When your near and I stare into your eyes
I wonder
What do you carry with you?
Are these burdens heavy?
Do they weigh you down?
Is that why you feel like an anchor
Stuck in this small town?
You write cute poems in a notebook
Carry it everywhere
Say no one understands you
Do you understand yourself?
I wonder what you carry
And if it’s holding you back
This life is heavy sometimes
You wear it on your back
You said your mother used to hit you
Your father was checked out
And from a young age you were angry
Played the devils hand at every chance.
And you acted like a devil
But said when true evil crossed your path
You felt pity instead of fear
You said you could feel
the baggage on their back.
And I wonder what you carry with you
Does your load haunt your soul
Is the burden heavy
Does it drag you into the undertow?

Been dancing by yourself
In the dark
For too long.
Always in a bad space
Head is filled with
Too much sad.
But every now and then
You smile
But you take it back
Like it was a bad word
And you are a child.
I’ve watched you stare
Out into stars
Waiting for someone
To pull you down.
Like your stuck in this world
In a giant waiting room
To be picked
But you just
Sit and wait.
And it’s eating you alive
But your bones are strong you say,
They’re not gunna get you
Not like this.
They had you on suicide watch
Behind glass like an animal
Pacing back and forth
But this ain’t a zoo
It’s your life.
So you keep dancing in the dark
All alone
Like a star of your own show
It’s easy when you know,
This is as good as it gets.

How could we be creators of such great love
And then just let it go?
We should be ashamed
How could we say to each other
That we would never leave
And then one day never speak again
Not even as friends
It’s sad and it’s a shame
To have loved so hard and thrown it all away
Killers of the greatest love the world has ever known
And now it’s like it never even happened
A memory not even good enough to haunt me
And so it stirs above in the stars
With every other love that’s died and been forgotten
A universe of killers of love

In a basement apartment
You fester with your demons
Till they tear right through
Been angry for to long
Nothing makes sense anymore
Wide eye expression when you turn on the lights
You keep it dark to hide from the light
Her memory creeps into your mind like poison in the night
It happens every time
Stretching through your veins likes vines
What is the remedy
To heal the enemy
That’s living within you
You’ve seen better days
You weren’t always this way
Is there a cure?
A friend had mentioned religion
Said you should prey to God
But you don’t believe
And you probably never did
Your not the type to be saved
Your mother tried when you were young
To give you faith
But it didn’t stick
It only made you sick
Pushed you in the direction of foul things
What is the remedy
To heal the enemy
That’s living within you
You’ve seen better days
how you’d wish to be
Back there
Back anywhere but here

Your feet in the sand
Of a beach
on the other side of the world
And I can’t understand
How you made past the front door

Im caught up in the in between
I can’t make it past the start
I don’t even know where that is
It’s something out of a dream

So when the  bc phone doesn’t ring
Im not surprised
I don’t know why
I even have this thing

In a catatonic state
To busy to eat
But so much time on my hands
It’s a wonder I can even speak

Don’t let the monster out
I keep telling myself
Keep it buried deep
But it wants to feed

Don’t let the monster out
Oh what fun we could have
Keep it buried deep
Don’t listen when it speaks

Oh but it’s so convincing
Knows just what to say
I don’t dare to release it
It wants to eat

I come home to an empty apartment
Your not there again
And I’m left with the stars and the moon spinning in my head

I used to love you
Now I hate you
And I don’t remember it happening
But it did

Your not who you said you were
Your a liar
Or I’m a fool
I prefer the former
I’m to selfish myself

I used to walk Side by side with you
Now I feel miles apart
You used to hold a special place in my heart
Now it’s just darkness and pain

I used to love you
Now I hate you
Your a bad memory
I wish that I could forget you
Like you forgot me

oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
This wasn’t part of the plan
To fall in love with a narcissist
And be the one who only thinks of themselves

I’m in shock
Shake me off
I need to get back to myself
This really isn’t me
Im a shell of my former self

Oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
Someone wake me
Am I still dreaming?
It’s a joke
But at least the punchline is funny

I showed you mine
And you took it and ran
Past the finish line with my heart in your hand
You showed me yours
that day

Oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
The man on the corner was screaming
“What happened to my country”
As you were saying something cynical
“It’s always been this way.”

The dreams all came here to die
We all make it up as we go along
Waiting for that burning sun to go out
We’ll all have such a good time

We follow the ambulance sirens
Just to see something real
Just adding fuel to the fire
And you asked
How does it make you feel?

Oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
This wasn’t part of the plan

When I was younger I thought that I could fly
And  one day I tried
all my dreams came crashing down
along with myself
That was the day I learned
life was a lie.

When they came and took my friend kicking and screaming from his room
they said that he was crazy.                    
I thought to myself
not you too

It’s funny how you can be the villain in your own story,
and still save the day
What would people say
if they knew the truth
if they really new you

When they brought my dad out on a stretcher
into the freezing morning air
My heart died with you
and I thought
not you too

The radio is dead
But the static is calming still
The board games grew old and tired
When you started standing still

You stopped playing games
Started lighting fires
Told one lie as a child
Now you tell more to cover the others
Your a mess
Your a lot
But your never gunna let that bring you down

You tell yourself in a rearview mirror
In a parking lot of a 7-11
All your friends have grown distant
And you feel all alone
But you’ve never been happier

One day your young and fearless  
The next your old and frail
But just think of the stories you will tell
Faking a heart attack
To scare all the nurses
One day they won’t come
When you actually need them too

I keep listening to that voicemail
The one you left before you died
It’s a recorded nightmare
But it’s all you left behind
I play it when I miss you
I play it when I’m bored
I can’t contain it any longer
It makes me kind of sad
And then I listen even more
I don’t know
I guess I just miss you more and more
And when there’s no more tears to cry
I remember you telling me to hold my head up high
But then I listen to the voicemail
And I just die inside
Every time
I’m not alright
But I’ll be ok
Because tomorrows another day
But Ill still miss you anyway
But it’s ok
Because I have your voice forever to replay

Oh dear look at you
You look like you were just thrown away

Why don’t you go inside and wipe the night from your face

Stumbling In the early morning
Your breath smells of pain

You lay your head against the wall
And bite your lip and grin

You think to yourself
Tonight you have sinned

You don’t wanna be a lady
Your a queen and you don’t need saving

No king can hold you down
There’s only room for one crown

Don’t let them see you cry
They throw you around  

But it makes you feel alive
And isn’t that what it’s all about?

This thing called life

I don’t need a reason
I can lose my mind at anytime
This constant needing
For validation
Keeps me alive

And I can feel it
The change in the season
You don’t need a reason
To tell me Im a mess
You could die from this stress

And so it goes
Without consequences
Another broken heart
To add to the wall
They’re only trophies after all

I thought I saw,
My shadow moving on the wall
But Im standing still
I try to keep my cool
Wouldn’t you?

The credits start to roll
On the screen
But I stopped watching long ago
It’s too much like the real world
And it’s scary because it’s true

If You think for yourself
You’ll be locked up In a padded room
They won’t throw away the key
Just dangle it right out of reach
And you’ll still try to reach

You can’t help yourself
You wanna fix them all
But you keep falling apart
I’m the lock and your the key
Right out of reach

I thought I saw,
My shadow moving on the wall
But Im standing still
I try to keep my cool
Wouldn’t you?

It’s always out of reach
That dream I’ve always dreamed
To be somebody else
To be somewhere far away
With anyone who cares

And suddenly there’s a sound
The lights go out and it all goes dark
And then I see it, the picture starts to clear
And I’m where’s I’ve always wanted to be
But I didn’t make a wish

Then I wake up
I’m all alone in my bed
And it’s just another day
But I’m alive
So there’s that

I thought I saw,
My shadow moving on the wall
But Im standing still
I try to keep my cool
But I remembered I’m not cool

Took a tumble down a hole
It changed my world
Met my Alice
She was a wonderland
I was a mad hatter
And I lost my mind
But I found it in time
But not in time

We ain’t playing make believe
We ain’t kids
This is the real world
There are consequences
And we all have to live with them

And we start dancing
In a slow dance
And it feels so romantic
Until I remember what you said
And it all just starts pouring into me
This weight so heavy
And I just have to let it go
And speak from my Soul

We ain’t playing make believe
We ain’t kids
This is the real world
There are consequences
And we all have to live with them

You can’t hide away
You can’t shy away
You have to be present
Be here
Be here
Don’t ever leave again

And when the weight feels heavy
Share it with me
I won’t let you sink
Just trust in me
I won’t let you down

We ain’t playing make believe
We ain’t kids
This is the real world
There are consequences
And we all have to live with them

