i was walking
peacefully
on the beach

and suddenly

there was a
stinging
at my feet.
i looked
down

and saw
the wind pulling
the sand
along
"hurry" said the
wind  
in a sort of
wooshing voice.
the sand
went as fast
as it
could go,
stinging
my helpless feet.

sand comets
i told myself.

it felt like
i was on
a different planet
mars maybe?

even the tidal pools
dried up
of the
stinging sand.

The Sacristy

A pastoral palace
A haven for servants of God
A prep room for the clergyman.
A probationary clergyman,
At his knees in prayer before the lord.

Roars of thunder rattle the room,
Clashes of lightening illuminate,
Through a stained-glass window.  
He is alone,
Father Bernard Benedict,
At the mercy of the lord.

Bernard

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned greatly,
Questioning his own fate,
never before today.
I am full of fear, Father.
Terrified of what will become of me,
if my betrayal of you progresses.
I’m scared of what won’t become of me,
if I remain loyal.

Father, all I know for sure,
is that I’m very confused,
And I need guidance.
It is a sin to deny thy lord,
in any circumstance,
but it is my own twisted irony
to have doubts and...
To have doubts,
And yet seek your guidance...

The Voice

And just what kind of doubts are you having,
my son?
What is it that you seek?
Confide in thy father,
As you are my child,
My dearest little one.
Unleash your desires,
Unravel your pain,
Lend me your soul.

Bernard

…Father?

The Voice

Yes, my son?
My son,
I’m here.
Speak to me,
All ears are wide,
Wide and open.

Bernard

It is you, isn’t it?
May I see your face?

The Voice

I’m afraid that is not possible,
I’m afraid it is not so.
I do apologize,
My son.

Bernard

Why?
Is my wish not your command?
Is it not your mission,
To aid in my suffering?
Why is it that I cannot see you?
Why is it that I cannot experience you?

The Voice

Because I don’t exist.

Bernard

Just what kind of a game,
Just what kind of a game are trying to play?
Father?
Manifest yourself!
Allow me to lay my tearful eyes,
Upon your entity.

The Voice

...If you insist...

The Storm
Wooshing,
Roaring,
Angrily little clouds,
Zigzags of electric,
Blowing window shrouds.

Maroon Man

Howdy do,
Father Bernard,
Hiya,
Howdy do?

Bernard

Who…
Who are you?
Who are you,
And how did you…
Do?

Maroon Man

I’m him,
I’m him,
He,
Who is I.

Bernard

Father?
Son?
Holy Ghost?
Of any, all,
And everything at most?
Dressed to the nines,
Maroon and Red shoes,
That shine?

Maroon Man

Him?
Him?
Oh, please,
Heavens, no.
I’m merely that,
Other him,
You know,
He who should not be named.

Bernard

It can’t be,
Possibly,
Can’t be,
He,
The monster in my nightmares,
The monster of my dreams.
You’re not…

Maroon Man

Carrying a pitchfork?
Hovering with horns?
I left such things at home.
Silly little stereotypes,
Little legends in the books.

Bernard

What is it that you want from me?
What is it that you seek?
I’m merely faithful to my lord,
Not you, that man,
So foul,
You reek.

Maroon Man

I want to talk about your plans,
I want to talk your pain,
I want to talk your suffering,
Your losses and your gain.
Unleash your lonely grievances,
Unload your pesky thoughts.

Bernard

I don’t condone your evil,
I don’t condone your sin,
Allow me to my thoughts in peace,
And never tread within.

Maroon Man

No,
No,
Of course, you don’t condone me,
That’s why you’re so conflicted,
Struggling and buckling,
about your future,
spreading the good love of faith,
because you’re dead-set on,
not disobeying the almighty.

Bernard

Why,
Oh why,
Why is it that you’re here?

Maroon Man

I’m here to merely guide you,
I’m here to simply help,
My son you haven’t yet seen,
The things that I can do.


Bernard  

I don’t need your guidance,
Not your friendship,
Or your help,
Banished from this House of God,
Exiled from this home of holy.

