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Jul 2022 · 74
Alaska
Anthony Esposito Jul 2022
I’m headed north to Alaska
Haven’t been there in years
To be in the presence of Beauty
But feel ugly inside
It’s a burden masquerading as a gift
And here’s the twist
I don’t know if I hate it

I’m going back to Alaska
Haven’t seen my brother
It’s been years
So much to catch up on
I only fear
It will be gone before I know it
And I’ll be flying home again

I’m on a plane going north again
It’s almost like I’m going home
There is a presence of family
Whatever that even means

The captain says we’re beginning our decent and it all sets in
Im not in Kansas anymore
Im not even in New Jersey
Im in Alaska once again
And it feels like home

It’s almost 11pm and the sun is still up
Im dancing in a circle in the woods
With family and music louder then words
I’m in Alaska
Hey what could be better?
Anthony Esposito Jul 2022
I heard get ****** up then die in a song once and I felt that
It resonated in my soul
Found a home in the streets
Thought that’s where I’d grow old
And truth be told I miss those days
But as life goes you must keep pace
And traced out bodies from chalk
On the sidewalk wash away in the rain
But not this now
But not this anymore
Not this pain
It doesn’t wash away
You can’t just bleach it out
This pain will leave a stain
Jul 2022 · 76
Pity party central
Anthony Esposito Jul 2022
All spun out
Laying in a field
Playing 90s music on a Fm radio
Staring up at the shapeless clouds
Punching at thoughts I don’t want to think
Nauseous at the thought of 33
Pity party central
Calling all those lost
Join me to bask in horror
Always growing old
Never getting any younger
Anthony Esposito Jul 2022
We were dreamers once
Conquerors of sand castles
And explores of blacktops
Captains of our own imagination
Inhabitants of a world not ours
Stumbling from each experience
To find ourselves lost
Belonging nowhere
and everywhere at once
We were the future
and now we are the past
Clenching to briefcases and money
Cars and Mortgage payments
Workplace Training videos
Love and Death
We were dreamers but we just dream now
Of better times
Old battles from the war on youth
Mistakes never forgiven
But never forgotten
Tilted back gazing into the void
Wondering where the child in you goes
Jun 2022 · 65
Don’t hold your breath
Anthony Esposito Jun 2022
My sister she’s been crying
Sad she’s a single mother
My nephews father he’s not gone
He’s just not around
And I guess she’s just sad
she had to move back to this small town  

What I wouldn’t give
To take her pain away
Take it out back and shoot it
Or light it on fire
And watch it burn up in flames

Either way there’d be a victim
There’s no winners in this game
Love is not for quitters
But we play anyway
Be nice if there were warnings
The bad guys always win
And the good guys always get away

She started smoking cigarettes again
I asked her for a smoke
We ended up talking for hrs
We laughed at how Life's a joke
She asked me if it ever gets better
I said I’ll let you know when I find out

I Said don't hold your breath
Just be happy with the time you get
What’s meant to be will be
And some other inspiring ****
I told her what I thought I’d like to hear

We’re all just living on this earth
Wondering how it will end
Waiting for our time to go
How lucky will the last ones be
To actually be the ones to know
Jun 2022 · 52
Slow motion
Anthony Esposito Jun 2022
I don’t like to dream
Because I might dream of you
And when I wake
It’s like losing you all over again

The walls come closing in
And the sound becomes so small
Slow motion sets in
And I’m not there anymore

Took a pill to fall asleep
Like giving candy to a baby
Washed it down with my favorite *****
It burns so good

Sleep in till noon
And when I wake
Just lay there thinking of you
They say your mind will betray you

My town is a mile long
Feels like a prison most of the time
There’s a sign that sits at the edge of town
It reads please come back again

And we always do
What were told to do
It gets old real fast
When you outgrow your past

Slow motion shuts off
And it all comes rushing back
And I'm back in the same old routine
Still dreading falling asleep
Apr 2022 · 76
Old man
Anthony Esposito Apr 2022
I feel like I’m an old man
Hunched over with a half smoked cigarette
clutched between my fingers
eyes straight ahead watching reruns of I love Lucy on Tv land at 10:30 on a Tuesday
Then I have an outer body experience
Im floating above my body looking down at this shell of a person
Who is this person I see?
Is it me?
Absolutely frightening
An Alcohol and pity filled sack
“Hey cut him some slack,”
I say to myself
“You don’t know what he’s been through.”
but I do cause it’s me
and it’s sad
cause it’s real
So at least there’s some beauty there
Apr 2022 · 77
Varsity
Anthony Esposito Apr 2022
Never made the football team
Because I didn’t try out
I wasn’t entitled to be mean
Doomed to be skinny and lanky
I made friends with the loner crowd
no cheerleader ****** and trophy’s galore
I ponder the decisions that led me to hear
Maybe if I tried out I’d be hosting the Oscars this year
Never got my varsity Jacket
Settled for one in the lost and found
Turns out the kid it belonged to ran away
Found out years later he died from an overdose
Now I’m pushing clocks and throwing back beers with the guys
Apr 2022 · 58
And When He Didn’t Wake
Anthony Esposito Apr 2022
On December 20th 2010 my father didn’t wake up. They said it was from a mix of medications he swallowed in the night. I envisioned a child eating candy in the dark hoping their mother wouldn’t find out. This was different. He was taking pain medication from an accident he endured years before and died alone. He had woken up every day prior in pain, and yet he stumbled out into the cruel world, and did his job to make his little money, and carried on with life. That morning when he didn’t wake up my sister found him. The alarm had gone off, and off, and off but he did not wake. She found him all alone. She’ll  carry that until the day she doesn’t wake up.
Apr 2022 · 75
Growing Up
Anthony Esposito Apr 2022
I grew up under the street lights
No cellphones
Our mothers called and we came home
Got my face bit off by a dog once
And I got the scars to prove it

