words flow from my mind to the tips of my fingers
first jumbled on the page, slowly fixing themselves
you, the reader soak up my words, digest them
giving the words a meaning, you bring my words to life
taking in the love that i've left on the page

one
You took it from me
You smiled as you thrusted
You said you were drunk

two
You were perfection
I pretended you were *one
Then everything changed

three
  You smoked cigarettes
You listened said I was not alone
I cheated on two

four
You were just a friend
You kept asking if I was okay
You knew I wasn't

five
Blue eyes and shyness
You mended with tender love
Then you left for good

three  
We ****** just to Feel
magic wore off, we were dull
mutual rebounds

six
You were wild and fun
You said I was lovable
I felt whole again


seven
I was much too drunk
Your friends heard us through the walls
I don't regret you

eight
Your scar turned me on
So did your smile and your laugh
You made me feel valued

five 
the goal was small talk
we were drunk on nostalgia
we loved one last time


eight 
You're warmth and patience
eager hands and tender lips
My soul loves Your soul

looking directly
into the depths
of darkness
im suddenly short of breath
wadding through an ocean of black water
looking up to a starless, sunless
sky where no light has visited in a long time
time is gone,
as it can no longer be measured
im wadding through darkness
and
i get claustrophobic in vastness
and it seems like it will go on forever
because i have lost all concept of time

how can i be loved
and still feel this alone
i can't exist
just for you to love me
there needs to be more
to me this darkness
that i have painted over,
to resemble a person

I disintegrate
Again,
At the thought of growing up
growing old
At the thought of
Consequences
Of making love
(you actually do make something)
I fall apart,
At the thought of forever
At the thought of
How many times
The sun will rise
In my forever
How many times
Will you forgive me
How many times
Will you fall inlove with me
again
How many times
Will you fall out of it
How many times
Will i almost give up
How many stars
fit in your always?
I come together
At the thought
Of watching your hands
Age and harden
I come together
At the thought
Of lovers before you,
Forgotten
I look forward to the slow fading
Of life before you
As time passes and I realize
I've  been with you for longer,
Than not
You are the ink
On my polaroid picture
And
Love is the oxygen
That develops it
You are the image
That appears and
Allows me to forget
The blank space that
Was there before
You were that first sip
Of water I drank
before I knew i was dry
And you are
The last drop of water
That leaves me
Wanting more
You are the moment
I realized that looking up
at flickering lights
is just an ocean of
other planets' suns
You are a sun
to a humble planet
that only I find familiar
you are my
very own sun

i would say that I'm happy to have you,
so you can hold me when I'm lost in the dark,
but the truth is,
there is no more darkness,
since I've been with you.


*i guess you were the light i was waiting for

I still wake up in cold sweat
I still dream about you holding both my small wrists in your one hand
I can still hear the tearing of my butterfly print underwear
As you ripped off the last bit of innocence I had.