My heart is very fragile
So I kept it  from your love

i want to exist in a place where the softness i feel for you isn't
something that terrifies me. or a place where the fear of that softness
don't exist at all. i mean that in the best way possible-- a place where
the light in your eyes isn't quite so blinding. because it's love but it's
not earth-shattering and it's love but i keep falling sleep and dreaming
about you leaving or i wake up and think about you loving me. it's love
but it's terrifying. maybe it wouldn't be if we existed in a place where
i don't get my heart broken every time. but people make the same choices
over and over and the only thing i can do is hope it turns out alright this
time around. you make my heart a place of sunlight and i can't help but
think that was your intention this whole time. angels always come to
earth with a purpose. and i always do this, i say things i mean and i
have to explain them. and don't we give out our hearts over and over
every time someone asks us to? and you didn't even have to ask me.
like i said, every time. i give and give and it's always too much and i
don't mind being told i'm overwhelming. so it's 3am and i'm thinking of
you again and i'm me but i'm not me and the world feels so small when
i consider all the other planets out there. and i wonder if the moon
understands how hard it is to feel something that's love but not love and
never be able to describe it properly and i wonder if she ever feels
like a handful, too. i don't think i'm qualified enough to say i love you and
even if i was i don't know if i would but the sun rises every day and it
reminds me that i'm not supposed to be able to put these feelings into
words. and then it's 6am and i'm still thinking of you and i'm starting to
realize i always will be and yeah, i'm ****** but so are you, sweetheart.
i can curse my exes time after time but i can't pretend like they didn't
leave me for a reason but i can tell you i still haven't quite figured out why
but maybe you can explain it to me. i won't be surprised if it's something
you can figure out before i do. it's a sad night and there's always going
to be a boy that can't be good and he stays that way his whole life. boy
can't keep his mouth shut, boy can't help but start to love you, can't help
but panic at the thought. and that's all there is to it. the soft place only
exists in the universe where i can pretend the way i feel about you isn't
a gut-wrenching panic attack waiting to happen because the fear really
won't ever go away. but maybe you can prove the fear wrong instead
of me trying to convince myself it won't cause an earthquake.

Love.
Such an intense feeling.
Such deep affection.
So deeply romantic.
The ****** attachment.
The pleasure.
But is it wrong to fear?
To hide from such feeling.
Have you noticed the pain it brings?
Oh, how it hurts.
How it breaks you.
But it is intriguing....
That I just might try to love something.

Love
Such a human emotion
Something all humans carve to have
Something all humans can't resist

But

There are some
Like me
Who can't stand the thought
Of love
It terrifies us
To our very core

Love

Such a repulsive word
We don't crave it
We resist it the best we can

But

The human need for love
The human craving for love
The human wanting of love
Fights with this fear
And every day they clash
Together in a fight over control
Neither side is willing to back down

Love

Such a terrible, scary word
Such a deep, uninviting word
Such a tear-working word

I can't have it
It needs to stay away
I don't need it
It scares me anyway

Love

Such a terrifying word

It's hard.
I was afraid to love.
Then i loved you.
You made me happy,
I wanted to stay alive.
Then you broke my heart,
And I started to cry
But now you can see,
What was left of me.
*Why I'm so afraid to love...

I hate that almost half
Half of all marriages
end in divorce
Divorce that leaves
at least one of the two
in complete shambles
begging for help
on the bathroom floor

I hate that 70%,
More than half
of all men, admit
to cheating on their lady
the lady they once
loved so deeply
left to wonder,
Am I not enough?

I hate that 4 million
ladies experience bruises
on their beautiful bodies
from their so-called lovers
Leaving the girl, broken
And scarred for life

I hate, that I'm
Scared
No, terrified
Of these possibilities

But most of all,
I hate
Absolutely loathe
That I don't hate you
In fact,
It's the complete opposite

I used to be a philophobic
Then I met you

Falling.
they say that it’s exhilarating
like a fast car at midnight
cheeks aching from
the grin that couldn’t be held back
warm fingers laced between
the imperfections
forgotten
and yourself
found.

But
what if the car
crashes
and cheeks become tear stained
cold hands holding your own head
heavy with thought
and memories
lost and
broken.

I suppose
I’m yet to find a
fall
that seems worth all the
what if’s.