I'll show you mine
if you show me yours,
there's no end
to the less and;
the more.
Put it out front
On the Merry Prankster bus.
Heads that turn,
on stiles of morose,
sprinkled in
dulcet dust.
Fleeting;
Freeing;
Binding;
Everlasting.
Jeckyl & Hyde,
they took my mind.

Couldn't call me Jeckyl
Or Mr. Hyde.
Just something im used to
Day or night.
You wanted a thriller, boy
You're in for a ride.
Don't get scared now;
Stay by my side.

I remember innocent ages.
The book of youth
Torn in many pages.
Always hearing silence,
The sounds that are not real.
Without enhancing love,
How else am I supposed to feel?

Where am I going?
What side of life will I lead?
Beware the river flowing,
That's the last thing we need.

Live and let live,
Grown and learn.
Discover before
You crash and burn.
I dont wanna see
My best man die,
Haunting will happen
In the Drink of an I.

items

title - author - (read / unread)

songs of war
and peace -
afghan women's poetry
                                              edited by sayd bahodine majrouh
                                              (yes)
the cantos of
ezra pound
                                              ezra pound
                                              (pending)

th­e unbearable
lightness of being      
                                               milan kundera
                                               (yes, albeit
                                                given to someone)

the man in the
high castle
                                                philip k. ****
                                                (yes, "
                                                          " " ")

do androids dream
of electric sheep                            
                                                          "

men­ without women
                                                 ernest hemingway
                                                 (yes)

a moveable feast
                                                  ernest   ­      "
                                                  (yes)

for whom the bell tolls
                                                  ernest   ­       "
                                                  (parti­ally, university
                                                   assignment)

a passage to india
                                                   e. m. forster
                                                   (no, i prefer the actual cuisine,
                                                    dash­ of cinnamon, cumin
                                                    cloves, cardamon and i just
                                                    read: a short-cut to india)

the outsider
                                                    albert camus
                                                    (yes, lost the book somewhere)

frankenstein
                                                    mary shelley
                                                    (yes)

aesop­'s fables
                                                     aesop
                                                     (yes, good enough
                                                      for zeno to
                                                      paradox achilles
                                                      with the turtle, i.e.
                                                      aesop'­s fables
                                                      were primarily based
                                                      on the behaviour of animals)

dr. jeckyl & mr. hyde
                                                      r. l. stevenson
                                                      (­no, a literary
                                                       version of the beatles'
                                                       yesterday, conjuring
                                                       for money anyway)

iron in the soul
                                                        jean­-paul sartre
                                                        (t­he other two titles
                                                         of the human comedy
                                                         i don't remember;
                                                       ­  i have all respect for
                                                         sartre the novelist -
                                                         but none as a philosopher)

treasure island
                                                          r. l. stevenson
                                                       ­   (yes)

i'm the king of the castle
                                                          ­susan hill
                                                          (y­es)

jane eyre
                                                           charlotte brontë
                                                          ­ (yes)

on the road
                                                           jack kerouac
                                                         ­  (yes)

the bell jar
                                                           sylvia plath
                                                           (yes)

fiesta: the sun also rises
                                                           ernest hemingway
                                                           (yes)

the ordeal of gilbert pinfold
                                                           evelyn waugh
                                                           (yes)

five plays
                                                           chekov
                                                           (stuck to shakespeare
                                                            and russian
                                                            existential macabre)

the existential imagination
                                                            edited by frederick
                                                            r. karl & leo hamalian
                                                            (yes, esp. the extract
                                                             about socrates)

This aching churns within me where happiness will bubble
T-minus 5...4...

My writing is ****. There's no art here anymore.
Sob
******* onto paper.

Everyone relates to interpretation, but inkblots have no soul.
Stains, waiting.
Sunlight cannot creep where darkness cannot grow.

Coin-flip. Mind-trip. Sad rag-time beat out, off beating
beat poet beats drums no one can hear.
There's nothing here.

Jeckyl wishes Hyde would hide, run away
never come back--
I'll never forget how much I lack
I've cracked, back fractures breaking
too much ecstasy--not enough--You're shaking

is that me?
can't be.

This desperation
this need to cling to SOMETHING
it's worse every time--it's cheap when I rhyme
I can't ride out these mistakes, can't fake that I'm ok

I seem to be doing fine.
but its one
or the other in my mind

-NOT SO YOU COULD THROW LIGHTSWITCH RAVES-

can't be saved
keep repeating
I wish I could be saved but
they never let me have my pony.
No white horses
No dreaming

So obsessed with this wheel I keep spinning
the only thing I seem to be able to do is change direction.

tedious, no?
It's what we're working with.

