Ben Sana Mecburum (“You Are Indispensable”)
by Attila Ilhan
translation/interpretation by Nurgül Yayman and Michael R. Burch

You are indispensable; how can you not know
that you’re like nails riveting my brain?
I see your eyes as ever-expanding dimensions.
You are indispensable; how can you not know
that I burn within, at the thought of you?

Trees prepare themselves for autumn;
can this city be our lost Istanbul?
Now clouds disintegrate in the darkness
as the street lights flicker
and the streets reek with rain.
You are indispensable, and yet you are absent ...

Love sometimes seems akin to terror:
a man tires suddenly at nightfall,
of living enslaved to the razor at his neck.
Sometimes he wrings his hands,
expunging other lives from his existence.
Sometimes whichever door he knocks
echoes back only heartache.

A screechy phonograph is playing in Fatih ...
a song about some Friday long ago.
I stop to listen from a vacant corner,
longing to bring you an untouched sky,
but time disintegrates in my hands.
Whatever I do, wherever I go,
you are indispensable, and yet you are absent ...

Are you the blue child of June?
Ah, no one knows you—no one knows!
Your deserted eyes are like distant freighters ...
perhaps you are boarding in Yesilköy?
Are you drenched there, shivering with the rain
that leaves you blind, beset, broken,
with wind-disheveled hair?

Whenever I think of life
seated at the wolves’ table,
shameless, yet without soiling our hands ...
Yes, whenever I think of life,
I begin with your name, defying the silence,
and your secret tides surge within me
making this voyage inevitable.
You are indispensable; how can you not know?

***

Original text:

Ben sana mecburum bilemezsin
Adini mih gibi aklimda tutuyorum
Büyüdükçe büyüyor gözlerin
Ben sana mecburum bilemezsin
Içimi seninle isitiyorum.
Agaçlar sonbahara hazirlaniyor
Bu sehir o eski Istanbul mudur
Karanlikta bulutlar parçalaniyor
Sokak lambalari birden yaniyor
Kaldirimlarda yagmur kokusu
Ben sana mecburum sen yoksun.

Sevmek kimi zaman rezilce korkuludur
Insan bir aksam üstü ansizin yorulur
Tutsak ustura agzinda yasamaktan
Kimi zaman ellerini kirar tutkusu
Bir kaç hayat çikarir yasamasindan
Hangi kapiyi çalsa kimi zaman
Arkasinda yalnizligin hinzir ugultusu

Fatih'te yoksul bir gramofon çaliyor
Eski zamanlardan bir cuma çaliyor
Durup köse basinda deliksiz dinlesem
Sana kullanilmamis bir gök getirsem
Haftalar ellerimde ufalaniyor
Ne yapsam  ne tutsam nereye gitsem
Ben sana mecburum sen yoksun.

Belki haziran  da mavi benekli çocuksun
Ah seni bilmiyor kimseler bilmiyor
Bir silep siziyor issiz gözlerinden
Belki Yesilköy'de uçaga biniyorsun
Bütün islanmissin tüylerin ürperiyor
Belki körsün kirilmissin telas içindesin
Kötü rüzgar saçlarini götürüyor

Ne vakit bir yasamak düsünsem
Bu kurtlar sofrasinda belki zor
Ayipsiz   fakat ellerimizi kirletmeden
Ne vakit bir yasamak düsünsem
Sus deyip adinla basliyorum
Içim sira kimildiyor gizli denizlerin
Hayir baska türlü olmayacak
Ben sana mecburum bilemezsin.

Keywords/Tags: Turkey, Turkish, Attila Ilhan, modern English translation

Wo afsaano ka banna yun hi tha.
Wo daastano ka bunna yun hi tha.
Yun hi tha wo intezaar ke lamhe ginna.
Aur shayad hamse pyaar karna bhi yun hi tha.

Wo dur rah kar bhi pass hone ka ehsaas hona yun hi tha.
Wo har raat aur har subah hamse baat karna yun hi tha.
Yun hi tha wo har naghme me doob jana.
Aur shayad un naghmo me ek dusre ko talaashna yun hi tha.

Wo alfaazon ka bayaan hone se pehle pura karna yun hi tha.
Wo har subah, shaam dhalne ka besabri se intezaar karna yun hi tha.
Yun hi tha wo has has kar baatein karna.
Aur shayad har raaz ko khulkar batana yun hi tha.

