Colour Blind

I don't see the colour of your skin.

I see
the colour of your heart.

Is it dark and putrid or
is it the color of a soft and lilting tune?
Is it filled with warm tones,
or cold?
Hues of ice and snow,
or gold?

Do you give or take?
Do you love or hate?

I don't see race or faith,
I just see you-
your energy, your words, your actions.

I see you; I just simply
see you.

You think you know love when you feel your stomach filled with butterflies.
You think nothing is the same once you feel them fly.
But one day you'll know love.
Although those butterflies will die.
They'll be replaced with little kicks
That turn into a freshly mopped floor covered in tiny muddy footprints.
True love is slow to anger.
And it's crazy how your little one is part you and part someone once a stranger.
With whom you now share a heart.
That lives outside your body,
adorable and smart.
Now imagine, another little one your lover brought to you. Part him and part stranger but the Stanger isn't you.
Imagine, if you can,
You love them both the same.
Such perfect little boys
They will bring you many joys.  
But also much pain.
Sometimes it feels like a push and a shove.
But I promise you one day,
you will know love.
It will not sound like the "I love you"
That your mother used to say.
Or any of the sweet lies from before she gave you away.
Or the love HE tried to show you when he snuck into your little bed.
It won't feel like any
untruth that he put into your head.
You won't make your parents mistakes
Because these boys were sent to you from your Father from above.
So even when the thought shakes you,
Don't be scared to love.  

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Sandoval

Im lost in thought
Forgotten in time
Endlessly searching
For an idea to arise

Thought after thought
Remembered in my my mind
Forever scribbling
Ideas that are all one of a kind.

Thoughts put to the test
And never allowed in
Once making their statements
Before falling down… again and again

I'm thinking of an answer
For a better outcome
Always thinking
That all these new ideas are dumb.

I'll go with the flow
When I get in the works
Of making a better life
For myself through my work.

Until then ill remain
Looking out a glass window
A window ive painted over
To think of the idea from an hour ago

The only problem is
The glass is quite colorful filling me with dread.
Painted with colors so compelling
That they will never leave my head.

Im lost in thought
Forgotten as a stint
Endlessly searching
For an idea to commit

On the grass,
under the clear night sky.
She played with the stars,
shining in her dark brown eyes.

Warm feet,
cool in the breeze.
Her delicate fingers played with the leaves,
fallen from the maple trees.

A sweet smile,
kissed her beautiful face.
As the stars burnt bright,
as she glowed in their glowing embrace.

Her eyes and fingers traced,
their paths so intricately linked.
She didn’t want to miss this beautiful night,
and so, she hardly blinked.

She saw shapes and constellations,
shining bright in their glory.
It was almost as if they wanted her to come stargazing,
and listen to them as they told their story.

The woods were floating
With song.
The light winked out at the trees
Burning in my soul

I felt my faith burst to life the same way a spark lights a fire,
Then just as easy as it was ignited
The icy breeze of doubt suffocated the spark of my heart

I was hopelessly lost in the dark
I floundered and fell

I felt like a rock in river,
Jutting up from the water,
Interrupting the current.

I felt like I didn’t belong, in Your sea of believers,
That I wasn’t clean enough to be of Your grace.

But Your waters eroded my harsh edges
And softened me to You.

I could live in the roaring water of Your love,
I could finally breathe with my head underneath Your waves.

My soul was a raging fire,
The eyes of the demons that haunted me
Glittered in the unknown.
Each pair of eyes, a question I knew not the answer to,
Prodding at my beliefs like iron in dying coals,
My mind would flicker to and fro
To and fro

Eventually I no longer had to look anywhere
I gazed down upon my dying embers of faith and saw a demon's eyes staring back at me

My face broke the surface of Your love,
And my lungs gulped in
The course air of doubt.

I left Your depths for the shallows,
Still there,
But no longer welcoming Your currents
Coursing around me.

The wind of voices telling me to leave You was strong,
And chilled my still damp skin,
Fresh from Your loving waves.
It made me shiver to hear them,
And long to be dry
And away from You, like them.
Washed up on the beach and alone.

The sharp stones on the shore away from You cut my feet, and I became calloused.
The only memory of You, was the drops of water still on my scalp.

I felt You stir my ashes
I felt the world stand still as Your breath coaxed fire from my coals
I felt the release of the wood pinning me down begin to kindle

I was reborn into fire
All that pushed and held me down now burned in my redemption
I watched as my light blew back darkness
I watched as my tormenters fled in awe of Your glory

I made a vow to let my light shine
It was good.

The air surrounding me became hot,
It burned wherever it touched,
And humidity clung to me,
Thick and sticky as molasses,
Choking my breaths
And ripping at my face.
I would watch Your waters for weeks,
Wishing to go home to You,
And tormenting myself with the idea that I couldn’t.

Then I watched Your Son sink into Your depths,
And the water glistened gold.
More desirable than any life I could lead away from You.

I dipped my fingers back into Your river
And You welcomed me.
You brushed the sands that had encased my body
Off of me and made me clean.
You healed the bruised parts of my heart,
And led me back home.
It was good.

*Saved, fire can burn upon water and water remain fluid in flame
No torrent of water will douse Your flame
No inferno will ever evaporate Your waters

You’re a gentle stream,
And a roaring fire.
You’re an army of crashing waves sweeping me from my feet,
And a gentle, crackling, dancing, light. Warmth filling the cold,
Your love is a hearth for me to rest at,
And an ocean to rage against evil.

Our shared relationship is fire and water.
Passion and tenderness
Love and love.
Though I stray from You,
You relight my flame,
And wash me of my wrongs.
You hold me close, and call me Yours,

You are Passion and Tenderness,
Awing and unchanging.
Love and love.
Love and love.
Love and love.
We mingle together to create
Peace
Tranquility and
Grace

I'm just a girl
Lying on back road pavement
A girl with cold fingers
And pink hair.

Read my walls.

I stay up all night
Writing papers I hate and
I hold what hurts
Tight inside wooly blankets.

Read my walls.

I'm just a girl
A face in a shiny restaurant
An icon on your screen
A flannel-denim conversation.

Read my walls.

Read my walls, every crack around
The edge of the molding, the way the
Bumps cast their shadows, every chip in
The paint, every scratch, every letter.

Read my walls.

We all want love, we all
Want recognition and I'm not
Worth half of what anyone has
To give.

But please
Read my walls.