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2.1k · Sep 2018
FEATHER BLOSSOMS
Hannah Marr Sep 2018
there are three things you know

i.
you reach into your incorporeal chest
and cradle the bird behind your ribs.
forming a gentle cage of your hands.

you bring the red-chested red-breast to your lips
and tuck the fearful creature under your tongue.

ii.
blood-crimson feathers are spilling
from between your teeth like
cherry blossoms that carpet the corridors
of your weary mind and
scar-crossed thoughts.

iii.
your fingers are wine-dark with wanting
and an unnamed, silent thing
akin to fear tears tightening paths
through your skin,
hidden by the cold
and half-formed excuses.



the official story is that you
fell.

you didn't, not in the way they thought you meant.



you'll spit out the truth one day,
choking on summer-scented feathers
and small, pink flowers that you'll
crush between thumb and forefinger
in denial of this fear.

h.f.m.
1.6k · Jun 2018
CHILD KING
Hannah Marr Jun 2018
my fair infant-highness,
thine ebony skin of dusky twilight,
thy gold-flecked smoke-shrouded eyes,
bring me such joy as cannot be described

my sweet young prince,
dost thou comprehend the lengths of my care?
is thy failing health truly the last of thee i will see?
wouldst thou allow thy alluring laugh to fade as thy breath?

my serene little princeling,
what shall i do to return thee to my arms?
three days and an hour thou hast survived this cursed health,
what is even another minute that i might see thee again?

my beloved royal
the mere thought of thine own existence brings me peace
but following on its heels is the fear of thy passing
how hast thine eyes already gripped my soul so?

my tranquil blood-kin,
thou didst not cry once, not even at thy birth
thine eyes rested on mine sedately
thy smile, charmingly dimpled, was tender

light of my heart
why must my spirit cry out to thee
even as thy pulse stills
and thy tiny chest cease rising?

h.f.m
Hannah Marr May 2018
I must begin with an apology, my friends
That I shed no tears for you when you passed
When I heard the news that you lived no more
That I did not ponder on your existence and ceasing thereof
When I continued with the ritual day to day
For this, I am truly sorry

I must continue with an apology, my friends
That I did not acknowledge the cancer in your bones
When you were still fighting, still breathing
That I put out of my mind even the thought of autocide
When your wife was left widowed, your children fatherless
For this, I am sincerely sorry

I must persist with an apology, my friends
That I did not wish to attend your funerals or memorials
When I was given an invitation and a chance
That I did not comfort the loved ones you left behind
When I dined in your homes with your memories
For this, I am truthfully sorry.

I must push on with an apology, my friends
That even now I cannot grieve for the loss of you
When I sit and write this poem with all left unsaid
That I still cannot bring myself to shed a tear, to weep
When I force myself to dwell on this tragedy
For this, I am earnestly sorry.

I must conclude with an apology, my friends
That I am still inhaling stale air, exhaling my ghost
When you have been torn from your families
That I can still ungratefully demand more than my lot
When your potential was cut down without my caring
For this, I am fervently sorry.

So, so sorry.

And yet I still do not cry.

h.f.m.
an ode to my friends, notably one who died from cancer and left behind her husband and two daughters, and one who committed autocide and left his wife, son, and daughter
Hannah Marr Nov 2018
We are not the voices of nations,
but of people. Our people.
The people of uncensored thought
and true word and strong speech.
The candid lines from our pens
are the last line of defence between
our hopelessly self-destructive people
and themselves. Our people, the poets;
the dreamers and idealists and romantics.
The people who press on through hardship
and disappointment and pain and heartbreak
and discrimination and depression and controversy.
The guiding light from the shadows.
The bucket to the well, and the rope
to bring the water to the thirsty masses.
We are the people of poems,
the people of dreams,
the people of song.
We are the people
of past, present, and future.
We,
The People,
The Poets.

h.f.m.
1.0k · Jun 2018
LIMINAL
Hannah Marr Jun 2018
do you know what

liminal
means?

liminal comes from latin
limen
meaning threshold

a place of entering or
of beginning

a fine line between the was
and will

a place of transition
waiting
unknowing

and i suppose you could say
this is liminal

this poem

this life

this concept of eternal
that we seem to attribute
to our (sadly impermanent) art

this body of mine
is so very liminal

this voice that i roll around on my tongue
is liminal

this world itself,
a blink compared to infinity
can only be said to be
a threshhold
to somewhere else

h.f.m.
Hannah Marr May 2018
Just. Eat a bowl of cereal.
Sit on the kitchen floor carefully so the milk doesn't spill, scoop the flakes into your mouth by the streetlights filtering in through the window.

Or climb out onto the roof.
Slip out your window, hip braced on the edge, and use your arms to pull yourself up, crossing your legs on the shingles and breathing in the stardust swirling around your head.

Create a masterpiece.
Dip a brush in some paint, use your hands to shape clay, choreograph a dance, script a play, write a poem, draw a spring day.

Make a blanket fort.
Tuck the blankets over the couch, pad the floor with cushions, and flick on the TV, so you can watch cartoons while wrapped in warmth like when you were a child.

Stargaze in the backyard.
Tiptoe out the back door, quilt tugged tight around your shoulders, spread it out over the dewy grass and stretch out, facing the clouds and counting the stars.