Walked the streets like zombies
Loitering every chance we could get
When my father died my sister had this face I won’t forget

If this is growing up it’s not fun
To have aged but not have grown
Watching the ones you love go until your gone

Cheap headphones around my neck
Was never the cool kid
I took what I could get

I was the weird kid in high school
Still had times I won’t forget
Looking back it makes me laugh

If this is growing up it’s not fun
To have aged but not have grown
Watching the ones you love go until your gone
Apr 2022 · 66
Night Swim
Anthony Esposito Apr 2022
Young fools tiptoe in the dark
The moonlight dancing on their skin
Naked, vulnerable to the night
The stars their only witness

Clothes crashing to the floor
Bare to one another
Shy no more, they embrace
Only but for a second to have a taste

A toe shatters the cool still water
The ripples retreat outward
A night swim commences
Ambitions tossed aside

In this man made body of water
Two souls swim with the devil
Playful splashes give way to passion
A reflection of youth floats away
Anthony Esposito Apr 2022
Haven’t seen you writing in a while
Been stuck inside your brain
Painting pictures of your pain
The thing is your not a painter
None of it makes sense

Your supposed to be a writer
You  threw away your pen
Haven’t seen you writing since
Angry for no reason
Shouting at the wall

Started a fire in your apartment
When you set fire to your poems
Fire department said you were lucky
Landlord evicted you
So you live back home with your mom

She tells her friends “your recovering”
They say “from drinking?”
She says, “No, from art.”
Your not yourself anymore
Not without your work

You write from time to time
A word may escape from your mind
Find its way to paper
Only to find itself alone
Thrown away back into the void
Apr 2022 · 68
Heaven
Anthony Esposito Apr 2022
Said, “hey dad I’ll see you around.”
But I never did
You said, “Life gets better.”
But it never did.

Had a funeral
The whole family came
Never saw some of their faces again

Olivia’s  crying cause she’ll never get
Her father/daughter dance
She gave Eli your name for his middle
a walking tribute to you.

They said you went to Heaven
What’s that do for a kid?
Give hope to adolescence?
When I got older
I wish they never did

When something good happens
I point up to the sky
As if you had something o do with it
A small white lie

Don’t worry I learned to tie a tie
And to kiss a girl
To drive a car
And to drink to forget you

They said you went to Heaven
Said I’ll see you there soon
20 years later
Sometimes I think I see you
waiting just past the moon
Apr 2022 · 54
Small world
Anthony Esposito Apr 2022
They told me I have to grow up
as I’m throwing up the night before
all over the floor

Standing there watching the show
like I’m some sideshow freak
no idea the day of the week
or who I am anymore

Heard someone say rehab
so I tried  flying into the sun

Turns out it’s not a small world after all
No matter where you go
you’re past will follow
it’s a hard pill to swallow

They don’t teach you when you’re young the older you get
the easier it is to fake a smile
I stuck around for a while
just to show face  
                
Someone said they loved me
so I tried to run
but I flew too close to the sun

Turns out it’s not a small world after all
No matter where you go past will follow This life can be hard pill to swallow.
Apr 2022 · 92
Awakening
Anthony Esposito Apr 2022
Awakening
Quiet rumblings
Sleeping monster wakes inside me
Crawling out my spine
It’s in the very words
I use to hurt you

Keep your sudden movements tame
don't let it smell your fear
Quiet just be still
It’s complicated

I’ve been awaked
A Violent selfish fiend
Hibernating in me
It’s wide awake

Stumbling through the void
I’m afraid of what’s to come
Frighteningly excited
For what’s to be done

Just lean into it
Accept the sirens call
It’s taken hold of you
Embrace what’s to come
Apr 2022 · 63
Living in hell
Anthony Esposito Apr 2022
I’ve never been to California
But I don’t think that I’d like it
I’m the type to second guess
And I don’t think I’d make it
I’m so pessimistic
It eats me alive
But on a good day
I day dream
And It’s not so bad

