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'n lewe in konstruksie...
dis tog die mees logiese manier om dit te beskryf...
ons bou en bou en bou,
en toets dan die produk.

Maar aan die einde, as ons klaar gebou het...
wat is dan daarvan te kom.
                        'n Lee huis...
                                       'n stil pad...

en wat het ons van onself geleer?

En wat leer ons van die wereld en mense om ons
             , vasgevang in die stryd teen tyd...

niks nie.

Ons het net voor onself uitgekyk
                   na die vaal stene
                                   en die slukkerige sement.

Watter vreugde het dit vir ons gebring.

Niks nie.

Nee,
         ek weier.

Ons is tog hier geplaas met vrye wil.

En iewers langs die pad,
                                          raak almal die pad duister...
en word dan deur die samelewing verdoem.

Die mensdom besluit dan wat van hulle sal word...
In daardie oomblikke is God meer vergete
deur die skares wat saamdrom op die rand van die pad...
                                                                ­                                      die wat lag en vinger wys...
                                                                ­                                                      die wat klippe gooi,
                                                         as deur die wat die prentjie aanskou.

Soms kort ons 'n perspektief van uit die donker,
                          om die lig rerig te verstaan...

Soms moet ons eers die genadelose aanraking van die koue voel,
                           voordat ons die sagte streel van die son oor ons gesigte kan waardeur.

Daar le wysheid in die donker,
                                      want dit is in die donker waar jy aleen is,

                         met niemand om in jou oor te fluister wat reg of verkeerd is nie.

                                                                ­                                                      Net die wind om jou siel te sus,
                                                                ­                                               die stilte om jou uit te rus...

                                                 en niemand wat jou god kan wees
                                       of sy woorde
                                                          ­      en planne
                                                                ­                   vir jou kan uitmessel nie.

Die pad het die gevaar geraak.

Dis koud en korrupt.
                                     En ons is dankbaar,
         dat ons die kans gekry het om dit te sien,
terwyl ons stadig verswelg word deur die skadu's
                                                                ­                                             en wegsmelt in die donker...

want nou weet ons dat ons pyn maar net 'n gedeelte van die werklike hartseer was...

                                                               ­ ons is die gelukkiges...

en hulle loop op die pad na verdoemtenis
Whispers are voices of solemn eyes,
They express the deepest thoughts,
Whether to onself or to another,
They express everything we are inside.
Whispers are what we feel within,
They are malicious, alarming, and suicide,
Also, they hold want, desire, and dreams,
And especially what lies therein.
Whispers themselves are secrets
Told in confidence to none,
Secrets are a paradox,
For their label, a helix of lies.
To whisper a love is to hope they hear,
However it may be heard,
Through grapevine or messenger,
Or a mutual friend’s word to steer.
To whisper your hate under muttered breath
Is to wish upon malevolence
To find the target yet soon,
And to finally quell your stifled chest.
To whisper of sadness
Is the vain thought of peace,
The endless cycle of solipsism,
Until your life does cease.
EmmaH May 2010
451
too much thinking
work
no time for onself
fun? what does that mean

depression
you should see a counselor
too long
waste of time
expensive
shut up
and get it
done

emotions
too many
shut them
out

do what you are
told
no
questioning
anything
look where that
got us

don't dwell on the
past
or the
present
K Balachandran Mar 2019
Out of the blue, she blurted out,
"Peculiar stuff, I want to assert"
I had no guess what was her find.
(More like many a times one sees onself
in turns of life, unexpected, I presumed)
"Oh! is it? tell me all about it " I enthused,
And woke up at the very same moment
in to a dream, of different kind, half progressed,
There was no trace of a 'her' in this dream I wormed in!
What is 'real' what is 'imagined'?
Where ends the 'real' we imagine.
And what we think dream starts?
Ritz Writes Dec 2019
It's that time of the year where "a prophet isn't welcome in his own land".
Why do we feel alienated in the midst of known faces yet carve out a niche for ourselves in a stranger's land?
Why do the urge to run away always cross our mind as we tend to grow older, leaving all behind?
Was it the scar that hasn't healed yet or the demon to face as soon as you enter the hell.
It's that time of the year again to wear a mask, to prepare onself; face the wrath with a stoical heart, only to die everyday in a confined ivory tower.
The Mask we wear,
The Pain we bear,
Surviving everyday in a world where no one hardly cares.
#RitzWrites ♕
Wk kortas Dec 2020
James Sebastian Middlemarch was a prodigy.
No other way to say it in truth,
And those who knew him and his gift
Were in agreement that he was destined to reach
The apogee of the musical world,
Though he, even at a very young age, discouraged such talk,
Sometimes offhandedly, but at other times
Quite insistently indeed, for, even then,
He had the constant, gnawing suspicion
That there was a disconnect between the harmonies
(Mad, excruciating, yet unspeakably lovely)
Which scampered unfettered around his head
And those he could bring forth on the piano or viola.  
Nonetheless, his aptitude pulled him along
Through longitude and latitude,
To Julliard, then Paris and Vienn, maixing with others
Marked by their provincial peers as The Next One.  