Learn Morse Code.
-.-. --- -. ...- . .-. ... .     .-- .. - ....     -.-- --- ..- .-. ... . .-.. ..-.     .. -.     - .... .     -.. .- .-. -.- --..--     -.- . . .--. .. -. --.     -.-- --- ..- .-.     ... . -.-. .-. . - ...     -... . - .-- . . -.     -.-- --- ..-     .- -. -..     - .... .     ... .. .-.. ...- . .-.     -- --- --- -. .-.-.-

Have a shower.
Run the water hot so it'll burn when it hits your back, shed your clothes and step into the steam, breathing in the vapors and imagining that you stand in the heart of a geyser.

Go back to sleep...?
No, this elusive peace is distinctly one with the night, and it would be foolish indeed to throw away such a gift merely to function during the bland sunlight hours.

h.f.m.
972 · Jul 2018
DEAR AMERICA
Hannah Marr Jul 2018
They douse themselves in gasoline
Light a match and watch you scream
Fatal protest of worldly injustice
Is life really all that precious?

Picket signs and flooded streets
Hide your head under the sheets
Block out the passionate shouts
No way in hell you're going out!

Hiding away from all this strife
Happiness is not worth your life
At least, that is your thought
But wait until the cruel get caught

Red-handed in word and deed
Ignoring your country's need
It is increasingly self-evident
You really need a new president

h.f.m.
966 · Aug 2018
DEAD SEA
Hannah Marr Aug 2018
Throw your gold-plaited, gold-painted
copper saints into the sea—
more salt than water, the Dead Sea.
What is it, this Dead Sea? Why,
it's that place that unfaithful lovers go
in body bags.
Full of concrete blocks, that Dead Sea.
Who am I, to talk so free? Well,
I'm dead, you see.
My bones are in a bag at the bottom,
at the bed of the Dead Sea.

h.f.m.
895 · Jun 2018
A POEM, RIGHT?
Hannah Marr Jun 2018
this is
a poem
right? just
put words
on a
page in
an aesthetically
pleasing manner,
two words
to a
line to
simulate deliberate
communication to
a designated
audience who
may or
may not
even bother
reading through
to the
end. this
is poetry,
right? some
vague form
of connection
to strangers
i will
never meet
face to
face, an
illusory contact
simulating comfort
through a
blank screen,
apathetic in
and of
itself. this
makes me
a poet,
right? you
want to
bet on
how many
people will
actually read
this long,
rambling rant
in its
entirety? it
is so
easy to
mask emotion,
this rising
swell in
a hollow
chest, when
the chosen
medium is
mere words.

h.f.m.
855 · Oct 2018
LIFEBLOOD, LIFESONG
Hannah Marr Oct 2018
the aftermath is a song
breathed through broken lips

hallelujah, hallelujah
let my lifesong sing to you...


a hoarse voice lifted
in defiance

she listens to his voice
finds humor in this resistance

she twines his hair around her finger
smiling like war

he is crumpled, broken
supported by a wall of rubble

and her arms are around him
possessive, waiting

his lungs rattle
willpower is all that sustains him

her fingers linger at the corner of his mouth
tracing the words on his lips

i want to sign your name
to the end of this day


Lord led my heart was true
let my lifesong sing to you


hallelujah, hallelujah
let my lifesong sing to you...


his voice trails off
his eyes drift closed

she lifts his frail form
victorious

the ground where he had lain
is stained crimson

her hands are dark
with his blood

his spirit, though
is finally at peace

h.f.m.
805 · Jun 2018
SIMPLE
Hannah Marr Jun 2018
i want to write something
simple

why can't anything be
simple?

it seems everyone thinks i'm
simple
since i want life to be
simple
they laugh and say nothing is
simple
not even truth is
simple
how could i write anything
simple?
i'd have to lie, plain and
simple

i just want something to be
simple
anything to be
simple
why can nothing be
simple?

h.f.m.
Hannah Marr May 2018
if i was less of a hypocrite
i suppose i would not have gotten in this deep
sink or swim, do or die
i might have been able to sleep
last night, if i was less of a hypocrite

if i was less of a hypocrite
i would not have presumptuously told you
not to frivolously spend your friendship
while i tried to write up a list of people
who would even be willing to converse with me

if i was less of a hypocrite
i would not have matter-of-factly implied that you
didn't go to bed early enough to sleep properly
since i was staying up to write this poem
and wouldn't turn of the lights 'till midnight

if i was less of a hypocrite
i would not have warned you against swimming too far
as i stroked out to the boats without thinking
with hardly any strength to make it back
(my brother said i almost drowned)

if i was less of a hypocrite
i would not have told you to love every bit of yourself
no matter what anyone else will say
because, my friend, i don't even like myself
can't even look myself in the eyes sometimes

if i was less of a hypocrite
maybe i'd still be around for you
because i wouldn't have gone out after ten
to buy some chips from the 7/11
and i would have been at home in the morning

if i was less of a hypocrite
maybe you'd actually be able to trust my judgement
and the silky words that slip out of my mouth
'cause then my actions would reflect my words
and i could possibly be considered a decent human being

if i was less of a hypocrite
i suppose i would not have gotten in this deep
sink or swim, do or die
i might have been able to sleep
last night, if i was less of a hypocrite

