i don’t want to be a hooligan, i used to get get yelled at at the pokies, I HATED THAT

i used to be pushed to being a shy person a shy old dogie,  I HATED THAT

i used to get yelled at in the towns centre tavern  I HATED THAT

people used to say i am shy,  I HATE BEING SHY

young dudes used to hide bullying me so mum and dad don’t find out  I HATED THAT

i hate people treating me like their mob, PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE

you see the guy who nicked my lunch was an iditio, I WILL NEVER GO NEAR HIM

I WILL NEVER TOUCH ANOTHER POKER MACHINE, WASTE OF FUCKEN MONEY

i feel people are trying to take my fun away I HATE THEM

PEOPLE ARE CALLING ME A WOOSEY, I HATE THEM ALSO

peop[le are treating me like a ******, I HATE THEM

i was getting teased at work, ya see i was told i was getting a job at tuggers ACTEW

and without explaining to me, they gave the job to someone else, I HATE THEM, ***** THEM

people want me to behave like a mature adult, I HATE THAT

i am expressing myself, i want a break, PLEASE GIVE ME A BREAK

support workers tease at work and when i tease, ya know just a small tease i get in trouble  I HATE THAT

a man was telling me i forgot to clean the hubcaps, when he could do it himself, I HATE THAT

I hear voices that people are truing to get me to do what i used to do, in every stretch of the imagination, I HATE THEM

i hear voices of people trying to get me to be an itchy hooligan, I HATE THAT

every time i hear a car or motorcycle i hype up by blowing my legs up, I HATE THAT

i hear my voices saying, your not a family person brian, or your still a shy person brian yer mate, I HATE THAT

i don’t want to get itchy feelings, I HATE THEM

the reason why i am not treating lyle like a mate, because he was crazy enough to put me in domestic violence, I HATE HIM

he had anger management issues  HE’S AN IDIOT

someone called me a great big ugly snout, I HATED HIM

you see i hate being involved in domestic violence, I HATE THAT

I HATE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

I HATE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

I DON’T WANT TO BE A YOUNG DUDE WHO LIKES DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, CAUSE I DON’T LIKE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

so in hindsight, i prefer to be a little young dude as opposed to someone who likes domestic violence

i hate violence in any way, i think i would know

don’t tell me to shut up, cause i won’t, got it, good

the shakes own my body they make it harder to type so i peck at my keyboard like a ******* animal and i keep smashing the power button every time i hit the backspace and i'm afraid the whole godforsaken thing will turn off. macs arent bad though. i might be okay.

wow this whole ******* thing just went to ****? can i even say that? i'll be ******* honest with you (aside from the avant-garde scene and the nihilistic WOKE poetry ensemble) i really don't know if i can say that or not? i mean when was PC invented? like 2008? *******. that was ten years ago gimme a break.

jesus man the shakes are horrible tonight. they're so bad im really just relying on autocorrect to do everything for me but sometimes it misses and so do i. i could use diction on the mac but then they would have my voice and once apple took o ver the world id just become one of their drones or something.

i know why too. maybe the "substances" im constantly ingesting. (oooh "substances" s cary word ayh right. you're an idiot.)

or maybe its the lack of creativity and originality in everything i see and hear and do? maybe not.

(taking a break to ____________).

all the bugs and trees are talking to me and you know what in not eve n gonna bother with typing at this point so if are still here then good for you,

.... six, no wait, make that, 12 bottles of wine. and some whiskey. and some champagne. and a jug of sangria. and...

it's **:05 as I write this. so if you're awake and reading this then either you're a night-owl or you live somewhere thats not here or there.

i m really truing to see; the shakes off and I think in doing pretty well so i have to just keep it up. right?

im going to shrink down and sleep with my succulent. tomorrow will be where hell is waiting.

******* come in early. 2-3 AM. i always wake up right about then.+

In title of detrimental view in sight of seeing in passing in time
it is not here but rather not there the viewing of ones perspective,
in complete and utter ruin of not truing the reality of the reality,
of evil lives' viewing
Never helpful,
never right,
never faithful,
always not right
Passing in time the non newness of creative reasoning
never a need for a fight
for many unlike yourself use what's there to make newness a creative flight
So let it be a part of what's in sight, truly as it is there for you a part of view a part of view
The boring days will have arose in this understanding as to why
when it is people like yourselves who can see this as sense
the undoing will never be pleasing,
never feel faithful
to your true knowledge of you
the diamond in the right
light, be light

© 2018 Clarissa van Vreden

Antarktikos...

overlays truing north.

so metaphor can

twice-place.

the embedment of

meaning

before thing~

Your love is like the dark
You even have taken my heart
Deep down in me, I find love for you
But hate comes to mind like a rhyme
Of a lost in time heated up night
For some reason, I don't feel the same as I
Once did in my life I can't explain it
But letting you go was okay
Your love is like a wild storm that never goes away
And brings so many heartaches
The shame of your love is too much for me to hang on to
I let you go so give me back my soul
My heart has gone cold
You still kept running deep in my mind
you make me want to scream
you even haunt me in my sleep
I am not the best person in your life
But I am not a bad one
I don't deserve your kind of love
Darkness is your game, your love, shame and blame
I can't live that way
Set me free, please
I made a promise to always love you
I will never break that promise
I love you
But not the same way you love me
If you come out of the dark and change to light of day
My love for you will run deep
Your love in the dark is killing me
Taken all my strength from me
Your love is lukewarm
I was always loyal and honest to you
You were always about you and your needs
You gave me lies and false dreams of what a love could be
Never had I make you doubt my love for you
I never broke a promise I made to you
But only you did all those bad things to me
And even called me Nona of your dreams
Your accomplishments were you with me
Your true happiness is me
But your love hurts too much it makes my heart bleed
I want you to never suffer nor cry
Yet I was the best for you and the life you live
Only the one that succeeds in doing good
I promise I won't allow anyone in my heart
That promise is true
You have me running and confused
Love is a word I will always be scared of
The truing of your voice that runs in my mind is
Something I want to let go
I hope you understand why I want you to let me go
I want you to stop hurting my life
You make my life feel like a failure.

- Judy Emery © 1984
The Queen Of Darken Dreams Poetic Lilly Emery