the music stops
when you need it most
singing under your breath
out of tune
hoping for miracles
hoping
for miracles
soon

some, older than you
prophesied, I would never be cold
all my duties
are to avoid burning
I told you of my temples
you come empty-handed
asking for frankincense, myrh
I knew of this ghost once
a thousand years ago
some, say he will return
humans are so god-awful impatient
some, waiting in white
will never see him
others, shackled at the ankle
say he is still here
I am not one for answers
I pour my questions out
into the street
as if it was a river
more often than not
is it a graveyard
if I do die
bury me shallow
why should I be silent
even the stones would cry out

A shift in my bones
A crack in the ceiling
A squeak in the floor
Drugs in the bathroom
Money in the mattress

I paid my landlady
But will the cops catch us?

Humble in your regrets
Over all choose love
Under cloudy grey skies
Shameless against virtue
Empty though you be

Over all choose love
Under cloudy grey skies
Shameless against virtue
Empty though you be
Humble in your regrets

Under cloudy grey skies
Shameless against virtue
Empty though you be
Humble in your regrets
Over all choose love

Shameless against virtue
Empty though you be
Humble in your regrets
Over all choose love
Under cloudy grey skies

Empty though you be
Humble in your regrets
Over all choose love
Under cloudy grey skies
Shameless against virtue

Humble in your regrets
Over all choose love
Under cloudy grey skies
Shameless against virtue
Empty though you be

Empty though you be
Shameless against virtue
Under cloudy grey skies
Over all choose love
Humble in your regrets

I write poetry like a:*

loser white girl
a broken hearted stalker
some lonely little dreamer
the skies actually care
your kisses could breathe
like life knows my fate
and believer in unicorns

Step 1: Rise like the moon beams from under the clouds

Step 2: Lift your feet like gentle voices raised loud

Step 3: Rest your hands like soft gentle dreams

Step 4: Turn like the sun at its peak

Step 5: And whisk away the fear you seek

keep breathing in poetry
and exhaling unwound emotions
dusting off dreams a gift to the star
praying to the dictionary god
and the rhyming wizard
dreaming for a clearer tomorrow
and a brighter future

Can I write my lies fast enough for you to believe
Can you break my heart soon enough for me to grieve
Just another sun that sets far to fast
Just another shovel digging up the past

Your words are to sharp
The slice between skin
My bones are broken
And my skin far to thin

Things thrown to break windows
Trying to hide before it snows

Out a window
Just a few stories
Down the steps
Tripping on threats

Left foot
Right foot
Walking on coals

Left hand
Right hands
Against the wall

Bodies writhing like snakes
Just one simple mistake

This is my safe place. <3

You remain such as you are
If only all things beautiful would
I fear to destroy you with a touch
The glass between us is necessity
Though in my folly
I think you would be beautiful
Even in the change
Is not death the most beautiful of all
It kills my humanity and that is my anchor
I will behold you, in this light
May I be granted one more day
That I may look upon you again

I am lost again
Hoping
When I return
I will be loved
The same
I knew myself once
Not today
The whispers of that quiet soul
Do not look for me
Because they do not care to find
I am not ashamed of this
Other things maybe
Not of myself

My vanity a cup
Not a drop in it
My pride will not let me pour that much of myself out
I lost to much before
To give up even a taste now

I came to your table with clean hands
But a ***** mouth
Still you would not feed me

Hell has developed quite the appetite

If you put a gun to my face
I would wrap my mouth
Around the barrel
Look you dead in the eyes
Tell you, to pull the trigger
Only when I am starving
Will I eat my words

You held my hands in your own
You looked down and saw the scars on my palms
And then looked me in the eyes and asked, "who hurt you?"
I quietly replied, "everyone who said they wouldn't."

Y'all spit the hottest of fires
And then complain about how much it burns your throat
Still you don't even empathize or learn to apologize
For all the faces you've scorched

And I wear glasses to see
But this is a sight I could do without
You self-serve lies out to those whom you profess to love
So when they start bleeding you can give them verbal bandaids

I'd rather lick my own wounds with my anxiety
It is old enough to be in middle school by now
Maybe that's why I still feel like a child
But funny how you're the one allowed to be childish

So explain to me this because I don't understand
That you have babies just to fill the empty rooms
And then complain about all the **** noise
Wasn't that just a part of your choice, but I ain't saying nothing

I've been told to shut up more than a thousand times
If my brain could do that I swear it would
It's to busy running circles around your promises
But those are as unfulfilled as my life

So as I stand in the same place
While you run from me just as far as you can
Just to complain about such a distance
I shrivel within my own selfishness

For atleast then, I am not alone

Its never enough to know the past
I need the now
I must know how

I want the rush I need the fire
I have so much unfilled desire
I seek the means to and end
I want a road without bend

I hate feeling numb
I try to act dumb
I need the sweet sip of revenge
I have many a reason to avenge

