I remember only once when my heart was literally frozen
Only once has my heart
Hardend the entire ocean
A girl I like looks great dressed as queen Elsa
Her looks
              Her eyes
                        Her sweetness
But it's her heart that really makes you swelter
A gentle queen with honesty in her eye
  I wish you goodluck Rosie
        I wish you goodbye

KAT
I remember ONLY once
when my heart
was literally frozen
ONLY once
has my heart
hardend the entire ocean
A girl I've just met
reminds me of sleeping beauty
Her sweetness
Her innocence
Her perfume so fruity
A gentle queen
with love in her eye
That gaze made me so happy
and like a baby I cry
Her name is Kat
but she reminds me of a kitten
She fills my head with stars
And LEAVES my heart
truly smitten
This poem
is to you my queen elsa
For you made my head dizzy
And my broken heart swelter.

I'm sorry I'm so boring, I'm just too empty today.

my colors are grey and my blood has long been drained out and replaced with a black muck that makes it hard to move much less try to be charming. I've got cinder block shoes and a matching stone sweater which weigh me down as i trek through the empty land masses, trying to find you. I wear my smile mask in hopes of coming across as someone you might want to talk to or be friends with, but it makes it so hard to breathe and taking it off means someone might be able to undo the laces on my cinder block shoes, or unbutton my stone sweater, or kiss my hardend lips softly but passionately enough to set off a series of tingles that make the guck in my veins turn back into glowing crimson blood, filling me in a way i'm not sure how to deal with. And that's terrifying. Because once all of my armor is taken away, my poor hero is left only with my cracked, scarred, and stained body that was ruined by years of torture from wearing my burdensome ensemble.

I'm sorry i can't be perfect for you, I'm just too broken today.

For you are so far away but your words are dear
You may be far away but your kindness is clear
You've touched my hardend heart with a feather like sonnet
Left a trail of smiles upon it
For this I thank you my friend
I hope your kindness never falters, true to the end.

Arrogance was strong in this youngling
A child playing at being a man
An air of confidence unfaltered
Unrelenting desire
A wanton yearning to consume flesh

Black rules in a white world
Where all is in hues of ash and cement
Self-knowledge builds strong shelters
Past pain is present mortar
With blocks of crystal tears

So this boy, sweet and tender
Loved withoout learning
Longed without grace
Fell without balance
And cried in darkness to an uncaring diety

Cried for those long gone
Cried mostly for the liars,
The cheaters, the judges and friends
The demons grew in the shadows
Lit with the embers of pain

Now, caged in his tear-stained walls
Transparent and safe
He sees without flinching all he once did
Finding home in strict command
Of all he holds dear

No place for frivolity
No needless emotion
All or nothing in matters of the heart
To break, lest he be broken
To own, lest he give too much
To push against pleasure
And claim happiness in humiliation
For it would never again be him

Clear walls like a skyscraper
A firmament of glass shards
Hanging in wait
Of vibrations to set them free

A man's mind
A man's body
A man's need
With a child's heart

Though hardend with experience,
Scarred with it
Calloused
And struggling to survive

He will not leave his prey
Though she has lost his interest
He will not leave to cause pain
To cause guilt

Responsibility squarely on her shoulders
A burden she could never understand
So he pushes
And she goes...broken

And the child cries
Unseen within himself
Unrecognizeable
Unfamiliar

He carries no blame
Feels no guilt
For it is she that turned her back
And the walls remain

The man with rules in bold
Burned darker with each failure to comply
Tantalized by a lady much like himself
Black lines in a white world

She challenged him
He taught her freedom
In giving him everything
He was afraid to return

He pushed, She tried harder
She pushed, He ran
He pushed, She faltered
She pushed, He attacked

They paused for a moment
Her broken and him afraid
Shards shaking as  he fights to maintain control
Loosening bit by bit

This child
Longing to believe all he chose to forget
Fredom in love
Trust in another
Welcoming the truth about love

Which is simply:
When you love someone
You get out what you put in
Your only concern is their happiness

He looks like a man this youngling
Devouring the innocent
Unwaverng in his vision
Of truth and self-granduer

Soon, he will learn
That a real man nurishes that banished child
And shares himself openly
With the one his soul adores

Yes, this child resembles a man

Who have I become? Who can this be? The person looking back in the mirror is no longer me. I have become so hardend by all this pressure and relentless strife. My eyes dont gleam and smile on their own; and my smile isnt the same as it brightly once shown. I couldnt wait to get older, but now it is here. Age is knocking on my door and the time is near.

I will soon leave this place and embark on new life, creating a life all alone; away from my family, my friends and even my home. I have waited for this time and as it draws near, I am frozen in shock with great aprehension and filled with great fear.  I plead to God to show me the way.  What must I do? What should I say?

Now I am done with the pleading, I am not one to beg. There is only one thing that I can do, and that is live for each day. Take each day for what it is, and never take it for granted for the next one is not promised.

Let not the evening light so wane,
That hearts are hardend deep with pain,
For all the  journeys that lead us here,
All strewn with hopes and sometimes fear.

Each step presents a direction to go,
So swift the pace and sometimes slow,
Yet often stones are placed in our way,
They're only stones, what can we say?

Then wipe away bitter  lessons learned,
The chance to soar you most have earned,
With lost and weary  people learning  to shy,
When there's no reason to despair and  cry.

So light will soon shine like radiant bliss,
While aging travelers share love and kiss,
And dismal chapters so written in time,
Will no longer linger within our minds.

I am a mold,
Clay to be folded, kneaded, hardend, softened and burned,
to be formed by the tides and the wind
Layer by layer added and scraped again
to break and to be fixed

I am what  I consume
My enviroment makes me
shapes my personality
Untitled
At the time
The movies  watch, the books I read, the characters I envision
become the traits of my everyday demeanor
One, two, three faced
Living under curtains, quick glimpses from under the mask
Gemini personified

If my opinion, my beliefs, and through this my being
are influnecend so easily,
hand crafted, tailored for every stituation and encounter
Is there even such a thing as identity?
At what point do I lose myself through adaptive behaviour?
Who am I without you?
What's a reflection without the mirror?

Who is the true version of me,
the one you see or
the one  that comes out when no one's watching?