you knew this would happen
oh why don't you just be quiet?
you should not of been so flippant.
We both know I won't throw a fit.
Come on, you know you want to
I won't be talked into the knife,
but you lost yet again, for who
Stop right there, I don't need more strife
would ever like an insolent cur
you are right, who would like me.
you are probably just a blur
Jesus, will you just let me be?
to her, and why would I ever do
I guess that is a no, inner me
that? after all, I can't talk to
god, not again, why can't I ever
just anyone, after all, your special
be enough? but it won't happen, never.
you can't resist my pull.

It is every hearts desire,
to find that which dreams inspire.
It is every hearts desire,
to find their passions fire.

She feels utterly alone,
even when surrounded
she feels the need to atone
her soul is up for bid.
She feels bad for everything,
and she needs to make time
for everyone, when nothing
did she do, but this chime
in her soul gathers others,
they flock to her because
she tries to help others,
without giving a buzz.

I want to *******.
I want to make love to you.
I want to hold you.
I want to lie with you.
what do all these have
in common with each other?
you, because I am in love,
I love you, not like a brother,
but in the way that a man,
loves a woman, but you are,
like a powerful fan,
but you do not know how far,
I would go for you, do you?
to see you smile at me like that,
I hope that you find one who,
loves you like I, when you are fat,
he will have eyes only for,
you, and will not care,
when you will ask for more,
and we both know I won't tear,
that I won't come between,
you and he, no matter,
what a teen like me has seen,
I have always been your latter,
choice when you were looking,
for a happily-ever-after prince,
to be queen to his king,
but I will not, not mince,
my words, I set you free,
and I still regret it,
yet now I know you will be,
taking love by the bit.

weak of knee,
light of breath,
first nights free,
next she leaves

I first saw her but a year ago,
I recall seeing her but a year ago,
with a quiet smile but a year ago,
with a shy light but a year ago.

With hair so dark it begged to be touched,
with shiny lip rings that begged to be touched,
with a quiet sad soul that begged to be touched,
a soft flame to be stoked, that begged to be touched.

I focus on nothing yet you dragged my eyes back,
I was talking yet you dragged my eyes back,
I was shooting pool yet you dragged my eyes back,
you were hanging yet you dragged my eyes back.

there was something that was just special,
she did not know she was just special,
to be so vulnerable and strong was just special,
in my eyes she always was just special.

she did not know I saw her,
how could she know I saw her,
unlike others know I saw her,
she was good, I know I saw her.

her lips begged to be caressed,
her neck begged to be caressed,
her soul begged to be caressed,
her passion begged to be caressed.

and yet I did not think to do this,
I did not realize I wanted to do this,
I knew that someone had to do this,
but I did not realize I thought to do this.

******, please let it end,
That is what I ask for and
wish for, just one slight bend
in fate to let my body land
six feet under the ground.
******, my choices are mine,
no one will turn me around,
because I will always be fine.
The moment it turned from
"best for me" to "best for all"
is the moment that I become
fine, till the day that I fall.
See, I am done changing
myself for everyone else,
Because there is nothing
I will let be done to myself.
Everyone is more worried
for me then I am, and that
means I should always heed
them, cuz I am definitely bat
**** crazy, to not want to
conform, so let it end, the
questioning of me for who
should worry about me
unless they want to use
me? Why is it that I have
to change, when they abuse
me, I would let heaven move,
Before I do

For once the light did not

burn so bad, not a lot,

with you by my side, it was

a little more bearable, twas

still painful, but better. I don’t

want you to see my dark, taint

your light, even tho I am night

You are wonderful, but not to bright

for my darkness to be burned away,

My knife is my strife, yet you could sway

me maybe from my path of night,

and save me from wanting the bite

of a knife. but I war with wanting

to save you from my bewitching

and uniquely persuasive demons,

my ability to tempt you to sin, ***

I can destroy you in a beautiful way

all you will ever have to do is say,

is that you want me to do it.

