My dearest love, I abstained from using speech to describe the state of my mind for fear of it not sounding genuine or cliché. I decided to write this down because I want to make sure I do justice to the strong emotion I have about this. It weighs heavy on my chest, baby, and I kindly ask you to read it.
To go or not to go. To please or to please, just who am I pleasing is the question that makes all the difference.
A holiday that all is aboard. They are eager to leave their lives behind temporarily. A plan to escape their mundane days of repetitive turmoil and boredom. Something that is so irresistibly tempting. Like a toddler who uncontrollably reaches out for a shiny marble that sparkles in the sun, relying fully on instinct rather than rationale.
But that could not be further from the truth for me. I'm like the flesh torn between hungry vultures who deny me from rest. I am torn between the glowing blue marble and the thought of choking on it. Unlike them, I do not want to leave my life behind temporarily. I don’t want to leave you behind. I cherish my everyday mundane life with you! To go or not to go. To please or to please? but just who am I pleasing?
Why is a plain “no” rarely an option?
I find myself often questioning the predicament that I find myself in. Why has God placed me at the crossroads of brutal decisions? To make a decision that seems right is to make the conscious act of inflicting pain on the other. A crossroad that leads to two extreme ends. Joy or sadness, relief or pain, life or death. It may all seem overly dramatic, but these words I write to you are like a crystal window into my untainted emotions. This is how I feel, baby.
I question my predicament, the same predicament that forced me into being a man with a few words for the sake of saving the skin of my relationship with the woman to whom I would give all my strength. For the woman with whom I yearn to share my every breath. I question myself: when? When can the two sides of the coin exist in perfect harmony? Perhaps, as long as it is not, harmony can only exist at the expense of inflicting suffering on the other side.
To live, to laugh, to cry, and to suffer together. To overcome, grow and conquer forever. For you to be in my arms, close to me, feeling our hearts beat for each other. I wish we could be married already under the everlasting oath that will forever seal our love for each other.
Again, this might all seem overly dramatic, but under the manly facade that curtains my crystal window is the soul of a boy who cannot bear to be separated from his lover.
Never have these words reached out to anyone but you. The words that pour out from behind my crystal opening; though we are distant, the thought of you is eternally lingering.
I'm with you, baby. Just as always, you are with me.
Happy 19th Monthesary, my dearest love.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABBY LOVEE <3<3<3
Hi pasi, I hope you enjoyed reading that and the whole experience that came with it. There is not enough words in this world that can describe my love towards you. May Allah grant us happiness and a life of Baraqah and harmony.