h.f.m.
Hannah Marr Nov 2018
Armed with vocal thoughts,
"I" speaks to "You;"
"I" being myself, a rebel-revolutionary,
and "You" being a like-minded individual.
This is a call to arms, my brethren of the pen,
a call to non-violent, passive-aggressive action.
As poets, as shapers of culture,
as heathen warriors of ink and paper,
we are, by unwritten definition, radicals.
We are master isolationists, visionaries,
unwitting weavers of the immense tapestry of time.
Each word, each thought, each image that is
translated from mind to word and deed,
is an instance of your exemplary credentials
in the world of genuine thoughtfulness
and uncomfortably candid philosophy.
"I," as a symbol of myself,
encourages "You," a like-minded individual,
to pick up your threads of thought and
tie comforting commonality into knots
of free thought and controversial honesty
that takes effort to unravel and understand.
"I," a wildfire, challenges "You," standing trees,
to wield your casually intense influence
towards the betterment of our scattered communities.
Draw on historical records,
on embarrassingly personal experience,
on relatable and unrelatable tails
of second-hand hearsay.
Draw on the words of our predecessors,
the ones who waxed lyrical
and the ones who rambled on a tangent.
Draw on the empathetic, mental-link
between "I" and "You" and "Everybody Else."
Take the whole of creation in your hands,
twist and mold it into a new shape,
then plant it in the ground to grow anew.
The words of "I" and the words of "You"
are a seismic catalyst.
All we have to do is trust,
trust in the thought of "You" and
trust in the thought of "I,"
and the poetry in the pages of your notebooks
will take their first, living breath.

h.f.m.
687 · Apr 2018
SCRIPTURIENT
Hannah Marr Apr 2018
adjective

1. i never asked to be like this, consumed utterly. when i run out of ink i dip my quill in my own veins and scratch out beautiful, ethereal, unutterable words in crimson. passion and pain are interchangeable in my mind, each one bleeding into the other and through each other.

2. words forge my palace and my prison. i compose poetry and story and power, like a creature possessed. my pen flies across the page, like it has a mind of its own.

3. i run out of space on the page in front of me, filling my notebook, filling innumerable napkins at various cafés with half-formed thoughts and unintelligible scribbles. i ink 3am inspirations and epiphanies on my skin, up and down my arms, a living testament to my obsession, my mania.

4. i must move mountains and i have a teaspoon for a *****.

h.f.m.
656 · Aug 2018
WISHES
Hannah Marr Aug 2018
if a wish were a hood it could keep off the rain
it could hide my face, hide my shame

if a wish were a ring it could bind my heart
it could bind my soul, a vital part

if a wish were glue it could keep me together
i could feel more grounded, or light as a feather

if a wish were more than a thought...
but no, it is all for naught

h.f.m.
647 · May 2018
AIR
Hannah Marr May 2018
AIR
it's not
that i can't breath
just that the air
is too heavy
too humid
too thick with lies and
sickly sweet half-truths
that choke me up
and fill my lungs with smog
drowning me with the intention
towards strife and barbarity to consume
the life-giving
and raise
the executioners
on their thrones
of thorns

it's not
that i can't breath
just that the air
isn't right
does not satisfy
this burning in my lungs and
the dizzy fog in my head
that trips me up
and fills my mouth with gasps
my lungs heaving against iron bands
of cultural and social restrictions
on the righteous
and leniency
for the cruel
on their stages
in masks

it's not
that i can't breath
just that the air
is alive
smothering me
intoxicating and illusory and
insubstantial as a midnight dream
that jolts me awake
and fills me with unreasoning panic
banishing from my mind all reason
in the laws of nature to protect
the awake
and disturb
the sleepers
in their hollows
of selfishness.


h.f.m.
646 · Feb 2019
SAHARA CRADLES
Hannah Marr Feb 2019
Sahara cradles
the sun-bleached bones of a temple,
still strewn where the blazing heat
washed over it in trembling waves,
draining it of colour and shape,
reducing it to the gnawed on toys
of Sahara's chittering children.

She sighs
as the wind caresses
the curves of her back.
She shifts, slow,
and time covers
the shadow of the holy,
granting it final rest
in a dusty grave
under the watchful silver eye
rising in the heavens.

Sahara cradles
her new ward
to her chest
as the night comes awake.

h.f.m.
Hannah Marr Jun 2018
My poems are pretty nice, I know
These premeditated thoughts I type up
To show you a sliver of me
But you haven't met me in person

On the other side of this poem
The other side of the screen
I'm just another high school student
Plodding along with the rest

I have a few people
(like, one or two)
Who I talk to occasionally
So I can call them friends

I have a loving family
There are seven of us in the house, though
So it's a bit crowded
And crowds stress me out

I'm a bit of an introvert
So even though I hate to be lonely
I don't really mind being alone
Prefer it, actually, most of the time

In person I'm small
And a bit quiet 'till you know me
Won't talk till you show interest
Then talk your ear off in excitement

I do tend to ramble
This shows in my poetry sometimes
Mostly because I don't have chance to practice
Normal conversing behavior

I talk too fast, and too much about myself
I'm a bit annoying, to be honest
And I'm pretty absent-minded
Forgetting to eat or go to bed on occasion

In person I'm sarcastic
A bit sassy too
But I'm always scared I'll hurt someone
And at the slightest confrontation I clam up

I favor silence, and solitude
As (unhealthy) coping mechanisms
Because I hate bothering people
And will withdraw if I think I'm being irritating

In person I'm shy and solitary
In person I'm too needy and excitable
In person I'm a bit naive and lonesome
In person I'd rather die than hurt anyone

So you know my poetry—
A bit sad and fierce
With a few encouraging works thrown in—
But you haven't met me in person

h.f.m.
543 · Jun 2018
YOU DECOMPOSE
Hannah Marr Jun 2018
happily, you decompose
releasing your woes
even as they drag away your laughter

euphorically, you dissolve
losing your resolve
to live, even as your fears leave you

elatedly, you decay
your skin turns ash-grey
and maggots dig into your flesh

passionately, you molder
your recently-cremated ashes smolder
the flame devoured you with all the ferocity of a lover

joyfully, you disintegrate
forget the cold burn of hate
and misplace the memory of love, too

blissfully, you rot
lose your affinity with thought
your mind a directionless searching

delightedly, you wither
there is no time to dither
no time, full sprint to oblivion

reverently, you splinter
welcome eternal winter
relegate warmth to your fleeing memories

earnestly, you break down
your will is to drown
all your issues are a rising sea

fervently, you fall apart
you thought you were so smart
with death comes release, no?