Through all this time,
The sonatas, concertos, and full-blown symphonies
Danced on in his mind without restraint or retreat
Yet, when he tried to corral them onto paper,
They kicked and bucked and spit out the bit
In spurious sixteenths and turgid quarters
Which cantered along in pedestrian time signatures.  
These pieces (the “sad imitations”, as he called them)
Were performed on more than the odd occasion,
But on smaller stages by undistinguished orchestras,
And those freelancers dispatched by features editors
In the Rochesters and Pensacolas of the world
(Small-timers themselves, yet wholly without sympathy)
Would cluck and sigh dismissively in their reviews
That the works were derivative,
With easily discernible bits of Strauss and Schumann
(Clara Schumann, according to one acerbic small-town wit)
Scattered here and there,
And they were unanimous in their belief and opinion
As to the minor nature of his presence on the musical landscape.

After some years, he stopped publishing his works
Which made him even less of an afterthought
Than he had been at his low-slung zenith.  
He continued to play with some regional symphonies,
Where he was deeply loved by his colleagues,
As he was modest in the face of praise,
But never sparing in dispensing kindness in return,
And to all appearances the frenzied siren airs
Which had ridden roughshod over his psyche for so many decades
Had ceased at last, but after his death, one of his sons discovered,
Squatting surreptitiously under a mound of ancient antimacassars,
Several trunks containing untold scores of sheet music,
(Updated versions of earlier work,
New pieces abandoned in exasperation)
Which sat in mute testament to the difficult labor
Of unfastening onself from the yoke of being ordinary.
Allan Pangilinan Feb 2020
We are aware of time, we are aware of our youth,
But why is it still hard to see some hope?
This is bothersome, that's the truth,
Have you seen us? Improvising life to cope?!

We let minutes pass by knowing it's wasted,
Had a thought, had a plan, but held up,
By that which keeps anxiety sedated,
More, higher, stronger -- never enough.

Getting through the day, impostor,
Beaming both sappy smirks and so-so smiles,
Noting, jotting, moving from door-to-door,
Mixing memories and imagination of miles!

Light shines, light enters, lights, eyes,
The day commences and you convince yourself,
Whether have a breakfast of lies,
Or try, and give onself some good help.
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2022
i'm having this... Milan Kundera moment...
what other Czech writer do i have in my library?
Miroslav Holub: a truly great poet...
my mother's maiden name is: Batuk...
which is probably Czech...
            often confused by my "fellow" countrymen
as Batóg...
      i'm listening to Heilung's Norupo....
                      i'm writing in English...
      the tongue of commerce and idea-fluidity...
but i'm having this Milan Kundera moment...
       it was at the London Stadium overseeing
the ingress of the crowd for the Monster Jam (monster
truck) event that i overheard the minority tongue
being spoken: by a father to a son...
******... i was almost tempted to say:
miłego spektaklu:
     have a pleasant time seeing the spectacle...
two words vs. seven...
              English is so imperfect...
you only need to hear the natives speak so profoundly
of it to realise... but i can express what i want
in just two words... while the English
have to use seven words to orientate what
they're trying to say: i don't need to orientate
what i'm going to say: i just say it...
hence? the almost complete lack of using
the pronouns in the ****** tongue...
    esp.: the iota: I...
            
            living in a multicultural society:
i'm used to it... i build up with nausea whenever
i return to the "homeland"... when i'm
swallowed up by the crowds of Warsaw...
i'm white among whites...
more so... i'm ethnically this swallowed up
by what's ethnically me...
                           i don't have a problem with race...
i'll **** anything than moves...
i prefer Romanian girls, i prefer Turkish girls...
i'd love to **** a proper Celtic ginger, though,
but they're sort of taboo in their own eyes...

point being... that *******...
it's the closest i've ever come to rekindling memories
of childhood...
it truly felt like rekindling memories
of my childhood... back in Poland...
at the twilight of the dead-end closure of
the experiment of Communism...
perhaps in the West the Germanic peoples thought
the Slavs were stupid enough to invest
their efforts in Communism...
sure... we tried it... it failed...
    since the West wasn't ravaged by either
Ottoman Turk or Mongol invasions...
this buffer zone of the continent wanted to try
something different...
              
