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faithlessdrum Jan 2015
how to replicate a call option


$600 daily >> http://andylank.com/cash-flow



Option Pricing Basics   NYU Stern
  stern nyu edu ~adamodar pdfiles eqnotes optionbasics pdf
There are two types of options   call options (right to buy) and put options      The objective in creating a replicating portfolio is to use a  bination of riskfree    
[PPT]Options     NYU Stern
pages stern nyu edu ~anashikk Teaching session%    amrut ppt
Call and put options; The law of one price; Put call parity; Binomial valuation  Options     This payoff can be replicated by a portfolio of stock and risk free bonds
Section        replicating a call option   Actuarial Outpost
  actuarialoutpost   ›     › SoA CAS Preliminary Exams › MFE
Dec              posts   ‎  authors
"Delta can be interpreted as the number of shares needed to synthetically replicate the option  A call option can be replicated by buying shares    
Replicating portfolio   Wikipedia  the free encyclopedia
en wikipedia org wiki Replicating
portfolio
In mathematical finance  a replicating portfolio for a given asset or series of cash flows     For example  bonds and equities can be used to replicate a call option
replication   How to replicate a digital call option    
quant stackexchange   questions     how to replicate a digital call opt  
             Call Option S     K     Payoff   (option is not available) How can i replicate this (payoff) with calls and puts with strike prices with multiples    
Can we replicate a call option without borrowing and make it    
quant stackexchange       can we replicate a call option without borr  
Jan            I learned how to price a European call option using this video lecture  The considered case is very simple  The call option gives the right to buy    
[PDF]Option Pricing Hedging
  kellogg northwestern edu faculty     OptionPricingHedging pdf
What is the value of a call option with a strike price of $   ? (Assume r    %)     replicating portfolio must equal the price of the call option  ○ C   ΔSt B    
[PDF]Replicating portfolios • Buy a number of shares  ∆  and    
  uio no studier emner sv oekonomi ECON     v       lect     pdf
Mar            dS∆ + erB  S∆ + B  • Choose ∆ B so that portfolio replicates call       (The fact that call options have higher risk (both systematic and total) than the    
Replicating an Option in the Binomial Model   Ftsnet  
  ftsnet   public ftsmodhtm ftsBinTree replicatinganoption htm
Replicating a Call Option in the Binomial Model (Assuming Discrete  pounding)  


$600 daily >> http://andylank.com/cash-flow
how to replicate a call option
judy smith May 2016
For the fifth year in a row, Kering and Parsons School of Fashion rolled out the ‘Empowering Imagination’ design initiative. The competition engaged twelve 2016 graduates of the Parsons BFA Fashion Design program, who "were selected for their excellence in vision, acute awareness in design identity, and mastery of technical competencies." The winners, Ya Jun Lin and Tiffany Huang, will be awarded a 2-week trip to Kering facilities in Italy in June 2016 and will have their thesis collections featured in Saks Fifth Avenue New York’s windows.

The Kering and Parsons competition, which is currently in its fifth year, is one of a growing number of design competitions, including but not limited to the LVMH Prize, the ANDAM Awards, the Council of Fashion Designers of America/Vogue Fashion Fund, and its British counterpart, the Woolmark Prize, the Ecco Domani fashion award, and the Hyères Festival. among others.

In the generations prior, designers were certainly nominated for awards, but it seems that there was not nearly as intense of a focus on design competitions as a means for designers to get their footing, for design houses to scout talent, or for these competitions to select the best of the best in a especially large pool of young talent. Fern Mallis, the former executive director of the Council of Fashion Designers of America and an industry consultant, told the New York Times: “Take the Calvin [Kleins] and the Donna [Karans] and the Ralph [Laurens] of the world. Some of these people had money from a friend or a partner who worked with them, but they weren’t out spending their time doing competitions and winning awards to get their business going.” She sheds light on an essential element: The relatively drastic difference between the state of fashion then and fashion now. Fashion then was slower, less global, and (a lot) less dominated by the internet, and so, it made for quite different circumstances for the building of a fashion brand.

Nowadays, young designers are more or less going full speed ahead right off the bat. They show comprehensive collections, many of which consist of garments and an array of accessories. They are expected to be active on social media. They are expected to establish a strong industry presence (think: Go to events and parties). They are expected to cope with the fashion business that has become large-scale and international. They are expected to collaborate to expand their reach, and while it does, at times, feel excessive, this is the reality because the industry is moving at such a quick pace, one that some argue is unsustainably rapid. The result is designers and design houses consistently building their brands and very rarely starting small. Case in point: Young brands showing pre-collections within a few years of setting up shop (for a total of four collections per year, not counting any collaboration or capsule collections), and established brands showing roughly four womenswear collections, four menswear collections, two couture collections, and quite often, a few diffusion collections each year.

The current climate of 'more is more' (more collections, more collaborations, more social media, more international know-how, etc.) in fashion is what sets currently emerging brands apart from older brands, many of which started small. This reality also sheds light on the increasing frequency with which designers rely on competitions as a means of gaining funds, as well as a means of establishing their names and not uncommonly, gaining outside funding.

