you never apologized
for hurting me
but i apologized a million times
for being upset about it.

The once sunny days
are replaced with the rainy
as wet as tears on my face

your infectious laugh
fills my ears
so desperately
until I can’t hear nothing more
than a faded memory

and the pictures on my phone
have been looked at
more than the work on my desk

your texts
aren’t as memorable
as the seconds of happiness
i squeezed out of us
like a sponge

and the time we spend
isn’t as fun
when we’re six feet apart

are you mad
at what i said
or are you mad
because it’s true?

living is living to the fullest
looking back to no regrets
a bundle of memories
too precious to share
yet too special to keep alone

living is feeling fear
its every emotion through your head
its not perfect
its being brave to speak out
and make a difference

living is every moment
you do something
you would do again
its the small fights
soothed by the beautiful words

living is the gasp when seeing scenery
the wind in your hair
the sparkle of your eyes and the **** of your smile
the satisfaction and pride
for yourself and other

living is
pure bliss
afraid to shatter

we think we know
what love should be
and that
is why reality
is so painful.

lies dripping with patronizing pity
filling their deceiving speeches
she promised it would be okay
does she believe what she preaches?
he told me to pause my thoughts,
to halt my salty tears
as if i can stop remembering
after suffering all these years.
they acted as if my mind was wrong
called my feelings fools
forced me to calm myself
but my demons don’t read rules.
everything about me
was labeled and destroyed
and every time i asked for help
i screamed into a void.
they pretended they knew it all
but i detected the lie

i refuse to listen any longer

i’m a butterfly in the rain
wings dripping with salty tears
i’m a firefly in the dark
possessing a glow so beautiful
it makes me worth catching
i’m a girl with no hope
for i am too much of everything
and never enough.

i used to hide from your pain
change myself for you
and i called it love
blindly following you
until you broke me

so i sat in my room eating icecream
when was the last time i was without you?
my heart is bruised, but its healing
cause i found people
that loved me through my problems
and they mended my tender heart

so that one day,
i can truly find love
and be reborn

when a heartbroken lover
pours out all her feelings
and translates them
into words,
something hopelessly beautiful
is created.
appreciated by many,
but not by the one
she’s written it for.

not movies
not writing
not dreams
and-god forbid-in public.


but with you
i understand the appeal.

i used to think
we were the perfect match
but matches are meant
to ignite
and then
            burn out.