h.f.m.
534 · May 2018
SKIN
Hannah Marr May 2018
I want to slip out of my skin
And sink into the coat of a doe
Tiptoeing past moss-trees
And through thorn-brush

I want to shed my skin
And don the scales of a serpent
Gliding through dappled-shade
And below autumnal-leaves

I want to disrobe my skin
And wrap myself in the pelt of a cat
Prowling in the half-shadows
And morning's false-dawn

I want to dissolve my skin
And absorb infinity into myself
Drifting through space-time
And and the never-never in between

h.f.m.
511 · Jun 2018
DYING SLOWLY
Hannah Marr Jun 2018
I'm dying, my friends,
but it's okay.
I'm only dying slowly.

I don't have a diagnosed illness, like you'd think,
unless you can count 'life,'
but I think some would call that thought 'blasphemous.'

I can feel the approach of the end,
stalking me on soft feet. A mere breath,
coaxing me towards the deepest sleep.

I've made my bed, so no worries, I'll lie in it.
I've fluffed the down pillows and starched the sheets,
I won't have to be afraid of dreams this time around.

I have a sense it won't be old age that does me in,
but I mightn't die young, either,
not that it really matters.

I'll take my time in this world,
but once the sand's at the bottom of the glass,
I won't look back.

Do I flirt with death? Oh yes.
I've brushed hands with him a few times.
I don't think he minds that much.

I'm dying, my friends, but it's okay.

I'm only dying slowly.

h.f.m.
498 · May 2018
CERULEAN
Hannah Marr May 2018
adjective

1. we were all creatures of the sky, once. so do you remember how it feels to fly? tumbling and swooping through the air, the wind in your face and a laugh on your lips. in your arms it did not seem possible that i would fall. you saved me and i am unable to return the favor.

2. your eyes shine like merry stars and i am lost gazing into their depths. i can trace constellations across the bridge of your nose and when your mouth meets mine i suddenly feel weightless in the absence of gravity. the voices tell me i'm home.

3. the universe is an omniscient creature, and it knows your name.

h.f.m.
484 · Apr 2018
ABSOLUTION
Hannah Marr Apr 2018
noun

1. this end is only a new beginning, the man at the podium affirms. a better place, a new adventure, is waiting for all of us when we pass on. i care not for that, watching my family's stony faces. there is a terrible wrenching where my stomach used to be. it's name is guilt.

2. i haunt my own home for the next several days, the next several weeks, the next several months, the next several years. i watch over them, trying to pay back their kindness from a past life. there is a pull where my chest used to be. it's name is obligation.

3. a man comes to be, insubstantial. rid yourself of this burden, he says. you need not be their keeper. they have forgiven you long before your passing.

4. i am free, i am free, i am free.

h.f.m.
448 · Aug 2018
COMPASS, COMPASS
Hannah Marr Aug 2018
inner compass, guide me home
i'm lost in the dark, all alone
moral compass, calm my fears
make good choices, dry my tears
compass, compass, lead me forth
marching towards my heart's true north

h.f.m.
434 · Apr 2018
LET'S TALK
Hannah Marr Apr 2018
We haven't seen each other for three years and now you want to talk?
Fine, okay, let's talk.
Let's talk about how you took an impressionable kid and twisted them into what you wanted.
Let's talk about how the world revolved around you, according to you.
Let's talk about how you took my name, spit on it, and dragged it through the dust.
Let's talk about how when you had someone, they had to fight for you to let them go.
Let's talk about how I was the first to put you in your place
And now you want be to come crawling back?
Unbelievable.

Let's talk about how I never want to see you again.
Let's talk about how I never want to speak to you again.
Let's talk about how I never even want to think about you again.
Let's talk about how you can't touch me, now that I'm free of you.

And let's talk about all of this over the phone,
Because I can't stand to see your face.
Better yet, let's talk over text,
Because your voice itself makes me sick.
And when we're done —no, when I'M done—
Forget my name.
Forget my voice.
Forget my face.

I never want to hear from you again.
You're finished.

h.f.m.
427 · Apr 2018
THEOMANIA
Hannah Marr Apr 2018
noun

1. you think you know what i am? you know nothing.

2. 'crazy,' you mutter, strapping me in white with buckles and soothing words of false promise. 'delusional,' you whisper, bolting the door of this padded room and leaving me behind with the echoes of your footsteps. 'formidable,' you admit, in the quiet of your thoughts as tendrils of fear take root. at least you have one thing right.

3. are you listening? i am the end of all things. you cannot hope to contain me. i see all, i know all, i am all. there is nowhere i cannot escape to track you down. there is nowhere you can hide. i will find you.

4. it is written in the stars. my rise, from the ashes of this prison that smells of antiseptic and lemons and sickness. my *******, of this disintegrating world and all others. my fulfillment, of all and every purpose. you will bow. you will all bow. nothing will be as before.