Maroon Man

Don’t you?
Do you?
I hear you’re at a crossroad,
You need guidance,
You DO need guidance,
correct?



Bernard

Not from you,
Never from you,
I’d rather convert or follow none,
Than worship the likes of you.

Maroon Man

Why is that?

Bernard

Because you’re wicked.
You’re ghastly,
You are the symbol,
of all evil.
You are the reason why there is suffering,
and death in this sinful world.
You construct hate and pain,
and spread it like a virus.
You are a virus.

Maroon Man

Flattery will get you nowhere,
Father Benedict.
You’re merely reading,
A resume,
An eternity of achievement.

Bernard

I don’t care what you have to say,
I can’t indulge you,
I won’t indulge you,
To indulge you,
Is to lose me,
And to lose him.

Maroon Man

From what I can tell,
you’re uncertain of your faith.
Isn’t that correct?
Isn’t that so?
Tell me I’m wrong.

Bernard

No,
Not at all,
Not entirely so.
I know what I believe in,
I know what is so,
I just don’t...

Maroon Man

Just don’t,
what?
Speak!
Release what it is,
That has you in such shambles.

Bernard

I just don’t know,
I just don’t know,
if I want to devote my life,
to my faith.
My faith,
My faith,
Where’s the faith in me?
To devote this life,
To everything,
In terms of he?
I feel this way,
And ache this way,
Knowing full well,
That I will burn in hell,
For feeling this way.

Maroon Man

What is it that you have to sacrifice,
in order to become a soldier of Christ?
What is it that you give,
What is it that you gift?

Bernard

Time,
Time,
And life after time.

Maroon Man

Time, yes,
But there’s more to it,
than just time,
What else are you risking?
What is that you sacrifice?
We both know the answer to that,
We both know it true,
You’re risking freedom, you see,
if you pursue a life of pure faith,
you will never know what the beauty of…
pleasure is like.
Freedom is pleasurable,
isn’t it?
Pleasure,
Fulfillment,
Taking that first sip of bourbon in the morning-time,
Taking that long drag from a burning cigarette,
Truly knowing what it’s like,
to make love to a woman,
feeling every bit of passion and pleasure that…
comes with it.
You lack character in this world
and that’s because you are
unfulfilled.

Bernard

You...
You see right through me,
You see right through my pain,
Every ounce and every air,
Of all that I fail to obtain.

Maroon Man

Even he can,
He isn’t stupid,
He knows these are things you want,
But is he allowing you to do so?
No,
his words forbid such action.
Why?
Because,
all he really wants is recognition and obedience.

Bernard

You lie,
You lie,
and you lie,
You can’t possibly know,
what the lord truly wants.

Maroon Man

Don’t forget,
Don’t you ever lose sight,
I once fought alongside him,
the same way you are now,
and look where it got me,
once I realized that there is more,
more to it than just spreading peace,
and tranquility through him.
True peace is in pleasure.
He hates pleasure.
He craves order.

Bernard

And what makes you think,
that I want anything more than,
peace and tranquility?

Maroon Man

Because you wouldn’t be doubting,
your path to priesthood,
if you didn’t desire the very things,
He tells you not to desire.
Even desiring is a sin, you see.
To him,
desire is greed.
Take some initiative for yourself,
and humor me.

Bernard

I can’t.

Maroon Man

Why not?
You can,
Don’t you see?
I can show you.
I can show you,
Fruitful things.
I can show you all,
That he forbids.
Remember the girl?

Bernard

What girl?

Maroon Man

You know,
You know what girl,
Don’t tell me that,
You don’t remember,
The girl.

The Photograph

A framed image,
A portrait of beauty,
Her,
Gorgeous blonde locks,
A lovely little maiden,
Her,
God’s crafted angel,
Dearly Departed,
Cecelia.

