The sun hit my closed eyelids
As I clenched my hands,
Steadying myself for the first, but
Not the last blow to my abdomen; Inside
Myself, the internal organs, felt rattled like someone
Had put both their hands on both sides
Of a chicken coop and shook
The poor things to Hell. There wasn't
Any medical personnel on duty - the fight was
A bare-knuckle - but I knew the barmen
Had every kind of liquor for any kind of cuts
I soon would be acquiring. I took one to the stomach,
Then my upper arm and I brought my right forearm
Up to protect my face. His fist connected with
My forearm, but I didn't feel anything and slapped his palm
Away with my open right hand and swung with my left, the top
Three knuckles connecting with his jaw, the pinky knuckle not connecting with anything.
I later found out I had broken George's jaw with that punch. He
Staggered back and shook his head roughly after the blow, perhaps being to blame
For part of the break he later would find out he had acquired. His eyes
Looked at me filled with sweat and blood shot. His lips were strangely dry. The
Sun on my back shone into his face and reflected the hundreds of droplets of sweat
Lined across his dirt covered brow and deeply lined face.

When he came at me again he was blind. I ducked, let him run through me
And quickly turned around. George was confused and I was not and all
Of a sudden I felt I was fighting a helpless child for some meager money that
Would only come half my way. I looked at him, up and down, saw poor George
Disorientated, scared, and alone; he reminded me of a fawn I had seen without his mother
Caught in between the cross-hairs of my rifle, its solid black eyes and quivering
Nose and ears looking for any sign of security of comfort, but receiving nothing. I pulled
The trigger on that fawn and, being a slave to my own routine, I pulled the trigger on
George, landing a right hook to his ribs, bringing him down to both of his knees, and then,
Interlacing my fingers and palms together, bringing down "The Hammer" as the men
Would later call it, across of George's head that drooped off his shoulder's like an
Apple just about to fall from the tree. He hit the dirt face first with the booming cheer
Of the ruckus cloud behind.

"Is it over then?" I asked him.

"I think you killed him!" a faceless joker screamed from the crowd.

"Yeah, you slaughtered him Ernie! Yah' killed him!" another one screamed.

Maybe I did, maybe I didn't, all I knew was that George wasn't going to be getting up by himself.
I bent down and put the back of my brown bloodied palm up to his mouth. There was a breath. At least there was that. I was happy that there was that. If he was dead we'd have to get rid of the body, either in the swamp which was a good half hour car ride and being a Saturday, the streets were crawling with cops. The first thought that actually came into my mind when I saw Georgie hit the ground and thinking that he was dead that we would take him down to the river, tie some rocks to his feet, and throw him in there. A cowardice thing to do, but ****** was something that tagged a man for a life and I couldn't imagine myself going back to prison for the second time - nearly died the last time I was in there.

"Get up George," I said as I pushed him lightly by the shoulder.

He gurgled and spit and tried to get something out.

"What?"

"Fuckinn neally kilt me there Ernie," he struggled to get out.

"I'm sorry, George, but we were fighting, weren't we?"

"Fukkinn basterd," he grumbled and tried to get himself up. He slowly rose to his knees and swatted at me when I tried to help him. He spit a large string of thick, dark blood into the dirt and coughed. He shook his head like an old dog that had just taken a beating and said, "Really lait in to me, din' you' Ernie?"

"Needed the money George," I said, he now letting me help him to his feet, "You know how it is."

"I know, I know." He slumped his head and threw his arm around my shoulders.

When we were kids we had ideas and dreams,
Of what we wanted to be.
It boiled down to one thing,
We wanted to be a somebody.
We could go as far as our imagination would let us.
And the stars were just figures in the sky,
That one day we could reach out and touch.
Maybe we just wanted to leave this world a better place,
Than when we met it
Maybe we just wanted to be remembered for something great.
But we grew up.
Dreams faded into the ether of the past.
And we became what we become.