The Ralphs, Tommys, Calvins and Perrys started off a bit differently. Ralph Lauren, for instance, started a niche business. The empire builder, now 74, got his start working at a department store then worked for a private label tie manufacturer (which made ties for Brooks Brothers and Paul Stuart). He eventually convinced them to let him make ties under the Polo label and work out of a drawer in their showroom. After gaining credibility thanks to the impeccable quality of his ties, he expanded into other things. Tommy Hilfiger similarly started with one key garment: Jeans. After making a name for himself by buying jeans, altering them into bellbottoms and reselling them at Brown’s in Manhattan, he opened a store catering to those that wanted a “rock star” aesthetic when he was 18-years old with $150. While the store went bankrupt by the time he was 25, it allowed him to get his foot in the door. He was offered design positions at Calvin Klein (who also got his start by focusing on a single garment: Coats. With $2,000 of his own money and $10,000 lent to him by a friend, he set up shop; in 1973, he got his big break when a major department store buyer accidentally walked into his showroom and placed an order for $50,000). Hilfiger was also offered a design position with Perry Ellis but turned them down to start his eponymous with help from the Murjani Group. Speaking of Perry Ellis, the NYU grad went to work at an upscale retail store in Virginia, where he was promoted to a buying/merchandising position in NYC, where he was eventually offered a chance to start his own label, a small operation. After several years of success, he spun it off as its own entity. Marc Jacobs, who falls into a bit of a younger generation, started out focusing on sweaters.

These few individuals, some of the biggest names in American fashion, obviously share a common technique. They intentionally started very small. They built slowly from there, and they had the luxury of being able to do so. Others, such as Hubert de Givenchy, Alexander McQueen and his successor Sarah Burton, Nicolas Ghesquière, Julien Macdonald, John Galliano and his successor Bill Gaytten, and others, spent time as apprentices, working up to design directors or creative directors, and maybe maintaining a small eponymous label on the side. As I mentioned, attempting to compare these great brand builders or notable creative directors to the young designers of today is a bit like comparing apples and oranges, as the nature of the market now is vastly different from what it looked like 20 years ago, let alone 30 or 40 years ago.

With this in mind, fashion competitions have begun to play an important role in helping designers to cope with the increasing need to establish a brand early on. It seems to me that winning (or nearly winning) a prestigious fashion competition results in several key rewards.

Primarily, it puts a designer's name and brand on the map. This is likely the least noteworthy of the rewards, as chances are, if you are selected to participate in a design competition, your name and brand are already out there to some extent as one of the most promising young designers of the moment.

Second are the actual prizes, which commonly include mentoring from industry insiders and monetary grants. We know that participation in competitions, such as the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund, the Woolmark Prize, the Swarovski, Ecco Domani, the LVMH Prize, etc., gives emerging designers face time with and mentoring from some of the most successful names in the industry. Chris Peters, half of the label Creatures of the Wind (pictured above), whose brand has been nominated for half of the aforementioned awards says of such participation: “It feels like we’ve talked to possibly everyone in fashion that we can possibly talk to." The grants, which range anywhere from $25,o00 to $400,000 and beyond, are obviously important, as many emerging designers take this money and stage a runway show or launch pre-collections, which often affect the business' bottom line in a major and positive way.

The third benefit is, in my opinion, the most significant. It seems that competitions also provide brands with some reputability in terms of finding funding. At the moment, the sea of young brands which is terribly vast. Like law school graduates, there are a lot of design school graduates. With this in mind, these competitions are, for the most part, serving as a selection mechanism. Sure, the inevitable industry politics and alternate agendas exist (without which the finalists lists may look a bit different), but great talent is being scouted, nonetheless. Not only is it important to showcase the most promising young talent and provide them with mentoring and grant money, as a way of maintaining an industry, but these competitions also do a monumental service to young brands in terms of securing additional funding. One of the most challenging aspects of the business for young/emerging brands is producing and growing absent outside investors' funds, and often, the only way for brands' to have access to such funds is by showing a proven sales track record, something that is difficult to establish when you've already put all of your money into your business and it is just not enough. This is a frustrating cycle for young designers.

However, this is where design competitions are a saving grace. If we look to recent Council of Fashion Designers of America/Vogue Fashion Fund winners and runners-up, for instance, it is not uncommon to see funding (distinct from the grants associated with winning) come on the heels of successful participation. Chrome Hearts, the cult L.A.-based accessories label, acquired a minority stake in The Elder Statesman, the brand established by Greg Chait, the 2012 winner, this past March. A minority stake in 2011 winner Joseph Altuzarra's eponymous label was purchased by luxury conglomerate Kering in September 2013. Creatures of the Wind, the NYC-based brand founded by Shane Gabier and Chris Peters, which took home a runner-up prize in the 2011 competition, welcomed an investment from The Dock Group, a Los Angeles-based fashion investment firm, last year, as well.

Across the pond, the British Fashion Council/Vogue Fashion Fund has awarded prizes to a handful of designers who have gone on to land noteworthy investments. In January 2013, Christopher Kane (pictured below), the 2011 winner, sold a majority stake in his brand to Kering. Footwear designer Nicholas Kirkwood was named the winner 2013 in May and by September, a majority stake in his company had been acquired by LVMH.

Thus, while the exposure that fashion design competition participants gain, and the mentoring and monetary grants that the winners enjoy, are certainly not to be discounted, the takeaway is much larger than that. These competitions are becoming the new way for investors and luxury conglomerates to source new talent, and for young brands to land the outside investments that they so desperately need to produce their collections, expand their studio space, build upon their existing collections, and even open brick and mortar stores.