****, I hope you will like this bit

about how I will try not to break

you, and I hope you don’t find me fake,

when I say that you are great, yet

A part of me hope you flee, I bet

that some day you will leave me so

I don’t become a monster, and to

be who I am, I try not to hide anything

but my darkest moments, that nothing

and no one should see. just don’t make

me have to hide my light dark, for I will take

your heart and keep it for myself.

that heart you should save for yourself.

I told you my favorite love stories are the

dark ones, yet I don’t want that for you and me,

because that would taint your inner light,

I would use all of my feeble, weak might

to save you from my jealousy, my pain,

hah, even though if there is no pain, there is no gain.

I am now drowning,
in ecstasy and torment,
it drags me under.

I am fine for one,
minute and then the current
pulls me down under.

I might rage against
death, but this slow torment is
my last tribute, friend.

I wonder what will happen
the day that I get to fade,
will anyone miss me at all?
or will you all be happy to bade
me farewell? Will you be happy
that I am gone from your sight?
when I fade from your life
with an echo of you, a new blight
for me, another shadowed dream
lost forever, or will you miss me?
A dumb boy, a fool drunk on the
thought that love will save thee.

Hey pretty girl
lets go for a whirl
around the town
till it is a blown
out carcass, lets
place our two bets,
on if I can trick
you into just one lick.
hey *******
am I a hick
for saying we
have a picnic, she
might refuse to
go with me, Who
would not want some
of her time, to come
with her to the dance?
I have lost my chance,
but I will cheat my
way to her, I so fly.
hey beautiful girl,
I might be a whirl
wind, but you are
beautiful in ways far
more complex then
you would think men
would like to see,
all you gotta do is be.

I am fading away,
Floating on the winds of time.
I am not me, no way
for me to say I am who I twas'.
I wish my story was over,
then I would not have to pretend,
that I was always happy,
I am too ******* tired to end.
And people think this is
a downward spiral,
but they don't know, this
is one facet of who I am.

I hate me
me or we
because it seems
through all these scenes
I just can't love me
I can't be
what you see
so, the truth, he
will show to
the world too
so I take
to words I make
to the knife
to end my strife
a dull blade
makes me fade
so all the pain
to follow cain
and **** a part
of me, my heart

lost and confused
a lovely muse
does she make.
her smile is pretty
her frown defeats
anothers sorrow.
to make her smile
is both a futile
yet worthy endeavor.

In the end, I will
Be alone as I always
have, yet again.

In the end, I will
no longer feel your soft touch
on my skin, your breath.

In the end, I will
lose you to another yet,
I fight for your heart.

In the end, I will
be proven in my fears that
you won't fall for me.

In the end, I will
drive you away with jealous
behaviors of mine.

For just one more moment,
I wish for you to be content.
Pull me into just one more embrace,
If that would not be to much to face.
Grant me just one more kiss,
for that gives me pure bliss.
Please, give just one more look,
expressing more than any book.

It's a leap of Faith, to trust you.
I don't trust easily.
I don't connect with people easily.
I disconnect from those around me.
They don't understand that people hurt the most.
They say it's love, or rejection; it's rejection- not love.
They say it's words.
But it isn't, it's the people.
Because people reject, people speak those words.
So how can I trust those who might hurt me?
How can connect with those who have or will?
It's easier to disconnect, to seperate myself from reality.

That's why my nightmares are reality.
I don't have nightmares about the things that go bump in the night.
That doesn't scare me, not anymore.
You can't escape reality.
All you can do is pretend it doesn't exist.
Like most of the things that go bump in the night.
But at least those aren't real.
And the things that are, they happen in the day time too.
But they're easy to ignore, to pretend it's not an issue.
At least, when you don't deal with it.

You say you are a monster?
But I can still take that leap of Faith.
I can still trust you.
I can still connect with you.
I can't disconnect with you- I'll cling to you.
Because for me, those are hard to find.

