You think trying would get you a good outcome,
but **** no my efforts are meaningless.
Fed up with the accusations and verbal abuse.
Just pick and choose if it's me or really you. Tired of the fighting, expired of the lying.
Get a grip, and don't let loose.
You'll come to fall with no feet to land on, you'll hide and clap in applause.  
Stop all the negatory, you just hold me back. Too quick to be the one to attack.
I lost defense, and you're just too senseless.
Make some ****** sense of yourself and I'll make some cents for myself.
You're the back door rug that keeps making me trip,
if I just  stood up maybe I could dip.
Yes I used lie.
Yes I used to make you unhappy.
Kept coming back and wouldn't cut me slack.
Realization and consideration got me to change my act.
Accept the facts of my mistakes.
Don't bring it up but you don't know how to shut the **** up.
You hang onto the past, but I hang onto you. The truth of your father is unspeakable,
I'm sorry he did that, it's unbelievable.
You could leave us alone so I could slit his throat.
That's besides the fact of me trying to show you.
That I care and I always try to show support. Don't you dare put your hands on me or expect a letter from court.
Cut me short when I speak, on the outside your weak.
Inside you're so beautiful, I wouldn't trade you for diamonds.
The truth here is to be told, I'm so serious about our relationship,
don't hesitate and I try to get you to work before your late.
I launder your clothes, and fold all the fabrics.
I stay and wait for you at home
When you could be gone at the casino.
Blow up some bucks, I could careless for these jealous *****.
I'm not your property, but I can say your mine.
I won the lottery, it was everything no one else could give me.
The little things like coming to see me every night, the miles, the highs and the lows.
Not giving up makes me not give up.
I gave up the truth, and I nearly puked speaking of it.
I love you Mon Amour, you're everything I could ask for.
You make me sore for your love, I can't sugarcoat it either.

wake up to an overcast clouded day,
streaks of palest of sad multi nefarious
blues and white singes, but the effect
is negatory, for its prior predecessor
was glorious in its sunny, grandiose
perfection; perfect in every  respect,
and today arrives with a 500am
greeting of peace but overcast with
sadness, but humility, this is a childlike
an in between day, a reminder tomorrow’s
unfeted fate could always be worse…

yet every day is perfect in its uniqueness,
and in silence but but firmly loud within,
I utter the prayer taught to every Jewish
child, as soon as they learn to speak with
comprehension, these, their daily first words…

”I gratefully thank You, O living
and eternal King, for You have returned
my soul within me with compassion—
abundant is Your faithfulness!(2)

But in so many things, the Hebrew words
are multi-purposed, shades of complexity
even in though the simplest, plainest opening
word (Modeh)  is intuitive simple…
”I thank you”

Within
a simple direct word of thankfulness ,
lies shadings, just like today’s weather,
in its relativity, in compare of its
less-than-perfect predecessor, are
shades of admission & surrender…

though not obligated, never free to abandon
the unending reworking of the definition of me,
and all the draft versions
as yet, unpublished



Notes
———
(2) the prayer spoken upon awakening Modeh Ani

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modeh_Ani#:~:text=Text,-Gender%20of%20speaker&text=Modeh%20ani%20lefanekha%20melekh%20c%E1%B8%A5ai,compassion%3­B%20abundant%20is%20Your%20faithfulness.

cabbage rolls off the tongue
like a dump truck
drusil animus
said together is a sound
wanting
to have its very own meaning
this early morning
negatory always feels
uncertain about itself
like it wants to be less
like pots and pans
howsitgoing comes along
wearing tennis shoes
but has no ***** at all