While no one has scooped up inaugural LVMH winner Thomas Tait’s brand yet or fellow winner, Marques'Almeida, it is likely just be a matter of time.Read more at:www.marieaustralia.com/short-formal-dresses | http://www.marieaustralia.com/formal-dresses-sydney
thatdreadedpoet Mar 2014
The first time someone called me a poet
it was in the cramped back hallway of a party in early July
heat rising between our ****** spaces
sweat collecting at the base of my brow to keep anxiety at bay
I listen as someone who I could barely call an acquaintance describe me to a boy I just met:
“she is an amazing writer, trust me, she’s so cool”
As if me using metaphors for antidepressants
and words as bandages for wounds
was reason to make me worthy to get to know beyond my first name
to pin my feet onto a pedestal I didn’t ask to stand on to begin with
I press autopilot in my muscles,
mechanically flip my hair,
split my lips into a half-*** smile,
****** my hand,
and let my laugh ring with the music.
Little does everyone know I am the broken jukebox
with a disappearing voice.

I hide behind love and at 19, I wrote “What High School History Taught Me”
It was for you
you, the NYU junior with a mouth that clung onto vowels
and whose fingertips could read the braille embedded in my skin
You loved chasing storms,
I was almost named after a hurricane,
and this was how we were born after Hurricane Sandy-
it was never a question how we found comfort in destruction
But I still remember telling you
that I wanted to love you forever even if you didn’t stay to find out
And ever since I spit that
men come to me looking for their taste of mystery
for their chance to be immortalized
They don’t know I only speak in train station
and everybody is always a few minutes too late
No one has gotten the chance to get too close
because it’s never romantic to **** the girl who makes love to her own sadness every night

I’ve stopped seeing the fire in my poetry like most strangers do
because to them
my pain is pretty
my heartache is dressed in a bow so
they can all sleep better at night knowing
some 20 year old girl in California understands them
better than she understands herself.

I have been singing in a language I never fully understood
because I am the girl who attaches my reflection to a man
whose memory I still keep prisoner in my mind
and this is how I hide from myself
this is my disappearing act

This isn’t poetry anymore
and it hasn’t been for a long time
This is the sound of survival
This is my heart leaking gunpowder and discharging bullets
Right here
on this stage
is where I understand what it feels like to choke on the gas chamber of lost dreams
Right here
is a dusky New York City apartment
with a boy dressed in the mask of a man hunting me as prey
This stage is where I come home to after being at war with myself
This stage is my peace
my prayer for forgiveness once a week
Right here
is why friends from school don’t call me that much anymore
This stage
is why me and Joe broke up
This place
is why I don’t sit with my family at the dinner table no more
because why
Why share grace with those who can’t understand
how these lights I stand under make the full moon I need
to break my neck and howl at some nights

This is where I pluck the guitar strings of my throat to sing like a bluebird and slow dance with every ghost
This stage is the only place I can forklift
all the misunderstood out of my chest and force you to watch
and you
will still call it art
you
will still call it poetry

But this isn’t poetry anymore
it hasn’t been for a long time
This
is the sound of survival
This
is the sound of me using the inhale of night
just to make it to the exhale of morning.
Right here.
On this stage.
This
is where
and why
I
fight.
Eldon May 2013
I wear the letters NYU sprawled across my chest as my individuality is asphyxiated.
Lungs choke under the weight of the added pressure. 

The thought of college plus my complexion,
Equals complexed looks that ponder my intellectually-heightened direction. 



Will you think a little bit more of me, with my conformity?



Attempts to better myself meet enough ignorance to even cloud the vision of God.
Segregation and alienation cause mental spasms the strength of lightening rods. 




I guess you're just a product of the environment to which you were exposed. 


But I'm always trying to fight the stereotype that black people are ultimately foes.



I am the ant and the kids of rich parents are magnifying glasses. 

Cremating me with the solar power of son's who were taught that their existence was worth more than mine. 



I lay motionless, in bottomless quick sand pits, itching to alleviate my stomach stitch, engulfed by set standards that could not be met. 


I am tired of trying to be what you'd like to see.
Astute, respectable, young black man-just so you can approve of me and hopefully think that we are not all "up to no good."



Say it loud,
I'm black 

And I'm,
Not going to lie,
The proud part is kinda hard to say. 


Because I walk down the street and see my face in the homeless everyday. 


I fill the prisons and I'm famous when the news reports crime. 

And when I show up early to interviews,
they look confused to see that I,
Don’t run on Colored People's Time.



I don't hate black but I hate the fact that black means that sometimes I have to find alternate routes to success. 



While other people's roads are already paved, I suffer from all the stress. 



I try my best but I'm always categorized as less, then a man. 


And I'm trying to change perceptions but I still feel like a visitor on American land




And the poor are physically trapped so I relate mentally.

We both suffer from the oppression and accept the hatred like it was meant to be.




Society has led you to believe that blacks are not worthy of equality



But take a long, hard look into my eyes and tell me that you don’t see my humanity.
Sa Sa Ra Dec 2012
In his breakthrough work of channeled literature, I Am the Word, author and medium Paul Selig recorded an extraordinary program for personal and planetary evolution as humankind awakens to its own divine nature. I Am the Word is an energetic transmission that works directly on its readers to bring them into alignment with the frequency of the Word, which Paul's guides call the energy of "God in Action."
Paul was born in New York City and received his Master's Degree from Yale. He had a spiritual experience in 1987 that left him clairvoyant. As a way to gain a context for what he was beginning to experience, he studied a form of energy healing, working at Marianne Williamson's Manhattan Center for Living and in private practice. In the process, he began to "hear" for his clients, and much of Paul's work now is as a clairaudient, clairvoyant, channel, and empath.
Paul has led channeled energy groups for many years. In 2009 he was invited to channel at the Esalen Institute's Superpowers symposium, where he was filmed for the upcoming documentary film Authors of the Impossible. He is the subject of the feature-length documentary film Paul & the Word which will be released late summer, 2011. His workshops in 2011 include Edgar Cayce's A.R.E. in New York City, the Jungian Center in Vermont and the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, Calfornia. Also a noted playwright and educator, Paul serves on the faculty of NYU and directs the MFA in Creative Writing Program at Goddard College. He lives in New York City, where he maintains a private practice as an intuitive and conducts weekly, channeled energy groups.*