Waitress' and waiters.
Callous palmed factory workers.
Ticket booth operators.
Cleaners, tradesmen and
Bus drivers.
Barmen, bank clerks and
Insurance salemen
People that make the world tick.

When you walk down the street,
You can hear a chorus of unsung hymns.
The girl who just wanted to sing.
But was too afraid to take to the stage.
So her songs remain hers.
The unseen kid.
Who's got a notebook of broken dreams.
But remains alive.
Because it's through the ink that his heart beats.
Through his words that his thoughts breathe.
Or the man who works a job he hates.
Just to hold up his family.
These people are just living their lives.
But these people are somebody to someone

Don't let this be just another poem.
Don't let these words mean nothing.
Their is more in life than being great.
Is it not enough to make one person happy.
Is it not enough to make yourself happy.
Nobody can define you.
The walls might not fall but
You got to try and make them
You can be anything you want to be.
Sing like no one's listening.
Dance like no one's watching.
Shine as bright as you can.

You are a somebody.
You always have been.
And you still have time to be.

başım çatlıyor birkaç gündür
sirayet ediyor yaşıma
kalp ağrısı diyor doktor
ağır yükler taşıma

biteviye tırlatmış olmalı
diye düşünmüş olsa gerek ki
bin miligram davul yazmış
bir de tokmak ruhuma
deng-i kalp vücut bulsun
sabah sertliğim
sakinleşsin diye

halbuki
bungee jumping
seviyorum ben
düzüşmek yükseklerde
ve
göze almak yere çakılmayı
meretin sekiz seviyesinde

yoksa corvet teyzenin
bir yıldır kullandığı
gergedan kokan süngerinden
ne farkı kalır geçen yılların
yazdığı reçeteyi
buruşturup attım çöpe

bronx’a gitmeliydim acil
uyurken zürefa cebimde
mary jane özlemiştir
diye düşündüm
eski
bir pigme masalı zihnimde

dışarısı soğuk ve uğulgan
karsa sokakta anadan üryan
bir taksi bile yoktu etrafta
o yüzden
daldım bir bara
göz gözü görmüyordu

kapıda birkaç kafayı bulan
adam ve kadınlar
bir ton lakırdı vardı
kadehlerden taşan

****** mary dedim
varsa en sert olanından
et yığını biriydi barmen
ceza yazan trafik polisine
bakar gibi bakıyordum ki
bacardim de var dedi
arzu ederseniz

****** dedim
ağır çekim
sigaramın dumanından

manhattan’dan mısın
diye sordu
kadehi uzatırken
mardin’liyim dedim
hani şu kapısı şen olan

anlamadım dedi
ben de
avukatım gelmeden
konuşmam

sustu hergele
penceredeydi gözüm oysa
ince ince yağıyordu kar
kırım kongo şeklinde
ve
ayaklarımdan ateş
hızla
yol alıyor beynime

işte o an
ölüm provamı düşledim
bir an
mary jane
defin kortejinde

ceviz kaplama gövdem
bu yıl değilse gelecek sene
diye geçti aklımdan

ve çene’deki
muhteşem temaşa
"işte böyle"...



Vaha

Falling asleep on the pavement
I think of all the seamstresses I’ve met
The barmen that I’ve talked to
The fishermen waving to me from the ocean

It occurs that there are stars
Mingling in the minds of my memories
And the distance between my friends
Wandering the silent world

Rusted and littered the sidewalks
We still kicked the cans and laughed
Hustling through the burns of the wave
Making it through the day

Lying on the gravel, I
See the trains of the passers-by
Rushing to their stations, adjourning
Riveting to another impression

The inference of question, treason
There was no need for us to speak
Because it haunted always from within
And we knew it and we threw it as such

Dying on the ground, I know
The reaches of the dusty universe
The follies of the ground of man
Circling in the woods again.

