Who have I become, I don’t like this version of myself, the version of myself that you have pushed me to become.
We spoke 24/7 let me say that again 24/7… twenty-four hours seven days a week for nearly a year and then it just stopped.
Did you get bored?
Did you finally have enough of messing with the feelings of a girl who was completely and hopelessly devoted to you.
You moved on and I hated you for it. I hated you because I was still completely and hopelessly devoted to you, I still had hope that it was all a bad dream and I would wake up to sunshine and glow instead of the clouds of grey that now “shine” over my life.
I saw you for the first time the other day since, well since, that day when time stopped and I stopped dead in my tracks when I got the message “this girl I’m seeing.”
Those four words tore me and I could feel the physical pain of heartbreak. That’s when everything changed, I became a person that I look at in the mirror and don’t feel anything towards.
I used to look every morning and hope.
People have an ideology about hope that it looks and makes you look beautiful and youthful, almost innocent, but hope as far as I’m concerned can go and take a hike.
Hope was the shackles that caged me from being the true me. Now I said at the beginning that I don’t like this version of myself.
This is still true but I’ve grown comfortable with being her and that ones on you.

I sat on the side of the hospital bed waiting for the tubes to be removed
I sat on the side of the hospital bed praying for you to breathe
I sat on the side of the hospital bed hoping for you to live
I sat on the side of the hospital bed happy your pain had been relieved

They said it’s okay to be sad

I sit on the side of your grave praying for a sign
I sit in the rain praying for more time
I sit in the coffee shop reading a book I thought you might like
I sit in an office waiting for a chat

They say that crying helps

I cry out to the heavens why
I cry out if you love me then why did you leave
I cry and sob and break

I sat on the side of your hospital bed, I sit in the rain, I cry out for help

I wish that I could forget
Forget everything from the pain you caused in my head to the pain you’ve caused in my chest
Just a general pain that I wish I could forget

I wish I could forget
Forget the way you’ve looked at me when you think I’m not focused
Forget the smile plastered on your face to the tears that roll down mine
These things that I wish I could forget

I wish that I could feel something
Feel anything
My heart is broken, my trust demolished and everyone is now stuck an arm’s length away
I wish that I could stop feeling this numb

I wish that could close my eyes
Close them without an image of you finding its way into my mind
Your sea blue eyes matched with beach blonde hair, that I said I never liked
I wish that I could close my eyes

She wears long sleeves to hide her scars he smokes a cigarette in the back of his car. They’ve been pushed to the point of wanting it all to end. They have an unborn child which they don’t know yet, it was a one night stand that left her with regret.

They don’t feel like they can raise a child but those two pink lines make her feel better now, it’s a fresh start and a second chance for him to be a better man than what he is now and what his father was growing up a chance to wake up every morning next to the woman he loves.

She’s afraid of the mother she will be, afraid that her little girl will be sitting in her room alone comforted by an empty bottle and a blade with so many tears streaming down her child’s face just like hers did.

9mm that’s the size of a bullet fired by police,
It could be in self-defence,
It wouldn’t matter.

Cameras and press are pressed for time and need to get a front-page article out,
“Chicago policeman shoots man” is what they go with
Never mind that man killed three girls aged 10 – 12 but not before they were violently abducted.
Police to avoid this happening to another child raided the house with the wallpaper faded.
He shot at them first and when the policeman fired back he signed his resignation because no-one wanted to hear his apology in front of the whole nation.

NRA and the 2nd amendment are giving everyone an easy excuse,
It’s written into the constitution therefore it must be okay,
But let me tell you something real quick:
Slavery was legal
Segregation was legal
Does that make it okay?
And here is where we sit right now on that fine line of it being moral and it being legal