I have my reasons and you have yours
I've spent to much time behind oaken doors

I smell the pines and the smoke
But hide my smile behind a dark blue cloak

I write in my book
But let no one look

I thought if I told you all my problems
Then they would go away

But no they only blossom
They stop and they stay

Go away go away
Don't come back any day
Make a way make a way
Stop standing in the fray

Walk your path
Lead your life

When I bit the inside of my cheek
I expected the taste of anger
To pour into my mouth and down my throat
I didn't know the pain that would also coat my tongue
And catch in my throat

I hated it
I hated this

But this taste,
Oh that I could spit it out
Or wash it down
Yet no matter how hard I tried
It burned
Oh it burned
The whole way down
To think, to know
And remember

Everything that you said was a blow to the face
Still I turn the other cheek

Hope still, as I would
But you would never know what it is to be gentle, or kind

I suppose the difference between us was so simple
That you need look no further than our hands
Mine, within each other, clammy and clamped together, like every word that I bit back
Yours, a fist in your pocket and a fist behind your back, and oh how you loved to hurt me

I write a lot about dreams and nightmares
I know the difference
You know of time
I dreamt a chameleon bit my neck
I told you of my fears
Death will make me her *****
Where is sanity when I sleep
At the foot of the bed
The floor is liquid in the dark
You learned of my angels
And the dark they create
You tasted my chaos
Before I licked it from your tongue
The next hundred years
I will not live as my last thousand
My wisdom expired
I am yours
Ground me
Roots in the earth
Holding on for all it's worth
I am your lady in white
A corpse bride for the sins of a saint
Open your hands and close your eyes
Have you seen the signs
The sky is falling
I am yours

Could it be any more icy?
The temperature drops with every word you speak.
I want to shove corks in my ears
It's a slippery *****, your conversations.

I'm melting on the inside, like a snowman in summer, but there is no warmth here.

Attacked. Deflated.

I was high on life, you sober me so quickly.
Drunk on your lies, but no hangover, I see all to clearly in the morning.

Please shut your mouth.
Do you even know what kind words are?

Passive. Aggressive.

You grip my wrist tighter than any shirt sleeve, and the back of my head rings from your hand.

The hypothermia sets in quickly.
Three minutes in and I'm drowning.

You were supposed to guard my life.
I didn't think you would watch me drown, let alone push me under.

Although many times my eyes have drowned, now my ling's fill with salty water.
Who needs to breathe when all you give me is hot ******* air.

The cold
Is unyielding
To heavy hearts

It been three days
Three nights
I haven’t slept
More than an hour
At a time
Since I had that dream
About the man
With ice white hair

He is coming for me

Is it weird I will refresh my email for hours waiting to hear from you.
But,
The moment you send me a message I lose all self control?

I dare you

I dare you to hold it against me that I'm a caring person
I dare you to hold it against me that I am gentle and patient
I dare you to hold it against me that I am genuine and that I am caring
I dare you to hold it against me that I listen and that I love you so much
I dare you to hold it against me
As tightly as you used to hold my hand
I dare you to hold it against me as tightly as you used to hold me close to you

Because this is lukewarm *******

If you don't ever hold on
You won't ever have to let go
Somethings happen
Before you even know

We are such small foolish gods
Playing make believe with love
When all we know is anger

Maybe the silence does not deserve to be broken
But it begs to sit idly by
As we break

I called your name in my sleep
Not because I knew you were there
Because I knew if you heard me
You would come

I still can't say it

If you would of know how to love me right in the beginning everything would of been different now
If you had been all person instead of part monster
If you even knew how to care about anyone but yourself
If you breathed air instead of smoke and lies

And it's left me all kinds of ****** up
And now I am left to figure out how to heal and cope and breathe all by myself

If only you loved me the way I loved you

If only

if i felt a thing
would you still love me as i am

if i felt a thing
please don't run like i think you will

if i felt a thing
would i even admit how raw it was

if i felt a thing
would i even tell you how real it is

i cling to this
with as much of myself as i could dare

i am a heart that has been broken
every day of its life

and i feel to much
to say nothing at all

i am a poet
married to my words and woes and the wonders of the world

so please love me just as i am
the willow that weeps by the stream

I Love You

If my heart stopped beating
Would your lungs stop breathing?
If I wasn't here
Would you even care?
If I broken my leg
Would you carry me instead?
If I kissed another man
Would that be something you can stand?
If I gave you my heart
Would you make it start?
If I died today
Would you pick me flowers everyday?
If I knew your name
Would you be the same?
If my casket cracked
Would you fill the crooked gap?
If my soul were yours
Would you be its core?
If my arms were within reach
Would you try to breach?
If I could love in this life
Would you pay love's final price?