Who taught you how to ride a bike?
Always an interesting question
And by the way did I mention
The questionnaires at the end of a robo call message?
Anyway was it your dad?
Your mom?
Your step dad?
Your step mom?
Who taught you how to be you?
The shaper of you
Who made you the man you are?
The woman?
The the they/them/ all?
Who showed you how to throw a ball
To drive a car
To have an opinion on war
The director of the show staring you
What’s with the riots?
I’m sorry off track again
Who made you such a liar?
To make believe
To play a friend?
And how it does it really end?
Who taught you how to fall in love?
To treat a lady?
I wonder what they all must think
Those other liars
From another lie
From another place
From another time
Who taught you how how to ride a bike?
They still around?
Are they in your life?

Well to be honest
To this degree of severity
I have to tell you
This is not worth it
To write this line and that
To dance around the facts
I’m sorry and your sorry
And at best
It’s all just a lie
Told twenty times
times a million
Just a cute joke
Told over some smokes
Keep it cute like a game of war
Always a winner and loser
such is life

They call you crazy
But your no Ophelia
Just maybe,
This isn’t your first rodeo
And you haven’t learned how to be loved

So they call you crazy
When you act out and yell
Throwing dishes at the wall
They call you beautiful one day
And to much to handle the next

They don’t know you hate it,
When they call you baby
Your not a child anymore
To old for these games
But you play along anyway

You smoke cigarettes,
And you curse
You have ***,
And on occasion,
you’ve broken a few hearts before

But they call you crazy
When you don’t wanna talk anymore
When you lock yourself alone in the room
Where you sleep
And you dream of escaping

But they’d call you crazy
And just maybe your are?
Your crazy,
For doing the same thing over and over again

Another dusk comes
to swallow this world whole
And your left grappling
With whats no more
Turn the tv on and off
It’s always just the same
Someone playing a hero
while the bad guys get away
And you lay there out of body
Out of mind
It helps you pass the time
And when you get lonely
You can just look
Into the mirror
You’ll see a familiar face
He’s always saying leave this place
But you don’t listen
Because you never do
And now your telling
Your regrets to the moon
This place is heavy
Almost to much to bare
Your almost empty
Your fuel lights been on for days
You move forward
Inch by inch
Whatever it takes to drag your body
From this grave
And you look into the purple haze
As the dawn begins to bring a new day

You’re not a soldier
Not ready for war
This life is a battlefield
Some friends died long ago

See some new faces
But it never gets old
It’s OK to ask questions
Just do as you’re told

you’re not convinced I’ve changed
I’m not convinced I can
Went to leave a voicemail
It’s been full since Spring

It’s been a year
Since we burned down the house
Lost everything
Except for our self doubt

At least we killed all the ghost
They scared everyone away
A lot like your temper
still haunts me till this day

Said you’d quit drinking
threw all the alcohol out
Caught you the other day
Throwing hand sanitizer down

Pacing in your cage  
Always trying to get out
The door isn’t locked
You just hate going out

I’m not convinced you’ve changed
You’re not convinced you can
Said you were going to get cigarettes
It’s been a year since then

It’s been a year
since it all fell apart
this house is a crime scene
all torn apart

bodies everywhere
like Dahmer, it’s not fair
how can you just move on
while I’m stuck standing still

the doctor said I’m crazy
gave me these tiny pills
said take one once a day
it’s been a year

And when the mountain came to fall
These men, these weak men
Came groveling to the feet of women.
Offering riches, furs, and perfume
They kissed their feet like gods
They gave them everything
Until nothing was left
Be that a lesson to men
That women
Are the real rulers of this land

Driving north
In a Hyundai Santa Fe
It was cold and you had lost your way
Bruce Springsteen played softly
You could make out the words to
I’m on fire

And it fit so well
Like a glove that you found behind the seat
And you pulled your coat close
To hold in the heat
Could see your breath
Could feel your heart beat

And you drive
Like there is no tomorrow
And it feels like there may not be
And you laugh and I smile
Hold your breath
Make it last a while

Driving past the bar we grew up in
Another ghost story to tell
Put your money where you mouth is
Because I’m gunna drink like I’m gunna die
Don’t you lie
You miss this deep inside

And you aren’t even looking out
You lost in the traffic lines
And your focused on what could have been
Sure you’ve sinned
So has everybody else
Your not a hero