while neutral countries like Sweden were given
American handouts after the second world war...
Poland was given a handout...
first came the Nazis... then came the Communists...
super!
          
the *******...
   one knew i was favouring the other...
*** has transformed me...
   transactional-clarity *** has...
                   i don't date...
hmm...
           i'm always turned off when someone's
talking during ***...
   alea iacta est...
                         ******* of stating the obvious:
two girls? you must feel like a king...
30 minutes later i was the same pauper poet...
but the other one knew my intentions...
she tried to avoid giving me her lips...
she gave me her cheeks... her jaw...
her collarbone... her ears... her hair...
and... her hand-job... well lubricated...

                   her eyes... her tenderness... and her eyes
that knew everything... that a massive storm
reigns on Jupiter with that eternal whirlwind
of the Eye... and she told me that without me even
needing to invent a telescope...
by simply looking at me with what became
a mutual consent and contentment of a longing...
like magnets ++
         repelled yet at the same time spontaneously
flipping into a +- dynamic...

how do i know this?
  the boisterous one... the one with duck lips...
the one that insisted on having the *******...
she was all too ready to earn the money...
her ******* did come into good use...
makeshift ******... i must have *******
right up to her chin since she retorted with
an awkward surprise... took a shower...
insisted i take a shower too...
    but the girl that was giving me a hand-job... didn't...

after i climbed out of the shower and started
dressing myself in my work clothes...
buttoning my shirt up and putting on my tie...
the loud duck-lip fake-lady of the night
was already too eager to tell me goodbye...
    but the girl i truly wanted was standing behind
me... before me: a mirror and myself...
she behind me... massaging my shoulders
and back...

                  you learn to shut up for long enough...
you learn to read eyes...
   oh those eyes...

and that memory of mine...
didn't i conjure up the idea that Darwinism is
a geocentric model... the antithesis of the Copernican
heliocentric model? does it really matter?

i can't say that memory is a fickle creature:
sure... it's eroded by education 1 + 1 = 2 etc.
but... even if my first memories are of being 4...
i do remember sitting on a stump of a tree
eating candyfloss... contemplating
the idea of: inseminating a ***** with human
*****... and the reverse... inseminating a woman
with dog *****...

    that's all before being revealed / made aware
of Mary Shelley's idea of Frankenstein...

race-mixing... Darwinism... so why is it that
a Gorilla will not breed with a Chimpanzee?
if man is all-powerful and so godly...
why not try this experiment?
       what man did with dogs... surely man
can attempt with primates...
breed Gorilla males with Chimpanzee females,
no?
        well... if it took us so long to
adapt geographically to our environment
whether via Africa or Scandinavia...
the levelling of copper-neck pseudo-north-African
throughout...
let's mix the primates...
like we mixed the canines...
       let us create some new hybrids!

i'd love to see what a mix of Gorilla and Chimpanzee
looks like...
but why is it that they do not mix inherently?
what?!
             personally i love seeing a black boy
in a romance with a black girl...
it's my new found fetish...
          as is my fetish for seeing...
perhaps: the ***** of a horse invested into
the reproductive parallel of a cow...

how else were donkeys conjured?
                    hey! hey!
                 why stop on creating dogs with
smashed snouts and breathing problems?!
seems rather cruel to not explore further...
after all... Darwinism is a geocentric model...
i don't need to explore the heliocentric
model any further... the moon has been conquered...
let's be brave!
           let's become children again!

we're mixing races... let's attempt to breed
giraffes with elephants!
          who said no?!
              how were pigs brought into existence?
a boar was given access **** to...
exactly?! what was furless and resembling
the boar?
         and the Sphynx cat?!
                        
once the theory of evolution emerged... people...
have become very... very much:
reserved... we could be creating so many new
breeds of life...
instead of simply falling back on interracial
"affairs"... that's the lazy option... copper-neck
plateaus... we'll all be quasi-Arabs one generation
then the racial diluting will overtake "our"
luvvy-dubby prejudices of "modern times"...
modern my ***...

             and i am a hypocrite in my line of argument:
which gives me "privilege" in "arguing"
this point... i say: free the reins! let nature reign!
after all, nature abhors vacuum!

natura abhorreo vacuum...

           why stop?! clearly the ancients had some
imagination and a sense of thrills
beyond the safety-nets of base-jumping...
imploding gravity...
        they "invented" the pigs...
no... they just figured... too much hassle hunting
wild boars... let's create something dependent
on us to rear it... let's breed the boar
with something resembling our nakedness...
let's tend to it...