5. i am everything. i am the world. i am you.

h.f.m.
416 · Oct 2018
I AM POET
Hannah Marr Oct 2018
i am fire
i am angel
the holy words of golden hymns
scorch my chapped lips
as i brand my pale skin with the word
salvation
over and over and over
until my tears blaze singed trails
down both my cheeks

i am dark
i am story
my wings are inked words
and bleached-white parchment
oh so flammable and
oh so transcendent
curled around my shoulders
and twining tattoos
down my back

i am silence
i am song
ending and beginning and ending again
with not a bang but a
hushed whisper
i heard muted songs weaving tapestries
of mute lyrics and unsung melodies but
my place above is
vacant

h.f.m.
Hannah Marr Jun 2019
i.
your prose ache for company, a set of romantic ideals long bound in a strongbox labeled socially discouraged. you dont understand why they want you to treat her like some flower when she is one of those old-growth firs who has a soul older than you have ever lived and who will still be standing long after you are gone. you do not see the sense in treating her like glass when she is a steel-forged blade.

ii.
even still, you suppose you are a hopeless romantic, only you wish the roles could be reversed. you are weaker than her by far, and the both of you know it, so why must the prince save the princess from the dragon? (my thoughts are dragons, you write in black, erasable ink. dragons and fire.) you think that if you were to face down a dragon, whether or not there is a princess to save, it would swallow you whole.

iii.
flowers and chocolate and love poems are all part of the stereotypical romantic cliche, but youve never received any yourself. you wonder if you even deserve any

iv.
but listen, listen, little whiteboard poet. she may be strong and she may be sharp and she may have depths you could never hope to search, but just like you trace temporary words when no one is around, ive seen the way she looks at you when you arent paying attention. worry not, scholarly prince, your warrior princess is coming.

h.f.m.
406 · May 2018
AVALON
Hannah Marr May 2018
I wish to travel to Avalon
that island wreathed in legend.
I wish to travel to Avalon
this yearning a stone in my chest.
I wish to travel to Avalon
with Arthur himself as my guide.
I wish to travel to Avalon
to have my wounds healed liked that great King's.
I wish to travel to Avalon
that birthplace of Excalibur.
I wish to travel to Avalon
so my soul might similarly be forged.
I wish to travel to Avalon
and task that place with my eternal rest.

h.f.m.
394 · May 2018
TO BE SOULFUL
Hannah Marr May 2018
some would say that
'soulful'
would be the opposite of
'soulless'
but i don't think that is
quite right

to be 'soulless' is to have
soul, less

to be 'soulful' it to have
soul, full

two sides of the same coin
not contradictions

as an antonym for
'soulful'
i would propose
'empty'
or
'barren'
or
'void'
as opposed to the common
misconception
of 'soulless'

to be 'soulful' is to be
'brimming'
or
'bursting'
or
'overflowing'
with this concept of 'soul'
and 'soulless'
is not necessarily an
exception
to possessing
'soul'

'those who do not care
once cared to much'
right?

h.f.m.
371 · Jun 2018
AMBASSADOR
Hannah Marr Jun 2018
ambassador to the land of my soul, please let me know.
how is my fair land progressing?
this exile's heart aches for news
and longs to see those familiar fields once again.

ambassador of my spirit, oh, let me hear it!
what is happening in the country named youth?
these weary pariah's hands clasped before you
wish to tend to their old gardens once more.

ambassador of the nation of my mind, why keep me blind?
why keep your silence sternly as i weep?
every scintilla of my being screams with desire
to even set foot in my own form one last time.

ambassador, please.
this yearning tears me in two.

h.f.m.
365 · Apr 2018
SATURNINE
Hannah Marr Apr 2018
adjective

1. i wonder what you think when you look at me with those oh so perfect sweet eyes. do you think what a monster. do you think i am seeing a legend in the making.

2. we all bleed the same color when the thin armor of our skin in cut and parted. the pain is only temporary. everything is temporary. but this blood is such a vibrant red.

3. the other day you lay on the damp grass in the school field wondering aloud why the people could be so cruel, why the sky was so covered in smog, why the world was so cold, why, why, why. wouldn't we all like to know.

4. this is all we are. pathetic creatures who don't know what we have until it's gone.

5. they call me bitter. they call me cold. they call me hollow. i am merely a more honest one of them.

6. and do not forget— you are just like me. you too have no soul.

h.f.m.
342 · Apr 2018
JAANEMAN
Hannah Marr Apr 2018
noun

1. the scent of after-rain and earthy vanilla saturate the pages of the time-worn books piled around me like my very own wizard tower. multiloquent magician that i am, weaving words with merely my will and a quill, i cannot help but think that the smell itself is its own kind of strange and wonderful magic.

2. the sound of faint bass through headphones hanging from around my neck twines through the counter-melody looping in my head and is like my own background music. life is a movie-set and in every recording there is a harmonious strain picked up by the mikes with no discernible source. i am my own hero in this one.

3. the taste of mint on the tip of my tongue as i inhale the perfume of my garden reminds me of tree-shadows under noon-day sun, or creeks trickling through boulder fields. sparrows nestle on my collar bones, tickling my throat and filling my mouth with the summer-dust flavor of feathers.

4. the sight of a sweet shop or a library or a craft market or a street busker sends an effervescent thrill across my shoulders, seeing the pieces of the puzzle that makes up my art, on display for the world.

5. the feel of a pen in my hand is akin to being touched by the divine, with the power of pure creation at my fingertips. a world of my own making unrolls before me. it is an ever-evolving, stirring, dynamic creature of ink that is singing singing singing to my soul.

h.f.m.
326 · Jun 2018
YOU EVER
Hannah Marr Jun 2018
You ever want to cry for no ****** reason,
and bawl your eyes out for a melancholy you can't pin down?

You ever feel invisible iron bands constricting around your chest,
and trapping your breath in your burning lungs?

You ever want to scream, tearing up your throat with sound,
and you have no ******* clue why because everything was fine?

