Reaching up to the sky
Long arms miles high
Up to fairytales and clouds
Out of distance of barking hounds

Stretching tendrils thin and long
Caring not for right, nor wrong
To the sun in the sky
Hot and cold, wet and dry

Leaves and flowers
Sun and shade
And a place and that they have made

Dirt and water
Sky and fire
Out of reach, climbing higher

Every time we kiss
The strings slowly tighten

Every time we touch
Those strings are strengthened

Every time you walk away
I catch my breath

Every time you shadow fades
The strings cut deep like blades

When I am alone I am weak
When I am with you the strings are strong

You string me alone
You hold my hand

I am tied in knots
My strings are long

But all I want is to sing your song
I'll let you play my strings I'll let you pull
Cause I can trust you because you will never let me go

Its welcome in the darkness
But scary in the light
It leaves me feeling empty, cold and tight
The contrast of the noise
The difference of confusion
A quiet I can understand
A battle I am loosing

A child afraid of noises and whispers
Not knowing the real fear hides inside
Mixed with the truth
Mixed with the lies
Hidden from protective eyes

The moment of peace
The weight of tears
Pain carried through the years

Press your hands into my heart
Hard enough to make an impression
Push as if to make the marks last
Scare me, so I will always remember
That someone walked my veins
And danced inside my lungs
That you were in my heart
You felt it beating loud and steady
You pushed until I was ready
To love you so hard again
To feel this world of mice and men

As the world of your dreams lays shattered on the floor
Will you dig its grave into my broken heart?
So that our broken, imperfect pieces,
*Will never be far apart

I saw you and it was like breathing in glass
You smiled and what was left of my world shattered
You picked up my broken pieces
Even though you cut your hands, the pain didn't matter
Words from you lips, said you cared about me
Lines on your face, said your smile was real
We wove a dream into a sea of ribbons
And danced in our heads from two different places
We never slept together and we never slept apart
Because we held each other right inside our hearts
I boarded a train to a nightmare and didn't know how to get off
But somehow you found me before I got to lost
You brought me home and dried my tears
And said you would vanquish all my fears
You were only afraid of sharks and I said 'this isn't Jaws.'
And I fell into your lips and we ignored all the laws
The cosmos 'Ooohed'
And the stars 'Aaahed'
Then all we had together was thrown like wind to the sand
And it was all gone, it never ended like we planned

you rubbed your face against my shoulder
I felt the bristly hairs of your beard
giggling because it tickled
you smiled as I stole the snapback from your head
you took mine and put it on backwards
I fell into your arms and I still haven't gotten out
please don't smile like an angelic demon
because my heaven is your hell

the best moment of my life
was when

you kissed me

between my eyes
above my nose
on my brow

and i will never ever forget

how loved you made me feel

Some steps are hard to take
Some people you just can't let go

That first step
When you hold your breath
And tread onto the ice

You pray in your mind
With your hands tightly clenched
That it won't break

That you won't break
Like you have before
So many times

You know it can hold you
But you don't know
If it can bear your scars

You carry them proudly
But not for all to see
A secret burden

They lighten some things
And others they drag down
But will they crack the ice

You reach for the edge
Something to grasp
But just out of reach

Just like your nights
You reach for someone
But they are just out of reach

It's not so much the fact of being alone
Than feeling alone
No one wants that.

Yes, you love your solitude
You crave the dark
Yet you need a friend

You want hands
To reach for you
To catch you

Before your fall
Before the ice cracks
In the moment of opportunity

That is where you find yourself
In that moment
In the moment of opportunity

You are not afraid
You have felt pain before
It still lingers, yet

You are not timid
You have walked this road
Yet it wearies you

You are apprehensive
Of who you are
In the dark

You do not know
If this is your last night
Maybe you wont return to the light

The sun kisses your face
But does not shine in your eyes
Like the light in those around you