    the Muslim antithesis of god the creator of all
things pristine... the sun and the moon
and when the mountain came to Muhammad...
yet? well... not such a pristine god if he also
prohibits ingesting something...
     bad logic... very bad bag of logic...
chances are the biggest tapeworms are to be found
inside marine creatures...
no prohibition of eating *****...
   even though ***** are scavengers...

        i say **** it... let's mix everything together...
let's have a Darwinian festival... a "pride month"
of experimenting with inter-species...
we might conjure up a second donkey...
by breeding bull ***** with a horse's ****...
i'm tired of the sensible pact:

    pax sensibilis of exploring the void... the stars...
we're not moving... to hell we're not moving!
i'm supposed to be the madman
but i'm living among bigger madmen...
i'm fuming at the mouth thinking not thinking
about how unrealistic people are becoming...
so... safe... so cushioned... so... vanilla...

and what happened to the people who tested out
Communism... after...
was it the French Revolution that prompted
the ****** from inbreeding "royalty"?
or was it the Russian revolution that made
the inbreeding ****** reconsider their power dynamic?!

let's face it... the first "world war"?
family infighting... cousin fighting uncle...
just when mother died...

nicknames and funny surnames,
i can take apart Darwin...

dar (gift) win(a) - wine / guilt...
gift of wine...
           troublesome the win(a)...
i.e. morphes into: dar winy (gift of guilt)
whereas dar wina (gift of wine)...
                      hey... tongue of playgrounds...
i'm still refreshed by a game we played
as children: hide & seek...
i'm still hiding myself from myself
and seeking myself into / within myself...
it's some ancient game some of us lucky ones
were still "promised" to be allowed to play...

unisex... boys and girls...
                not this current pseudo-Germanic
in vitro anaesthesia dynamic...
  it's sick mannequin *****-donning condoms
on your head superstition of above-average
superiority...
                            some ******* calamity of moral
agendas... of course i'm fury! of course i'm
havoc!
               why do you think the Russians
attacked the Ukrainians?! why the Polacks
allowed over a million of war-refugees into their land?!
eh?! ethnic-implosion...
  
   i might write in English... but... i'm not English...
no ******* migrant crisis from either Africa or
the Middle East is going to bother the Slavic people...
i once joked with my mother:
Polacks have this aversion to spices...
bay leaf... yep, sure sure... all-spice... yep yep, sure...
paprika... smoked paprika for the Hungarians...
horseradish... rosemary, thyme... parsley...
     dill...

listen! it's Darwinism in action! why be averted by
what's supposedly common knowledge?!
not everyone can be as post-colonial cucked
as the English bourgeoisie...
              who's kids fancy a neo-Communism...
when the old Communism: defeated...
was... pretty much a Pan-Slavic movement...
right... the bright-younglings of England and former
colonies are going to usurp a system that
breeds beached-whale-beauties...
          
   never mind that Communism was first experimented
with in Mongolia...
a sort of: thank you... for Genghis Khan genes...
me neither... i couldn't strap myself
to a single woman...
               i couldn't... i need to be vague when i ****...
elusive... not even there...
i need to love as many women in a pardon
for sometimes hating myself...

ha ha...
      what crisis?!
   where?! self-defence mechanisms kicking in...
are we truly all loved up with each other?
and what African nation ever conquered anything
outside of Africa for the "race" to be dubbed
the Orcs?!
              honestly? i've love to be a minority
living in Kenya... maybe i might be chosen
for a television advert... advertising... soap...
or... cheese...
                            
                        clearly i love the war inside my head...
it will pass as soon as i stop typing this...
i need to water the flowers in the garden...
very Voltaire of me...

                      sometimes a subject that claims the authority
over the world comes into my vicinity & consciousness...
whether by force or by authority...
or by passively lingering...
                      and i acknowledge it...
but... at the same time... this world has no
authority to claim the sanctity of my little makeshift
monastery of solitude and heightened
hypocrisy of eroticism...

   it's not longer enough to be simply "right":
or, "moral"...
               times are changing... it's no longer to
be the super-man... to be the over-man...
to overcome being human...
    times are changing... it's time to be the allesmann...
to be the all-encompassing man...
everything! the good, the ill! to look beyond
good and evil: truthfully!
                       no need to pander to the nunnery...
the fine line between contradicting oneself
and at the same time embracing onself:
conflating good with evil
   rather than making distinctions between the two!

maybe the serpent should have said:
and you will know the difference between good WITH evil
rather than... and you will know the difference
between good AND evil?!              no?!