You ever get home on a good day, knowing you should be happy,
and it's all you can do to get into bed before you fall apart?

You ever feel overwhelmed, with everything's too bright, too loud,
and all you want is for everything to stop, for you to stop, just...

You ever look at your life, realize nothing bad ever happens to you,
and still kinda feel half-dead inside anyway?

You ever curl inwards into yourself from the pain of it,
and never find out what 'it' is?

You ever hate yourself a bit,
and hate yourself for that because you were raised on love?

You ever just want to lay down on the cold, unyielding earth
and let life go on without you?

h.f.m.
Hannah Marr May 2018
"Aaron, I think I'm in love."

                                                         ­                                        "With who?"

"I saw her in the park.
Her hair, unbound.
Unbridled laughter
spilling from her lips
like a sweet cherry wine."

                                                         ­                "You haven't even spoken.
                                                         ­ How can you be in love with her?"

"You see, I'm in love with the way
she tilts her head just so in the sunlight
so a halo appears in her copper curls.
I'm in love with the way
she flashes a pearl-white smile
at even the smallest joke.
It isn't a sort of love
that compels me to be with her
you understand."

                                                   ­                                     "I'm not sure I do.
                                                             ­                                          Explain."

"It's like loving the stars
for their beauty.
You know they are there
even when you cannot see them
and they fill you with hope
even though you never
hope to touch them.
It is like that."

                                                         ­                  "I'm still not quite sure..."

"Aaron, I am in love
with her pure, unabashed
vitality.
With how she is unspeakably,
undeniably human
in everything,
despite everything.
With the fact that
she can brighten the day
of even a stranger such as I
just with her laugh."

                                                        ­                     "What are you planning
                                                        ­                        do do about this 'love'
                                                          ­                     that you claim to feel?"

"Nothing.
That is,
nothing to do with her.
Really, all I can do
is strive to emulate
the ease with which
she portrayed herself
so I can hope to bring
someone else the same joy."

                                                          ­                         "A noble aspiration."

"I'd like to think so.
I only wish she could know
that she has affected me this deeply.
I wish I knew even her name."

                                                         ­  "I'm sure that you are not the first,
                                                nor the last to feel this way towards her.
                                                            ­     Someone, even if it's not you,
                                                            ­                 will tell her eventually."

"I am sure of it.
I hope whoever it is makes her happy."

                                                        ­                                                   "Terry,
                                                         ­                                       do you think
                                                           ­                            there was a reason
                                                          ­                           you felt so strongly
                                                        ­                       about this, about her?"

"Maybe.
I was...
having a bad day.
Everything was
grey."

                                                     ­                          "And she was a spark?
                                                          ­                         She gave you hope?"

"Yes.
I suppose."

                                                      ­                           "I'm glad of her, then.
                                                           ­ Perhaps you may meet her again,
                                                          ­                                       fate willing."

"Fate willing."

h.f.m.
309 · May 2018
LAST ONE STANDING
Hannah Marr May 2018
I'm getting the sense I need to write my own eulogy
because at this point it seems I'll be the last one standing.
Cancer, depression, corruption,
taking on the world's population one by one,
and yet I am miraculously sheltered.
To think I'd make it longer than everyone else,
it's almost laughable.
I can't even picture myself five years from now
and yet I get the sense I'll be the last one to go.
The world is ending my friends,
I think we can all agree.
It's all our fault, too,
this endless misery.

Release me from the confines of my empathy.
How I wish the hurt of others from times long past
did not cause me pain as surely as any ****** wound.

h.f.m.
304 · Jun 2018
TRUST TRYST
Hannah Marr Jun 2018
i met my lover by the old juniper tree
in the dead of night when none could see
a song in my heart and a ring in his hand
he slipped onto my finger that bright silver band

i met my lover by the old juniper tree
a week had passed by most merrily
a tear in his eye and blood on his skin
he confessed to committing a foul sin

i met my lover by the old juniper tree
he convinced me to come with him to flee
a bag in my grip and a fear in my heart
no time for goodbyes, we hastened to depart

i met my lover by the old juniper tree
i learned a desperate man was he
he had lies on his name, and that one ring
his faithlessness had tried from him to wring

i met my lover by the old juniper tree
he asked did i love him, since he loved me?
truth on my tongue and a blade in my fist
i cursed him for breaking our midnight tryst

i met my lover by the old juniper tree
he knelt at my feet to make his plea
sorrow on his lips and love in his eye
i watched my unfaithful lover die

h.f.m.
301 · Apr 2018
INCENDIARY
Hannah Marr Apr 2018
noun

1. sharp teeth, fluttering hands, heart of a dying star— icarus himself could not imagine the heights you have climbed or your glorious, blazing fall. your bones are burning, your bones are ash, scattered across this never-place between life and death and eternal limbo.

2. you're permanently damaged, but it's fine, you're fine. you can always expect a myriad of scars to accompany the trauma. it's not like it's anything new, either. at least if you burn you might be able to take this unkind world down with you.

3. the inferno surrounding you dances with deadly beauty. and as we all know, beautiful things are lethal.

4. you understand you are a liability?

