I first learned the definition of clingyness when I met you.

clingyness is when someone is too emotionally attached; when they just can't give it up; when they're too close to someone; when they can't just throw in the towel; they have too much money on the game.

but clingyness is something you show none of.

some how it is so easy for you to just give it up.

you are like a 911 operator; people call you; people ask you for help, you give them help; you stop caring.

when I first walked into the strange building with no red no white all gold; when I climbed the stairs for the third time that first day; when I finally found a familiar face and heard them say I was finally gonna meet; when I saw you, I was drawn.

your name had lingered once on my lips before I was desiring your lips on mine; your greeting had rolled off my tongue once before I poised it to speak paragraphs of your greatness; your image had sat in my temporal lobe once before my cerebellum was telling my fingers to pick up a pen and write things for you.

you were like the sun and I was a planet orbiting around you; I was pretty much like pluto; you had so many planets around you; your effects barely reached me; everyone forgot about me; I still orbited around you because I had no choice; even though she did receive benefits and no one forgot her your venus felt the same way; you were your own mercury.

you may be smart; you may be able to balance equation in your sleep; you may speak circles around a college professor but if you were truly smart you would know how a treat a women the way that they should be treated.

see you have this way of making women feel like the only way they'll be loved is by being broken; like there is some innate limit on the intake and output of love; like love works like a speed limit; this is so toxic; when I first got pushed away by you I thought it was perfectly okay to hurt myself to receive love from you; the joke was on me because you spent all your love on yourself; maybe that's why you push everyone away you can't give or receive love; so I gave all my love to you and it bounced back but didn't go to me it was just wasted in the air kind of like when I said I loved you as you walked away and ****** I know you heard me.

I was too close to you; when you chose her I cringed; it was my fault; I'm too clingy.

when i began drifting out of your arms and into hers I realized that wholeness is valuable; love doesn't have a limit; I shouldn't have clung to someone who treated me the way you did; I cling to her now but it's okay because things are reciprocated.

We were friends but i wanted more,
I wanted you whilst you wanted someone else.

I wanted you to touch my skin, more than you wanted too.

We could have intwined in the bedsheets together, but you were already in someone else’s arms.

I wanted forever but you wanted forever with someone else.

You left me with nothing but memories and the smell of you on my sheets.

You left a stain on my soul an ache in my chest.

I was addicted too you,
and i was a faint memory at the back of your mind.

I fell in love with you when you weren’t willing to meet me halfway.
I wonder if my clingyness, sadness drove you away,
to someone else.

And im still stupid enough to care, because you are you, because nothing else matters to me more than you.

You only cared to fill the space of loneliness from your last whilst you waited for your next.

You left a hole in my soul.

I left you with the satisfaction of knowing that i will always be there no matter what pain, suffering or upset you have put me through because i care too much to forget you.

it's probably bad to say this,
but my closest siblings aren't related to me.
i've known my brother for ten years,
and my sister for seven.

i've watched them both grow and change,
and i've grown and changed with them.
there's been fights and tears and anger,
but there's been laughter and secrets, too.

there's been distance and clingyness,
time spent together and time spent apart.
but there's two people who know me,
maybe not the best, but for the longest.

and that's pretty much all i have to say.
we're not the same people we were,
but i have a feeling there will always be us.
relationships like this don't die out.

i'll never give up my brother and sister.
even if they aren't blood related.

I'm never sure if I have the right to upset with you.
Because society has sort of thrown clingyness into my face
By telling me I need to learn how to stay in my place
For example if you aren't replying as quickly as me
I guess I'm supposed to take the hint and leave
Just so I'm not known as that needy girl
Who isn't complete without you in her world
And if I happen to actually tell you what's wrong
You'll throw me excuses so I'll feel like you were in the right all along
I'm supposed to display this big show of confidence when ignored
Like I don't need you to have fun when in reality I'm bored
Right now I'm just stuck at this spot and I'm not sure what to do
Should I hide my anger or should I just tell you

Acid face wash
Face ripped
Face exposed
Gestures were meant to be meaning well
Oh the hell something becomes clingyness
Cancer claws widely, trying to be wise about these
Things here

I know my promises mean absolutely nothing now.. After what I did. And I know you still hurt from it, it might not seem like it, but I do too. One of our biggest promises.. Don't let someone ever come between us, no matter what.. And I let him. And I know you think that it was my words too, saying that I never wanted to talk to you again, that you were a bad friend, I never said or wanted that, I was just so worn thin of him constantly yelling at me for it.. And looking back, I don't see why I ever EVER let myself be that controlled by someone else. Can I be honest though? It was out of fear. I thought, if he left me.. I'd be alone forever because you'd never take me after that. But now I'm seeing, even if I die unmarried, I'd rather die unmarried with you as my best friend, than marry him and live without you. I think it speaks volumes that after 7-8 months of dating, I broke up with him less than a month after you and I stopped talking. I couldn't handle it. I became very angry and bitter towards him because of that, and then the little things that sorta bugged me but I didn't really notice, got worse. A lot worse. The biggest difference I see between you two, besides maturity, he made me feel trapped, forced, caged and like I had absolutely no freedom that he didn't approve of.(I'm not over exaggerating. He wanted me to ask him before I did anything LITERALLY ANYTHING and when I didn't he got really mad at me and it was borderline emotional abuse. Maybe that's why I stuck around, women in those relationships feel like they can never have anything better than this life that they've chosen..I'm sorry that I let him change me..) But you. You make me feel free, and light, and like I can still be an individual but not be alone. You let me be who I want to be without judgment and mockery. You don't criticize me and try to shape me into being something that I'm not. I admire you. Who you are, your life, and I'm fascinated by the way you grew up and I love learning things from you. I know we used to joke about not being sure if we're twins or supposed to get married, and I loved that so much.. You know, I've found that my fear and rash  decisions of jumping into a relationship with Nic, while wanting to be with you, was out of fear and lack of trust in God. I want so badly to be married young and I wasn't trusting God to give that to me and I, for some majorly ****** up reason, wasn't seeing how beautifully you loved me. You were there.. Through everything.. And I feel really stupid that I didn't see it sooner. Maybe that's why I've been so clingy and spazzy lately. There's so much I want to say to you and I could keep writing things forever in this little note but that might get awfully boring to read. It'll all come out eventually.. Mostly in my poems though. I don't know if we'll ever be together, you know that I hope so, but even if we don't I am so glad that you're my best friend, and that you've stuck around through my bitchyness, annoyingness, clingyness, and all the uncool things about me. That's pretty groovy of you. I love you, an incredibly huge amount. You are by far in my top 3 favorite humans list. I hope you stay a while longer.

p.s. I just realized how awfully terrible it was of me to say that stupid "it's tough being in love with someone who isn't in love with you" thing. Like that was such ******* I was to go back it time and smack myself for it. I'm really really sorry. You're incredible.