And you drive
Like there is no tomorrow
And it feels like there may not be
And you laugh and I smile
Hold your breath
Make it last awhile

Hold my hand out the window
Feel the wind in my fingers
Take a drag of my cigarette
And watch it run out the window
To a far away land
Somewhere out there

And when we reach our destination
Will we say our fake goodbye
And walk away into the unknown
Will we find what we set out to?
You know you think of it
When your driving all alone

And you drive
Like there is no tomorrow
And it feels like there may not be
And you laugh and I smile
Hold your breath
Make it last a while

Called me told me you were pregnant
I was on shrooms
I was dancing on stage in my mind
The light in my eyes
I was blind

You Said “I’m gunna have your baby,
But I don’t really know if that’s what I want”
I said
“You do what you think is best”

And you said
“I don’t think your where you wanna be
And me,
I can’t take care of myself”

This place is a mess
And at best
We’re  not where we need to be
And you see it in me
I know

Don’t wait for me
I’m far behind
I’m never gunna catch up

We ain’t ever gunna match up

Don’t wait for me
I’m long forgotten
I’m not gunna catch up
I’m not gunna be there when it ends

Fluffy rug
Soaked in wine
Stupid me
Spilled It without thinking
How dumb can I be?
Not a single thought
Or rhythm to why
This place is a media center
Judgment spreads so fast

Your not who you wanted to be
Your not even close
When you look at old photos of yourself you see a ghost

And you haunt your every dream
With doubts and insecurities

You float right through the ceiling
Can’t keep a steady path
Your losing faith in hoping

Stopped wearing that cross around your Neck and you kiss your mother still
You aren’t all that bad my friend

Your not a hero but you ain’t the villain
You want to be free
You want what you can’t get

Just hold on
And take it slow
This ride is almost over

Just a few more steps
You’ll be there
My friend
Hold on to the end

Had a sip of a sour beer at party
started talked down to kids
Made a speech about the future
Passed out in your parents bed

But you swear you wore a crown
And made demands
But those who were there know best
You were a joker in the end

So hold on My friend
Those funerals were reminders
Of where you could have been
Don’t be ashamed

Just hold on
And take it slow
This ride is almost over

Just a few more steps
And you’ll be home
You’ll be there
My friend
Hold on to the end

And you went home for the holiday
Saw an old love
You thought the flam went out so long ago
But it’s smoldering

And you sat on a stoop at your parents house In the early morning we said our peace Told secrets we had buried deep
What a night it was

Just hold on
And take it slow
This ride is almost over

I know you don’t wanna slow down
You reached the limits of this small town

Just a few more steps
And you’ll be home
You’ll be there
Hold on to the end

Knocked out
Fall down
Came from a small town
You never stood a chance

Take a break
Take a knee
How much more could you take?
Could you take me?

School dance
Last chance
To make a move
After high school
There are different rules

Your just trying to survive
Like the rest of us
You ain’t a hero kid
Your just like rest of us

Your gunna grow old
Your gunna get sick
Your gunna die
Your gunna be missed

You want to believe
But you don’t know how
Not when you know
How it all goes down

But you ain’t a hero kid
Don’t be a fool
You can’t win this war
It isn’t in you

Just take a seat
You’ll get you participation trophy
Don’t try to hard
The choice isn’t hard

Don’t make any sudden movements
They will sense your fear
Don’t let them know your weakness
They will tear you to pieces  

Your just trying to survive
Like the rest of us
You ain’t a hero kid
Your just like rest of us

Your gunna grow old
Your gunna get sick
Make jokes of it all
But the punchline is real

I’m  standing on a snowy mountain top
in Alaska
When my brother says he misses me
Says it’s been to long since I’ve come from the lower 48

And I’m sad to admit that’s it’s true
But through the rain I spit out
I say I’ll do better
But I never do

“It’s a shame I can’t stay longer”
I say to him
But I know that I don’t have the heart to wander away from my comfort zone

I’m headed up north to Alaska
To find some peace of mind
But I’m left feeling empty
Like I'm leaving what I set out to find

Heading north to Alaska
I’m going north to Alaska
Ive come and gone
But my heart is In Alaska

Saw the northern lights dance in the sky
Brought tears to my eyes
Kayaked through the pacific
Sea otters swam by my side

Saw mountain carry the sky
So tall I felt so small inside
It’s the last frontier
Its the last of the Best of the world