obviously both sentences are a joke...
good is good
    and evil is evil...
               man left in a limbo of nuances and the bible
of lawyers', rhetoricians', sophists'... i.e. the thesaurus:
man writes laws: all of man's laws are subjective laws...
man uses the thesaurus...
man doesn't write objective laws: man doesn't write
the law of gravity...
man discovers the law of gravity...
man utilises a dictionary; the end.
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2020
i'm still trying to trace back a sudoku mistake...
how could i have made it...
it's not exactly the samurai / killer sudoku stratum...
i might not know,
exactly the order of the alphabet...
but at the same time i want to breathe...
so i'll write a little "impromptu"...
which this isn't... it has been festering like a wound
engaged in: giving a banquet to the whole
entourage of gangrene! of course: the ghost limb /
shank! don't be silly... gangrene associated
with the head is either a guillotined bottle-neck...
or... the lesser cousing: amiss...
of what would otherwise resemble:
the jaw that chatters, the hacksaw that bites...
but i made a mistake...
because i had "too much on my mind":
which is pretty much nothing...
i'm starting to question whether: primo...
i am to be qualified as a thinking thing...
and whether or not i'm not, quiet simply...
something empty: a vacuum with a: hello!
my name: if robert - call me bob sticker...
it's not so much a joke as... nothing more, either...
peacocking intelligence is...
the hiearchy structure is still "game"...
the poker is still: R-category...
but i guess i folded...
which is why i wondered as to why a sense
of *****... became a frivolous goosebump
of a sensation where they should be...
instead i found myself with a bulging
monsoon *****...
and this is not even a case of: when transgender
psychology tightens the grip on:
the common good - grammar...
gender neutral pronouns... what about the royal
we and one? we: the entourage...
one as all pronouns present...
i ****** up...
i blame it on the choice of notation...
the narrative should have read
Aa8 Bc9 Cc1 Cc7 Ac5 Aa5 Ca5 Ca7 Ca3 Ca3
on the usual gymnastics of...
but it wasn't working from this...

          A                  B                  C
   x     x     x     8     x     x     x     9     1
a x     x     x     x     x     7     x     x     x
   x     x     1     2     x     x     8     7     3
   6     x     9     x     7     x     x     x     x
b x     x     x     5     3     x     x     x     x
   x     3     x     x     x     x     5     1     2
   x     x     3     x     x     6     x     8     7
c 8     x     7     x     x     1     9     4     x
   1     x     6     x     x     8     3     x     x

why did i go for the Aa1 notation rather than
a A1(1) notation?
after all B8... b6... Bb86... P9 etc.

it's not like i'm bewildering myself
to solve the corona virus... either...
perhaps i'm just, "investigating"...
a small step for man...
one giant leap for mankind... but then that
is not true...

if you still read newspapers...
this is what a pedantic corner of a newpaper looks
like... journalism pumping public
opinion is one thing in the tabloid press...
quiet another, elsewhere...

for better or for worse:
this is the until: we part on... death can have its
mythology and personification with
scythes and a harem of shadows
that would replace the lava lamp for...
one of those atmospheric evenings smoking
marijuana... and telling each other...
how that's supposed to... exemplify *******...
which came prior to one of us trying
out a full-body b.d.s.m. gimp suit...
with a zipper for the genitals to: plucker out...
or some other ingenius monstrosity
of the bedroom...
but none of the prior...
it's not like these were ever... "fetishes" or...
were, even "somehow" driftwood in the unconscious...
seeing how others have explored these
avenues...

i'm not too sure where i went wrong...
call it a distraction call it a weather warning....
call it... just coming out from a stanley kubrick
omnibus - back to back oeuvre binge...
or some whacky said: some other...
friend of a friend...

the other narrative read as follows
Cb7 Ab7 Bc7 Bc3 Cc1 Cc2 Cc6 Cc5 Ab5 Ac5 Bc5 Bc2
Cb9 Cb8 Ca4 Cb4 Cb3 Cb6 Aa7 Ab1 Ab8
Ab2 Ab4 Bb4 Bb8 Bb1 Bb2 Bb6 Bb9 Ba3 Ba5 (Ac6) Ba1
Ca5 Ac2 Aa8 Aa6 Aa3 Aa9 Aa4 Ba4 Bc4 Bc9 Ac9 Ac4

i call this the parallel adventure of the the synonym:
me solving a sudoku puzzle is a bit like...
a bureucrat / civil servant sharpening a pencil...

a frenchman would have, a german would have...
written some existential narrative...
i wrote: why i solved one sudoku puzzle...
but didn't solve another...
because... thinking go in the way...
thinking about nothing -
origins reflexive... and nothing as expansive
as would be allowed via: origins reflective...