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in hell
Im burning up
And I'm melting in place
At the same pace since forever
Just have to hope it gets better

Long car rides calm me down
I always say to myself
“This time I won’t come back.”
But I always do
So predictable
Always on cue

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in hell
And then I wake up
They say it’s gets easier
But maybe I’m tired of waiting

Singing along  to New Slang by the Shins
In some girls living room
Sharing the same headphones
I remember thinking
“This is what music should be.”
now we don’t even speak  

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in hell
Im burning up
And I'm melting in place
At the same pace since forever
Just have to hope it gets better
Mar 2022 · 146
We tell ourselves
Anthony Esposito Mar 2022
I never know what to say
In an awkward situation
I smile when I’m nervous
I don’t speak
I can get anxious
I’m tired of being tired
I’m sad from being sad so long

I feel like I’ve been standing still
Waiting in an endless line
An unknown destination
I wish I could leave my mind
Be anywhere but here

There is no cause for alarm
Everything will be fine
We tell ourselves
the funniest things sometimes  

What’s there to smile for
I say to myself in the mirror
Out of fear I agree
Say something smart and walk away
All my friends say I am weird
That’s ok cause I am
That’s the plan
To keep everyone away

There is no cause for alarm
Everything will be fine
We tell ourselves
the funniest things sometimes
Mar 2022 · 52
Missed call
Anthony Esposito Mar 2022
I call your phone
but you don’t answer
Your out there
dancing in the dark.
And some point in between
Drinking and
playing make believe
I make peace with it all
We’re not kids anymore
We can’t get away with bad words
They stick around
And they sting and sometimes
Make you want to rip out your heart
I left a voicemail once
Silent as the stars above
You didn’t respond anyway
I laugh at it now
When I’m feeling down
It makes me feel better
That it makes no sense
Just something I let
stain the walls of my head
Like a pacing tiger in a cage
I lay in my bed
the ceiling a stage
For the memory of what could have been
No missed calls
Not ever
not even once
The dial tone puts me to sleep
A lullaby of static brings peace
Just one more try before I go to sleep
I’m a glutton for punishment
A problematic trait
That describes me
Mar 2022 · 124
Always welcome
Anthony Esposito Mar 2022
You’re always welcomed to ask questions, but the answer?
I don’t think so.
You’re always welcomed  to get angry or frustrated,
but my response?
Is my own.
You’re always welcomed to have an opinion,
but to be shared
It can’t be assumed.
You’re always welcomed  to leave,
but to be chased
isn’t the truth.
Feb 2022 · 64
Happily
Anthony Esposito Feb 2022
Well the bar closes early on Mondays and they want us to leave.
So we stumble out into the night our hearts on our sleeves.
Partners in crime, we rob each other’s hearts.
But like each other’s Robin Hood,  we replace what was hurt.
And bury each other’s sadness deep in the dirt.

You can have my heart if you wanted.
I’d rip it out and happily hand it to you.
You can have my soul if you wanted.
I’d happily die, then live on without you.

The street lights are blinking, as we dance in the street.
No longer the villains of our own story.
We kiss under the street light
Your lips are a treat
A reward for this hell on earth.
I ponder what this life was before you.

You can have my heart if you wanted.
I’d rip it out and happily hand it to you.
You can have my soul if you wanted.
I’d happily die then live on without you.

Your laughing at your own jokes again.
The ride home is your stage, your the audience and comedian.
And I’m just in awe that your coming home with me.
Some say true love doesn’t exist.
But they haven’t bared witness to this.

You can have my heart if you wanted.
I’d rip it out and happily hand it to you.
You can have my soul if you wanted.
I’d happily die, then live on without you.
Dec 2021 · 412
God243
Anthony Esposito Dec 2021
A click away from banishment
A dystopian reality
Handcuffed to this roller coaster
I wish this was a dream
Plugged into this digital universe
Addicted to the screen
When I want people to know I’m angry
I tweet the angry emoji
High on notifications
Staying away from reality
Hiding behind a screen name
I Am God243
Oct 2021 · 73
Flatlining
Anthony Esposito Oct 2021
Flatlining on an incline
A car rolling, in a car crash
Rain pouring, storm overhead
This stories not my own
I am not the one to whom this pain belongs

It’s a sick joke
And this time I’m not the punchline
I’m just here
Flatlining on an incline

I’m alive but I feel dead inside
Like a ghost walking from room to room
I wonder if it’s to soon to assume
That anyone misses me