Personal and planetary evolution- Live channeling with Paul Selig
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAgh2pXDDls&feature;=youtu.be
Waking Universe With Guest Paul Selig
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7BI0Lgb9Kk&feature;=youtu.be
You are the first in a generation of conscious beings coming into form and you will make it possible for those that follow to exist more easily in the higher frequencies that are now available.
This is a gift, but this is a massive change.
It’s a tidal wave of light ascending into you as you ascend into it.
--from I Am the Word, a channeled text by Paul Selig
http://www.paulselig.com/welcome/

Paul will be here private event at retreat center New Years Eve,
in PA, USA just over NY border I-84 West;
info and tickets available still here is info!!!
https://www.facebook.com/events/441324579253629/486222241430529/?notif_t=plan_mall_activity

David Bryson is hosting creator of Evolvefest:
http://evolvefest.com/
We are hoping to manifest and barter admission with a video artist who is able to capture this event with 100+ photos and 3 hours of footage and interviews and who can then make and upload a professional 10 minute HD Vimeo/YouTube video of this event for future promotional purposes.
Please let us know of anyone who comes to mind~ ♥


The Juicy Living Tour is about following life – wherever it leads.
This is a healing journey – for all of those participating in this co-creation and who want to let their soul guide them.

Lilou’s mission is to create and host an international communication network to
“inspire, motivate and empower millions of people to pursue their dreams”
and to “help spread joy, freedom and personal awakening”.  
Currently Lilou resides “on the road”  
Where ever the Juicy Living Tour guides her.


To support the juicy living tour and to watch more video interviews, visit;
http://juicylivingtour.com/
Gregory K Nelson Mar 2015
"There are monsters on the building," she said in the sad song of a West Texas drawl.  She sounded like she did when she talked in her sleep.  We had paused there to examine the doorway the way people do when they know something frightening and important will happen to them on the other side.  

Somehow the banality of the details seemed at odds with the profundity of the situation:  A hot breeze taunted us with the smell of garbage.  Pigeons did their stupid strut and pecked and **** on the sidewalk.  Manhattan pedestrians slogged past through the May heat wave in a sweaty river of hurried lives, each stranger a subtle hint that perhaps our pain wasn't so profound after all.  My own rivers of perspiration seemed to drive the point home.

Molly had more than once accused me of being attracted to the dramatic, and she was right.  In response to this weakness, this juvenile habit of seeing myself as a hero in the story of my life rather than just another person in the world, the God I still half believed in seemed to be punishing me with mundane aggravation as we prepared to defy him:  crowded subways, humidity that pressed in from all sides, growing stains in my armpits.  Now that we had reached the building the half-believed God added a master stroke of lewdness.  Squatting on the threshold of our destination were a pair of gargoyles [cement artistic tradition combined with superstition] that peered down at us with obscene toothy grins.  

Molly tugged on my damp fingers, and asked again,  "Greg, why are there monster's on the building?" Her eyes seemed both accusatory and desperate for affection, but her voice was sleepy, like she was trying to pretend it was all just a dream.

"I don't know," I said.  "It doesn't matter."

It was true.  It didn't matter accept as a symbol in a story that somewhere deep in my mind I was shamefully conscious I would someday write.  Disgusting but unavoidable for the boy I was at 19, a boy who wanted to be important someday, wanted to be important by being "a writer," and didn't see how he could ever be anything else.  

"Write what you know" they say, but I was just an upper middle class white kid, nothing important had ever happened to me.  This was important.  This was life and death.  Most of me lived it but part of me watched from outside.

We went inside and found the elevator, then the waiting room.  I held her left hand while she filled out the forms with her right.  I told her I loved her, trying to say it like a transcendent spiritual truth that could make all the facts of our situation irrelevant and sweep them off somewhere they didn't matter.  

Then a nurse came and took her away.  

It offended me that despite the life and death business conducted behind the wall, the waiting room looked just like any other.  Maybe worse.  Worn out office furniture in generic shades of brown.  Stacks of magazines that looked like they had been procured second hand from some cleaner pricier office where happier people sit and smile about life while they fill out forms and wait.

I glanced around the room, careful to avoid eye contact.  There were two other men, one white one black, both looking sad and dejected, staring into space, thinking of the women in that other room I just like me I figured, wishing there was something they could do.  

I selected a magazine with half its cover missing.  Celebrities at a party.  Celebrities at the beach.  I put the magazine down.

I should be feeling more than this, I thought, and that thought seemed shameful too.

It was still a question about me.  The pathetic existential question that has always gnawed my television generation:  Why can't I just be real?  The question brought more shame.  Why are you asking these questions?  This inner monologue  ...  they are killing your son in there!  They are ripping him out of the girl you love.  Shut up and just feel!  Or don't feel, and just shut up.  

Searching myself for sadness I found again a numb disgust for being outside myself and looking in.  

I thought of praying but an image came to me of Jesus struggling to carry his cross up a hill.  He was being chased by His Father who took the form of the God of old paintings, a long white beard, muscled body, the eyes of a tyrant. God was leading an angry mob, scaring Jesus up the hill to his death, screaming at Him:  "This is what my son was meant for!  You don't have any other choice!"  It was not the sort of image I hoped prayer would inspire.

