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Axel Apr 2015
Woke this morning, shaving...

gazing at the foam that drifts silently upon the water...

My ****** reflection gets caught up in a haze from the steam..

a small taste of rust comes across my lips.
I see small crimson clouds explode on the surface of the water...

And sometimes i wish i exploded with them..

One bright flash for a moment... my full potential all gone in one blow...
With nothing left to bury... Just disperse like the fog...

But it is hard..... Leaving those behind, that will be crushed by your demise... You do it for them...

You do it... because you never know...

Luck might finally lie just around the corner...

Maybe luck is not for you...

Maybe you and I....

Will spend our lives wondering when we can finally climb out of our shallow graves and breathe again..

When we finally swim back to the surface and breathe...

While i hang above my sink, shaving...

I wish i could be that drop of blood...

simply disperse in the water.. not a trace to be found...

Sometimes i wish i was the water....

The colorless void that absorbs all it touches and yet changes nothing...

Unmoved, unchanged.. forever stagnant...


But you refrain from such things... not completely for yourself

but those you'd leave behind...

And in realizing so you have already found a reason to stay...

And shave your doubts away...

You must be strong and steel yourself....

pain is the best learner...

And yes the thoughts do submerge from time to time...

but do not let them be the wind that blows your sails..

Yet....

Sometimes i wish i was that drop of blood...

So i could leave everything behind

and finally get some sleep..

to please my weary mind.
Axel Apr 2015
Morning vapors creep through every nook and split.

An infusion of rust and what once was...

Montone drumming of morning sickness.

4 chairs, one occupied the other 3 forgotten.


Nothing but white noise... and blank dots.

Fatal infatuation with the delusional abominations

shed out of the womb of the spirit.


bloodshot eyes clawing their stare into the walls..

Fingertips tasting the past as they caress your lifeless body.

What about the children? Our children?

My nostrils feel the warmth...

And the smell of decomposed remains...


My head creaks down and my sight drowns in the pool of blackness i see in a cup...

Simultaenously comes a laugh and a cry..

At some point all life will die...

The blackness gazes further into me.. and i drink

from my cup of coffee...

Black, no sugar, no milk...

For there are no things to make something sweet....

Sweeten the blackness... that grew inside her....

Inside our children....

And i realise my hands are stained with sin....

And i feel this same blackness... this cancer....

growing within...


I sip my coffee...

Black, no sugar and no milk...
Axel Apr 2015
Mourning nights between tiled walls.

A neon tube flickering... illuminating the darkness of my mind for a brief spell.

I contain, restrain myself... refrain from doing things i might regret.


These white walls.. where i spend most of my sleep...

Splashing water, rinsing my eyes....

pretending you are filth i can wash away..

A bad dream that fades with sunlight


But is never that easy....


Hours drip by... endless pounding

my head against the wall....

Another pain to block out the other..
End these sounds that cause my anguish..

A self inflicted comatose..

I wish i could sleep my life away..

Yet sometimes release seems so close...

my feet anchored to the ground..

To finally catch my sleep...

My thoughts collide.. converge in purest shape..

The flickering neon light bursting in violence...

Nothing but a dark room.... and this eery feeling... of a stranger watching over my shoulder...

It whispers to me.... and grabs me by the neck

my elegy ending with a sour note...

For i find myself a gibbering wreck

I reach the end of my road


shattering the memorable mirror...

Shoving its shards down my throat.....

And i am found between the blood and coffee

that stained the floor....
Axel Apr 2015
You could have had it all...

I wanted to give you everything...

I wanted to take the fall...



I knew the risk and what you demand

But still i asked for your hand..



We could have cherished memories of us together...

Now we both regret wasting our time...

One feels sorry for what he did to the other...

The other one regrets the times he stands still on the past...

You made a promise



But it choaled hollow like your conscience...

yet you left an empty spot in me... one that can't be filled



Every kiss now nothing but bitter taste..

Sheets that reek of corruption and betrayal..

Pictures that show lies...

Broken glass on the floor...



we could have had everything together....

It left me with a sting..



all because you gave in to a temporary fling....



that DESTROYED everything
Axel Apr 2015
All the sweet words i hear from you.. rewind them like tape and replay...

All the sounds you make when we kiss... put it on pause and enjoy the silence with you

All the screams you made... put them on hold....



I keep playing your voice in my head.. like a tape

I have them all stored in category...



Cries, screams, laughs, joy, love, lies...



I keep hearing you in my head..



I kept it on audiotape....



It's all i have left...



When i plunged a knife into your chest....
Axel Apr 2015
Awaken, lay gaze upon a frozen wasteland.

A subtle scent of autumn decay, stings the nose..

A gentle stroking of the ears, with winter's gentle fingertips...


Eyes frozen solid, eternally gazing to the solstice..

concealed in the dirges so long forsaken...

Scars dug deep by men to wage war upon another...

Lifeblood brought corruption to this soil...


And the hollow bones, caressed gently by earth.... desperately trying to claw out...

Gasping for breath...


So awaken, lay gaze upon this frozen earth...

Eyes never blinking... frozen solid.. milky diamonds bleached by the bleak winter sun...

Secluded in a dirge so long forsaken...


A bare laid corpse gazes eternally... from the bottom of a chasm...


Towards the sun....

The moon is fading....

A fog is dripping down from the painted ceiling...

mankind remains wrapped in blindness....

While the dirge slowly fills to the brim....


With milky, colourless eyes....

Gazing to a harsh solstice...
Axel Apr 2015
I am a mossman.
Sometimes i am green, sometimes yellow, sometimes gray but always alone.
My horizon touches into the far nihilism.
A place where sunlight is absent and never burns my eyes.
No signs of life, just the falling of leaves and the cries of the wind.
Snow, rain, stars, i have seen it all
but the light, i have never seen.

No dreams to follow, no objectives set, no plans, nothing.

A depressing jest......
just me, myself and the lethargic landscape.
Anchored to the bark, drowning in a sea of time.
A year is an hour..... an hour is a year....
Does not matter to me...
I am not going anywhere.
Mij destination leads to a No man's land.


I am a mossman.
Gazing at the starlit sky until my insomnia slumbers.
Dancing deadlights disperse their euphoria.
And twilight fills with the rusty perfume of melancholy.

Now the fragrance pierces my nose.
That typical rust smell, cascades of scarlet ripples on the floor.
Glittering rubies dripping past my window like the morning rain.
Glassy eyes gazing at a marble skin, that touches like graveyard leather.
Fits the interior, fits my mood.
A shaking hand loses strength, loosens its grip.
Eyes on infinity, through the window, at the dark, at the moon.
One last exhale, curtain call.
Falling forever...


I was a mossman...
Sometimes i am green, sometimes yellow, sometimes gray but always

alone.
A poem i wrote for a contest. Was banned from use due to negative subjects. Maybe it is enjoyed on this forum.
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