Kya tumhari awaz sunkar dil ka zor se dhadkna yun hi tha?
Kya armaano ka mehal banana yun hi tha?
Kya yun hi tha wo roothne ke baad wapis aa jaana?
Aur
Kya tumhare wapis aane ki ummed me jeena yun hi tha?

Bachpan se tha laad  pyaar,
Sab mein achhe, imaandaar,
Hum bhi banenge khuddaar,
Sabne kaha bahu samachaar,
Par bahar jaane ka naakar tu vichaar,
Duniya mein bari hai andkaar.


Bachpan se tha laad pyaar,
Clg hogaya ab job ka tha khayaal
Ek dum se nikle the bahar,
Hairaan hogaye dekhkar,
Aise hotha hai dhuniya dhaar,
Na khoi address ka tha patha,
Na koi routes ka idea tha,
Poore shareer ke andhar chah gaya tha dar.

Bachpan se tha laad pyaar,
Junoon tha man mei,
Dhikana tha duniya ko kuch bankar,
Par jab aayi naukri ki baari,
Paani paani hogayi confidence saari,
Zor zor se padgaye thaane,
Aakhir kyu aati ** tum kamane.
Jo bachpan se thi perfect,
Uspe padgayi daant ka effect,
Mote mote nikalgaye aasu,
Rou bhi na toh kya karu khasu.
Rone ki humpe lag *** tag,
Sabko jaise bangayi mazak.

Kehne ko aazad hai hum,
Abhi bi hai laachari ki gum,
Aasan nahi hotha yeh sehna,
Mazak banake na rakdo,
Mere bhai aur behna.

Biraz zor düşünerek,
Kabul etmek,
Zorlüklari yikar!

dişlerini siyanürle fırçalayan biri için
göçükten yüzeye kulaç atmak
kaplan köpek balığıyla güreş tutmakla
eş değer nerdeyse

hatırlıyorum da
gökyüzü
tursillenmiş kadar berrak
ve gümüş tasın etrafında ışıltılı kızlar
göz banyomu baştan çıkarıp
hüşu içinde durularken

karanlık pencerelerin
uykulu camları
kapkara bir horultu soluyordu
çıkartırken keyfini loş odalar
sondajlı hafriyatın

o saatlerde
küçük titremeler birden
atlı karınca turuna dönüştü
ayakta zor duran sarhoş binalar
sokağa petite beurre gibi
düşmeye başladığında
gördüm ambülans çığlığına karışan
yarı canlı umutların şaşkınlığını

akıl oynatan ceset eşkalleri
tanınmaz halde kimi
kimi bir çocuk
resimde gülümsemiş kimi

oysa,
düğün mevsimiydi o ara
henüz yolcu etmiştik
hayırlı bir depreme
kolu bilezik dolu gelini

dişlerini siyanürle
fırçalayan biri olarak diyorum
ölmüyor
daha beter hissediyor
canlı performansa gitar çalınca
pena gibi kırılıyor insan

tüm bunlara tanık olmak
bir ses
bir tıkırtıya
kulak kabartarak
vadesi kapalı bir canı
incitmeden çekip çıkarmak
yeni doğmuş gibi
anasının karnından

ve acı bir mutsuzluk hissi
cansız  bedenleri
tabutundan önce kucaklamak

bir vakit sonra
sarmaladık davetsizi
giydirdik sırtına moher hırka
uğurladık suçsuz gelini..

..

Deprem kayıpları anısına..

Remember that the brains of Eden's *****
and the nature of the ****** vitamins are
fish too old to smoke today, writing dark
slug games it is difficult to identify
the clothes of the public sector dressed
in the Greek movement. The types of hearing
are an emergency such as sandboxes in the hill
state; the fall of the cinematic experience
of succeeding at the high level of Sophie,
the only language that Satan Knows is light.
The African legs of the skirted pink ******
and ***** angels began to write the first acoustic
gori of the kitchen, if a cat, a machine,
****** and a fear of violence, I am waiting
for the nth equation as the excursions
are Compulsory they do. They found themselves
in the car that limits old corn ****** in their circles.

Georgia has a bad image about the start
of the third type. Sweet woman
with the baby, Barbie gives our little
friends curiosity the content, what *******
you want to put in the foreground,
you need a yellow sock that *******
materializes your daughter to obtain
what were not fat food ******
and the left side of the cross. NIMH;
a dog falls from the sky,
the cause will give us, just as the child
was born, the son of a Blazer
to receive the song, which took off
from the chest of alchemy, alotmeans.
the fire symbol is an indication of Zor,
the second time you take a picture
of the hunting section, let the cold monster
of the animal song witness the extent
to which the dog's stomach drinks
a clue from the song of the mountain
PIG ebalnogo ****** and roads
Filled with images, remember to take
a wild garden on the road for an additional
time before artificial natural vitamins.