Finally I arrived at the thought I was avoiding:  Molly crying on a cold table, machines inside her, everything happening too fast.  I had asked if I could go with her and hold her hand.

"No," the nurse had said with a touch of scorn, like the question was not just dumb, but an insult to women everywhere.  Why would she let the guilty party make things worse?

A few yards away there were doctors working machines inside the womb of the only girl I had ever loved, taking the life of a child I would never know.  But even if I had wanted to stop them, which I didn't, it was too late now.  

It was the first life and death decision either of us would make, and even though I would try to console her with the idea that we had chosen life, our own lives, our own futures, right or wrong, I knew we had also chosen death for our first child. Death always brings sadness, and despite whatever happiness we might still enjoy in the years to come, this sadness would would linger with us, in some form, forever, unless we came together to conceive another child and raise it.  This is not what Jesus told me.  This is what I told him.  He listened but he didn't seem to care.  He had no time for *******.

Molly appeared in the doorway to the back rooms where I had not been allowed to go with her.  I would have liked to go with her back there.  I would have held her hand, made her know that we were doing it together, that I was equally if not more culpable in this death than her, and if that were not possible, and it probably was not, at least I could have held her hand.            

But I was not allowed back there.  She went through it alone with strangers all around her speaking in professionally sensitive tones.
      
I put down the magazine and went to her.  Her face was blotchy, and there was still dampness in her eyes.  She had been crying for awhile and she was crying still.  A nurse's hand was on her shoulder.
      
"She was very brave,"  the nurse said, like Molly was a four year old who had just made it through her first hair cut without squirming.
      
"Will she be okay?"
      
"Yes, but now you need to take her home so she can rest."
      
The nurse disappeared.  I held Molly, and kissed her forehead, and told her how much I loved her and always would.  She did not speak and her body felt lifeless in my arms.  I led her back to the elevator and then out into the Manhattan bustle.  The humid heat had reached its most brutal hour, and I began to sweat immediately as we walked towards the subway.
      
We passed a deli.  I asked if she was hungry and she nodded.  I went inside and used the little money I had to buy a sandwich and two bottles of juice and we found a bench in the shade and sat there to eat.  She ate a little and drank some of her juice and then finally
spoke.
      
"It was a spot."
      
"What?"
      
"It was a spot.  They showed me.  It was a little black spot on a screen."
      
"It's okay, Molly  It's going to be okay," I lied.
      
"It was my little girl, but she was just a spot.  They showed me and then they took her away forever."
      
"I love you.  I love you so much."  It was true and all I could think to say and it didn't help much.
      
I brought her downtown to the financial district where I was staying that Summer in an NYU dorm with a friend from High School.  We were there to take film classes together.  Our parent's had allowed us to spend extra on the best housing, and the dorm we stayed in was actually an apartment on the 14th floor of a building with a doorman across from South Street Seaport.  It had a kitchen, high ceilings, and huge windows with a view of the Brooklyn Bridge, and even a
separate bedroom.  Fortunately Rick had allowed me the private room so he could have the larger one with the view and the television, so there was a place for Molly and I to go behind a locked door and lay down.

We got in the little bed together and curled into a combined fetal position.  I kissed the back of her neck and she took my hand and placed it on her pelvis where I could feel the bandage rustling under her sweatpants.
      
"Can you feel it?"
      
"Everything will be all right," I almost said, but it felt like garbage on the tip of my tongue and I had not yet grown used to lying except to myself.

I hadn't known there would be a bandage.

"Yes.  I can feel it,"  I said.  This, at least, I knew was true.

I lay there with her like that with my hand where our child had
grown for a few weeks and we fell asleep.

When I awoke, the room was gray with dusk, and Molly was snoring peacefully.  I got out of the bed carefully without disturbing her, sat at my desk, and opened my favorite drawer.  There was my small purple glass pipe, and a little baggy stuffed with the high quality marijuana that in my experience, you can only find in New York City, the Pacific Northwest and American Colleges.  I filled the pipe, lit it, and pulled hard, holding it in as long as I could and then coughing intentionally on the exhale for the fullest effect.  I repeated the process until the bag was nearly empty, lit a cigarette, and sat at the desk with my feet up, looking back and forth from the
high rise across the street to the young woman in my bed, contemplating life and love and God and the future.  

In that moment, high as I was on the drug and the city and the relief of having made it through the day, it truly did seem that everything would be all right.

I had taken to writing poetry a few months before, and I found a
piece of paper and began to write another:

God sat in the abortion clinic waiting room
while they killed his only son.
"My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”
"I don't know.  It seemed like the right thing to do."
      
I thought I had the beginnings of a very good poem.  I hoped maybe, someday, somehow my poetry might change the way people thought about things.  I was young and stupid and ****** and my mind was about to crack open completely and let forth a torrent of strangeness.

I was very sad.

-2001

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No Name Feb 2022
Anu ba ang pandemya?
ito ba ay parang hawla
na lahat tayo ay naka kubli
naka kulong sa apat na sulok
na wala na magawa
kung hindi naka totok telepono
naka tingin sa telebisyon
na araw araw di nag nagbabago!
nagbabago ang balita
na ang maralita ,
maralita lng ang nabubuhay ng normal?
pero hindi lahat tayo ay tinamaan
ibat ibang kwento
ibat ibang karasanan.

Nawalan ng trabaho
Nalugi ang negosyo
Naiwan ng mga minamahal
at wala namang maayus na tugon
walang kasiguraduhan
kung meron mag babago
sa mga bukas na haharapin
sapagkat tayo ay naging alipin
naging lumpo, tayo dahil sa pademya
lahat bay randam na?
ang pahirap at pasakit

Ramdam ko at ramdam nyu
ang malaking pagbabago
tinatawag nilang bagong normal.
bagong normal na di natin ginusto,
pero wala na tayong magagawa
andito na to.