Maroon Man

Cecilia,
She is why you are doing this,
aren’t you?
She died,
Tragically,
Overdosed, even.
A talented musician,
who got wiped away,
because of her desires.
Like blowing out a candle.
You think it was me?
You think it was me,
who took her away from you?

Bernard

Yes,
Yes,
I blame you,
You,
Foul old you,
You’re the reason why she’s gone,
You are the cause of pain.

Maroon Man

Wrong,
Wrong,
Wrong again, Bernard,
It was him, Bernard.
He who forbade,
Pleasure,
Mortality was her punishment,
for seeking such pleasures.
It was him, Bernard.
It’s much too easy,
Too easy to pin the blame on anyone,
but the true culprit.
It’s no coincidence,
that I’m here this evening,
Bernard.
I’ve been watching you,
I know you inside and out,
Better than you know yourself.
Do you now trust me?
We’re waiting, Father!
(beat)
Just as I thought.
You know that it’s better to have loved,
and lost,
then to never have loved at all.



Bernard

****… you…

Maroon Man

Profanity,
Profanity,
Is profanity not a sin?

Bernard

Why are you doing this to me?
Why are you here?
What is it that you aim to accomplish,
Foul, ghostly beast?

Maroon Man

If you’d just humor me,
If you’d just listen,
If you’d just dip your toes,
Into my point of view,
I can give you it all.

Bernard

What is it,
that you’ll do,
if I indulge you?

Maroon Man

You can have her,
She would be yours
for all eternity,
You can have everything,
you desire.
Only if you come with me.

Bernard

Can I talk to her?
Can I hold her?
Can I smell her scent?
Can I taste her lips?
Can I…

The Action

Maroon Man smiles,
Maroon Man nods,
Maroon Man grants,
And twirls his fingers,
At invisible atmospheric dials.

Outside the window,
Stood Cecelia dressed in black,
Bernard sniffs a soulful tear,
His love and lust had come for her,
It had unapologetically come back.

He raced outside the holy place,
And wandered in the fields,
To find his lovely little,
Cecelia May,
Waiting for his warm embrace.

It starts
with a bang
A single shot
Followed by a
Chorus
Of clacking
Clicking
And whirring
As though
The bullet
Tore a hole
In the sky
And now
all the air
Is rushing out
******* us
With it
A spectacle
To witness
Such great pitch
And movement
A steady buzz
Buzzing
rolling
Cacophony
Fueled by
Ambition
aggression
And panic
Elbows out
Jarring
Sparring
Until we settle
Into our rhythm
Carbon and metal
And organic
Mass
Undulating along
Whoosh
Wooshing
Flying
on the ground
Escape velocity
Hurtling along
Pushing
A wall of air
The winds of
Our arrival
Surrounding us
An envelope
Sealing
This new singularity
From the rest of
The universe
Until it collapses
On itself
And vanishes
Until
The next
Event
Horizon

the feeling before is the worst
when I know I'm going but I can't stop
it's blurred vision fuzziness
and then bees on fire
dark and wooshing

and I'm out
for 3 minutes or 10
I can never be sure
it's like being in a pool with your eyes closed
but not wet
and I dream

the dreams are the strangest of my life
they are dreams without thought
dreams without shape
color is felt
liquid is breathed
thoughts are as solid as non-Newtonian fluids

when I wake up
I'm still in the dream
still in the dark colors and thrashing out of it
then it's cold tiredness
even if the room is as hot as my face
from the embarrassment of having people look at me
even when people are just my mom staring at me while we sit by the side of the road
best case scenario is when I'm at home in bed
it's so much worse when people are around
hitting concrete and have to be taken away on a stretcher
through a school full of kids who will be talking about that girl who fainted
when I came back every one stared and asked how I was
I didn't know how to act and I did't know what to say
but it faded like my consciousness did
until it happened again

I see you sitting opposite me
In the café I couldn't find.
All this flashing time concealed within.
Life carved a few more shallow lines of laughter around your smiling eyes.
Small flutters of emotion play so slightly on the harp of my nerves.
Not the once great rushing torrents I had.
Unwanted and alone.
Your kiss was a tonic.
A sweet poison.
Addictive and stupifying.
I will always respond to your touch
I will akways want it.
The river tgat flows between us is wooshing and whirling with joy, pain and sorrow.
Deafing to me
Silent to you.
You stand at the opposite bank
Moored with experience and knowledge.
And I gaze at you
I see your past through my merky minds eye.
Dumbfounded by youth.
Your crossing, each stone layed a loss, a fling, an insipid mistake.
You crossed to the otherside.
"Come, come" you call
"Join me" you beacon
But I am only learning to lay the stones for my bridge.