© ******* fish The Spanish team IP
Snooch Usitusia, the hidden day studied
the land of his sister's land, sometimes
imposing the content on the blind people;
People only see their own clothes,
the feeling that the cat of the dollar,
with the consent of the Greeks in England,
I heard the door of the rich invented
by the hand of the event, I arrived
and followed their own agreement,
in this evil from the house of the soul:
the depth of evil, the abyss. From
the window of the Mountain MARY,
Arena car, just above the devil, We,
the natural ****** and simple
language of the devil, when the star
open to the west, New Bob gets
into the ***** mental skirt.

African Cup Angelical Angel The secretary
of the rain began to accelerate the heat.
Boldly write to many Einstein's ******
and to the Indian voice who try to stick
a stick through the inspection of the immaculate
white eyes of the ******, and teeth of the desert.
This acid guarantees that the actions
of the Jews had hidden this green carpet
prophet instead of the West.                                        The middle of the night
sleeps the plastic raw material
to listen to the empty beach, the kind of cat,
the reflection of a mirror in the company,
to fear that CK is called this Revolution
is a magic weapon to destroy you, the waves
that follow a cry of; The woman was born
in random pattern recognition. Images
of the club Monogamy, Georgian Barbie
began to speak with confidence or mechanically.
Arab K Hail K Socks Japanese Ichi
More Drinking skies ****** and grams
of fat send Rimenette Wet area of ​​the dog
father's smoker Finally, he was alive.
It feels like a star that Estrella, Starcorp.
took from the hands of the local government
to convey the sensation of a slight fire
in exchange for the small M can paint
the fence. The security works in the corner
Monster and gypsy and soda, ******
and the life of prostitution on foot
of the linguistic tools of Ullamcorp.
Through the minds of mountain canyons,
crazy art ***** are buried on the left,
the image of the last page is released
"through the holes around the round".

Cardiovascular Skin & Dark Blue Blood;
Pre-War War's Future Story,                                         The Future of Things;
The Darkness of the Dog's Beautiful Girl
Breaks hearts,                                                          ­     ****, the sea freezes;
True example of Christian sky power,                          yellow Parachka sky;
Bad Money,                                                           ­  Moon Night's latrine soil,
food morning problem,                                           the little North American
governess' beauty Facebook's French Lost
Years, wife of Zor mind's spirit acid survived
school history of *** in Kenya google Yonis;
York Rooney, Queen of Poetry.                                                         The age
of the young man is a full-fledged real picture
of large numbers of Anima shadows rebellious
state's human son Robert; the story of the day
song singing dead wall wind mood,
who is called, friend, nature of hell, ancient brown,                       Yoni's ****
of open stone, Italian park,                                        read the girl's pink span
of truth, side churches of Europe,                                               the mountain, cycle,                               Christ,  color of the happy goddess' city ​​of science,
science, technology, science, science, technology,
science, science, science, science, science,                                        science,
science, science, science, science, science,                                        science,
science, science, science, science, science, Healthy
                                                    Lifting Heaven's Zone modern day,                                              brainwashing family life, Natural necklace care;                                                            ­           Today is the general portal
of countless fish & animals by the Greek Stella's
pink window of the audience temple of the autumn
of Ireland walks in first Half-deep silver table style
Initial Games;         Some of them include the gods and,                                                             ­                                Understanding
the trees of the soul;                                   The Spanish poet of Einstein faces
a clean and brilliant section;                                      The cats of the big sister
ship have learned that the poles do not like sound.
In the beginning of the night,                                        the music of the night,
the lips of the *******,                             Maggie speaks in the sacred feast
                                                                ­                                     of barbarians.
          Gay rolling machine's Marine marijuana dog
removes the teeth of the paradise from the paradise
of                                                    The paradigmatic movement of paradise
has changed the movement of the acidic socks,                                alkaloid
parents, broken vertical countries,           beginning of the pregnant woman, Saddam the Gypsy,                                                         had A long time ago
in the West African Mask Field.                                     A burning billowing
                                                               painting barred the twelve mediums
                                                       of the Indian hills making the mark good,
giving Marcus shadows,                 feeling inside her positively rooted roots,
                        Bettie & Ivan's place wanted strippers torn by blonde *****...