5. you don't want to go back to that dark place in your mind again. it would be better to be mere cinders.

h.f.m.
279 · Jun 2018
ETERNAL REMNANTS
Hannah Marr Jun 2018
i.
i'm always just
a remnant
of what i used to be
hollow hands holding
grains of sand that
slither out between
these cold fingers

ii.
they say we're made up of
stardust
stars that burned bright
and burned out
'till their only
remnants were
echos of light

iii.
i've changed
and changed
and changed
many times
in the years of my life
whittled away
bit by bit
like a wood carving
'till i'm the perfected form
and the remaining
shavings on the floor

iv.
spring to summer
summer to fall
these roots turn cold
and these fruits
of my year's labor
fall to the ground
to feed the worms
and i am a brittle
stick-like thing
waiting for the sun
to dispel this dismal fog
that clouds the
remnants of this mind

v.
eternally temporary
that's how it is, is it?
i won't be here
but these atoms of mine
cosmic space-specks
will remain
i will leave behind
my legacy
if not my
memory

h.f.m.
275 · Apr 2018
HWYL
Hannah Marr Apr 2018
noun

1. i will always be afraid.'bold, heroic, daring...' these are words to describe another. despite this, i will never shy away from myself. i may not be brave, but i am honest.

2. have you ever found a poem that touched you, brushed your very soul, and sent shivers across your skin? inexplicably, indisputably, a dust-spark alights gently in your lungs. inhale, fire. exhale, smoke.

3. flames on my tongue like a shakespearean sonnet, embers on my lips searing like birdsong. i am too terrified to speak. for you, i would.

4. i am finally doing something right.

h.f.m.
Hannah Marr Jun 2018
It is possible to be loved while in a thousand pieces.

Shattered glass pieced together in a mosaic
brought forth as a newer image, different from before.

You can't stand up or move away from the sink,
they rub the small of your back, bring you a glass of water.

Grey days stretched to grey nights to grey weeks,
only this faint grey light holding back the dark.

My dandelion-yellow heart, you are not so far gone
that your spectral graces remain unseen.

If you truly love a flower, you don't pluck it from the dirt
that it may wish to leave.

It is possible to be loved in a thousand pieces.

h.f.m.
257 · Apr 2019
THE MAGPIE TO THE AUTHOR
Hannah Marr Apr 2019
Today the magpie cried 'salvation'
As I woke to tangled sheets
Binding bare, shaking legs.
My bed released me hesitantly,
Reluctant to entrust me to the day's devices.
Stormclouds buzz behind grey eyes
That vacantly watch steam rise in wisps
From a cup clutched in trembling hands.
Marshal the troupes,
Pen, paper, caffeine fix in hand,
An orderly retreat into the inner sanctum.
Today the magpie cried in dawn light.
I rolled over and went back to sleep.

h.f.m.
246 · Jun 2018
AND BACK AGAIN
Hannah Marr Jun 2018
i.
You thought that the kitchen lights were almost high-beams on a freeway. Colors were crisp (too crisp), vivid as if the world were a high definition television, one with everyone scurrying around on fast forward with the volume turned up, blaring louder than your ability to comprehend. Everything was too much, too fast, too loud.

Everything was, simply put, overwhelming.

ii.
There was a word for that, you thought. A word for that feeling of detached, surreal immediacy.

Dissociation? No.
Derealization? Maybe.

Whatever it was, it couldn't possibly hold this, the whole of what this was, how it felt, in this moment, in this moment, in this—

iii.
You realized you were spiraling.

You pulled out, sharply, sharp enough to cut yourself. You looked at the blood beading on your wrist like ruby spheres of light. It was beautiful, entrancing. You could watch it forever...

iv.
There is a knife in your hand.

There is always a knife in your hand, you think, even when there isn't, when your hands are empty.

It means you're always ready to hurt someone, even when you're not, when you are empty.

v.
The world is normal again, after that.
Slowed down, quieter.

vi.
Kitchen lights are just kitchen lights, after all. How could they possibly make you think of driving? Driving fast, and furiously, reaching the speed limit and still flooring the pedal, seeing how far you could go before you ran out of gas or crashed gloriously in a blaze of light and sound and sparks and sirens—

vii.
You've forgotten where you're going with this.

viii.
You've been gone a while, you think, in that state.
You're pretty sure you're back again.

Now?
You just want to sleep.

h.f.m.
233 · Jun 2018
PAINTED SKY
Hannah Marr Jun 2018
the sky
was painted
last night

in the west
it was pink
and blue
and gold
like the sun

in the east
it was grey
and cloudy
and angry
like me

the sunlight pierced
these storm-cloud eyes
blinding me

the sun slipped
below the horizon
like a lover
under bed sheets
fleetingly bright
then gone

the sky
was painted
last night

a van gogh
a starry night
at eternity's gate

with lightning
thunder
and stormclouds
blowing west
to cover the sky

h.f.m.
229 · Apr 2018
BALTER
Hannah Marr Apr 2018
verb

1. a rapid tempo beats behind my ribs, beats inside my skull. a marching drum within my skin, setting the pace. we run, we fly, twirling and leaping in the clearing around the blaze. the stars flash between the leaves above in time with your pulse. you laugh, wild and loud and full. you are a dancing creature of the wood, and i never tire of watching you.

2. we would win no prizes with our art but our movements are synced with our breathing, and is there a better definition of grace? stumbling over each other and using each other's arms to keep upright, our laughter is a tangible thing twisting along beside us in the dark on the slick, dewy grass.

3. this moment is forever, a background soundtrack of reckless, boundless joy tinged with fire and moonlight. this is the epitome of the immortal, boundless youth.

4. this moment, this dance, this one eternal night... think of this when you think of me.

h.f.m.
225 · Apr 2018
LOVE POEMS
Hannah Marr Apr 2018
It is an opinion that I have oft' expressed
to family and friends
that love poems are the epicenter
of the stereotypical romantic cliche.

The problem with someone like myself
expressing such a thought
is that I have no basis of comparison
to determine the worth of such a poem.