And just like that
I awake from a dream
Flatlining on an incline
In a hospital bed In New Jersey
Oct 2021 · 363
Dribble, Dribble, Dribble
Anthony Esposito Oct 2021
Dribble, Dribble, Dribble
The child bounces his ball, as the blacktop sizzles
The air choking from the heat, as the child's Nike's dance in the street
The sky a perfect blue, mixed with some clouds, maybe one or two
Dribble, Dribble, Dribble
The child is bound to the block
Made a promise to his mother to stay on the sidewalk
But promises are sometime broken
Dribble, Dribble, Dribble
From East to West
The child curiosity may have gotten the best
Out from his mothers watchful gaze, he is put to the test
Dribble, Dribble, Dribble
A shopkeeper watches the child go by
Reminds him of his son
Especially his smile.
Dribble, Dribble, Dribble
Past the child's middle school crush
Pink bow in her hair, matches her blush
Passes the ball through his legs, a teenage lush.
Dribble, Dribble, Dribble
One foot off the sidewalk, a tire screeches and swivels
Dribble, Dribble, Drop
The ball puttered to a slow stop
Anthony Esposito Oct 2021
When your English teacher said you could write they lied.
When they said your work was far beyond those in your class, they meant similar.
All those sleepless nights just to write the perfect sentence, only for them not to acknowledge your plights.
When you wanted great you got good.
When you wanted to excel you floundered below.
To bask in their gaze of approval was your dream.
A nightmare of disapproval was your reality.
In the back of the class you wrote till your fingers went numb.
Juggling words for your poetic symphony circus.
All to be told it wasn't enough.
But you, you had earned this.
This grit and that tough.
A words man found like a diamond in the rough.
In the trenches of your English class.
Your Teacher was lying when they said you weren't good enough.
Aug 2021 · 72
Chemtrails
Anthony Esposito Aug 2021
Some kids followed rainbows
I followed the chemtrails
And at the end there was no gold
Just darkness and cold
And a headstone that read
Adolescence was dead.

And in the fall they shipped you out
to boarding school
Just so they could play rich
Every story that they told
Was a lie so you’d grow old
And not question anything.

And in your eyes
I see the chemtrails again
From that day
When you lost your innocence
Staring up into the sky
And you swore you felt alive

Still have the yearbook
where you wrote me that message
Haven’t opened it in years
We haven’t talked since that fight
About the plane ticket and flight
And how this was probably our last night

And in your teary eyes
I see the chemtrails again
From that day
When you lost your innocence
Staring up at the sun
I remember it was fun
Aug 2021 · 61
Wild man
Anthony Esposito Aug 2021
Had big dreams
They told ya you were crazy
You planted the seeds
But they never got to growing
Just dying weeds

In a small town
They tried to **** your dreams
A wild man they made you seem
I guess you can be considered
Crazy even in your dreams

Bartender raising two kids
Just trying to make ends meet
Wild man giving you a hard time
He just wants a drink
An escape from living on the streets

Everyone tries to ignore him
But he demands attention
Shouts when he speaks
Owner says pay him no mind
He’s been doing this all week

There’s a brush fire
Out on the hill
Started by a wild man
He has some crazy ideals

The smoke sticks to your skin
Ruins everything
Like the pep rally
He would have cheered for the other team
He was in love with the head cheerleader
Married her in his dreams

Went out drinking with the boys
If your gunna do something do it right
He took the car out
Like a wild man into the night

And at the funeral they bowed their heads
The priest says something nice
There’s talks amongst his friends
About a wild man who met his end
He was a wild man until the end
May 2021 · 441
Bora Bora
Anthony Esposito May 2021
Black cloud over you
Your a prisoner to you
Stuck in your mind
So many times
You’ve lost count

You’ve seen better days
In many ways
This is an ok day for you
Can’t seem to do anything
This has got the best of you

So let’s take that trip
To Bora Bora.
Let’s just runway from here.
We can go anywhere but here.

I Said the wrong thing
It wasn’t your fault I swear
It didn’t mean anything
Just a funny joke
That didn’t land where it was supposed to

Oh it may be harder then it looks.
Maybe the answers aren’t in those books
Medication doesn’t taste that good to you
I’m on your side but pull the trigger if it would make you feel good.

So let’s take that trip
To Bora Bora.
Let’s just runway from here.
We can go anywhere but here
Mar 2021 · 72
Devoured
Anthony Esposito Mar 2021
You smoke menthol
and I don’t
You don’t laugh
but I do
I only just met you
But I feel like Ive always known you
Your not from this part of town
Your not even from this state
And I miss you even when you’ve only gone out of site from my face
But that’s silly you’d say
Because you’ll never feel that way
About me or anyone
It’s you, and your all alone
In the fantasy you see in your head
So we bond while we self medicate
Become who we’ve grown to hate
The mirror ain’t lying
That’s you, you see dying
Wake up from this terrible dream
The mall parking lot
has stretched out and devoured
What’s left of the suburbs
And the people live in towers so high
While you laugh as you cry
Don’t go into the light
Feb 2021 · 77
Home
Anthony Esposito Feb 2021
What if you were the skeletons in your own closet
And waiting for someone to come find you and wake you up
But when they do, you wish you could go back
To pretending like everything was fine,
there in the pitch black