Is it weird to hallucinate wind chimes? twinkle twinkle, they go - twinkle, twinkle

I didn't eat breakfast but went straight to church, out of the sun and into the stone. I lit one candle and it shone on the rack.
I am sitting behind myself, a teenager coughing emeralds into a wet tissue, raging with flu.
Over there, I am ten years old.
All of these me's, bursting in the silence, finding excuses not to pray.

ten am
walked to the cafe to watch ten thousand beating hearts carried like luggage -
one girl has bought an orange and is eating it right in front of me-
It slipped down her neck one piece at a time.
I suppose it's quite intimate to watch someone eat an orange like that.

Dutch guy (I think Dutch, but god knows) on the phone
with a very, very, very nice **** and a tattoo going up his arm that
sort of looks like a vine.

walked some more and dunked my head in the fountain to cool off,
already dry and sitting in the park
music everywhere
I can't get that piano piece out of my head, 'The Entertainer'
and also that bit from ******
'all the stars and the cars and the bars and the barmen'
or something like that.

hello love, would you mind a good seeing to?
not tonight sweetcheeks, I utterly loathe you
I am aching everywhere.
Do I look mad or heartbroken or both?

if he doesn't call by one then
(what? what are you actually going to do about it you stupid ****?)

The key to good mental health is to avoid thinking at any cost and don't go anywhere when you have nowhere to go.

Here on the roof of one million stairs building nothing is scary but the life itself. Nothing inspires more than looking down, on the gleaming arteries of the big, penetrated by the dense matter of the cosmos, city. The stars are different here, even if some of them are hot on the surface, inside they are endlessly cold, not that big, and a lot of them already drunk.
But the city lives in its dangerous pictures of infinite and bright life. Flame and fire of global roll call of the people in the windows, sets the rhythm. They flash slower and more silent and eventually start sleeping, not all of them in the beds, some of them on the roads, in the restrooms, sitting on toilets, waiting for the bus or a barmen, who doesn’t want to fill this glass up again… why… wouldn’t he… just go home and sleep and forget and start tomorrow again, like everybody, like friends and even enemies, just to start… Start what? He forgot. He is sleeping while security man is dragging him towards the back door.
A blond woman looks at that such picture pouring into the ear of her lover some kind of laughter. It can’t be her husband. Women never laugh like that with their husbands. That kind of laugh that says “I’m the happiest woman because of intense and frequent *******” is dedicated only for the lovers.
In the evening, especially at night, there are no boundaries for having ***. There is no place where it is inappropriate. How could it be inappropriate if nothing else is left? There are *** and the street lights only.
During the day they earn money, and at night they hunt for a good *** in the club. Sometimes it does not matter who. As those sorority girls that came in the club. An assortment of sparkling champagne, chocolate with ***** and cognac goes all inside of them to put out this thirst for the perfect ***. Somehow it helps us to touch the tail of perfection, the more alcohol you pour in, the better seem to be the circumstances for having ***. A filthy restroom or soaked with ***** street, everything is madly romantic under these dancing stars.
A guy is making out with a girl. The fumes of beer, wine and tequila kills the desire to kiss her, but he already started and can't stop because this schoolgirl will not understand. He has to kiss her to get what he want. She is a novice here, still starts with kisses...
An ex gay protestant priest, with such an angry and at the same time exhilarated smile, is hiding behind the corner to shout out “Repent!” at those who coming out or going in the club. He likes putting to shame some innocent girls who hesitated to come here. He likes to scare people, to make them angry, it gives the feeling that you do have power from god, and it even makes him feel like a god. All his life he dedicates to the approval for his way of living, for his sacrifices and social deprivation, so when he sees a drunken man lying on the street he is not compassionate, but happy. Happy to see that he was right, they were wrong and that Jesus did save him. But all he needs is love, the love that someone rejected to give him once, the one who could not understand him and it was not Jesus, it was his Dad who tortured his heart and never paid attention to him.
After the security chucked out the drunken man they noticed a scared from his own power priest and stepped towards him. He didn’t want to get beaten up again and ran away with fading “You all gonna burn in Hell…”
The club can breathe with new strength, all the weak and collapsed are already outside, and the blond woman is already touching a personal tail of perfection on her knees in the restroom.