I’m headed up north
I’m going north to Alaska
Ive come and gone
But my heart is In Alaska

I’ve always had that feeling in my head
That nagging noise that I just can’t seem
To push away
thought I conquered it and made it out

But my thoughts keep tumbling and dancing in my head
I keep tripping and stumbling
In and out of my mind

But I can’t quit kick
That I feel so sick
And these thoughts keep haunting me
I can’t let it be

Because I got a feeling

It’s can’t be me
It’s got to be you
I ain’t the monster in this story
It’s got to be you

Because I got a feeling

It’s not what it seems
This life is a joke
Don’t take it seriously
You won’t make it out alive

Your a god among men
Do you see what you do?
How you self destruct?
Make it about you
I think that you don’t

Because I got a feeling

It’s can’t be me
It’s got to be you
But if your the villain
I’m the hero
And that wouldn’t be true

Because I got a feeling

For the pitiful man who steals a lighter
May he be a hero to another
The prince of sweet Justice
A flicker flame addict
A curse to whoever may show their flame
Give no curse to their name
They are but what you shall become
A lighter thief
No more no less
Just waiting till it’s your chance
To take is your right
your gift
Your crime of passion
No thought to your mind
A lighter thief you were always
Forever and now

I’m headed north to Alaska
Haven’t been there in years
To be in the presence of Beauty
But feel ugly inside
It’s a burden masquerading as a gift
And here’s the twist
I don’t know if I hate it

I’m going back to Alaska
Haven’t seen my brother
It’s been years
So much to catch up on
I only fear
It will be gone before I know it
And I’ll be flying home again

I’m on a plane going north again
It’s almost like I’m going home
There is a presence of family
Whatever that even means

The captain says we’re beginning our decent and it all sets in
Im not in Kansas anymore
Im not even in New Jersey
Im in Alaska once again
And it feels like home

It’s almost 11pm and the sun is still up
Im dancing in a circle in the woods
With family and music louder then words
I’m in Alaska
Hey what could be better?

I heard get ****** up then die in a song once and I felt that
It resonated in my soul
Found a home in the streets
Thought that’s where I’d grow old
And truth be told I miss those days
But as life goes you must keep pace
And traced out bodies from chalk
On the sidewalk wash away in the rain
But not this now
But not this anymore
Not this pain
It doesn’t wash away
You can’t just bleach it out
This pain will leave a stain

All spun out
Laying in a field
Playing 90s music on a Fm radio
Staring up at the shapeless clouds
Punching at thoughts I don’t want to think
Nauseous at the thought of 33
Pity party central
Calling all those lost
Join me to bask in horror
Always growing old
Never getting any younger

We were dreamers once
Conquerors of sand castles
And explores of blacktops
Captains of our own imagination
Inhabitants of a world not ours
Stumbling from each experience
To find ourselves lost
Belonging nowhere
and everywhere at once
We were the future
and now we are the past
Clenching to briefcases and money
Cars and Mortgage payments
Workplace Training videos
Love and Death
We were dreamers but we just dream now
Of better times
Old battles from the war on youth
Mistakes never forgiven
But never forgotten
Tilted back gazing into the void
Wondering where the child in you goes

My sister she’s been crying
Sad she’s a single mother
My nephews father he’s not gone
He’s just not around
And I guess she’s just sad
she had to move back to this small town  

What I wouldn’t give
To take her pain away
Take it out back and shoot it
Or light it on fire
And watch it burn up in flames

Either way there’d be a victim
There’s no winners in this game
Love is not for quitters
But we play anyway
Be nice if there were warnings
The bad guys always win
And the good guys always get away

She started smoking cigarettes again
I asked her for a smoke
We ended up talking for hrs
We laughed at how Life's a joke
She asked me if it ever gets better
I said I’ll let you know when I find out

I Said don't hold your breath
Just be happy with the time you get
What’s meant to be will be
And some other inspiring ****
I told her what I thought I’d like to hear

We’re all just living on this earth
Wondering how it will end
Waiting for our time to go
How lucky will the last ones be
To actually be the ones to know

I don’t like to dream
Because I might dream of you
And when I wake
It’s like losing you all over again

The walls come closing in
And the sound becomes so small
Slow motion sets in
And I’m not there anymore

Took a pill to fall asleep
Like giving candy to a baby
Washed it down with my favorite *****
It burns so good