Kaibigan , kapatid
sana tayo ay di sumuko
alam ko mahirap
pero tayo ay mag sumikap
tayo ay tumulong.
tayo mag kaisa
para ating boses ay umugong
Isigaw ng sabay sabay
na ngayun pandemya tayo
ay pantay pantay
lahat tayo ay may maitutulong
maliit man o malaki.
patuloy sa pagdarasal
na sa huli
tayong Pilipino parin ang magbunyi
Lewis Bosworth Oct 2016
down the up subway
#a small female wearing a fedora
a little boy dressed proudly
#in an ASPCA sign
an NYU journalism major
#who promises Halloween candy
if I answer 8 true-false questions
a man in an ascot leads a purebred
#red-haired dog on a leash,
fresh from his limousine
a noontime walk under a blue
#cloudless sky
the annual harvest in the square
#and a prêt-à-manger lunch
with a ginger beer and brownie
burqas are commonplace,
#cell phones are not
cabs whizz by on a narrow roadway,
#some are empty
the architecture is protective,
#it exists to mask
a man looks down from his loft
#and smiles

© Lewis Bosworth, 10/2016
LJW Jun 2014
vaguen
(Samuel Beckett, notation on MS of Happy Days)


I
Fire comes bouncing in from the
desert a threat to houses Here’s
what we do says the King to
Rudyard Kipling who is visiting
Stuff wet rags in the eaves throw
the silverware in the swimming
pool And my letters Rudyard
Kipling is thinking will you be
pressing my letters to your
breast as we skid towards
the car Truly diverse people
the King and Kipling one or
the other was always getting
his feelings hurt Above them
a strip of once blue sky now
dark adust


II
Nowadays there are technicians
of despair you can work at it
Going to the Buddhist study
group I pass a thin crumpled
man at a wall his face on the
bricks Behind him another big
black city legs wide apart roaring
Say you aren’t stupid then why
aren’t you happy


III
New guy at the Buddhist study
group Eyes cut to bits I want
he keeps saying So I don’t get
so he keeps saying A bunch
of sage grass has blown onto
his head and grown down into
his mind He shakes hands with
everyone over and over again
at the door


IV
I had previously been to
the Old South Thirty minutes
into the faculty dinner a man
to my left drops his eyes and
his voice says he murdered his
brother with a shotgun when
he was twelve The other diners
appear to have heard this
before On the plane home I
sit across from a vet with a
falcon on his lap It observes
the other passengers severely
Drinks apple juice from a
cup with very small silver
lips


V
At twenty-eight thousand feet
above the uncarved block of
NY state a cricket jumps onto
my coat Vaguen it says






Anne Carson currently teaches at NYU and will publish a handmade book called NOX in 2010. She is the author of Autobiography of Red, Plainwater, and other books of poetry, non-fiction, and mixed genre.
ali Sep 2013
there are people in love
and there are people on swings in the middle of the night holding someone's hand and there are people laying in their bed crying and they are sad but they won't be sad all their life
but someone should tell them that they need to know that and the people on the swings need to know that they need to engrave that moment in their mind and then maybe they won't end up like the person crying because they can remember when they were swinging
there are boys who are in love right now climbing up  into a bedroom window to sneak a girl out and hold her hand and make sure she doesn't hurt herself when she falls and it won't be like that forever and when she is back in bed she can think of his tight grip and the night air
and i don't believe in love but i believe in a feeling of butterflies in your stomach and falling asleep with a smile because of someone and it is not forever it is just temporary but in another way it is completely forever because you can never forget that person and you can never forget walking to 7/11 after a concert and buying out the whole store practically but the people who you are with turn in to ******* but in the memories they are not ******* and you can remember the summer air maybe and i feel like i'm really stupid for writing this
but maybe there is someone out there who is in love and even if i don't believe it maybe there is and i hope there is a couple swinging on swings and not letting go of each others hands even when the swings move in different rhythms and he is looking at her and he is thinking that she outshines the stars in the summer sky and she will probably grow up and they will not break up ever but on graduation when she goes to nyu and he goes to la they say goodbye and they both know that they are not going to be together but they don't want to break up and they never will because maybe she keeps his big t-shirts when she is lonely and on his drive to la maybe he listens to her favorite songs and they never forget each other ever and they are never really totally alone because they were together that night on the swings and that is enough
jules Dec 2017
Liam and I both had younger sisters in the eighth grade the year we got married. The day it started he came in from work with a strange look on his face. I asked him what was wrong, and he showed me the text Shannon had sent him earlier that afternoon. Upon checking my cellphone I realized I had two missed calls and a similar panicked text from my own sister. The headlines appeared online minutes later. Local Small Town Politicians Close the Doors of the County Mall Indefinitely in the Name of Social Science. The tweens tried everything they could to break down the doors, but being 13, physical strength wasn’t a luxury they had. With no other options, they began to congregate all over the place; they went to each other’s houses, sat on benches together at parks, or hung out at local fast food restaurants. The experts said they’d never seen anything like it. I caught Shannon one late night crawling out through the doggy flap in the back door of our condo, half a case of Budweiser under her left arm. They stole cigarettes from their grandfathers and shoved their tongues in each other’s mouths. As the days turned into weeks, they asked each other, “Are you feeling it yet?” After some pondering, the answer would come, and it was always the same. “Yeah. I am.” About a month in, someone mentioned the book Lord of the Flies, to which someone else responded, “Let’s ******* do it.” They rubbed dirt on their faces and ripped their clothes, spat on their palms and rubbed their stomachs. Shannon’s boyfriend became the leader and he rolled up a piece of construction paper and used it as a bullhorn. He stood on a turned over milk crate in the middle of the mall parking lot and delivered decrees and everyone listened because he was the tallest and his voice the loudest. None of this particularly bothered any of us, but Liam couldn’t handle it. He’d taken a sociology course as an elective at NYU. He told me again and again, “These kids are the future. This is what happens when you take away their resources. They don’t need this.” He cried in the bathtub, then got out, dried off, put on a suit and tie and climbed into bed with me. He Facebook messaged his estranged ex-wife, in all caps, OH GOD OH GOD I’M GOING TO DIE SOMEDAY, and then dropped his phone into a glass full of flat coke. When I woke up in the morning, he was gone. I don’t think they ever ended up re-opening that mall.
Lewis Bosworth Jun 2018
down the up subway
#a small female wearing a fedora