I'll be scared when you show that you're a monster.
I'm still scared anyways.
I'm scared of the reality that you will hurt me.
You'll hurt me with words, or with rejection.
I can pretend that you aren't the monster you say you are.
I can pretend that you aren't capable of it.
I can pretend because I have no proof.
It's not that I don't believe you're capable- everyone is.
It's that I don't believe you will.

You are no more a monster to me than Beast is to Belle.
Belle is as much a monster to Beast as Beast is to the world.
Belle could have hurt Beast, she could have rejected him or said cruel things.
But she didn't.
You are my Belle as much as I am your Beast.
Because I know you can hurt me.
I know you can say things, or reject me.
But yet, here I am, and I've taken that leap of Faith.
Because I trust you.
I trust you to not be the monster you say you are.
I trust you not to scare me.
I trust you not to hurt me.

I am a liar, an actor,
I lie with my smile,
I keep every factor,
in a mental file.

I lie, with sarcasm,
so they know it to be,
not true, "its him
being funny," The key
to lying, is to lie
to yourself, then to them

Am I mad, I ask.
To have no heart,
It is too much of a task,
I always depart,
because it is not my heart
not no more.
It has always been a part,
of the world around me, forevermore.
I laugh too loud,
I shout too everything,
my smile too proud,
the world do bring
too much for me.
Too much temptation,
too much to be,
too much hesitation.
I gave my love to all,
But my soul was not mine,
it is enough to make me ball,
so with more and more lines,
I hope to tame the monster,
with no heart and another
soul, to keep it from her,
because I am but a cur,
whose heart belongs to one,
the soul to the other girl,
because they give me fun,
theirs at but a single curl
of a finger. So **** me please,
so that I do not have to stay
away from both, I need release

As I lie here,
I think of fear,
repressed for now,
but I don't know how.

I dream and crave,
a way to be brave,
and find a release,
to bring myself peace.

I want to lose,
but not to *****,
or to a knife,
to end my strife.

I want to surrender,
to her sure,
and find a new,
future like few

Oh what a fair maiden
you have proven to be.
When the light hits just,
just right, it does show me.

Show me what? naught but
a shy person, a scared woman,
a hopeful person dancing
on moonlit silver, me a fan

of the way you move.
So please tell me Alice mine,
why do you stay when
you could go and be fine?

All I can ask, is please
stay a while longer with me.
Because I love it when you
say my name breathlessly

it is too the night
that my love, the light
tries to find me, a shadow
of the night time low.
At dawn's awakening
my time gets swinging,
till I am all bout taunt
my mind is now my haunt.
it is my prison, my warden
is the sun, my lights kin,
while my light looks for
me, to love me even more.
But the darkness in my soul
might well create a hole,
in my light's brightness
and ruin her loftiness.

She is full of pain, yet
she won't show it, I bet
that the knife don't hurt
what could? death she flirts
with every day of her life
daring it too end her strife.
He is full of pain, but
he will feel like a mutt,
till the end of his days,
getting told its just a faze,
but when you dance on
the mirrors edge, well mon
ami, you get burnt, and
not even the music of a band,
can heal his soul of its pain
it ruins this boy, pain is his bane.

**** YOU, YOU THINK
THAT BECAUSE YOUR OLDER,
THAT YOU CAN DO ANYTHING?
ALL YOU ARE IS A WASTE OF INK.
INK ON A PAGE THAT DON'T MATTER.
FOR SO LONG AS I BREATHE I WON'T
CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU SAY.
**** IT, I AM THE MAD HATTER.
AND ALL I HAVE IS THE RAGE
AGAINST THE DYING OF THE LIGHT,
AGAINST THE FADING OF DREAMS,
AGAINST EVERY SINGLE CAGE.
AND NOBODY EVEN ******* CARES
BECAUSE WE ARE ALL ****** UP,
BECAUSE WE ARE ALL MONSTERS,
ALL YOU'RE DOING IS WASTING AIR.

I know a woman who once said
that she lives in a world of rainbows.
I couldn't help but feel very bad
when I said I couldn't see it the same.
This woman is a beautiful, strong
and lucky woman, who has found love.
Nothing I ever say to her is wrong
because her mind is similar to mine.
All I can ever wish her is great
luck in this life that she has chosen.
She does not need to have fate
on her side, because she is awesome.