Sleep in till noon
And when I wake
Just lay there thinking of you
They say your mind will betray you

My town is a mile long
Feels like a prison most of the time
There’s a sign that sits at the edge of town
It reads please come back again

And we always do
What were told to do
It gets old real fast
When you outgrow your past

Slow motion shuts off
And it all comes rushing back
And I'm back in the same old routine
Still dreading falling asleep

I feel like I’m an old man
Hunched over with a half smoked cigarette
clutched between my fingers
eyes straight ahead watching reruns of I love Lucy on Tv land at 10:30 on a Tuesday
Then I have an outer body experience
Im floating above my body looking down at this shell of a person
Who is this person I see?
Is it me?
Absolutely frightening
An Alcohol and pity filled sack
“Hey cut him some slack,”
I say to myself
“You don’t know what he’s been through.”
but I do cause it’s me
and it’s sad
cause it’s real
So at least there’s some beauty there

Never made the football team
Because I didn’t try out
I wasn’t entitled to be mean
Doomed to be skinny and lanky
I made friends with the loner crowd
no cheerleader ****** and trophy’s galore
I ponder the decisions that led me to hear
Maybe if I tried out I’d be hosting the Oscars this year
Never got my varsity Jacket
Settled for one in the lost and found
Turns out the kid it belonged to ran away
Found out years later he died from an overdose
Now I’m pushing clocks and throwing back beers with the guys

On December 20th 2010 my father didn’t wake up. They said it was from a mix of medications he swallowed in the night. I envisioned a child eating candy in the dark hoping their mother wouldn’t find out. This was different. He was taking pain medication from an accident he endured years before and died alone. He had woken up every day prior in pain, and yet he stumbled out into the cruel world, and did his job to make his little money, and carried on with life. That morning when he didn’t wake up my sister found him. The alarm had gone off, and off, and off but he did not wake. She found him all alone. She’ll  carry that until the day she doesn’t wake up.

Young fools tiptoe in the dark
The moonlight dancing on their skin
Naked, vulnerable to the night
The stars their only witness

Clothes crashing to the floor
Bare to one another
Shy no more, they embrace
Only but for a second to have a taste

A toe shatters the cool still water
The ripples retreat outward
A night swim commences
Ambitions tossed aside

In this man made body of water
Two souls swim with the devil
Playful splashes give way to passion
A reflection of youth floats away

Haven’t seen you writing in a while
Been stuck inside your brain
Painting pictures of your pain
The thing is your not a painter
None of it makes sense

Your supposed to be a writer
You  threw away your pen
Haven’t seen you writing since
Angry for no reason
Shouting at the wall

Started a fire in your apartment
When you set fire to your poems
Fire department said you were lucky
Landlord evicted you
So you live back home with your mom

She tells her friends “your recovering”
They say “from drinking?”
She says, “No, from art.”
Your not yourself anymore
Not without your work

You write from time to time
A word may escape from your mind
Find its way to paper
Only to find itself alone
Thrown away back into the void

They told me I have to grow up
as I’m throwing up the night before
all over the floor

Standing there watching the show
like I’m some sideshow freak
no idea the day of the week
or who I am anymore

Heard someone say rehab
so I tried  flying into the sun

Turns out it’s not a small world after all
No matter where you go
you’re past will follow
it’s a hard pill to swallow

They don’t teach you when you’re young the older you get
the easier it is to fake a smile
I stuck around for a while
just to show face  
                
Someone said they loved me
so I tried to run
but I flew too close to the sun

Turns out it’s not a small world after all
No matter where you go past will follow This life can be hard pill to swallow.

I’ve never been to California
But I don’t think that I’d like it
I’m the type to second guess
And I don’t think I’d make it
I’m so pessimistic
It eats me alive
But on a good day
I day dream
And It’s not so bad

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in hell
Im burning up
And I'm melting in place
At the same pace since forever
Just have to hope it gets better

Long car rides calm me down
I always say to myself
“This time I won’t come back.”
But I always do
So predictable
Always on cue

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in hell
And then I wake up
They say it’s gets easier
But maybe I’m tired of waiting

Singing along  to New Slang by the Shins
In some girls living room
Sharing the same headphones
I remember thinking
“This is what music should be.”
now we don’t even speak  

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in hell
Im burning up
And I'm melting in place
At the same pace since forever
Just have to hope it gets better