You wanna make this work
But it harder then it looks
They don’t tell you this in school
Sometimes I know life seems cruel
But you just be cruel right back
Don’t ever look back

You float together like ghosts
Over the whole **** world
As you watch it burn, you think
But God does this feels like home

A triggered kid in the cross walk
An Altima with a judgmental face behind the steering wheel
Oh to feel like a kid again
To feel rebellious and alive again

To roam this town like a wondering gypsy
Till the shadows danced on the pavement
To be naive to a broken heart
Or to learn how to wield it

You float together like ghosts
Over the whole **** world
As you watch it burn, you think
but God does this feels like home
Feb 2021 · 221
Superman
Anthony Esposito Feb 2021
I wish I could be like Superman.
Causing destruction everywhere I go, yet people cheer for me.

A symbol for peace, and all that's right, yet I occasionally take down a building.

I want people to chant my name, and call for me when they need me.
relish in my site, and think of me when I'm not around.

I want to be Superman for all of his short comings.
I want to wear the S
Feb 2021 · 64
Push it down
Anthony Esposito Feb 2021
These cages are over flown
This rage has no home
It’s just dragged from place to place
And you can see it on each face

They don’t know where they belong
But they go on and on
And they don’t complain at all
And it all just seems so out of control

You gotta find some stability
Im grasping at air
Im pulling out my hair
No escape from what we know

So far it a horror show
We are scared by what we know
There is no calm here anymore
Say goodbye to what you know

If you once believed in love
Just throw that away and push it down
I don’t know why you blame yourself
You were born into this hell

I welcome you to figure it out
We’ve tried and look where we ended up
Just push it down and let it go
Don’t let them tell you what you know

Just push it down and let it go
They can’t tell you who you are
Just push it down and let it go
You aren’t in Kansas anymore
Dec 2020 · 61
Fate
Anthony Esposito Dec 2020
In what was his fifth cigarette of the night, the boy lit it like clockwork at 11::00pm on the dot. The smoke hovered around his head for a moment before evaporating.    He stared up at the black canvas sky that was empty, besides a few stars that shown through the dark. What a sad sight Indeed.
All the light pollution from the city made it impossible to see barely any stars on any given night. The boy knew this, but was always disappointed still.

   There was no mini mart, just an office with a bathroom and a small heated booth outside with a cash registers and a chair. The gas pumps lay untouched for a few hours now. The gas station was always slow at this time but tonight was especially slow. The boy kept busy by sweeping the ground every now and then.
The station was off the highway near an exit ramp, in an area with few people, and nothing really worth stopping for. It was almost a god send when a car would roll through now and then and get some gas. Even still, no one seemed to be making their way to this station tonight.

   A few hrs had passed and finally the silence was broken around 1:05am when an old black charger came off the exit and rolled into the station. The boy was in his little booth, watching the car slowly pull along side pump number 2. He pulled the sliding door of his booth open and walked up to the car. The driver side window slowly rolled down about half way.
A cloud of cigarettes smoke barreled out and a red ember lit the darkness. A strong smell that reminded the boy of the aftershave his father used to wear hit his nose. A man sat dressed in black and wearing sunglasses. Music played in the background, low enough just to make out something was playing.

Hey.

How you doing tonight sir?

Oh, just fine, just fine. Fill her up Regular.

Ok. Just gotta let you know the credit machine is down. So we can only take cash tonight.

The machine had been broken since the boy got on shift. The guy he took over for said it broke and he didn’t know how to fix it, neither did the boy, but he knew the manger knew how. But he wouldn’t be in until the morning.


Well that’s an inconvenience, don’t you think?

Yeah, I’m sorry but I can’t fix it until my manger comes in, and that won’t be until the morning.

You don’t say?

Yea, I apologize.

What if I don’t got any cash?

I’m sorry but I wouldn’t be able to help you.

   The man in the driver seat stared into the boys eyes. An emptiness exuded from him. He wore glasses and yet they still pierced through him. The smoke hovered around him, almost stagnant and he sat in this cloud of smoke just gazing.
The boy was taken back.
He gathered himself and said again:

If you have cash I can help you, If not I can’t give you any gas.

Yeah, I heard you the first time.

I guess I have to give you cash then, huh?

Yeah, again I’m sorry man.

Don’t be sorry,  not yet. It’s not right yet,
You haven’t earned it.

I’m sorry?

   The boy felt the uneasiness creep through him. He started to get anxious. The emptiness of the station started to feel much larger than before.
  The man in the driver seat sat silent. The low humming of the radio broke through the awkward silence. The music  ate through the tension like white noise. No one was coming anytime soon, it was clear.

You the only one here?

  The boy looked confused and was over the questions.

Yea, I’m working the graveyard shift. You want gas or no?

Don’t be rude. You ain’t got the right.

Listen, if you don’t want gas i don’t know what I can do for you.

