1997 -    
ali
ali
8 hours ago

she gives me advice
and tugs at the corner of her mouth
some drugstore excuse for a smile
when i squeeze my eyes shut
because the tv
is ruining my dreams
she says things
i know are not true
but i act like she knows
more than me
she is so much
happier than me
act as if she has gotten saved
and i am still learning to swim
when i know
that she is no longer drowning
she is stuck at the bottom
of the ocean
inhaling the seawater
pretending it is oxygen
and she can breathe
just fine

ali
ali
8 hours ago

every morning i swallow down four pills:
one to keep the anger from coursing through my veins
two to keep the sadness from flowing out of my fingertips
three to keep my mind from drifting out to sea
four to keep my bed from holding me captive

ali
ali
2 days ago

i'm so obsessed
with the way the world looks
since you started making
my head spin

i'm dizzy in the best way
ali
ali
2 days ago

some people
just aren't meant to fit
like jamming a puzzle piece into the wrong slot
we collided
and we exploded
and we burst
and then we started over
and all i do with you is /want/
i want you to like me
i want you to love me
i want you to kiss me
i want you to call me yours
i want you to come back
i want you to talk to me
i want you to say you're sorry
i want you to hug me
i want you to kiss me
nothing is enough for me
and maybe i'm too selfish but
how can you blame me
when i see your lips 10 months later
and i can still taste the chapstick you were wearing
the night you kissed me

#love   #sad   #girl   #relationship  
ali
ali
2 days ago

My body is a palace.
And you snuck in, at 3 am,
a robber disguised as a martyr.
You upturned every table,
looked in all the places I showed you in secret,
touched every part of me,
but only left with the pieces
that made it impossible to pin the blame on you.

but I left the door open for you.
#love   #heartbreak   #sad   #boy   #relationship  
ali
ali
Mar 20

i am so sorry
about your loss.
i am so sorry
about your heartache.
i am so sorry
about everything.
this is not how a romantic story is supposed to conclude.
i am so sorry
that the doctors couldn't save you.
i am so sorry
that the bed is empty.
i am so sorry
because you were the glue.
i am so sorry
because you were far too optimistic
your heart was too full
your spirit was too high
for everything not to fall
apart around us
in the way that only a death this sudden can -
ripping everything in its path
to shreds -
rippling like a wave
my father crying in an italian restaurant,
kneeling at the edge of the bed and praying
pretending that i do not hear
the crack in my father's voice,
or the shaking grip my mother has on my hand.
if god exists,
i think he's a sadist.

rip stephanie
march 18 2017
ali
ali
Mar 20

when we met
i told you
that i liked to spill my insides
all over the paper
and you told me
that you liked to fix things.
take them apart
just to rebuild
and i fell asleep thinking about
if your brows scrunch together
when you are fixing your mother's hard drive
or if your tongue refuses to rest
comfortably in your mouth
when you are focusing.
i never thought that
you would break me apart
and lay out my insides
all over your bedroom floor
just so you could try to fix me up
with tape and glue and whispered sentiments
but by the time i had figured it out
you had already taken my voicebox
placed it under your mattress like
a trophy that you could pull out
and show off to your friends.

but i am not sally and you are not jack skellington
and my skin does not look good
stitched together
with your truest intentions
 
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