’t come
When you actually need them too

I keep listening to that voicemail
The one you left before you died
It’s a recorded nightmare
But it’s all you left behind
I play it when I miss you
I play it when I’m bored
I can’t contain it any longer
It makes me kind of sad
And then I listen even more
I don’t know
I guess I just miss you more and more
And when there’s no more tears to cry
I remember you telling me to hold my head up high
But then I listen to the voicemail
And I just die inside
Every time
I’m not alright
But I’ll be ok
Because tomorrows another day
But Ill still miss you anyway
But it’s ok
Because I have your voice forever to replay

Oh dear look at you
You look like you were just thrown away

Why don’t you go inside and wipe the night from your face

Stumbling In the early morning
Your breath smells of pain

You lay your head against the wall
And bite your lip and grin

You think to yourself
Tonight you have sinned

You don’t wanna be a lady
Your a queen and you don’t need saving

No king can hold you down
There’s only room for one crown

Don’t let them see you cry
They throw you around  

But it makes you feel alive
And isn’t that what it’s all about?

This thing called life

I don’t need a reason
I can lose my mind at anytime
This constant needing
For validation
Keeps me alive

And I can feel it
The change in the season
You don’t need a reason
To tell me Im a mess
You could die from this stress

And so it goes
Without consequences
Another broken heart
To add to the wall
They’re only trophies after all

I thought I saw,
My shadow moving on the wall
But Im standing still
I try to keep my cool
Wouldn’t you?

The credits start to roll
On the screen
But I stopped watching long ago
It’s too much like the real world
And it’s scary because it’s true

If You think for yourself
You’ll be locked up In a padded room
They won’t throw away the key
Just dangle it right out of reach
And you’ll still try to reach

You can’t help yourself
You wanna fix them all
But you keep falling apart
I’m the lock and your the key
Right out of reach

I thought I saw,
My shadow moving on the wall
But Im standing still
I try to keep my cool
Wouldn’t you?

It’s always out of reach
That dream I’ve always dreamed
To be somebody else
To be somewhere far away
With anyone who cares

And suddenly there’s a sound
The lights go out and it all goes dark
And then I see it, the picture starts to clear
And I’m where’s I’ve always wanted to be
But I didn’t make a wish

Then I wake up
I’m all alone in my bed
And it’s just another day
But I’m alive
So there’s that

I thought I saw,
My shadow moving on the wall
But Im standing still
I try to keep my cool
But I remembered I’m not cool

Took a tumble down a hole
It changed my world
Met my Alice
She was a wonderland
I was a mad hatter
And I lost my mind
But I found it in time
But not in time

We ain’t playing make believe
We ain’t kids
This is the real world
There are consequences
And we all have to live with them

And we start dancing
In a slow dance
And it feels so romantic
Until I remember what you said
And it all just starts pouring into me
This weight so heavy
And I just have to let it go
And speak from my Soul

We ain’t playing make believe
We ain’t kids
This is the real world
There are consequences
And we all have to live with them

You can’t hide away
You can’t shy away
You have to be present
Be here
Be here
Don’t ever leave again

And when the weight feels heavy
Share it with me
I won’t let you sink
Just trust in me
I won’t let you down

We ain’t playing make believe
We ain’t kids
This is the real world
There are consequences
And we all have to live with them

Who taught you how to ride a bike?
Always an interesting question
And by the way did I mention
The questionnaires at the end of a robo call message?
Anyway was it your dad?
Your mom?
Your step dad?
Your step mom?
Who taught you how to be you?
The shaper of you
Who made you the man you are?
The woman?
The the they/them/ all?
Who showed you how to throw a ball
To drive a car
To have an opinion on war
The director of the show staring you
What’s with the riots?
I’m sorry off track again
Who made you such a liar?
To make believe
To play a friend?
And how it does it really end?
Who taught you how to fall in love?
To treat a lady?
I wonder what they all must think
Those other liars
From another lie
From another place
From another time
Who taught you how how to ride a bike?
They still around?
Are they in your life?

