my words gathered near the drain
too big to saunter through
a shallow pool of empty vowels and consonants
ceramic reflecting back
shiny white room for more
******* letters
to be vomited up
another time

I miss the honey that dripped from the words you spoke
so few they were
all different tastes of raspberry and lavender
Each kiss was like an array of samples from a farmer's market
Although you were as graceful as a goose on rollerskates
you were a place that I could let my feelings loose
Homebase in a giant game of tag
You were wi-fi that never once lagged
I'd lay down and call you boring
shape my nails using the skin from your back
Waste time in a digital daze
while you'd spark up that pipe and get blazed

I am aware that I'm toxic
It was never fair to believe that in life you just give and receive
Spending half a life as the novelty welcome mat on a rural truck stop.
Nobody ever stayed around, they were all on some journey.
A foot gets put down and occasionally people frown
as in you were never supposed to do that
as in you should be comfortable because people still at least say hi
When the greeter gets greeted they feel more or less defeated
Because everything is done the same daily, it's repeated
Crane that neck around, and see the stomps impeding
On all that sense of worth, that basket full of reassurance that was spread like pixie dust
Take all those coming forward with their not so friendly faces
Get off of the floor and go forward, get ready for the races
Stay down or drown in a pool full of that stiffling reality that just cannot be avoided.
Go toxic.

Somedays I think of how I will wait until the skin drops from my bones
To tell myself that I am beautiful
She will be there at 5 foot 2 the smallest skyscraper ever
Gleaming shades of tan and amber
Defending the shape of her thighs and the queries of guys.
Disallowing herself to be patronized
I won't need you anymore
I will love myself, in fair or morose health
For when your hands shall leave my *******
I won't even feel the ghost of your caress

throw rocks at the sun
For the moment they glimmer gray
Make an instance of understanding
Relate life back to gravity
Rushing blood and solid bone
Bound to glimmer like that airborne stone
Be the one to flick the rist
Find answers to whatever destiny

When fragments fly from your mothers favorite glass
It's time to give in
All your pride waves out fresh like water after a listerine rinse
The blinds stay closed because the windows glare
not just because the people behind them do as well
Condensation rises on your glossy eyes and youre as high as where the snow falls from
An insomniac mirthful mercenary defected from an army of awake dreamers
Draw string bags of angel dust rest on the loops of your belt
But here I am trapped under yours
A Jiminy Cricket with a pillow over my loose lips
It's toxic when we make our hearts skip  
Pumping your veins with strange men in nice jackets
I can't just close the blinds to hide the glare.
I'm caught in this piercing snare

this is the year that youth dies
born into the world in the air
flying high
balloons embedded in flesh to keep afloat
docile and naive
with each spurt of growth a balloon pops
propelling one closer to the ground that has come to embody fear itself
the misery that can be caught in every parents eye
for the first time being fully realized
no fairy tale ******* could redeem those juvenile days that could have been stolen
by the weight of all the bills and capitalist charades that fly through their accredited slot
accumulating into a mountain that in return deliver a crippling anxiety and a life of caution
A day can only be seized so long until night falls
cant fly back into the atmosphere
when the balloons have broke
and youre grounded