habitual preoccupations if not stressors...
one could allow oneself to watch paint dry...
but then one should allow onself to watch ice melt...
otherwise figure out a seat next to Heraclitus next
to a river... or a neat next to Narcissus beside a lake...
or a puddle...
or... a seat next to a stone that isn't a stone
that is a mountain with Sisyphus...
each one will do...

as one is expected to write such *******...
when one's shadow abandons one...
perhaps to even the scores of a diagnosis...
bi-lingual: ******-            evidence!
what force of wanting to keep the would-be
integrated blossom... who... rebelled and said:
i will retain my mother,
my tongue... and my skull...
hence this mongrel: i, i...
or what's the lesser mirror: the water, the glass...
the need for night, for shadow...
for timid time...
and the shared common threshold:
to bounce back from an omni-: in the litany of:
flu-like symptoms -
giving cursor for sponge-like...
lava roasted - poached squid brain burdened
episodes of the hominids... **** similis:
apes clapping and laughing playing backgammon
and confusing it with checkers... and checkers
with chequers...

queries: none applicable: queues? all...
primo cue? qua in quaestio: quo vadis?
a self-proclaimed deconstruction cascade of
the alphabet... none speculated...
trying to be overtly "smart" most anticipated...
a burden in-and-of-itself: stipulated...
a congestion of rhyme...
no couplets yes of everything, else: presented...

de profundis clamere ad te domine;
this is a razor's edge a drowning man would
grip onto... upon the sea...
this lingua mare...
and given this is not some lucky driftwood...
it's enough: to equal both the discomfort
from having written it...
as not having written it.
You live in my solitude
That frightens the world too much
I open my eyes
And close my conscience
I need to see solitude in other people
To rescue my darkness from life.
I believe in your eyes
Because something musical gets out from it.
I believe in your body
Because immortality keeps poetry alone in it.
I believe in your labyrinth
Because it leads to my sorrow.
I want to destroy your silence
And follow you in the fog
To meet bergman who actes in the hell
And tarkovsky who shouts by my name and yours.
My horizon gets dark from time to time
But you are in the gap
Between my soul and body.
I will leave you destroyed
On the gate of nebula
And will not get closer to the blind death.
I don't own existence
But I own nothingness.
Nothingness is a lot of mirrors
that marry in onself.
the non insasive poems run
from your right eye to the left
and it never founds home
except when I **** the distance
between your eyes and my eyes.
my solitude commits suicide
every time I see you.
destruction condoles my soul
and I found its roots in you.
I will enter the life
When I die
And will enter the death
When I kiss you.
I want to widen the death
To include our souls in the frightened letter.
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2020
now i just look at words:

          i sometimes want:
to describe what the tongue doesn't
need to prompt or cue -

mostly thanks for e. e. cummings...

it's so necessary to find this
metaphysical tongue
in my brain -
how it's a mundane thought:
nothing at all worth
morally questioning -

loitering in a status quo...
or -
        beginning a sentence
with a conjunction:
rather focusing on conjunctions
bilingually...

an hour prior i would really
focus on etymology and
nouns in bilingualism -

something prophetic had to
be excavated from argentina...
it's not like i don't like new
music... it's that there's so much
of it: listening alone
to it is unlike sharing it...

         notably IAH - III...

to: this
tamto: that
tam: there
           w - in
o - about
            even if english allows
i - ja
              or a - the indefinite article...
z - with...
          
what am i with my born
with tongue that...
unlike those who arrived
on these shores as *****...
in the loving embrace...
that they were born
in england...

              some made-up
propensity to teach
others from a native foundation:
because... the bilingual
is somehow less?

spew me canon fire of words...
mesmerize me!
no: clear vantage point for
exploitation...

a long winding crescendo...
a labour under the gravity of using
wings...
a completed dialectical question...
which never allows
a rhetorical answer...
as plato noted:
a mere yes or no...
for the inquirer is asking
a question to further his rhetorical
pursuit of inquiry...

classics... i should read up on
some Aeschylus...
i can't imagine south america
as an extension of spain...
i guess the conquistadors
really did **** with
the aztec and the mayan women...
i find south america as
unique...
devoid of spain's influence...
language alone is not enough...
spanish was never going
to be an undermined language...
it was never to be subverted
by either german or russian...

but this english litany:
how the new continent is still
having to mind inheritance...
how the inheritance "tax" is so...
suffocating and strait-jacket esque...
i can clearly see
argentina for argentina...
is hardly a whole lot to do with
spain being dragged into europe...
into the funnel...