All I ever wanted was somebody to love me
now...when it comes to be
it just makes me more crazy
how can someone love me?
it doesn't make sense.
I go to rip off your mask and I take off your face--

surrounded by rotting skin
searching for a way to end
so how can I begin?

It's come to the point where I feel I need help
All these things that I'm feeling I can't deal with myself

I'm losing my temper I'm hurting loved one and friends
And at this point I'd just like it to end

I'm frightened sure but I'm at the end of my rope
And doing this alone I can no longer cope

The mood swings and tempers are out of control
The last thing I want is to end up alone

So I'm making the appointment despite all my fear
And praying to God they can help my head clear

I'd love to be normal and have full control
Something people take for granted, that they don't think of at all

It's like Jeckyl and Hyde are living in my brain
One is the real me, the other is angry, insane

The obsessions and fixations make my life a mess
Everything I do and say I over think, my mind is full of stress

Theres a person inside me I want to evict
They've hung around too long and they're being a ****

I want my mind back, all of it, now
I want you gone forever, see ya later ciao.

This is my beyond expectations,
to believe the lie that you apply,
to hate the truth that you hide,
I could fly to the horizon,
I could swim deep in the ocean,
but this is beyond my expectations,
when you are the mask of jeckyl and hyde,
and the beast behind dorian gray,
I lost my words,
I lost my speech,
I am fool of believing in you,
yet I pretend that my mind is pure,
because I thought I am the light in the dark,
that one day could lead you away from astray,
This is beyond expectations,
because I still long for you,
and cling on you,
this is the inner voice deep in my head,
that I wish I could burst it out,
and **** your lies with my bullet of tears.

i don't see how there can't be
a simple Cartesian implosion
of
counter-intuitively
saying:
i exist before i even know
that i exist:
or at least comprehend it...

which is twice as true
as how
life: regardless of my sentiments
of flow:
the moon:
tides...
i think therefore i am
is a resolute of competence
and knowledge seeking:
surgeons have the modus operandi
of i think therefore i am:
such the proximity of failure:
disaster...  mistake...

eureka! did you find Europe
expanding as the funnel for peoples travels:
like the casual commute:
or did you find: i think...
it's hard to find i am in i think:
let alone i think in i think
in i in ?
or is that !
                i don't know:
it's like the second slaughter of a cow
when the steak is not done
medium rare but treated like
a Sunday Roast...

onomatopoeia: please! please!
enlighten me... ? = hmmph
and ! = ah / gee!

    i want my tongue back:
my tongue is not some morbid fetish
you have at the altar of his ****...
the serpent is my tongue:
i want it back:
you can keep the fruit that labor
with glee:
i want my tongue back:
you can have the serpent story
the apple the tree:
Y Y
  
∇       Δ

NABLUE DELTOUS...

         i'm sending the two H emissaries...
naHblue: delTHous:
one married the trininity: the mother Tau
and became F of if thigh:
the other:
intact: Cain: Esau...

        the vowel catcher and the laughter-generator...
hideous bunch...
so one became a priest:
a surd: a servant:
a silent alliance of letters written
but not said:

salad, plenty of that:
i still want my tongue back...
where does my voice
otherwise escape to?
rhetoric or cognisance...
       cognisanze...
         seance... eons... ae...
         cognisant.... cognizant!

jeez: what a burden triple eyes
getting to watch a boy get dribbled...
peanuts: candy... dental floss!
dental floss: peanuts: candy!

now i will brush my teeth and drink less
and feel brushing with authority:
but not yet off the mark
on being the daddy and dream team
soccer coach on Kauai...
as that isn't: claustrophobia from sexless
you want to play the dragon
but still dealing with two serpents...
one in the tongue and one
in the phallus...

    i was not aware of having any
reproductive know-about depository PO BOX...
my two serpents were always one:
confused by women
with such intellect that images
became black and white...
word... simply put...
           she confused his **** to his vocal
bass-box...
to my ****: to the *******...
to: the serpent is the tongue in
a dragon's mouth...
       i don't think i have a ****: i have a cockerel
morning y'all!
        i have a juicy ****...
i sometimes imitate
when jerking off the Jeckyl & Hyde
of a limp-dickery...

otherwise VOUS for a hard TH
or FOES for a soft TH...                 pH:
soft water: nutritional scrutiny:
an alkaline or an acidic diet...
bad teeth: probable suicide or just bad
nutrition? Mark Legget already knows.