a little boy dressed proudly
#in an ASPCA sign

an NYU journalism major
#who promises Halloween candy
if I answer 8 true-false questions

a man in an ascot leads a purebred
#red-haired dog on a leash,
fresh from his limousine

a noontime walk under a blue
#cloudless sky

the annual harvest in the square
#and a prêt-à-manger lunch
with a ginger beer and brownie

burqas are commonplace,
#cell phones are not

cabs whizz by on a narrow roadway,
#some are empty

the architecture is protective,
#it exists to mask

a man looks down from his loft
#and smiles

© Lewis Bosworth, 10/2016
preservationman Sep 2017
A Professor who is 77 Years old
Teaching still in the heart with motivation of behold
The Old Professor who teaches at NYU
His subject concentration is “HISTORY”
The past with essence in present
The Professor is the Historian and goes beyond what the encyclopedia represents
Lecturing on the mystery of history
The Old Professor sharing many stories and glories
How Races should relate
History milestones by date
Wars that were started with lives loss
The story of a cruise ship maneuvering through stormy waters being a mighty wavy toss
History having the time of when
What happened then?
Doomsday loomed over the world
Uncertainty being the world’s swirl
Civil Rights having a justice cry
Opposition was busy wondering why
Afro-Americans gave their every try
Strength being the multitudes
Eventually things did soothe
But there was a purpose with a mission to prove
History went to some degree just like that
The pioneers who achieved
Yet some pioneers who were deceived
However, the Old Professor simplified his lessons to help the students understand
The Male Old Professor was wise and stressed adapt
Concepts were always clear and understanding being a snap
I offer the Old Professor my honor while dipping my cap
Historian in deed
Keep on teaching on Old Professor as knowledge is what students need
Your wisdom has the continued green light to proceed
It’s all about teaching and getting the understanding creed.
saint Nov 2019
INT PURGATORY

A room full of well dressed NYU kids that are all A & Rs, models, artists, and film students chat in a the corner. Buzz cuts everywhere. The spotify pollen playlist plays on repeat.

A point and shoot rises and FLASH. You've made it to a scene where well dressed and well connected kids think they know everything in the world. They think their parents money gives them a vision. And the number of monthly listeners that the data brought in actually means something.

If you try to say something about that tho, you're blocked by the deciders of the culture. So you better work for free and give them all your ideas so their shallow lifestyles don't seem so wishy washy.

After all? You need the connections and exposure pays the bills now!
You were brought to the U.S. at eight years of age,
By hard-working parents seeking a better life,
Especially for you and your sister, Carmen,
Than was available in your native Galicia of the time.

Both of your parents, Carmen and Manuel, had strong work ethics,
That allowed them to pull themselves up by their bootstraps,
Through hard, honest work in very hard times,
Guided by a strong moral compass they passed on to their two children.

You and your parents lived for many years in Downtown Manhattan,
In a tenement on Cherry Street where Spaniards gathered amongst their own.
You began working at a very young age unloading and delivering newspapers,
And in other jobs that included working as a soda **** in a drugstore.

The Lower East Side was your cradle and your domain in which,
You made life-long friends, including your best friend, Larry Morell.
You learned responsibility there, and a yearning to succeed,
Never letting humble beginnings serve as an excuse for failure.

You were frugal then of necessity, but also generous to a fault with those less fortunate,
And even when working in an office job, you’d walk miles every day,
To save the five-cent subway fare that would leave you a quarter,
For your favorite Saturday activity—the movies.

Every Saturday you would spend that hard-saved quarter only after walking
To every local theater to determine which offered the best movies,
Before spending your quarter in a temporary palace offering two films and a newsreel,
Your silver-screen gateway to excitement, travel, and your window to the world.

You were a gifted athlete in track and field, successfully competing in meets
And earning numerous medals. Your son, Bob, surpassed you in his athletic
Prowess and earned so many medals and trophies even before and during high school
That his mom quipped he must be buying them at a local store.

Good genes and hard work propelled Bob to excellence in track and field, soccer, rugby,
Basketball and only he knows what else since childhood through his years at the
Air Force Academy and beyond. He retired as a Lt. Colonel, special forces para-jumper, and Held multiple levels of command with numerous combat tours he never talks about.

Your daughter, Alice, also inherited your athleticism and was accomplished in fencing and Gymnastics in high school. And she is also an excellent writer with outstanding Organization skills—it took three people ((one full-time, and two part-time) to replace her in The Publications Department when we married, and she left her job for our move upstate.  
You Volunteered to serve in the Korean War and attained the rank of Corporal.
The touch-typing skill you learned in a Manhattan business school served you well,
And you became your company’s clerk, serving by the border with North Korea,
In a more serious version of the beloved character of Radar O’Reilly of MASH fame.