I took a trip down the road
And knew not where to go
I looked to the sun
To guide me through
But soon came the clouds
And there I was alone
And all without you

Down the path
I felt the wrath
Of life's sting of
Betrayal and forced solitude
I found a bar on the
Road made of wood and brush
I walked inside
And the bartender told me to hush

I looked out the window
As I quietly sat down
There was a funeral outside
And everyone wore a frown
A cool wind passed through
Every open window
Where then walked in
The bereaved wailing widow

Her eyes shown black
And her dress was white brown
As she walked with the gown
Her ind seemed not intact
She made her way outside
And out on the ocean
I could feel the changing of tides
They all gathered around the grave
To pay respects to the one man God
Saw no reason to save

I turned to my ***
And thought for a moment
"Should I run"
But the barmen came over
And asked, "You alright?"
"I've been better, " I said,
"This going on all night?"
He shook his head
And took out a book with
A binding colored red

I finished my *** and
Headed towards the ocean
There was no reason to wait
My blood was still flowing
Down through the road
My body felt cool and cold
The birds in their trees chirped
As my feet kicked up the road
Truth in the treble of
The sounds of the Earth
There was magic once in them
But now only hurt

I passed a few empty shacks
With no living souls inside
They looked decrepit and broken
With no postings or signs
And without warning came someone
Who looked like a shadow down the road
My blood ran cold, my legs frozen
I tried to run, but my time was chosen
As they came closer I began to see
There was no reason to fear
The shadow was a child, a little girl and dog
She wore her hair up as walked through the fog

She smiled at me as she passed
Wearing a golden necklace and
An old straw hat
I walked a few paces and turned around
She was gone without a trace or sound
Where are we now my lady?
Where are you tonight?
There are things going on here
That aren't exactly right

As soon as the day had been
The night had fallen upon me
I could only glimpse the stars
Glimmering through the tree leaves
Pale white and flickering through
I thought of the widow and her face of blue
Her husband in the ground
And the piling up of the dirt mound
I saw a bench up ahead
And laid down upon it
My body feeling as if made of lead

I closed my eyes and envisioned
The widow all alone in her room weeping
Nowhere to turn to
With life's pain winning and beaten
All games have their winner's
And no-one remembers the loser
We mourn and we sympathize and
In the shadows we secretly criticize
Life will and always be the winner
We fight the fight to survive
But in truth will always end up beginners

My eyes underneath my eye-lids
Darted and fluttered as I muttered,
"The whole world turns over and over
With nothing else to do but hover"
Sweat built up in my eyes
As the heat of the night
Made my head sizzle and fry
The little girl passes
Her necklace reflecting the stars in the sky
Love never lasted
Hat hung behind her back, knotted by gentle tie

I wake with the morning heat
The sky is clear blue, I look to my feet
Muddied and cut I search for the girl
I try to turn but my minds in a twirl
How long have I been sleeping?
Where have I wandered off to now?
I've got no food I should be keeping
The bartender the only man I know in town
Each worry and word left me like a shot from a gun
I looked to the sky for help
But was greeted with only the sun

My mind began to part
My body split right down the middle
I choked for air and in despair
Was greeted with life's clearest riddle

I woke again
And felt cool sand
Wash over my dried hands
To the right of me were palm trees
And to the left a salty breeze
At last I had died
Or was this only a tease?
As I came to my knees
A body lifted from the ocean
It was the barman from before
With a line of fish and an ore
He waved to me
And I waved back
The line hung tight
To many for any slack

He dropped his catch down
On the brittle white sand
He smiled at me
And from his shorts pulled a can
"Found you in the forest,
With no one around. You were
Talking to yourself about thieves
And everything they'd stolen."