Well to be honest
To this degree of severity
I have to tell you
This is not worth it
To write this line and that
To dance around the facts
I’m sorry and your sorry
And at best
It’s all just a lie
Told twenty times
times a million
Just a cute joke
Told over some smokes
Keep it cute like a game of war
Always a winner and loser
such is life

They call you crazy
But your no Ophelia
Just maybe,
This isn’t your first rodeo
And you haven’t learned how to be loved

So they call you crazy
When you act out and yell
Throwing dishes at the wall
They call you beautiful one day
And to much to handle the next

They don’t know you hate it,
When they call you baby
Your not a child anymore
To old for these games
But you play along anyway

You smoke cigarettes,
And you curse
You have ***,
And on occasion,
you’ve broken a few hearts before

But they call you crazy
When you don’t wanna talk anymore
When you lock yourself alone in the room
Where you sleep
And you dream of escaping

But they’d call you crazy
And just maybe your are?
Your crazy,
For doing the same thing over and over again

Another dusk comes
to swallow this world whole
And your left grappling
With whats no more
Turn the tv on and off
It’s always just the same
Someone playing a hero
while the bad guys get away
And you lay there out of body
Out of mind
It helps you pass the time
And when you get lonely
You can just look
Into the mirror
You’ll see a familiar face
He’s always saying leave this place
But you don’t listen
Because you never do
And now your telling
Your regrets to the moon
This place is heavy
Almost to much to bare
Your almost empty
Your fuel lights been on for days
You move forward
Inch by inch
Whatever it takes to drag your body
From this grave
And you look into the purple haze
As the dawn begins to bring a new day

You’re not a soldier
Not ready for war
This life is a battlefield
Some friends died long ago

See some new faces
But it never gets old
It’s OK to ask questions
Just do as you’re told

you’re not convinced I’ve changed
I’m not convinced I can
Went to leave a voicemail
It’s been full since Spring

It’s been a year
Since we burned down the house
Lost everything
Except for our self doubt

At least we killed all the ghost
They scared everyone away
A lot like your temper
still haunts me till this day

Said you’d quit drinking
threw all the alcohol out
Caught you the other day
Throwing hand sanitizer down

Pacing in your cage  
Always trying to get out
The door isn’t locked
You just hate going out

I’m not convinced you’ve changed
You’re not convinced you can
Said you were going to get cigarettes
It’s been a year since then

It’s been a year
since it all fell apart
this house is a crime scene
all torn apart

bodies everywhere
like Dahmer, it’s not fair
how can you just move on
while I’m stuck standing still

the doctor said I’m crazy
gave me these tiny pills
said take one once a day
it’s been a year

And when the mountain came to fall
These men, these weak men
Came groveling to the feet of women.
Offering riches, furs, and perfume
They kissed their feet like gods
They gave them everything
Until nothing was left
Be that a lesson to men
That women
Are the real rulers of this land

Driving north
In a Hyundai Santa Fe
It was cold and you had lost your way
Bruce Springsteen played softly
You could make out the words to
I’m on fire

And it fit so well
Like a glove that you found behind the seat
And you pulled your coat close
To hold in the heat
Could see your breath
Could feel your heart beat

And you drive
Like there is no tomorrow
And it feels like there may not be
And you laugh and I smile
Hold your breath
Make it last a while

Driving past the bar we grew up in
Another ghost story to tell
Put your money where you mouth is
Because I’m gunna drink like I’m gunna die
Don’t you lie
You miss this deep inside

And you aren’t even looking out
You lost in the traffic lines
And your focused on what could have been
Sure you’ve sinned
So has everybody else
Your not a hero

And you drive
Like there is no tomorrow
And it feels like there may not be
And you laugh and I smile
Hold your breath
Make it last awhile

Hold my hand out the window
Feel the wind in my fingers
Take a drag of my cigarette
And watch it run out the window
To a far away land
Somewhere out there

And when we reach our destination
Will we say our fake goodbye
And walk away into the unknown
Will we find what we set out to?
You know you think of it
When your driving all alone

