Shenanigans

Ridiculously unusual
This familiar face,
Peering out of a photograph
Into an empty space,
With the eyes of a child
Where my life began,
Yet with the aging skin
Of a dying man.

Grotesquely beautiful,
This gaping wound,
Oozing its mischief,
Honed and fine tuned,
Perfectly imperfect,
Crafted yet shoddy,
Just a few broken fragments
Where there should be a body.

Extraordinarily ordinary,
I am an unknown name,
Written on a stone
Where all stones look the same,
Where the dreams of strangers
Are too vivid to save,
Archived in a memory,
Concealed in a grave.

Unutterable shenanigans
Of lovers and old friends
Pretentious well-wishers
As my life-force ends,
And kneeling at a headstone
Between photographs aflame
Is me, as a child,
Chiselling my name.

© RJVHorton2015

I want to tell him
that I’m scared,
that I’ve been here before.
And that the last time I felt potential like this it imploded;
I imploded.
But I don’t want to taint it,
You see I’m still hopeful
That maybe this time
Won’t end up laced with maybes,
Or what ifs,
Or open wounds pouring blood onto paper.
That maybe this time,
just won’t end.

I’ve not quite worked out whether I think it’s beautiful,
Or stupid -
The human capacity,
And pliancy,
And longing,
For love.

I saw your eyes that day
so focused, so pure, and so much passion
At that very moment
I thought I heard a heartbeat
beating... beating...
drawing closer to mine

and as you stroke that paint brush,
as you breath in a silent way
I can hear nothing but
the beat of your loving heart
beating... beating...
same time with mine

The wind blows my hair
and the yellowish street light
glaze upon your eyes
and I can't stop myself
looking at you, looking at
those sparkling brown eyes

Since then I always wanted
to see you, be near you
hear you, and to talk to you
wondering if you could be mine?
Then one day... you told me
a joke that I can't ever forget...



"kim, I have something to tell you..."



"I love you,... can you be mine?..."

silence is sometimes
as thick as a layer of fog,
pressing and suffocating
with so much uncertainty
holding on to its mist.

but other times
it acts as a relief.
someone with a loud opinion
finally found the right time
to close their jaws

or the pounding headache
you've had all day
can now be put to ease
in a state of serenity
with much needed peace and quiet.

the nonexistence of sound
is a mere prerequisite of being loud
as beneficial as it could be
or as absolutely terrifying
you may not know
until it's been broken

The more I learn, the less I know
The more I think about it, I just become more con-fused
But I don’t care
I will keep on going I will keep on trying

I feel like I'm split, I feel like my brain doesn’t know what to do anymore
Yet I'm determent to keep on going,
Even though I don’t know what direction I should go
I take a step right take two to the left and then one more to the right.
I guess I'm afraid to take a chance, to walk without looking back
I say it’s a lie I say it’s a choice but it’s just me being scared for my life