You almost never spoke about your service. But on two occasions during our long talks,
You mentioned that only once during your tour of duty did you actually hold a gun,
When ordered to escort a prisoner further South on a long Jeep ride while another
Trooper drove. Though always in danger very close to the hostilities, you never saw combat.

Your second war story told through tears more recently, but before the dementia
That plagued you for the past years of your life robbed you of your memory,
Included your efforts to quietly help North Korean families fleeing South who
Sometimes wandered through or near your camp in the middle of the night.

When you returned home from your tour of duty, you took advantage of the GI Bill,
To earn a college degree at night as you worked in an office clerical position,
And you continued your graduate studies when you became a high school teacher,
Earning at least one master’s degree over an extended period of time.

After your service in Korea, you traveled to Spain, fell in love, and married
Your wife in your native Galicia, a beautiful, loquacious woman, Marisa, who helped
To soften your serious, no-nonsense persona and draw out your social nature
While giving you a daughter and then a son and supporting your long years of study.

She joined you in Lower Manhattan when her visa was granted. And a two years later,
After your daughter Alice was born, you both bought your forever home in Queens.
It was a very old, two-family home that needed a lot of work which you undertook,
While working and still studying for your first college degree.

Your daughter was 25 months old and your son three months when you moved,
Leaving your young wife to raise two young, active, energetic children as you worked and Studied, with very little support, working tirelessly with limited funds and patiently
Waiting for you to complete your studies which took more than a decade.

You got your teaching certificate and began teaching at Bryant High School
Within a short walking distance from your home. You taught Spanish to native speakers,
And continued your studies for your master’s degree also at night, traveling for years to
NYU, St. John’s University, and Hunter College for courses.

After five years of night classes, your wife gently began to ask you “When will you finish?”
You told her seven more years. Even after the 12-year ordeal, you remained busy with
Grading, lesson plans, and the unseen work all teachers knows only too well.
But your wife and children finally got to see you at the dinner table nightly.


You loved the freedom of summers off, and traveled most summers to Spain,
With your wife and children for two months from 1964 on,
Living there with your parents and finally having your wife able to spend time
With her own parents, a short ride by car or bus from your parents’ home.

During those summers, you came across widows struggling whose husbands
Had worked for many years in the U.S. but had died in relative poverty.
You took on the role of advocate for them, getting for many Social Security
Survivor’s pensions for husbands who died without filing for benefits themselves.

You took this on without being asked as a charitable act that during hard times
Brought desperately needed relief to some living in abject poverty.
It was one of many acts of charity, of kindness, that you extended to others
Throughout your life—known only if beneficiaries gratefully acknowledged it.

You loved music, especially classical music, opera, and crooners like Frank Sinatra
And Perry Como. You often retired to your study to listen to music as you worked.
Just days before passing away when you no longer communicated or recognized
Loved ones, your son noted how you tapped your fingers on your table listening to opera.

The last year of work before you took early retirement, you gave up your
Teaching and advisement duties at Bryant High School and accepted a
Promotion to the Board of Education to work on creating new standards for
Bilingual education and help in their implementation.

Rather than a short walk to work, you now had to drive during rush hour to and from
The Board of Education near the Brooklyn Heights area. It was not a pleasant commute.
Moreover, you were tasked once the plan was in place with traveling to high schools
All around NYC to help implement and assess the program.

Despite your commitment to a program you believed would help thousands of students,
You were miserable with your administrative duties and constant driving to schools
In Manhattan and in the outer boroughs. After about a year, you’d had enough,
And you took early retirement to travel with your wife and enjoy life.

Before and after retirement, you were an avid writer. You leave behind hundreds of poems,
An unpublished historical novel, and goodness knows what else locked away in your
Computer’s hard drive. You loved history, especially the history of Spain generally and Especially Galicia, as well as U.S. and world history. You were also a talented painter.

You enjoyed speculative documentaries on the possible interaction between alien visitors And early humans along the lines of Erich von Däniken’s Chariots of the Gods.
You knew my interest in science fiction and loved to pose “what if” scenarios on
The possibility of our civilization having cyclically destroyed itself and risen from the ashes.


You and I shared a love for writing fiction, poetry, and non-fiction and had countless Discussions on these topics, and music, teaching, art,  politics, and so much more.
When I bought my first computer, you were fascinated and asked me to order you one.
I did. In the days before the Internet or books on the subject, you were willing to learn.

I taught you the basics of the DOS operating system, and WordStar, and then WordPerfect.
You were a good student, though the new technology was a challenge for you.
Nevertheless, as a touch-typist you were happy to abandon your manual typewriter
For the wonderful flexibility of a full-featured word processor.

We spent many, many hours on your new computer—and the many others you later
Asked me to order, but you never looked back and in your late 50s became a convert.
When my dad retired, I did the same for him in his 60s, and he took to it like the proverbial
Duck to water, though my dad was far more interested in and experienced with technology.

You were much more than my father-in-law, family, and a trusted colleague and friend.
I loved you dearly, as I did my mother-in-law, and was blessed to have a special Relationship with you both and to have spent so many years in your company.
I will miss you forever, as will the thousands of people whose lives you’ve touched.

The world is diminished by your passing.
But in the end, it has been enriched by your journey in it.
Your bright candle burned weakly in recent years and has finally sputtered out.
It’s smoke now swirls slowly towards the heavens where loved ones await you.

Rest in peace.

— The End —