That feeling
Of "wooshing" through the air
Your friend is calling you
But you don't seem to care

Arms of iron and
Legs of steel
Your whole body is spinning
Like a movie reel

Cartwheels, Cartwheels
O' glorious cartwheels
How to describe the feeling so?
Oh **, I don't even know.

We sat there
in the lukewarm green water
all sense of time stopping
in its tracks.
In the murky emerald depths,
you couldn't see where I stopped
and you began.
Our limbs mimicked
knotted tree logs
in a still lagoon.
And all was silent.
There were no rushing waters
no waves wooshing past
not a single drop stirred.
All was still.
And in that moment
with you and I
entangled in one another
in an earthy warm bath,
I found my serenity,
my zen,
in you.

I do not rush
I let the day find me
Still
Breathing slowly
Waking from the illusion
Not sleepy eyes
But wearing eyes of wonder
The water drips and drops
Pooling into a puddle
The wind wooshing
Through my coat
Through my hair
The air is cool
A dog barks in the distance
The ground is soft
Giving slightly beneath my feet
I indulge the forgotten feat
Of stopping
Seeing, feeling, hearing
Still as a stone
Well almost still as a stone

The night so beautiful, moon is out with pride.
The stars blinking under the dark blanket going for a ride.
The ocean reflects the moon, such a scene that cause drama.
The waves wooshing about on their own without bother.
The wind whistles covering the silence in an instant.
A dark blot appears afar in the ocean from a distance.
A faint cry for help is heard and stays.
You move closer, you investigate, you immediately jump in the water in dismay.
As you go closer, a few feet away from the dark blot, your heart stops, dead in your tracks, submerged chest deep in water.
The moonlight suddenly reveals, wet shiny hair,  flesh of gray, eyeballs on a rotten corpse staring right at you simpering on the matter.

have I ever seen your missing sock?
hanging on the wall with the rest left behind
unaware it touched the feet of someone I’ve yet to meet
but knew so well a thousand lifetimes before.

have our clothes shared the same space?
yours in the washer mine just sudsed in
while mine dry on medium heat in the third dyer on the right
and I sit in a coffee shop
and you go to walk your dog.

and when I retrieve my clothes
yours are in the dryer next to mine
the fourth dryer on the right
did I leave a sock behind?

as you take your clothes from the dryer, do you see a fallen sock in front of your machine?
Halloween in August
you have no idea it belongs to me.
am I even still a memory?

and I come back next week
unaware we both have Tuesdays off
your clothes are in the washer
as I load mine into the spot next to yours
and I go to put coins in
I realize my mind got the best of me
and I have no cash for the change.

as I run to the bank
the timer ticks down
you walk around the corner from the opposite direction
you make it back two minutes to spare
as I wait in line to avoid an ATM fee
you toss your clothes
(or do you load them with care unlike me?)
into that third dryer on the right.

like a ghost you are gone
and I never knew you came
as I trade a $20 in for more quarters than I can carry
the rumble of your clothes harmonizes with the clinking of the coins and then the wooshing of the water.

when the beep comes and I roll my clothes to the dryers
I curse whatever stranger chose the third dryer on the right
in my mind I’ve always claimed that one as mine.

unaware I was cursing an old friend
and I’m the one who is cursed
so I guess that makes two
this eternal phantom dance we do
my midnight confidant
from a past life
intertwined with my mundane routine
so far and so close from our star filled dreams.