inconsistencies
spilling over like boiling tea
burning me, washing me
near the point of insanity
emerald eyes of sadness
but they're looking right past me
fingers long and elegant
hands of woven silk and
wrapped around my throat
but im not breathing
though my heart is beating
i can feel the ripple
almost electric-shock
as you say you're sorry

its an empty feeling
that starts as a grey cloud
looming in the night sky
before you realize
that its seeping in
between a crack
in the curtains
so you close them
and i am none the wiser

thick swirling clouds
of black and rotten thoughts
that plague me
how they cry
when I am weary
no soul should feel so
crowded
no heat should carry this
burden
when the song in me has died
and the glass slips
from betwix my fingers
warm and weary
the sand shall weep
and so shall you
for the  time is up
and the lights are off
no one is home
inside me

I let different boys touch me
Because I wanted to know
Even for a second
What it felt like to be loved
Even if the love was cheap
And it tasted like ***
Like the punchline to a joke
I never got because it was me

I let different boys have different parts of me
Parts they didn't deserve
But I offered up willingly because I couldn't give anything else
after you broke me
I was looking for different fingers
to place different pieces and hoping  the outcome
would be a masterpiece
Maybe one of them would find a way
to cover up the handprints you left all over me

I let different boys touch me because I had to prove to myself
you wouldn't be the only one
that these scars marking my body wouldn't define
my worth to be loved
I am not entirely sure  
you aren't the only one who could ever touch me without slightly  flinching

I let different boys touch me because that is all I have been taught
To be a joke
To be silent
To be ready to give until you have nothing left
- they keep leaving me and I am to scared to offer up anything more than my body to get them to stay