If I had a voice I would tell you tales
Of cities that rose and fell
If I could talk I would tell you stories
Of my brothers and sisters that were felled
If I could cry out aloud I should share
About the children that climbed me
And the ones that cried against my trunk
If I could shout I would yell aloud
At the birds in the sky that come to visit my leafy boughs
If you knew my stories that I gathered through the years
That number almost as many as my leaves
I could tell you of the sun and how its shadow speaks
And all the stories the moon gave to my by the stream
I cannot walk upon legs I simply stand and grow instead
For my branches are strong and my trunk is long

But if I were not a tree I would wish to be
Someone that had a dream to set them free

I am yours in memory
And I am willfully bound inside
Every kiss that you bestow
Upon the top of my head,
nestled into my hair
On the sides of my face,
and my forehead
Pressed to the back of my hand,
and placed in my heart,
with all of your love

I feel a fool and I do not care
I would taste each day in a bite, as long as it tastes of you
This is a dream and you are my sleep
You give me rest and helpfulness
It swells in my chest
And bubbles out of my mouth
Like a brook swelling in Spring

**** these hands that they would ever let you go
Curse these eyes if they would ever look away
I cling to you like the edge of a cliff
I look to you like the sun on the horizon

Would the birds let me join their song in the quiet of the sun rising in the morning to scatter darkness and dew alike from the skirts of the earth

Would the stars give me but two twinkles, each for an eye so that when I look at you, you can see the lightness of my heart dripping out my eyes

Would the moon bathe me in dreams and fill your head with all the beautiful thoughts of you I hold in my heart

Would you love me for every day that I love you because then we will never run out, like water roaring over the falls to chase the rocks down the stream

I see you in the world, and I hope you can find me in your heart

How can my words explain
The lost love and all the pain
How can my words say
That I wish I wasn't alive today
How can I show you me
Without you judging from what you see
How can you say my name
Without me remembering pain

How can my actions speak
Louder than words that are weak
How can I live for the future
When I can barely make it through today
How can I stop choking
And figure out what to say

How can my heart
Not feel so heavy in my chest
How can I give you part of me
When there is nothing left
How can a needle patch me back together
When I have been stabbed to many times
How can my nerves be strong as iron
When I have been beaten and broken
How can I turn my face to the sun
When all I see is blood

How can reason stand above emotion
When this is bigger than both of us
How can I not fall to my knees
When I am weak from lack of care
How someone love me
When they are never here
How can my tears grow a flower to blow
When all I remember is gloom

How can you smile to the sun
Why I cry under the moon
How can your eyes run dry
When I just start to cry
How can the paper get wet
When it isn't raining
How can the water leave
When it isn't draining

How can my word make sense to you
When they are all jumbled in my head
How can you face the day
While I hide in my bed
How can you rise out of the ashes
While I get whipped with so many lashes
How can a smile be so hard to bear
When not a single person can say they care

How can a candle still shine without air
When I know that this life is not fair
How can you chose me out of the others
When I try to hide in the crowd
How can you hear my voice
When everyone else is so loud

How do you see me on the ground
With a all the people milling around
How can you love me or is it just pity
When I cant break the chains or be free

How can you see me as beautiful
When all I show is a disguise
How can you say you care
When there is nothing there
How do you make me wonder at your light
Instead of crying throughout the night
How can you give my heart peace
Instead of trying to fight
How can you love a wretch
When I am not strong enough for one

How do you say I am the one
That makes you better
How can you write the songs
And I write the letters

you painted on a straight line
like a blood red smile
and as short as it was
it felt like a mile

you filled in the lines
all over your skin
a reflection outside
of how it feels within

you drew all over
never missed a spot
and you never considered
that you could stop

you traced a map
all over you world
and screamed to your flesh
though you never were heard

you can still dance
with sleeves and scars
but it is harder
to reach the stars

you never thought
you could come home
in your picturesque future
you thoughts you'd be alone

you didn't see me
creeping in at the edges
of you vision
hanging on to ledges

every word you gave
every part of a smile
was part of a 'happy'
thought it took a while

and now we draw
with paper and pencil
not skin and blade
with our arms as a stencil

it's okay
you don't have to
it is always an option
but I got you

I am as I am
No greater no lesser
Part ghost
A one day angel
As the line before me thins
Into a gray and gold horizon
I am more gentle
I remember being weak
Hearing your voice call to me
When I was in the dark place
I climbed halfway up to heaven 
Only to turn around 
I was terrified 
Of the storms
More so 
Of the calm that would come after 
Are our souls so different now
Passing between worlds 
Or are we chasing stranger ghosts
Than the ones we name on earth

I must tell you
While I am sober
I must tell you
Before it gets dark
I have to say it
Before we are making it
I am compelled
The words make a spring nest
In my mouth
Behind my teeth
It is a summer home
To the house I have built
For you in my heart
You are welcome here

I sound like a broken record
Turning over
I miss you
And I love you
Greatest hits of the century
My boomerang love
Comes back to me