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Nabs Jul 2016
it's useless,
i screamed to my self
this indulgence of
lies, needs to stop

rain drops in an ocean
don't mean a thing
there is only illusions--no,
delusions that awaits

a phantom reality
that conquers dreams
rendering me spineless,
i cannot stay this way

you are beautiful,
but these clues are just
drops of bloods and
the word sorry, scribbled out
Allison T Oct 2012
I let you get the best of me
pride is gone
soberity lost
you changed all
you changed me
And you don't even know

It's your eyes
always the eyes
the eyes of a cat
calculating, thinking
a window to your soul
with the curtains closed

It's your smile
the one they say no one sees
you hide it away
but share it with me

It's your voice
rarely heard
a talking cello
kept under lock and key
working in silence

You have changed my life
this last summer
these last chances
to feel your eyes
to see your smile
to hear your voice
because you've changed me
and you'll never know
vanessa Jan 2014
Everytime I tell a boy just how much he means to me, he replies with "You can't help how you feel" or something along those lines and those six words alone bring a tear to my eye because yes I can't help how I feel. The moon doesn't apologize for falling at daybreak, and rain doesn't apologize for ripping at your winter coat, so really why should I apologize for loving you?

Maybe you were no good from the beginning but I do know that I can't help shaking at the thought of your skin colliding with mine, the touch of your fingers could send chills down my spine and make me breath smoky fog for about a year after winter. I can't help falling in like with the way you half smile when you look at the sky or the way you inhale smoke and release it from your lungs like a pro at blowing autumn leaves even though you aren't a master at escaping.  I can't help clawing at your backbone for hours on end hoping that somewhere within the hour I'll be able to feel your spinal cord in the midst of our encounter, and bring you back from the dead. I can't help loosing control of my tongue the minute you feed me lies, although you could burn beautiful words in the back of my throat, I promise I won't scream. I can't help wanting to unravel your secrets and read you books at 1 am and talk about the rest of our lives for hours on end, although owning an apartment in New York overlooking the rest of the world sounds quite appealing, don't you think? We could sit at the window and drink coffee in silence, I promise not to bombared you with words for to long. I can't help mistaking those summer nights for learning of your darker days, because you hid neatly behind your two glass spectacles and didn't dare show me what lied beneath your brown pupils. I can't help that an evening in your car will only drive me insane, because who knows where our nostalgia will take us as we drive down memory lane, maybe our honesty will get the better of us and our love will come flooding back into our bones before our soberity has a chance to say no.  I can't help seeing a light in your eyes if you walk me home in the dark, because I just might go blind if I allow you inside my burning building, I might become ash before you have a chance to pull me out alive.
There is a lot of truth in what you said because yes-- I guess I just couldn't help falling in love with you,
So yes-- I guess I really can't "help how I feel" after all.

*vm
Adriana Aug 2015
I see you now and I wish you nothing but happiness cause I got everything I ever wanted. While I left you to clean up the mess. Since I got tired of cleaning up yours after 7 years. I tried to rescue you yet it was too late, you were so lost that there's no coming back from where you went. I needed freedom and my soberity. I tried to tell you time and time again I wanted and needed more outta this life, still you'd shut me down and mock my thoughts. Driving me further and deeper into your world.
I see you now and I wish you nothing but happiness cause I got everything I ever wanted. There are times where I feel sad for you cause I see now you want everything I have. Why didn't you want it then with me? I guess it wasn't right. Or you didn't want it with me? Even though I was with you through it all. Your fathers battle with cancer and then his death. I supported you the best I could in all your crazy antics and ideas. I just loved you for you no matter what you did.
I see you now and I wish you nothing but happiness cause I got everything I ever wanted. I love and adored you so much. As I look back you weren't the one, I presumed. You were too stubborn and unyielding and always had to be right, there was no partnership. It didn't matter what I wanted, I had to do everything if I wanted us to work. At the end that's when I actually started to see you fight for us yet it was too late I was already gone.
I see you now and I wish you nothing but happiness cause I got everything I ever wanted. Well I suppose you got your freedom. Now you can help and be there for everybody else except the person who was right in front of you, loving you, and wanting to be with you. I know that I'm in a better place I just wish maybe you wanted it with me at the time. Although now I know what love is cause I have a man now who has shown me real love and how I'm suppose to be treated and cared for.
I see you now and I wish you nothing but happiness cause I finally got everything I ever wanted. I hope you find what you're looking for my dear friend and it makes you happy...
Maahv Z Aug 2018
4 am & i am up
thinking about life; and those casual heartaches
blurred over lines, from
hangovers; from last night
dissolved in an abyss
lost in momnets of love.

6am and this struggle
continue in my vassal, holding into hope
these are careless whinning
another vegabond- bottled up
in crazy soul; and this body
how do i refine myself of these
'too many' memories
i still don't know why i cried
it's something that my heart
rearranged & felt in its cage- waiting to be free
carved in moment of silence

8pm - i replace smiles
and removing soberity
putting on wilderness- empty roads
empty brothels
people- of their smiles; faces; of all kind
and rendered between those faces
dancing away like i am not myself
as long as i can dance.
who cares to be carrassed.
this town is a blessing-
slowly & drifting away- i am crafted in these soulless ***** nights

midnight- & those fading passions
everything changes- like a bad man's dream- why did i leave?
i was never meant to stay back?
never fits into this mess
there''s no healing- and no way back
unable to recognize this emptiness- not everything gets filled
it's like both way- glass half full; and half empty
all surrealist--fading away
into a myth of starry night.
Christian Bixler Oct 2016
I'm walking alone,down the long
street, midnight the moon shines
high, a pale moon, and wan with
the sickly light of the thousand
thousand city lights jewling the
streets and lanes and alleys of the
great city so prettily, seen far off,
a conflagration of multicolored
stars brought to earth, shining amidst
the vast lonley dark of the plains in
the night under the stars and the
pulsing moon, like a great halved radish,
red around the edges, from drink,
from laughter, from the lack of sleep
and the joy of the knowledge that
everything exists and that we are alive
right now and roaring, yelling up under the
madly glittering lights, circling circling,
all around us over our heads, and now the
most awful roaring of sound and of
smell and of sheer surging drunken glory
and then black, and the sleep of the abandoned,
of the holy ones who live raw and free
and mad and idioticly, wild in our sheer
shining distinct lack of soberity, and of the
great rationizer, common sense be ******
and sleep until the shine of morning comes
dawning over the horizon, and shines in our
eyes and makes us cry out, and up to the
business of the day, to the long mad glorious
trek onwards, ever onwards, and all a great mad
comedy of life rovolving around and around,
and on we go, on, on till death do us part,
sweet love affair, the road and I and us and everyone
apart from the masses, crazily determined,
singly in our passion, to walk and love and
sing and yell and drink under the moon,
not a care in the world, and on and on and
on and on, till death do us part, my dear
projected love.
my first experiment with the stream of consciousness style. Like and comment, if you will.

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