The moon, your dark Queen
You bask in her light
And serve her temporal being

A balance you seek
A scale you weigh
Of light and dark

Both a beautiful half
Of a bigger part
The light all the of days

So territorial, you are
Of all you hold dear
Of all that lies

Just out of reach
You wish to hold it
All in your arms

Keep all you love
Safe from harm
But it tears your wounds open

Your scars burn like fire
In gaze of unknown eyes
And you turn to the shadows

But my friend
My dearest friend
I know you

I have walked the halls
Of your sorrowed heart
I know the corridors

The doors you hide behind
And the pain behind your eyes
And still I love you

I would save you from yourself
Never, to destroy again
Battles you would not have to fight

I do not know
How long wars last
One day is enough

Half of your heart
Is cold and dark
But not barren

Half of you heart
Is warm and light
But still not beating

Your mind an expanse
You let me inside
So I would find

A place to hide
A place to know
A place to fight

Gentle songs
Ring from your lips
And bid the demons shrink

Strong words
Of forgotten days
Tremble on the brink

And cascade into victory
A crown of golden stars
To be placed upon your head

A ruler, all her own
A ruler, of her own
A ruler, never alone

If patience is for fools
You will find no wisdom in me
The hands of an anchor do nothing
For the heart of a full sail
Let the waves come
They have met me before
And if they do not remember
I will remind them;
That the salt in my veins is no less than that found in her depths

The sun found you first today
I will find you soon
Soon enough

I wish I could live in the same house
As my brothers and my little sisters
I wish I could sleep under the same roof
As my family does

I wish the same shingles that cover my birth giver
And the same blankets that cover my male parental unit
Covered me

I wish.

But, there are a few things that come between
The intentional emotional detachment
The loving abusive comments
The lying, aggression and confrontation, those definitely factor in

But you know when God closes a door he opens a window
But when you don't have a door to lock and hide behind, God can't close it.

But the creepy old man
Who's touched me
And tried to touch me
The way my mouth taste like metal when I bite my tongue to keep from screaming in fustration
The way my body freezes as his claws dig into my leg
The way my mind breaks down like crumbs of a cookie

That is to much to bear.

I have a question.

?.

When you got your Daddy card did you skip over the fine print? Did you forget your glasses so that you couldn't read? Did you just skim over it to fast so that it didn't register? You know, the part where it says protection?

Provision. You got that down pat. No doubt about it. But I mean 50%? That's not a pass by any grading system.

Daughter.
It slips off the end of my tongue and tries to crawl back in. So many times have I had to retreat within myself because I was not under your wings.

Do I love you? Yes.
Do I trust you? Not with a spoon.
Not with my heart, not with myself.

Does that sadden my soul? Oh Lord does it ever.
I wish it was another way.
I wish I could live in your house.
But a house of hell is not one I can call home.

-Xoxo

My tears will not hit the ground

Bring your truth not your anger
Though the alter take both
A burnt offering of words
As cinders fall
Off the smoking end of my tongue
The circle is drawn
You need only write your name
With the ink in your arms

I wait on wings
With borrow time
Every flap
Out of line

I dance on oceans
Made of glass
Every step
To make time pass

I breathe in air
Of yesterdays
And sing the songs
No one prays

No matter how close together our hearts are
There will always be two cages between
Some of them weaved in bone and tissue
Others are the kind that cannot be seen

As close as you are to me
Closer still I want to be

If I could touch your hand and know your skin
Would find a way to let me in?

So many walls that you have put up
Some barriers broken by your mind
Physically in our own little domain
Some barriers of a different kind

You remain in sand buried in a beach
Letting the waves take their toll
I would dig you out my love
But in this life it is just a role

*Send me your waves
So when the world ends
And the oceans rage
We will still drink deep
Of each others love

there are so many kinds of love
which of them do I deserve
how many days do I get
as a slave, to serve

this many nights
to prepare to fall apart
so many days to try
beating without a heart

which of these lies
do you hold most dear
could you give them up
so you could sleep here

fingertips apart from you
as you lay in the ground
you reached up to me
I would not fall down

could you blame me
for the heart you ******
the drugs you bled
you have not atoned

louder than your lies
I scream about the night
wishing to flood your eyes
with tears of light

poison in my flesh
at the end of a blade
all the cards dealt
but this last *****

if you breathed me in
it would be your last
today is over
the night does not pass

