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lara May 2018
it all feels like disease and i want to strip my bones raw; manic
(sugar rush deity)

what am i to you… what are you to me, aside from endearing silhouettes; pixie
(mumbling shy songs)

in an ocean of violents in bloom we speak artificial prayer; dream
(cloaked in starry-eyed acapella—thats what they think, no?)

i surrender to your clarity and intensity and charm and beauty that my hands are too numb and dull to touch; girl

and then comes wrath: a dewy vileness teetering on the brink of your 9th life
now hell has harnessed my chest, for it is with deep regret and shaky sobs that every opening and crack in my body emits rotten remains of our silent war…

but there are still heartfelts i never mustered up the courage to let go of:

thank you for tip-toeing around broken strings to reach out once more, twice more
thank you for enduring my futile voyages through resentment
thank you for soaking all my insanity in like sunlight and excreting back out a gentle rainfall
Akwana Wa Odera Mar 2019
All my life,
I've been one who listens
Listening to their tales
Of achievements and heartfelts
Their laughter and cries
Of life and it's heartbreaks
Of the weather changes
From clouds to scorching sun rays.
So i think,
To me too they should listen
Of the over flowing thoughts
And these compilated images.
As they speak, i listen
When i write
Will they read them?
These stories in my head
Made of characters
I tend to invent.
Short stories with intent
Long stories of how i pretend
****!
Maybe i should not
They'll never relate
Our life's experiences
Maybe will never be the same
So i hold in my breath
As my shaky hands reflect
Of my torments intense
And my heartbeats quick race
Mmmh,
You don't want me telling
About my face
It's already covered in sweat
The expressions it portrays
I'm already betrayed.
How do i even try to
Explain my self
When I'm already panicking
With unrest
With my mouth agape
Fumbling with words to say
I'm choking, my throat is tight
With words stuck in my chest
I look to the right
Then steal glances to my left
Hoping they never get to notice
How I'm struggling
To cover my mess
All i wanted was them to listen
To the many tales in my head
But how do i start
When there's nothing to say!

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2019
Smy girlfriend realized i had anxiety, she asked me to explain it to her. I had no words to say, so i wrote her this poem

— The End —