    celt and prior
romans and prior...
  oh no... this is not a history lesson...
then the germans
then the slavs
then the huns the mongols the turks
the... turkmen etc.
this little crevice of land...
this sort of in between
of continental pride:
a place to build a ship and...
******* to new a greater pasture...
to adventure...
to a small island in the pacific...

i never have to think of brazil
as an extension
of portugal...
   even though their language is
so: base... same...
or mingle with argentina a spain...
but in the anglophonic realm...
tightly-knit community
of: 'just across the pond'...
pond: d'uh... the atlantic...

       you can't call it an english
or a spanish diaspora -
                  hardly...
                 i try to think back
and relate to my fellow language
proficiency exemplars...
what chains bind me:
that i am prior to self-first selfish...
my own owning my ownership...
before i am cannibalised
by a national identity...

            it must seem rather strange
to explore these avenues in this tongue...
cry! schizoid! tremors!
blah blah...
                 that i do find immovable
"pawns" in england...
people who will not... dare thread
crossing barriers with exception
to holidaying on some greek island
or... spain... of all places...
they are so intrinsically adamant
in not splitting their mind
with kneading the dough-for-a-tongue
of a second language...
well... i call them immovable "pawns"
rather than n.p.cs...
        
perhaps i would write in my native
zunge - perhaps i'd tease at some germanic:
alt vater albion to boot...
or scribble some cyrillic -
but then: who has that sort of keyboard
and this narrative is begging
for a fluency of time shortened...

         english has no diacritical marks
that i know... which allows speeding
up the process...
if i were to fiddle and playdough with
diacritical markers:
which venture in their idiosyncratic meaning:
stand-alone...
i would...
the english must have thought
they were the afghans of the ancient
world... that they would somehow
inherit latin without...

a german esses und zeds...
    or a french cedilla...
                        or an iberian ninyo...
                             ~ on top of an n...
they had to determine themselves as...
the failure of previous empires
was... their landlocked ergonomic of
spreading...
lend us the greek concept
of free-city-states!
let us use the seas!
the sun will never set!
insomnia barons and pauper maddened
toy kings...

it's  not like the intricacies
of two towing tonnes os tongue is
in anyway unbearble:

w tym - in this
  
but i find it's unnecessary to merely
focus on the disparagement of nouns...
i find red a bogus...
immediately constructed
into plural / masculine / the feminine...
it's never red alone...

czerń is black...
it's almost a verb when being presented
with red...
na czerwono: on red...
czerwony - red (masculine)
czerwona - red (feminine)...
czerwone  - red (feminine plural)
czerwoni - red (masculine plural)...

chechen renegades of post thunk -
the armenians reading into
an ottoman less lightly...

   look here: my prosthetic limb

red is an impasse in my native tongue...
it's like this anglophone
focus on "gender neutral" pronouns...
i can't seem to find...
a red is red...

or what's: back into english...
i read (once upon a time)
coupled with: i read (currently doing)...
there's... red and there's a reed...

what czerń allows is:
czarna, czarny... czarni, czarne...

czerwienić się: to blush...
but the colour red doesn't stand alone
to stress itself without
a "dismabigutation"
when loan grammatical tools
come to the fore...
and implore the "loss od detail"...

for this only one man
has to know two tongues...
and for that i am metaphorically schizoid...
sK-oid... voiding further
the sofa-esque mentality of people:
how i admire those people
with a knowledge of only one tongue...
or two or polyglot with
not dare reminder of
intricacies:
how they arrived at language
proficiency where everything is
either leftover or works just fine:
it's all reflexive and nothing... is ever auld
or odd...

ah... but...
czerwień is an adjective - an allusion to red...
from the burdens of a synonym cloud -
what was once: a bold
introspection... has become an alluded to...
a loan... a gimmick
a burgundy is a hue of red...
a deviation... how it teases
purple...
                 it's a quality... "esque"...
this native tongue of mine...
well... it can't escape gendering certain
words...

white is gender inclusive...
          all the colours are!
                  one has to find onself
a gangrene riddled dog barking up
the wrong tree...
when the anglophone debate over
gender neutral pronouns comes
to the fore:
this here the tornado:
i here, the butterfly...

           biały... biała...
"concern" for things...
well... you wouldn't say: biały rzecz (white thing)
you'd say biała rzecz

i imagine the birth of the concept of:
NOTHING to imply...
i have exhausted a desire for
etymology, for nouns...
for calling things concretely like
some geologists or chemist...
i'm here, socrates... borrowed for
glue and chewing gum and
the leftovers of conversation...

