There's a wall between us.
I can only hear your voice when
                                                          I'­m pressed flush against it,
                                      every brick imprinted on my skin
                                                    like that one time
           in the school bathroom when
                                             you pinned me and stole my breath away.

                 Your voice is so faint,
                                  so hoarse and broken
       filled with pain.
                                  My heart
                                                    aches every time your voice cracks
                             or you
                                              start coughing until you can't
                       breathe.

What have they done to you
                                      to hurt you like this?
                To take your voice and
                                                             ­         tear it from your throat and
                                                      fill it with so much
                                          dust and thorns.
—and yet.
                                                 And yet.
       Despite the wall.
                     Despite the pain.
                                    Despite it all,
    You still try to laugh and coax
                                                            ­            a laugh out of
                                                 me, and
                                                             ­               you tell story
                                                           ­     after story
                                                           ­               after story
              in an attempt to keep me calm.
                          Even at death's door,
                                              your only concern is for me.

            Can't you see
                                                             ­                    your death
                                is the surest thing to
                                                              ­         break
                                                           me?

                                                         h.f.m.

Darling boy. I think you’re more of a dream than
I’d like to admit. You’ve existed in my mind for
so long. You go by many names: soulmate. The
One. Love of my life. Angel. True love. Mister
right. Beloved. Red.
Why would I call you anything but your name
when you go by so many? I can call you my
sweetheart and it doesn’t hold what I’d like it to.
My Red. Color boy. Have you ever considered
that the crime scene of my heart is now covered
in your fingerprints? Does it bother you to have
your name so close to a ******? I’d like to think
your hands will be the softest thing to ever touch
me. I’d like to think your lips are even softer. I
want to believe that you’ll always love me like
this, the way that I’ll always love you like a
whirlpool. I am just spinning in my feelings
for you. They can be overwhelming, but I wouldn’t
change it for the world. It’s almost like the universe
created me to love you. I was created to be yours
and you were created to be great. You’ve succeeded.
And I hope I’m succeeding, too. I love you, soulmate.

happily, you decompose
releasing your woes
even as they drag away your laughter

euphorically, you dissolve
losing your resolve
to live, even as your fears leave you

elatedly, you decay
your skin turns ash-grey
and maggots dig into your flesh

passionately, you molder
your recently-cremated ashes smolder
the flame devoured you with all the ferocity of a lover

joyfully, you disintegrate
forget the cold burn of hate
and misplace the memory of love, too

blissfully, you rot
lose your affinity with thought
your mind a directionless searching

delightedly, you wither
there is no time to dither
no time, full sprint to oblivion

reverently, you splinter
welcome eternal winter
relegate warmth to your fleeing memories

earnestly, you break down
your will is to drown
all your issues are a rising sea

fervently, you fall apart
you thought you were so smart
with death comes release, no?

h.f.m.

i met my lover by the old juniper tree
in the dead of night when none could see
a song in my heart and a ring in his hand
he slipped onto my finger that bright silver band

i met my lover by the old juniper tree
a week had passed by most merrily
a tear in his eye and blood on his skin
he confessed to committing a foul sin

i met my lover by the old juniper tree
he convinced me to come with him to flee
a bag in my grip and a fear in my heart
no time for goodbyes, we hastened to depart

i met my lover by the old juniper tree
i learned a desperate man was he
he had lies on his name, and that one ring
his faithlessness had tried from him to wring

i met my lover by the old juniper tree
he asked did i love him, since he loved me?
truth on my tongue and a blade in my fist
i cursed him for breaking our midnight tryst

i met my lover by the old juniper tree
he knelt at my feet to make his plea
sorrow on his lips and love in his eye
i watched my unfaithful lover die

h.f.m.