All I want
Is to go back
In time
And live
that memory
one more
Time.

Mom I know you think
You're angry now
But maybe this will help you
I know you thought
I'd never amount to anything
Even after becoming a teamleader
At the age of 23

Even though you still don't
Believe it of me
Now that I'm one
Of your supervisors
Mrs Governess
So it's time I tell you a few things

I started going out
At the age of 14
I know you thought I was
Staying with my sister
And I really was
But... You know.

I lost my virginity
6 months before you found out
I've had more than one accident
You know aside from the one
That you know of
But to be honest,
I kind of blame you
For never wanting to talk about it
That's not going to
Make it stop from happening

It was me who broke in to the cellar
Sorry I left my keys at home
You know... Even after
You installed that wooden thing
And removed the doorknob
After I did it the first time
You know... To make sure
I wouldn't do it again

I was not selling my body
When I didn't come home
All summer and the easter vacation
I was with the Consul's daughter
Smoking, drinking and getting high
We broke in to some
Abandonned houses
And set a few trash cans on fire

We stole her dad's car
Well they stole, I stood on street
Telling the other cars to turn around
We also stole Pedro's car
Nobody had a driver's license
And there were 6 passengers
I violated a few christian statues
And made out in a confessional

I used to come an hour late
To school on mondays
So I could cash my cheque
At the bank
You know... From the cleaning job
That I did after school
Which is how I got all the money
And no, dark street corners
Had nothing to do with it

We got in to a fight on the bussstation
And almost again
When a girl threatened my sister

Are you still mad
About me quitting
My current job?

ribs shattering,
i can feel the cage
opening, letting loose
the butterflies that were
trapped inside

there was once a garden
in my chest, yes,
lungs with
lovely lilies
and lavender
laid around but

you knew of the garden,
you could smell roses on my breath
you could hear the butterfly's wings

you tore the beauty out of me

there will be no beauty six feet above me,
there will be no love from you
for you want all the flowers for yourself

do i not deserve pretty things?

staring at you,
i can see that

eyes are not the window to the soul
if so, your curtains are shut
a peeping tom can't see you
exposed, vulnerable,

a bare soul is about as naked as we get

i see,
love and hope,
i see,
fear and anxiety,
i see,
pieces of me

and then i realize:
eyes are mirrors

your fingers,

my heart
pounds

chest closing,
skin tightens

eyes close,
i see
you,
no
not you -
the one

the one with the thorns
for hair and claws for nails,

the one
who kissed me
and stole my soul

the one who
tore me apart
and left me
to piece myself
back together

yesterday,
i was the one
with firefly's wings
caught in their chest;
i was the sun
trying to shine
through opaque skin
and clouded smiles

tomorrow,
i'll be the one
with a smile
sickly sweet
it'll cause a
stomach ache;
i'll be the sun
so bright, it will
burn your skin

but today,
i am something
in between

today,
i am the sun
peeking through
rain clouds;
i am a chrysalis
hoping to turn into
something beautiful

today, i am me.

I try to be poetic
This is hardly a gift
It's linguistic aesthetics
For emotional rifts

Humble are the poets
Who write with such skill
For they foster heroics
And cry with ther quills