cardboard  city

As i sit in my shelter watching the drops of rain
i sometimes  find it hard to contain
my anger and fear
at being alone and trapped here
i watch the people as they walk by
taking their greatest care not to catch my eye
their guilt is no suprise
you would think people would have to care
but no they just stare
i am not sure who or what they see there
not a person , just a thing
throw it a penny and it may dance and sing
like a performing bear, nobody cares
not even about the bears
a bear needs people to care about it
i need people to care
i am not a peice of ****
to be wiped off thier shoes
nor is the bear a prisoner
and should not be kept in a zoo

each day i look in the bins, for food i can eat
for clothes on my back, shoes on my feet
its strange what people throw away
i guess i did it myself
when i had somewhere to stay
with people that loved me, people that cared
parents and siblings , with whom i shared
happyness , dry tears , shallow felt fears
a hug , a kiss, things i miss
companionship, love, friendship not hate
not being alone scared and afraid

oh sad world , where do i belong
i live inside my head, where others tag along
darkness , shadows, everything forlorn
hopeless , cruel , cold and unkind
i live in the pit , that i call my mind

happyness. sadness, two sides of my mood
two sides of my face, one nasty , one good
one angel , one devil, one dedus, one don
one body, one funtion, to die after being born

oh mother , oh father, what should i do
what happened to the love, from both of you
i seem ever alone, far from the crowd
i just want to scream help me ,  aloud
as i sit in my shelter, watching , waiting
feeling, lost, hungry, tired, alone
afraid, thinking of home
contemplating

death

if i could just see you for one day
a whole day to see your face
what would i say?
would i tell you how i think about you day by day?
or how you always made me feel like i was in the right place.
would i tell you how i compare everyone to you
and its so hard to go through
would i tell you how my body and heart aches
because of all of those dumb mistakes
would i tell you that i thought you were the finest
bringing my emotions to a high with your kindness
would i tell you that i know i wouldnt be able to funtion without you in my life
i've even dreamt about being your wife
all of these things i want to tell
but here i am back in my shell
back in where im too scared
very unprepared
while my lips spread apart
i say"maybe we can have a fresh start"
-te

The mind rumbled
The spirit trembled
Creating beauty and passion
Causing chaos and disaster

The skin turned into ground
And covered what was around
The heart melted away
And filled seas and oceans asway/ of gray/ swaying astray

The eyes became mountains
And cried away as they could not see one another
Yet tears created river streams that met
and later joined the hearty seas

But blood grew angry
He formed as a mountain
Incomplete..... a volcano
And from it blood and smoke arose

From time to time
The mountains may cry
The seas may beat
And the ground may grumble
as the sky turns grey with ash

But as one they funtion
Intertwined into oblivion
Following a yellow ghost
Circled by grey illumination

I was quiet
but I was not blind.
And although I couldn't see inside their mind,
I knew there was a riot,
there was chaos
and destruction
I could not funtion
I was at a loss.