I never know what to say
In an awkward situation
I smile when I’m nervous
I don’t speak
I can get anxious
I’m tired of being tired
I’m sad from being sad so long

I feel like I’ve been standing still
Waiting in an endless line
An unknown destination
I wish I could leave my mind
Be anywhere but here

There is no cause for alarm
Everything will be fine
We tell ourselves
the funniest things sometimes  

What’s there to smile for
I say to myself in the mirror
Out of fear I agree
Say something smart and walk away
All my friends say I am weird
That’s ok cause I am
That’s the plan
To keep everyone away

There is no cause for alarm
Everything will be fine
We tell ourselves
the funniest things sometimes

I call your phone
but you don’t answer
Your out there
dancing in the dark.
And some point in between
Drinking and
playing make believe
I make peace with it all
We’re not kids anymore
We can’t get away with bad words
They stick around
And they sting and sometimes
Make you want to rip out your heart
I left a voicemail once
Silent as the stars above
You didn’t respond anyway
I laugh at it now
When I’m feeling down
It makes me feel better
That it makes no sense
Just something I let
stain the walls of my head
Like a pacing tiger in a cage
I lay in my bed
the ceiling a stage
For the memory of what could have been
No missed calls
Not ever
not even once
The dial tone puts me to sleep
A lullaby of static brings peace
Just one more try before I go to sleep
I’m a glutton for punishment
A problematic trait
That describes me

You’re always welcomed to ask questions, but the answer?
I don’t think so.
You’re always welcomed  to get angry or frustrated,
but my response?
Is my own.
You’re always welcomed to have an opinion,
but to be shared
It can’t be assumed.
You’re always welcomed  to leave,
but to be chased
isn’t the truth.

Well the bar closes early on Mondays and they want us to leave.
So we stumble out into the night our hearts on our sleeves.
Partners in crime, we rob each other’s hearts.
But like each other’s Robin Hood,  we replace what was hurt.
And bury each other’s sadness deep in the dirt.

You can have my heart if you wanted.
I’d rip it out and happily hand it to you.
You can have my soul if you wanted.
I’d happily die, then live on without you.

The street lights are blinking, as we dance in the street.
No longer the villains of our own story.
We kiss under the street light
Your lips are a treat
A reward for this hell on earth.
I ponder what this life was before you.

You can have my heart if you wanted.
I’d rip it out and happily hand it to you.
You can have my soul if you wanted.
I’d happily die then live on without you.

Your laughing at your own jokes again.
The ride home is your stage, your the audience and comedian.
And I’m just in awe that your coming home with me.
Some say true love doesn’t exist.
But they haven’t bared witness to this.

You can have my heart if you wanted.
I’d rip it out and happily hand it to you.
You can have my soul if you wanted.
I’d happily die, then live on without you.

A click away from banishment
A dystopian reality
Handcuffed to this roller coaster
I wish this was a dream
Plugged into this digital universe
Addicted to the screen
When I want people to know I’m angry
I tweet the angry emoji
High on notifications
Staying away from reality
Hiding behind a screen name
I Am God243

Flatlining on an incline
A car rolling, in a car crash
Rain pouring, storm overhead
This stories not my own
I am not the one to whom this pain belongs

It’s a sick joke
And this time I’m not the punchline
I’m just here
Flatlining on an incline

I’m alive but I feel dead inside
Like a ghost walking from room to room
I wonder if it’s to soon to assume
That anyone misses me

And just like that
I awake from a dream
Flatlining on an incline
In a hospital bed In New Jersey

Dribble, Dribble, Dribble
The child bounces his ball, as the blacktop sizzles
The air choking from the heat, as the child's Nike's dance in the street
The sky a perfect blue, mixed with some clouds, maybe one or two
Dribble, Dribble, Dribble
The child is bound to the block
Made a promise to his mother to stay on the sidewalk
But promises are sometime broken
Dribble, Dribble, Dribble
From East to West
The child curiosity may have gotten the best
Out from his mothers watchful gaze, he is put to the test
Dribble, Dribble, Dribble
A shopkeeper watches the child go by
Reminds him of his son
Especially his smile.
Dribble, Dribble, Dribble
Past the child's middle school crush
Pink bow in her hair, matches her blush
Passes the ball through his legs, a teenage lush.
Dribble, Dribble, Dribble
One foot off the sidewalk, a tire screeches and swivels
Dribble, Dribble, Drop
The ball puttered to a slow stop