You got cigarettes?

Yes.

Oh, so you can help me after all.

If you have cash, yes.

Oh, your really not being helpful. It’s a shame.

I’m sorry. I told you the machine was broken, and I can't fix it without the manager.

Yeah, I heard you.

   The lights buzzed above head. The wind was still. It was as if the driver and the boy were the only one out there, maybe even the only ones left on earth to the boy. Fear ran through him. He kept hoping someone else would come driving down off the exit ramp. He kept looking for head lights, but nothing.
And then like it was never even on, the music stopped. The window rolled all the way down. The man sat in silence, smirking. He ran his hands through his brittle dark brown hair. He turned and looked to the dark to his right. Taking stock, he turned and looked back into the boys eyes.

You believe in fate kid?

Not really.  Do want gas or no?

Forget about the gas.

What do you mean?

It ain’t important anymore. Do you believe in fate, is the question right now.

What do you mean, do you want gas or no?

Don’t worry about the gas I said!
******* it, forget about the gas!
I asked about fate. What do you have to say about fate?
Why is it always about gas with you?
Don’t be a fool kid.
Now I’m trying to help you. If you don’t want my help then hey, just say so.

I don’t want any trouble man.

Fate brought me here kid. So trouble found you whether you wanted it to or not.

Now I’m gunna ask you one more time.
Do you believe in fate?



  The sun was barely up when the manager pulled in off the exit ramp and into the station. He was surprised he didn’t see the boy at first but thought nothing of it. He checked the office but it was empty. The boys car sat where it always did.
He saw nothing that was out of the ordinary. He observed that the cash register had not been touched, and it had appeared as if no one had really come through, which was the case most nights. Everything was how it should have been, except the boy  was nowhere to be found.
He did think to himself it was weird the boy was not there. It was very unlike him to just leave before his shift was over, especially without his car.
Yet he could not be found anywhere near or around the gas station.                                          The manager decided he should call the boys parents. They said they had not seen him, and said he hadn’t come home yet. The manager decided he should call the police.


   The officer stood beneath the station roof. Sunglasses on. Pants pulled up. Badge glistening in the morning sunlight. He was questioning the manger.

Could it have been he just went home?

No sir, I called his parents. They said he hadn’t come home. And even if he did, I don’t think he would leave his car here

Oh. Does he do this normally?

No sir, he’s a pretty reliable kid.

Any signs something could have went wrong? Cameras?

No sir. We don’t have cameras,  never got them installed. It’s just not like him, you see. I’m Just worried is all.

I can understand that. Can’t really do much unless his parents file a missing persons report.

Well he had to have gone somewhere. He couldn’t have vanished. It’s so unlike him.

The manager could tell the officer would be no help. But he could feel it in his gut. The kid woldn’t have just left. Something was wrong.
The officer stood staring at the cloudless sky.
He cleared his throat and rubbed the sweat from his forehead.

You know sometimes people just leave.
Sometimes it’s just fate. It just happens, people just up and decide they want to live a different life. No word to their families or nothing. I’ve seen it before. Maybe this is that?

The manger didn’t respond. He knew that couldn’t have been it. He knew the boy. This wasn’t like him.
What could have happened?
Where did he go?
May 2020 · 73
Drive
Anthony Esposito May 2020
A dark and lonely road
A cars headlights hit the dark like snow
A song you hate but play again and again
No plan or direction just leather in your hand

Just drive
Just drive into the night
Thoughts dancing In your head
You just want to feel alive

Just drive
Leaving all of this behind
Your memories of ghost
Don’t look back if you want to survive

Street lights dancing in your eyes
Like stars hanging from the sky
You just drive
Just drive into the night

Nobody knows where you are
Nobody asked where you were
Nobody seems to care
I know your driving somewhere out there
Anthony Esposito May 2020
Lighting struck the field
And fire started to spread
And everyone ran for the hills

But not you
Not now
You stood like a Queen without a crown

As the winds fanned the flames
The smoke chocked the air
A smile overtook your face

What joy
It brought to you
To watch the world burn

The moon light shined down
And the stars seemed closer then ever
And you stood like a goddess consumed in pleasure

The people doused the flames with water
But in the end it was In vane
The crops had been destroyed

Was this God?
Was this fate?
To you it did not matter.