My body Screams for release,
It begs for never ending peace.
One cut and rest forevermore,
or a quick lay, bones on the floor.

You see that boy, in
the corner of the room?
He has scars on his wrists,
and on his stomach.
From trying to **** his pain
or **** himself, because he
does not even know where
he begins, and his pain ends.
You see the cute girl, who sits
Against the wall, silent as a tomb?
She is just shy, right? no, the risk
of getting hurt is enough for her to fake
her silence, no matter the gain,
because she is always left, she
never gets to let people be aware
of who she is, so her heart she tends.
You see that boy there, the weird one
who is all over the place, whom
is everyone's friend? He is a visc-
eral friend, and does not take
no for an answer, but his pain
is something he cannot understand, he
cannot help but rage against an unfair
world, make all the pain just end.

We all have them,
and we are despise
our little dark gems,
but they are our ties
to this world we hate,
and these people we
don't care bout till fate
gives us a nudge, a key
to happiness and salvation,
or to torment and ruin?
in this war, our station
will leave us with no kin.
Yet we still have these sins,
these vices towards our end,
yet some still sing those hymns
and after they have to bend
those rules that they keep,
such as being against adultery
or by the noise of a beep,
a killer they will learn to be.
Our sorrows at the bottom of
a bottle so abhorred yet,
a bottle so tempting, no dove
of innocent left, that is my bet,
and in the end, we fall back on
these sins of ours and we let
these demons loose, we be pawns
while the demons cause us to not fret.

I feel the tears slip,
I feel the tension grip,
and the I know it.
The knife will slip,
as the tears do fall
down my face and
hit the ground, I
realize that this all
is for nothing but pain.
It hurts, this life,
like the beautiful touch
of the knife as it gains
purchase in my skin.
Another starburst
of pain as the blood flows.
Soon these people will
have to call a hearse.

I am sorry,
for liking you.
You are pretty
awesome, but who
would like me?
I am not one
people like to be
with, I'm no fun.
I am wild and
all over the place,
you gotta hand
it to me, no space
do I give. so I am
sorry for being me,
I want it to just be BAM
and you now like me.
I am impatient
and my talents are
poor, but baby, my flint
could be you, we that far?
Then maybe we can
take it a little further
I am a great fan
of your words, smother
me in your mind, break
my sleepwalking trance.
let me be very frank,
and we might dance.
I am sorry to be a hack
useless and terrible,
girl, you know I got your back,
god, am I that horrible
at writing down my
thoughts, my words?
but maybe we can fly,
like a pair of lovely birds.

hatter hatter, old hatter mad,
did you know crazy is the fad,
for a man filled with the dope,
because he knows how not to cope.

Hatter hatter, old hatter mad,
crazy is his latest fad,
he, who is only a bloke
whose mind is so broke.

Hatter hatter, old hatter mad,
crazy will always be his fad,
he has always been so choked,
so all he can do is be moped.

I will fake all the smiles
You will fake all the tears
To hide this inner pain
To show how "strong" you are
I have no problems, yet
When you have no problems
I hurt, I cry, for reasons
You like being alone, so do it
I do not have, I am weak
You like a girl, you give her
so I will fake strength
to the more deserving
to help the strong, and bolster
You have suicidal tendencies
the weak, give them hope
to make them feel sorry for you
for life, so I stay alive
and you split your thoughts
for them, because otherwise
so that you can break me
I would go gentle into that good night
*but "you" and "I" are just "me"

One can just get lost
in those eyes of yours,
just one glance and your
hooked, and want more,
more than just one glance.
Those blue eyes, they
capture you and leave
you breathless, and may
you help me stop drowning
in them? If not, then
I wouldn't mind losing
myself in them, can
I just tell you straight up,
your eyes could steal
a soul, or they do the
reverse, and leave you healed.

I am so very
tired, so tired it is
bone deep, inside me.

it is the type of
exhaustion that makes life hard,
and unbearable.

