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 Jul 2020 Joshua Haines
laura
Whenever I'm with you
I feel safe, I feel
like nothing bad will
ever happen to me.
I'm thankful for that,
I know that I'll always
have a safe place.
The problem is
you still think it's
somewhere over the rainbow
and that one day we'll enter
into 'Harper Valley'
but
it's not real
they're
just words in a song.

the 'last train to
Clarksville'
left
years ago.
she
she was love
****** fire
now i’m haunted
by desire
long drives and
my thoughts drift to you
remembering times
when i would sing out loud
because you didn't make fun of my voice
remembering times
when i didn't use windshield wipers
because you made me
feel invincible
we treat this like an acknowledgement
more than an actual question
i mean no one answers it honestly
because we're afraid of a therapy session
but we'll post what we're eating for breakfast
hoping to get a reaction
because we'd rather talk through a screen
than have actual human interaction
just some thoughts
sometimes i wonder if you love me
sometimes i wonder if i deserve it

i wonder
what it would be like
to look in the mirror
and like what i see

i wonder
what it would be like
to not feel anxious
when i enter a room

i wonder
what it would be like
to feel good in an outfit
to feel good in a picture

sometimes i wonder
what it would be like
not to wonder
all the things
i hate about myself
were magnified
and multiplied
when i whispered
i'm sorry.. i'm sorry
and you replied with
its not your fault you're like this
instead of
it's okay
Pain.
It may haunt you all day and turn you lame,
But think of the day when there's rain.
Remember the joy as you're covered in its shame.

Fear.
Makes you run, makes you hide,
So bad you wish you could die.
Sometimes the last option is to fly.

Regret.
It finds your heart, its matches,
So its eternal flame will forever be lit.
When you think of standing up you'll just sit.

Heartbreak.
We all know it well and yet we still say,
It wasn't our fault,
Just another bad day.

Hate.
We all deal with it in our own ways,
Every comment pushes us to fade.
We all wish for the sun only when it rains.

Doubt.
You know what it is,
You know how it shouts,
Of how failure will always come about.

Depression.
It steals our joy but don't let it,
Come over you, take all your essence.
It will force its match but swear you won't set it.
Tried a different writing style using the enemies we face everyday in our minds...
I don’t know why I need people so much
when I love being on my own
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