You see, in my experience, such things
can be correctly valued
only by those who have an objective
understanding of love and poetry both.

I, unlike most, have not the credentials
to evaluate either
since I am a novice in one
and greatly biased in the other.

There is the possibility that jealousy
is the root of this view
since I have not experienced love
and cannot poetically imitate such passion.

Lonesomeness breeds bitterness
breeds loathing
breeds scorn, and ridicule, and
I cannot honestly deny these in myself.

Love poems, I admit, are quite beautiful
though equally painful
odes to a complexity far beyond
the realm of my limited understanding.

It is an opinion that I have oft' expressed
to family and friends
that love poems are the epicenter
of the stereotypical romantic cliche.

Which, I suppose, is not really a bad thing.

h.f.m.
222 · Aug 2018
MORAL GARB
Hannah Marr Aug 2018
i wanted to say something about
social culture concerning clothes,
something about the six moral stages
from my grade eleven psych class,
something about individualism
(and the farce that is individualism).
i wanted to say something about
the contrast between ethics and morality
in comparison to the whole and the singular.
about how the path to hell is paved with good intentions.
but you know what?
i don't give a **** about what you wear,
what you think about right and wrong.
i'll do me,
you do you,
and we'll give each other a wide berth,
aight?

h.f.m.
219 · Apr 2018
INSTEAD
Hannah Marr Apr 2018
Shards of glass and roses in your rib cage
Instead of lungs
Petals on your tongue and pieces of broken bottles
Instead of teeth
Inhaling the scent of flowers and beer
Instead of air
Speaking in thorns and silky liquors
Instead of words
You are a garden and a foggy hangover
Instead of a girl

h.f.m.
Hannah Marr Apr 2018
It's 8pm, but why does that matter?
8pm is a world of home movies and cuddles and steaming tea,
where time is put on hold for a while, just to
give us a moment to breathe, lean in, and sigh,
"This is us, this relaxed euphoria. This is us, this retreat from the dawn and the brutal day."

It's 10pm, but what difference does that make?
10 pm is a world of computer screens and soft music and stories,
where time stretches and bends, shaping itself to
the space around you, murmuring just out of your sight,
"This is us, this peaceful calm. This is us, this rest from the dawn and the bustling day."

It's midnight, but does that mean anything, really?
Midnight is a world of shadows and streetlights and fog,
where infinity is a moment, a breath of space to
grasp with cold fingers to bring to one's mouth and whisper,
"This is us, this cool desolation. This is us, this retribution against the dawn and the burning day."

It's 2am, but what does that have to do with anything?
2am is a world of pauses and hesitations and waking dreams,
where time has a physical, transparent form to
inhabit like this liminal skin that hisses and cries and hums,
"This is us, this recurring threshold. This is us, this barrier against the dawn and the broken day."

It's 4am, but who cares?
4am is a world of laughter and grins and reckless abandon,
where we are liberated from our corporeal forms to
transcend the bonds of duty and responsibility, singing,
"This is us, this ethereal dance. This is us, this rebellion against the dawn and the belligerent day."

It's 6am, but is it?
6am is a world of last chances and final requests and goodbyes,
where the time-slipping of the night is fading to
be replaced by the inevitability of the rising sun, sighing,
"This is us, this new ending. This is us, this poem against the dawn and the bothersome day."

h.f.m.
Hannah Marr May 2018
"...Aaron?
What is it?"

                                                           ­                                             "Terry.
                                                                           I need you to pick me up.
                                                             ­                        I think I'm drunk."


"Drunk?
Where are you?"

                                                          ­                                 "I'm not sure."

"That's so helpful.
How am I supposed to find you?"

                                                          ­                                                      "I...
    ­                                                                 ­                                            ..."


"Are you...
...crying?"

                                             ­                                   "Just come find me."

"Sure.
Tell me where to look."

                                                         ­                                     "That place.
                                                         ­                            You know where."


"Oh.
Okay.
I'll be right over.
Don't throw up on me
when I get there."

                                                        ­                                                    "Heh,
      ­                                                                 ­                      I'll try not to."


"Stay on the phone.
What are you even doing
over there, after
what happened?"

                                                     ­                                    "It's all my fault,
                                                          ­                                          you know?
                                                           ­                        If it weren't for me...
                                                           ­                                                      ..."


"Don't go
silent on me, man.
And no,
it wasn't your fault.
You had nothing to do with it."

                                                           ­        "It should've been me, Terry.
                                                          ­                  It
would have been me
                                                              ­             if you hadn't saved me."


"And I would do it again."

                                                        ­                  "You still get nightmares
                                                      ­                                     from that night,
                                                          ­                                        don't you?"


"..."

                                                  ­                                     "You still there?"

"I'm here.
And yes,
I do still get nightmares.
About what I would have seen
if I hadn't gotten there in time."

                                                         ­                  "You should have saved
                                                           ­                           one of the others."


"You're drunk, Aaron.
We'll talk about this
at the apartment."

                                                    ­                                "I'm serious, Terry.
                                                          ­                      It shouldn't have been
                                                            ­                                                   me
           ­                                                                 ­             that you saved."


"I'm not talking about this
with you right now.
I stand by my decision."

                                                     ­                                                "Terry..."

"No.
Shut up.
How many times
have you saved me, Aaron?
All those times I've
wandered off,
with no one who would
bother looking for me?
All those times I
woke up screaming,
who was there for me?
I don't regret my choice.
Neither should you."

                                                          ­                                             "Sorry."

"What are you
apologizing for?
I understand."

                                                   ­                                          "Thank you."

"What are friends for?"

h.f.m.
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