And you drive
Like there is no tomorrow
And it feels like there may not be
And you laugh and I smile
Hold your breath
Make it last a while

Called me told me you were pregnant
I was on shrooms
I was dancing on stage in my mind
The light in my eyes
I was blind

You Said “I’m gunna have your baby,
But I don’t really know if that’s what I want”
I said
“You do what you think is best”

And you said
“I don’t think your where you wanna be
And me,
I can’t take care of myself”

This place is a mess
And at best
We’re  not where we need to be
And you see it in me
I know

Don’t wait for me
I’m far behind
I’m never gunna catch up

We ain’t ever gunna match up

Don’t wait for me
I’m long forgotten
I’m not gunna catch up
I’m not gunna be there when it ends

Fluffy rug
Soaked in wine
Stupid me
Spilled It without thinking
How dumb can I be?
Not a single thought
Or rhythm to why
This place is a media center
Judgment spreads so fast

Your not who you wanted to be
Your not even close
When you look at old photos of yourself you see a ghost

And you haunt your every dream
With doubts and insecurities

You float right through the ceiling
Can’t keep a steady path
Your losing faith in hoping

Stopped wearing that cross around your Neck and you kiss your mother still
You aren’t all that bad my friend

Your not a hero but you ain’t the villain
You want to be free
You want what you can’t get

Just hold on
And take it slow
This ride is almost over

Just a few more steps
You’ll be there
My friend
Hold on to the end

Had a sip of a sour beer at party
started talked down to kids
Made a speech about the future
Passed out in your parents bed

But you swear you wore a crown
And made demands
But those who were there know best
You were a joker in the end

So hold on My friend
Those funerals were reminders
Of where you could have been
Don’t be ashamed

Just hold on
And take it slow
This ride is almost over

Just a few more steps
And you’ll be home
You’ll be there
My friend
Hold on to the end

And you went home for the holiday
Saw an old love
You thought the flam went out so long ago
But it’s smoldering

And you sat on a stoop at your parents house In the early morning we said our peace Told secrets we had buried deep
What a night it was

Just hold on
And take it slow
This ride is almost over

I know you don’t wanna slow down
You reached the limits of this small town

Just a few more steps
And you’ll be home
You’ll be there
Hold on to the end

Knocked out
Fall down
Came from a small town
You never stood a chance

Take a break
Take a knee
How much more could you take?
Could you take me?

School dance
Last chance
To make a move
After high school
There are different rules

Your just trying to survive
Like the rest of us
You ain’t a hero kid
Your just like rest of us

Your gunna grow old
Your gunna get sick
Your gunna die
Your gunna be missed

You want to believe
But you don’t know how
Not when you know
How it all goes down

But you ain’t a hero kid
Don’t be a fool
You can’t win this war
It isn’t in you

Just take a seat
You’ll get you participation trophy
Don’t try to hard
The choice isn’t hard

Don’t make any sudden movements
They will sense your fear
Don’t let them know your weakness
They will tear you to pieces  

Your just trying to survive
Like the rest of us
You ain’t a hero kid
Your just like rest of us

Your gunna grow old
Your gunna get sick
Make jokes of it all
But the punchline is real

I’m  standing on a snowy mountain top
in Alaska
When my brother says he misses me
Says it’s been to long since I’ve come from the lower 48

And I’m sad to admit that’s it’s true
But through the rain I spit out
I say I’ll do better
But I never do

“It’s a shame I can’t stay longer”
I say to him
But I know that I don’t have the heart to wander away from my comfort zone

I’m headed up north to Alaska
To find some peace of mind
But I’m left feeling empty
Like I'm leaving what I set out to find

Heading north to Alaska
I’m going north to Alaska
Ive come and gone
But my heart is In Alaska

Saw the northern lights dance in the sky
Brought tears to my eyes
Kayaked through the pacific
Sea otters swam by my side

Saw mountain carry the sky
So tall I felt so small inside
It’s the last frontier
Its the last of the Best of the world