Hell! Hell! Hell!
I see it in my mind
demons writhing alive
inside of my spine

every kiss to my hand
like a claim upon my soul
every piece taken
a lesser part of a whole

this is death
and it is so cold
like the ice in my heart
in to it I fold

how an ending is made
from the dying of the stars
so distant they looked
a lie to think they are far

it pierced my face
and sunk into my dreams
as dark as it was
it broke the seams

to fall apart
ripped to shreds
by the night
in mine own head

how can I save you!
when I am but a shell
to drag you down
to where I dwell

so much further
have I yet to fall
you cry to come
and I cry all

and oh the wretch
that I have become
all my threads
have come undone

Do you feel the desert sun
As it pulls
All the moisture from your skin
You barter for each breath
Lest it escape between your lips
There is smoke in the night
It stings your eyes
Full bodied in your chest
The sand is warm between your toes
It burns with the heat of the day
Although the sun
Barely laid to rest
In her bashfulness
Looking for her stamina
To wear tomorrow
One would not think
Gravity would pull so hard
It does not seem fair
When the stars
Look so beautiful
Call so close
I shudder in the dunes
Oh that dreams were a grain of sand
That they were as weightless
It is not such
I cannot bury the tears
Even still they fall into the earth
A kiss that becomes a vapor
I will water the earth
Pouring into her
My pores vacant
My spirit follows
She makes me toil
I am not above my humanity
It humbles me
Staircase of pride
Stumbling block
How does one face a new day
I bite my tongue
To spit in the face of destiny
Is a fools errand
Yet she has done me no favors
I owe her no respect
A token slipped between hand
A bet and a wager
That will not be paid
Unless blood is spilt
Earth claims all, as she bore all
Sand in the desert, burying secrets
The ground knows so much
She does not taste
But swallows up
She is a scholar of sinners
Outlasting the shudders of your spine
Patient is she
It costs her nothing to wait

Our hands clasped together
As if they were storm clouds deciding
Now was a good time to begin the rain
Fear pushed us together
It is only fitting that she should pull us apart
The storm came down
We had been warned
When you know a broken heart is coming
Doesn't make the breaking any easier

The lighting struck
I began my undoing
My thread count dwindling
Down to four or five strands that you could loop between your teeth
As you pulled the words off your tongue
Sewing them into my hands with a needle like point

This is leaving
No.
This is being left
I was a swinging door to you
All that mattered was that my hinges were oiled
It never mattered if the locks were working
Because you broke locks even when I gave you the key
When you couldn't break the lock you broke the door
So I let you kick it in
Because the trembling of my hands was for the thought;
That if you didn't break the door
Then you would of broke me

The storm reigns on
It's always raining in my head
When you tell me it's just a little water
It's not that I'm afraid of getting wet
I just can't fathom drowning in someone else's depths
That their salty tears would run down my face as if I were a windowpane
I cannot feel for you
What you will not even watch me go through

The storm rages on
My feet are wet
I stand barefoot in puddles
I would knock on your door
You would answer
To have the pleasure of slamming the door in my face
It would be the same as if you had slapped me  
I turn the other cheek
Until I have the courage to turn away
Because walking in the rain
At least it washes everything away

If the world had one less body
And one less broken heart
If the world lost my soul
And had it torn apart
If this life was empty
And I didn't know who sent me
If I had a calling
A person to catch me when I'm falling
If I owned the universe
And kept it in my purse
If I could catch stars
And sail them afar
If I could swim to the bottom of the lake
And choose which path to take
If I could fly on borrowed wings
And know what the morning would bring
If I couldn't talk with my lips
And I could only speak when I kiss
If I could dream in black and white
And hold you close through the night
If I could let my stresses go
And would swim with the flow
If I had a rule book for life
And didn't die during the night
If I had a world with pictured glass
And it was one that wouldn't last

Would you miss a world without me?