This is the part where you find yourself
This is life on earth
This is not the end

When the sun finally appeared
There were only ashes
There were only tears

But not you
No fear
You haven’t seen the sky so blue in years

This is the part where you find yourself
This is life on earth
There is nothing else

This is the part where you find yourself
This is life on earth
This is not the end
May 2020 · 57
There is nowhere on earth
Anthony Esposito May 2020
The universe is big
Just like this room
Your on the other end of the bar
Feels like miles apart

This dim light is comforting
The loud noise is deafening
But when I see you
It all goes mute

There is nowhere on earth
That I would rather be then right now
I could not imagine any other way
With any other soul but you
The only thing that’s real is you

This cigarette taste great
Your lips taste better
No amount of alcohol could make you look any better than you do right now

A street light
A crowded street
Your eyes focused on me
The city never sleeps

There is nowhere on earth
That I would rather be then right now
I could not imagine any other way
With any other soul but you
The only thing that’s real is you

I don’t pray
but I would pray for you
Make this last forever
I only want you

I caught fire
You sparked the flame
My heart was the rag
And you were the gasoline

There is nowhere on earth
That I would rather be then right now
I could not imagine any other way
With any other soul but you
The only thing that’s real is you

These cold dark nights
Always end up teaching us things
Like how to fall in love
And what it all could mean

They don’t tell you to watch out for it
And how it sneaks up on you
Sometimes it comes to you as a girl
On the other side of the room

There is nowhere on earth
That I would rather be then right now
I could not imagine any other way
With any other soul but you
The only thing that’s real is you
May 2020 · 63
Switch
Anthony Esposito May 2020
Prom queen without a crown
Stuck in a small town
Her dreams got away faster than she could run
Always wondering of what he’s become
She always falling a step behind
Harboring memories of bad times

Someone pulled the switch in her basement
Now her souls gone dark
She needs some light
she needs a fire, burning in her heart.
This ain’t make believe anymore
This is growing up.

Had Big dreams of a city
Saw yourself living there
But there ain’t no skyscrapers you can see from here
the bar gets crowded from time to time
But there ain’t much action there.

You tell yourself it gets better then this
As you knocked another back.
And as it hits your lips it takes you back
To that place and that kiss.
That touch that you miss.

Someone pulled the switch in her basement
Now her souls gone dark
She needs some light
she needs a fire, burning in her heart.
This ain’t make believe anymore
This is growing up.
Jan 2020 · 79
The good times
Anthony Esposito Jan 2020
Well you swallowed your class in that last whiskey glass
As the lights began to rise.
And they’re calling last call
As your calling out
For someone to play your favorite song.
Oh long nights I remember
Most I want to forget
But I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Born in 89
About time I’ve found the time
To witness so much beauty
In the face of another.
Have another glass.
Calm your nerves at last
And try to remember
Where you’ve been and who’ve you loved.
Cause time passes.
Just ask our parents, parents.
Just try to remember the good times.
Dec 2019 · 77
On from there
Anthony Esposito Dec 2019
He had gold  watch
And wedding ring
From a marriage that was over
A few kids
And a life to live

He went to sleep
And never woke up again
And he left behind everything

Just some memories
And a face that gets blurry at times
Photographs and sentimental things
I am always thinking of him

Hey bartender pour another shot
And take me away from here
I could use a little immunity from fear
Some courage to remember
Some will to forgive
It is what it is.
Dec 2019 · 145
The rain came
Anthony Esposito Dec 2019
In what was probably fate, the rain came.
Crashing down on roof tops and side walks.
But today of all days?
it figures with my luck.
Never sun shine and no traffic.
Just rain and red lights.

I hate the rain.
I wish it would go away.
Maybe I should do a rain dance and make it disappear.
Mr. Rain man they would call me.

Calling it on account of rain.
I’m not available.
The rain came and ruined it all.
Dec 2019 · 113
Slow dance
Anthony Esposito Dec 2019
It was a slow dance in the dark
That would lead to a broken heart
Though at the moment it was real and pure.

A castle we both built from love
A high you’ve never felt before
And as it crumbled we watched from a far.

We were so alive
We thought we knew it all
But what did we know?
We’re did we go wrong?

It was a slow dance in the dark
That would lead to a broken heart
Though at the moment it was real and pure.

So how can this be?
How did we end up here?
Do we really not get a happy ending?
Do we just walk away?

It was a slow dance in the dark
That would lead to a broken heart
Though at the moment it was real and pure.

Can we have just one more slow dance?
Can we please just go back
To the dark
To one more slow dance.
Sep 2019 · 70
A show
Anthony Esposito Sep 2019
There’s a girl
That I know
That I love
Does it show?
She’s so warm
I’m so cold
Will it work?
I don’t know.

What do we know?
What  can we possibly know?
Is it all specilation?
It’s all a show.

Take a bow.
Your trick worked.
You’ve fooled them all.
What a show.
What a script.
You followed it so well.
Right down to the point.
You ought to know.
I don’t know.

What do we know?
What can we possibly know?
It’s all speculation
It’s a show
Sep 2019 · 145
The way
Anthony Esposito Sep 2019
You are always on my mind
And I am always in a daze
Thinking of yesterday and tomorrow
I am searching for
A sign to show me
And all I’m askin for
Is a sign to show me
Show me the way

And all I know is what I’ve seen
And only I know what I believe
So I am searching for a sign
To show me the way
And all I’m asking for
Is a sign to show me the way
Sep 2019 · 131
For this moment now
Anthony Esposito Sep 2019
The burden of reality starts to set in
You start to realize what this has been
You pull the mask off of this fake conciseness

And start to tip toe through this murky **** show
Shadows on the wall start to take shape
Your paranoid agenda starts to shift

Taking aim at all of your bad memories
I wish that I could pick your mind
To see which one of them is of me.