I’m headed up north
I’m going north to Alaska
Ive come and gone
But my heart is In Alaska

I’ve always had that feeling in my head
That nagging noise that I just can’t seem
To push away
thought I conquered it and made it out

But my thoughts keep tumbling and dancing in my head
I keep tripping and stumbling
In and out of my mind

But I can’t quit kick
That I feel so sick
And these thoughts keep haunting me
I can’t let it be

Because I got a feeling

It’s can’t be me
It’s got to be you
I ain’t the monster in this story
It’s got to be you

Because I got a feeling

It’s not what it seems
This life is a joke
Don’t take it seriously
You won’t make it out alive

Your a god among men
Do you see what you do?
How you self destruct?
Make it about you
I think that you don’t

Because I got a feeling

It’s can’t be me
It’s got to be you
But if your the villain
I’m the hero
And that wouldn’t be true

Because I got a feeling

For the pitiful man who steals a lighter
May he be a hero to another
The prince of sweet Justice
A flicker flame addict
A curse to whoever may show their flame
Give no curse to their name
They are but what you shall become
A lighter thief
No more no less
Just waiting till it’s your chance
To take is your right
your gift
Your crime of passion
No thought to your mind
A lighter thief you were always
Forever and now

I’m headed north to Alaska
Haven’t been there in years
To be in the presence of Beauty
But feel ugly inside
It’s a burden masquerading as a gift
And here’s the twist
I don’t know if I hate it

I’m going back to Alaska
Haven’t seen my brother
It’s been years
So much to catch up on
I only fear
It will be gone before I know it
And I’ll be flying home again

I’m on a plane going north again
It’s almost like I’m going home
There is a presence of family
Whatever that even means

The captain says we’re beginning our decent and it all sets in
Im not in Kansas anymore
Im not even in New Jersey
Im in Alaska once again
And it feels like home

It’s almost 11pm and the sun is still up
Im dancing in a circle in the woods
With family and music louder then words
I’m in Alaska
Hey what could be better?

I heard get ****** up then die in a song once and I felt that
It resonated in my soul
Found a home in the streets
Thought that’s where I’d grow old
And truth be told I miss those days
But as life goes you must keep pace
And traced out bodies from chalk
On the sidewalk wash away in the rain
But not this now
But not this anymore
Not this pain
It doesn’t wash away
You can’t just bleach it out
This pain will leave a stain

All spun out
Laying in a field
Playing 90s music on a Fm radio
Staring up at the shapeless clouds
Punching at thoughts I don’t want to think
Nauseous at the thought of 33
Pity party central
Calling all those lost
Join me to bask in horror
Always growing old
Never getting any younger

We were dreamers once
Conquerors of sand castles
And explores of blacktops
Captains of our own imagination
Inhabitants of a world not ours
Stumbling from each experience
To find ourselves lost
Belonging nowhere
and everywhere at once
We were the future
and now we are the past
Clenching to briefcases and money
Cars and Mortgage payments
Workplace Training videos
Love and Death
We were dreamers but we just dream now
Of better times
Old battles from the war on youth
Mistakes never forgiven
But never forgotten
Tilted back gazing into the void
Wondering where the child in you goes

My sister she’s been crying
Sad she’s a single mother
My nephews father he’s not gone
He’s just not around
And I guess she’s just sad
she had to move back to this small town  

What I wouldn’t give
To take her pain away
Take it out back and shoot it
Or light it on fire
And watch it burn up in flames

Either way there’d be a victim
There’s no winners in this game
Love is not for quitters
But we play anyway
Be nice if there were warnings
The bad guys always win
And the good guys always get away

She started smoking cigarettes again
I asked her for a smoke
We ended up talking for hrs
We laughed at how Life's a joke
She asked me if it ever gets better
I said I’ll let you know when I find out

I Said don't hold your breath
Just be happy with the time you get
What’s meant to be will be
And some other inspiring ****
I told her what I thought I’d like to hear

We’re all just living on this earth
Wondering how it will end
Waiting for our time to go
How lucky will the last ones be
To actually be the ones to know