i.e. "thing" is the precursor generic
noun... nothing = nonoun...
something new... pronoun aside...
nothing for me implores:
gesticulating at nonoun -
Kant almost saw this coming
with his noumenon...

to talk without having to implore oneself
the details of seeing a feline marker...
because: that's what we already
do! a cat is a cat is not necessarily
a maine ****... or a siamese!
a dog is a dog isn't necessaarily
a cocker spaniel of a german shepherd!

a tree is a tree isn't necessarily an oak
or an acorn!
this cognitive construct could
only have been invented by the faculty
of memory: how best to filter,
throw a cipher into a bowl of
borrowing deciphers...
memory this formerly grand
cameo cinema that had to become
a fickle ontology... destined for a per se...

yet how i strain myself to
keep it on a leash...
after the acid bath of pedagogy and...
drilling into me the arithmetic of 2 + 2 = 4...
how i "wake"...
that i spell these words with
such adamancy...
is because i want to: i desire for them
to be strictly bound...
i could sooner slash my wrists than
allow myself to turn all sloppy...
lazily prone to heave: third party
slobbering leftovers of ****-towing-curd...

i will not lend my eyes to spell out
either greek or "proto" greek via cyrillic:
it's enough to know the CZ and CH
and this loitering demiurge
phoneticism: riddle a people with
enough mammon worship:
and sooner or later the pennies just
drag: extensive as to how
copper write was invented:
two feeble scots arguing over a penny...

for the nuance of a solitary reader...
had i the fortitude of a single tongue:
a well arrived at presentation
of a universal man...
i didn't have this blockages of
bilingualism:
it's not that i "somehow" find myself
obstructed:
there's this intilled:
reflexive: pronoun compound:
as there's this reflective: my self...

the ancient 'uns speak of a selb
to masquerade an imitation throw...
i dangle my arm and
pretend there's a stone in it..
i have to gladly arrive
at this sorrow for an ongoing praise
of pursuit per se:
i can't imagine chasing ****
was ever much fun to begin with...

but when it mattered and it must have
mattered...
i weaved a loneliness to the prusuit
of staging aloofness:
which married itself to... some german...
and lately had to revised:

jetzt: now...
           hier: here...
this teutonic beer hall:
tam-da-ra-day...
       sing-along...
                          
               limbo wording when finding
awkward "squares":
the geocentric model and the loath
of patriarchy...
the heliocentric model and
the ****** crisp queen
of gynocentrism...

  today i tried to figure out
how a siamese twin could ever
overcome a sstatus symbol
of herr cain... serial killer....
i couldn't: but the image struck me as...
somewhat... belitteling and...
"sincere"...
           how impossible it was...
to ever find... a siamese killer...
beside the serial stressor...

chances are:
if i were not "culturally appropriating"
this english...
if i had questionable insight
into an antithesis of all is well:
western cosmopolitan...
french of service! please amore!

if this wasn't a shadow
of ol' *****: risky...
                risque?
  esque...
               russian: pax varshava...
              such that the sun never itches
to sleep....
aeschylus is to be mourned...
wait 2000+ years from now...
this will translate
into a paragraph of... less conjunctions
and more... punctuation markers...
i hope the diacritical marks still
retain their stature...

i speak two languages
yet it's a burden for 6 o 7...
i only speak two languages...
yet it's a "burden" that would gladly make
an affair of a dozen "creases"...
have... astounding pressure
being met with:
economical proficiency being...
exacted: as therefore stressed...

for the worth of a night arrived at...
i have to spare you...
endearing prospect of a reader..
my limit...
petting cats i fathomed inately...
for the better half of my exposed
self: churned into ***...
i was an amateaur at...

here's to me ******* a headless chicken:
trans-spaecian misinformed "..."
additionally curses never
to revise a 1950s h'american
nostalgia pillow credo...

  sleep tight sleep tired...
my most bothersome lacklustre additive
of spike and crescendo lobough'
tammy... and a led zeppelin's play
on hay-maker... with a jive of:
jai... tell me the difference...
between jai and jay...
i'm dying to know!
i'm so pristine raw and ignoble
to have to... concern myself
with these overshoots of...
why i didn't happenstance
a life... and the end result was always
to be... a riddle of walking...
employing
a pretend walking stick...
a ball and a hole...

i was blindly 'ere... scouting
for rabbits and deer
and grouse... i was 'ere limping for
a wolf to wrestle with:
i was 'ere for the gnashing of teeth!
i was never 'ere for a leisure...
a praying for comfort,
for happiness...
   i need this uncertainity pulpit:
zenith.. this long reserved crease...
like it might be: tied into a butterfly
or a "bow".

— The End —