So let go

Cursing the past in whispers and screams
Blaming others instead of  taking the blame
Your sky is getting grey
The sun has gone away
Your finding it gets darker everyday

You pick and analyze
Judge and repeat
Curse and belittle
Your anger is burrowing  deep
I wish you only peace

So let go

Imagine the possibility
Of living life as if it were a dream
And being at peace like it came easily
Dancing through life like you see on tv
No anger or sadness just being happy.
The temptations are real
And so is this life
I hope your realize sooner than not.

So let go
Sep 2019 · 78
Someone’s Son
Anthony Esposito Sep 2019
I am someone’s son
But know I am more
We are from somewhere and someone.
A life from another
A passing of a torch
A gift from above or something of the sort

You are someone’s daughter
You belong to her
Untill your grown and gone
And she’s left all alone

Some of us never knew our  fathers
Some  of us wish we did
But it doesn’t matter
Maybe it never did.

I am someone’s son
I am someone’s torch
I am am someone’s reason to carry forth
And we go on.
Aug 2019 · 132
Douchebag
Anthony Esposito Aug 2019
My coworker called me a ******* today.
It hurt, but I guess that’s ok.

I’ll carry it with me like I do most things, on most days.

On my way home from work, with the sun glaring in my eyes, the red light stared me down.
A nagging thought followed me back to my town.

I’m not a ******* I thought.

Back at the place where I lay my head.
My dinner sits cold on the table.
My mind spinning with a single, torturous thought.

I am not a *******.

The night comes, as it always does.
The sun hides away, while the moon comes out to play.

As I sit in the dark, focused on the infinite darkness.
I can’t help but think.

I am not a *******.
Jul 2019 · 106
Lost on me
Anthony Esposito Jul 2019
‘Twas a gust of wind against my face
That woke me to the evil of this place
And I knew from that moment on
I would live to hate the wonder and charm
It was lost on me
Something was lost in me
Quiet screams inside my head
You wish you knew what was said
But this silcence is all you get
And your angry stare and look of shock
It was lost on me
Something was lost in me
So we separate and leave the dust unsettled
All was lost on me
Something was lost in me
Jun 2019 · 129
I must go.
Anthony Esposito Jun 2019
Little light in the dark
Guid me home,
Don’t leave me all alone.
Away from here very far
To a place I’d adore.
I can’t igore how I feel.
This love isn’t real.
No more.
No more.
I must go.
Beating heart please be still
I can’t take anymore
I need peace and quite
To remember how to breath.
I need love  and affection to remember what is real.
No more.
No more.
I must go.
And to think I thought I loved you.
And to believe in something untrue
Is a heartbreak I wish on no one.
Not even you.
No more.
No more.
I must go.
Jun 2019 · 112
The garden
Anthony Esposito Jun 2019
My mothers always asking me to **** her garden.
Always nagging me about the garden.
I shrug and moan but always fold.
I always end up weeding the garden.

The twisted vine spread all about.
Hot sun beating down on my brow.
Every root I pull pulls back somehow.

The dirt on my gloves caked and cold.
The sweat tortures me so.
This garden is my enemy now.

I plot against it in my sleep.
Thinking of ways to end my grief.
Poison? Maybe, I don’t know!

I hate this garden but I will conquer it!
I will tear it apart untill it’s clean.
Free from green death.
Over bearing shrubs!

My mother’s always asking me to **** her garden.
And somehow I always do.
Always out in the lifeless heat.
Always out on my feet.

Goodbye garden, see you next season.
The war will begin again.
The nagging.
The garden.
Jun 2019 · 293
You
Anthony Esposito Jun 2019
You
If I could draw you a picture
So beautiful, so lovely.
Of you.
And only you.
I would draw it and lay it beside you.
You.
And only you.
Cast a spell.
And spread  it upon you.
Wrap you up in my arms,
And never let you go.
You.
And only you.
From now untill forever,
It’s just you.
And only you.
I love you.
And Only you.
May 2019 · 120
A little story
Anthony Esposito May 2019
I am not fine.
I am not ok.
I exist and that is it.
I’m am tired.
I am worn.
I have walked this path before.
And this cold and lonely pace
Reminds me of what I hate.
And I keep it at the surface instead of forgotten  like a dream.
And you can’t make it disappear.
And you can’t make it any better.
Your on your own.
But it’s not like it’s the first time.
You have a gift
Of knowing what you know now.
And you exist like a ghost amongst the living.
And it’s an easy choice to turn back once you see this.
But you go on.
Cause your strong.
A hero of your own story now you know.
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