"I got lost in the night, "I said,
"I took a rest on the bench and
Couldn't get up once I laid."
He nodded and took a drink
He looked on the ocean to think
"The funeral ceremonies over,
If you want some food there's some cover."
He pointed a ways down the beach
Death was so close, but life was still in reach

Two I apple they split not to sit ***-light lit
              Ms.Viviette by-set
              Her heart age-set
              A whole sip mug-wet

She is working on her salvation the whole-love
ready -set
The mission right body flow 2 beat-heat
the heart fit
Smiles a bit a mysterious ((AppleJack))
Wholeheartedly--------*
Comeback playing the Violin teacher's pet
The apple a day he was not amused
Didn't light my heart fuse

That weak heart 1/2 the right spot,
the heart love cure another shot
My whole life he deserted me red-tangy tea
That Madame Curie how she pleads
My heart stopped the Island he was falling
out of my coconut hands

How I smothered his love hands
On the Bali Hut, I felt smashed by his lips
of Applesauce scrumptious pork roast on
the internet hearts was the post
Hearts of the earthquake trembler

Biting the Apple
but what is____?
Inside the heart Sobriquet
The flower floret evergreen apple
Made her heart  selling her soul out
The intenseness of drinking
Cabernet Sauvignon In France
Mediterranian tropics
Louis Vuitton
Heart tripping sandals
In Italy, he read her heart waist handles
poem sonnet but his heart was
stronger and more of a fret

The heart of soul came with his challenge
The whole in his head like bullhorns
My hill-halfway their body
was torn my heart was spinning
my whole right side felt like a baby born
Nonstop crying she felt so high like a
banana split no timeshare
Not to share my heart
New York token of love fair

Not the whole heart of truth
Glory the half of the stick don't you
hate eating chocolate crunch muscles
Of the  barmen from  way out in Mars
All my heart stickers the best times
of my star was gone
Hearts Gym he wouldn't give one flicker
  The half timeout what a showdown
2- hearts almost shut down

Tasting his stick so woodsy
The trees were talking topsy-turvy
Please take some heart I'm curvier
My dreams have no demeanor
Putting 1/2 of an eyeliner I am not finished in
Angelic nymphs on my ceiling
   The bathroom hearts were dripping
My lips got separate like they
ran away walking I was curved
Last heart to play Atlantic City
We saw them again (Rodeway) fresh
**** wasn't so pretty the parade day
What an odd pair of card pitiful
Their bizarre smiles
21/2 heart shaped pills I'm home at last
My whole watermelon those black pits
she so lazy
always on her computer what a putz
He is the heartless man
of the felon, not the fancy hotel
of the Ritz Carlton
Having a girly blast

I phone lanes they won't last
Louis Lane Superhighway
Men met Evil Stan
The armory like the
American Band Stand
Singing hearts got a low hand
Burning fires surgery heart
The whole road hearts
were dripping coffee relapsing
But inseparable screws out,
Rocky road ice cream hugging
I see someone falling asleep
Hearts on the job line
You will get fired out ruled
There will be no time to be mine

Yummy body measurable
Love Doves*

Equally 2 planes,
meeting together
distance
Equal lush resistance
½ creature ******
Her better half is ****** pleasure
his be heart plate
Two loves hear pancakes syrup lightly
Seduced heart’s fit tightly
The other side needs, balance 2 guided

We're two loves, heart divided?
Gothic kiss darkens the doves
Two half’s of hearts, infinite flame
Red heart cheating, hot rod game
Uncertainty Guilty reassurance

Love handholds, heart allegiance

If you are good at something
Never do it for free
That's what the Joker believes
Everything burns

I do
I do wish for Destiny
Great movies
Turns

She's quite special
So was Doctor Thomas
Silences
Yearns

Harrisonburg, Virginia
Karl Barth
Barmen Declaration
Learns

                Long terms