Yet I have miles to
go before I rest again,
for forevermore

all I need is this moment,
all I want is your time,
all you need to do is hint,
and I will make you fine.

It is just another lonely night
where I sit with a pen and try
to forget my feelings, might
I finally just disappear now?
can I just have to not feel this
war to actually give a ****?
to not succumb to the bliss
of apathy? How badly I want
to not have to fight for you
guys, because none of you
would care if I stopped, who
would actually stop me if
I gave up fighting to care for
anyone? who could be able
to stop me from cutting once more?
I don't even remember why
I stopped, all I know is that
I can't, it would hurt... my
friends, or family, or somebody
but I cannot even remember who
I am not supposed to lie to
I am not supposed to... to
what, exactly? to not want
to sleep once more, or drink
or why I find it hard to breathe
or to stop it all within the blink
of an eye, to fade from your
sights, and just.... fade into
the crowds once more, a friendly
stranger, god I want it to woo
me to sleep once more, that knife
against all of the fake strife
that I call into my heart once more.
I fight for people to be in my life
yet I forget why I even bother
anymore, all I know is I... need
them for something, a reason
that makes me not try to bleed.
my closet friend wants to hang,
chill with old man grim, and
no one will talk to me 'cept
the brother who others brand
a monster of rage and anger.
not without me talking to them
first, did you all just stop wanting
me to be in your lives? all of them
to busy or have to hard of a time
to see me? to even try to talk to me
is a great struggle, so I have to lie
or you would all leave me to be
but I cannot get this voice to say
I would hurt you all if I vanished,
or if I died, but I am losing this war
once again, soon to have banished
my empathy, my heart once again.
and I know that if I am asked about
this poem, I will just say its all good
and I can make you all believe me bout
it, because my facade is to good

I wish that when I fight,
I would actually win it.
But it is the same old blight,
where I lose every bit.

I can't write,
I don't cry,
I hate goodbye,
life does bite.
I am hurt,
I have pain,
yet I ain't slain,
but I flirt,
with my knife,
with my fate,
fuel my hate,
toy with my life.
I am a broken soul,
I have no heart,
it tears me a part,
my chest with its hole.

Maddness is beautiful,
chaos is art that will pull,
on your heart and mind,
I wish to make you mine

What do you want me to say?
That I feel like my friendship
is a lie? my suicidal friend may
leave me here and it kills me
inside? Or that the girl I like
feels wrong at my touch?
My friends want to see me, psych,
No one can see me when I
am good to see them, only when
I am not good do they want to.
and look at me, grabbing my pen
to write more lines like I have
an actual problem that cannot
be easily solved without a knife
a knife I have definitely fought
for way to long, maybe I would
be happier in hell, for pain and
darkness has always been more
like home then all of the land
of my home town and family.

Staring at the sky,
Screaming on the inside,
lighting up to be high,
vanishing from where I reside.

Slicing open my veins,
Wishing to sleep all day,
like a corpse to be lain,
without another I lay.

broken, haunted thoughts,
Scattered, desolate dreams,
A innate nature to be fought,
bursting out at the seams.

Why are we born,
into a world of dead?
So much time to burn,
So little life too live,
We all cry when someone
leaves us in this world.
We all live to die,
and yet, we do not
want to die ever,
We are all just
living to die, and
dying to actually live.
We are confusing,
messy, and silly
ball of craziness.
We are all human,
and we are all batty
***-over-eyeballs
crazy, and yet
we could never ever
be any other way,
It is what makes us...
us.

words without rhyme,
there is no time.
songs without notes,
will never float.
love without meaning,
leaves me keening.
death without cause,
gives me pause.
life without joy,
is a broken toy.
pain within light,
dies with a fight

Words in my head,
they grow like vines,
they need to be fully spread,
and live in a line

words begging for release
knowing, I hold the keys to peace,
They will not stop, not a lot,
even though I still shove them in the ***,
so they shall still always beg,
until I give them their free leg.