I had my questionings
But little was my reasonings
So I stared
Looking into the depths of your character
I searched, so that things would be made known to me
For their weight in matters was small
But in decisions of my own would alter the course
My wonderment rested upon this
How loud your voice is to upon the ears of those whom  have made mistakes to your knowledge
These mistakes made against the wretches of the world or perhaps your own plight in life
Against the length of silence that you keep within yourself when the mistake is yours alone
Such that you would scream your own soul against those who break your heart or your hand
Yet what are these whispers when you are the one throwing rocks and casting stones

I went out to the storms
Tried to gather them in
But they would not listen
They were to loud in their living
And I, to quiet in my plea

Crying doesn't solve your problems
It only vents the emotion
But still I cry
And wait for love

I never want to let you go
So many tears on our trail
But I will still weep when you leave
You have blown through my life like an autumn breeze
You leave me cold but brisk

Maybe unicorns are real...

freedom from sentimental
           S
                 L
                     A
                            V
                     E
             R
     Y

Yoke's of my burden

                     l      i     f       t     e     d

from my shoulders

I can align the stars
And make beautiful constellations
But the sun doesn't shine for me
This spinning world makes me dizzy
And I moon over eternity

in the matters of what I have done
no other holds higher guilt

in the matters of love and trust
forgive me until I am barren of innocence

I can choose how heavily this weighs upon me

I can pick the weight pressing more and more upon my shoulders
Or I can pick feathers to carry

I can choose turmoil, churning me up from the inside
Or I can choose to walk in grace

I can pick minutes so long they never seem to end
Or I can pick days that slip through my fingers

I can choose a mind filled with a thousand games
Or I can choose saved brains

I can pick a heart heavy with all my cares
Or I can pick the promises of God.

I choose peace.

The angels wittled these words
Into the back of my head
And when I awoke in the morning
Liquor leeching out my veins
The pounding in my skull I heard
Like a chant and a prayer
Said such;

God's not a masochistic


I need you to know
In a world that blames the almighty
For the mundane and monotonous
That the one who can cease
The river of life to flow
Isn't showering you with pain
He just wants his plants to grow

My mind isn't black
More of a dark blue
Like a bruise
Just beginning to heal

The way I breathe
Not at all
And then all at once
Is painfully inconsistent

How you assumed
I was okay
Could not have been further
From the truth

I slipped so quickly
Into that dark place
But it's all in my head
Someone please let me out

got a band aid
my heart has a hole
you took the cork
to keep my tears
from draining out
and drowning me
in my own despair

Is it a sin to let love go unnourished?

The angels are dripping gold from the sky
Shudders of timelessness resonating in the earth
The beat of wings at the foot of the eternal
Cold marbel beneath my tread
I kneel
This is awe
This is wonder
I have come undone
A thousands thoughts
Yet not one voiced
The choir fulfills the longing of my soul
The dreams I dreamt asleep
Hold no flicker of light to this euphoria I find awakened
I hide my face
I am not worthy
Still blessed through the length of my days
Wings covering me
But not my own
I am not my own
I am breathless
But find no complaint
My eyes drip silver
A metal moment
Nickel plated hands
Hush my cry
I grit my teeth
Like gravel beneath a heavy tread
Oh simple one
You have stars in your eyes
And I will never wake

We have our own world in the same world as everyone else

I am the dark with no shadow
I am the evil on odd hallow
I am the winter storm, relentless
I am the beach of burning sand
I am the one that bites your hand

You strike my face

I am the one to strike you back
Just one choice and all is lost

To my eyes, it looked to be my last breath
My lungs will not give up as quickly

I wanted you to be the river in me
Move the way you want
Just rush through me
The earth will make way
For your waters to surge
Till you reach the edge
Push me off the verge