I’ve never truly been diagnosed
But I have some troubles
Some ability to scare the living **** out of myself with my mind every single night

Can never fully sleep without something happening
Shall it be scratching, moaning, pounding on the walls
Shadows, demons, or just my own self getting me
Maybe voices or images, the thought of disasters
A nightmare, body pains, or just my own mind not wanting me to sleep

Pains in my chest that hurt worse with every beat
Or maybe the sense of a presence looking over me
I haven’t got a clue for the cause of these nighttime fiascos
but it’s something every night
The only source of release is when I turn on my phone to see a text from the person I love
And even so, though it feels like a boundaries around me, I know something is out there waiting for me to turn off the lit screen and be face to face with the  terrors that keep me awake at night

Oh how I wonder,
how can we bleed without blood?
how can we hear
while covering our ears?
how can we speak
when silence lie beneath?
how can we fly
if we have lost our ray of light?
how can we see
with eyes full of tears?
how can we feel
if we don't want others to be near?
how can we smile
if we don't know the reason why?
how can we forgive
if we blame the life we live?
Oh please tell me...

how can I escape this life
without giving it up?

Your head feels foggy
you sense yourself unwind,
It’s the same dreadful demons
toying with your mind.
They wait till it’s dark
or the lights are down low,
unnerving sickly attacks
through your blood and bones.
You can’t hide your black heart
the demons can see,
they don’t allow any space
in your head to breathe.  
They tear your reason to shreds
you need fixing.
A worn stone sinking
in an ocean that’s rotting,
you decay miserably since
you're forced to bend the knee.
How much more agony
can the universe bring.
Not even your screams
can get you out of the cold,
and you’d rather give up
and drown,
than go it alone.

What is
selfless
When helping
Others
Makes you feel
good
about yourself