You reached in
and grabbed me out of my skin.
Your hands on my waist
demolished the barriers i placed
even though i wanted to keep them there.
I have been swimming
in a sea of desyrel and prozac
and more often than not
I drown.
"There are worse things
than being alone"
I know, i know, but
i'm always at a low
ever since he had me at hello.
He told me once
he must have told me 30 times before
he's just a man
taking what he needs from the store,
and i am always serving,
giving him shelter from storms
giving him bandages for sores.
The tables are turning
and when i ask for guidence
all i get are bruises
there are no more soft kisses
no more tracing your name
into my skin.
You flip a switch so quickly
i am left terrified of your prescence.
I walk on eggshells aroud you
but they always break,
you told me i am too heavy
but i am trying to fix that.
You used to make me feel pretty,
now you only make me feel ******
and frankly i like the bruises
because they tell me i need to be stronger.
I want to fit so badly into your arms
but you are not her.
You are a replacement
until she comes back home
back to where she belongs.
I never loved you
i just love what you do to me

I can see myself getting lost in you,
Comparable to a current in a tiny stream,
For this is nothing grand,
You and I are not the sea.
I can imagine the two of us walking
In a city far away,
3 or 4 years from now,
Only then, we'd be touching less slightly
Than we are now.
I mean to say that you might
Have an arm around my shoulders or a
Hand upon my waist,
A modest and silent but lovely way
To show that 
I am not the world's woman,
But your woman,
And that this is steady and strong,
And people will think to themselves:
"Look, they've probably been together for years, 
But even so... how could that be wrong?"
In 3 or 4 years,
Sometime aroud 7 a.m.,
Sunday maybe, 
Holding coffee & hands
In the jungle-city,
As compared to yesterday,
Walking through this town's veins
Which we've memorized,
Our elbows grazing awkwardly
As we stride,
Afraid to make the next move,
Unsure of where to start,
But not quite wanting another second apart.
What I hope, my dear,
Is that after you and I fall asleep
Without a kiss but with foreheads touching,
After we wake up, grin,
Then look at eachother but don't dare shift,
What I hope is 
That you help this princess (or so you've called me)
Step down from her tower,
That you be forceful, yet never underestimate her power,
That you miss her while she's gone,
That you help her down,
But never let her down.

often wonder how you think
but then remember I don't even care that much
cause your thoughts work in your own unique ways
that's extremely okaye , youre entitled to your voice
just please remember to breathe
give me a moment to process your minds technique
its often tumbling its way down
hard to wrap my head around when its just racing down
tryna touch ground without stopping to the direction its in
got me confused as much as their is to be
youre your own person I do believe
and your thinking is some sort of unique
that I can never get to reach me
and honestly I don't hate
im okaye with your ways of speak
but don't push me to the lowest selfesteem
leaving me without nothing to speak
cause you really made me like a tossed out dog treat
not having no feelings of what you really just did to me
I still can not speak
hard to believe , but im so fucken beat
youd left me out to be the meat for a final time
I cant handle the crossing line
I don't care to hear you speak all the excuses your mind can think
you've already made me so fucken weak
I cant breathe when I think about all the past
how it suddenly makes sense
im just in disguist and it hurts my head
it killed my heart
my only real what I thought was a best friend
doing some sly **** and playing me like im some *****
but for why
and for how
or but forreal
I can not even feel
you really played me
I cant remove my uttershock
still frozen in spot
frozen fucken thought
***** played tf out me
how tf  but what
I don't know now
but we aren't really friends now
and I know im still there
just not ever gunna be all there
cause you really cant
you don't and do but wont deserve to be someone I keep at my side
not a relationship
no more friendship
I took my foot off the floating ship
im just drifting away
you sailing away
but im perfectly okay
I got played by a *****
some funny **** to say
something so funny I cant wrap it aroud my brain
I don't care now
your thinking is its own unique way  
and I should want to know that technique
so I can be more on beat
see how you think
but honestly I rather just have a drink
forget that friendship was once a thing
im not even fucken weak
**** im living like theres nothing wrong with me
ive been hit with the stick
woken out a dream
who this ***** really could be
who this ***** is
man, I aint even trippen
it is whatever it is
im just happy it was something
that I knew could be a possibility
just thought more unlikely
cause youre supposed to be my friend
not what now some sort enemy
attacking when the lights went out
like the rest these sneaks
that just got something else going on
that makes them take a ride along
not controlled of their own
I got it , I know
but fool, take hold
youre the one who is supposed to have control
why you let them have tiniest type of leash
I know you aren't that weak
fucken speak
take some time to think
youre better then these thieves
don't follow their ways
pull away from their hold
see all the things you could have done
finally stand up and do what you keep wishing you would've
how come this is always coming up
aren't you tired of the same song
I know its played too long
that way I turned the sound off
im headed out cause I need something that cant be sung
so long . be gone .

It's you.
You.
It's always been you.
From the very beginning
All the way back to when we were little kids without a clue.
Running aroud the school yard in our uniforms.
It started as a cute little kid crush
Then we grew and feelings did too.
Middle school came and you made my heart skip beats when you looked at me in the hallways.
Then I was really sad cause you went onto highschool and we grew apart and I thought
owell it wasn't meant to be
But here we are again all these years later and somehow we've found each other again
And as I look back through old yearbooks and I find your pictures circled or with hearts around them I realize it's always been
You
No matter what no matter how I always ******* come back to you because it's you.
It's always ******* been you.
You...

The sky will get warmth
The cloud will get darkened
and soon its going to be raining,
i promise,you will never be lonely.
In the cold breeze of the morning,
when the snow falls
when you need someone aroud you,
to keep you safe and warm,
i will be there by your side
i promise,you will never be lonely,
when everyone leaves you,
when no one comes around you,
when loneliness grips you by his cold hands,
when you cry and no one hears,
i will be there to dry your tears.
I promise you my friend,
you will never be lonely
my friend,i will always be your friend,
call me when you need someone.
Someone to talk to.
Someone to play with,
someone to share with
the pine of the heart
i promise, i will be there for you,
you will never,never be Lonely........

I love her.
Maybe it's because I can't have her.
Maybe it's because he can.
Maybe it's because she's perfect.
Maybe it's because she's different.
Maybe it's because she gets me.
Maybe it's because I trust her more than anybody.
Maybe it's because I can always be myself around her.
Maybe it's because she's beautiful.
Maybe it's because I see real, true, impeccable beauty in her.
Maybe it's because talking to her, with her, aroud her, about her,
is an experience in itself.
Maybe, I love her.

Is it okay?
If I sit in the corner of the room
And let myself suffer
While you shine out there
In your spotlight

Is it okay?
If everything that comes aroud
Leaves me scared and drowning
While you put yourself out there
With such decency

Is it okay?
If I refuse to speak
If I refuse to answer
While you climb the ladder
Taking you where you belong

Is it okay?
If I am unable to do what I should
If I fail everytime I try
While you fight your battles
Making it look so easy

Is it okay?**
If I am not like you
If I am not like ANY of you
While you're like the rest of them
Self-assured,
Bold,
Able to do as you're told?

How i feel is sometimes things that arent real
But my feelings can be ture and fake i just ate a cake that was bake
Sometimes i feel i can do this and do this but i dont know if i can make it
sometime you can go outside and make it
But i remmember my feelings got me to the point i was ready to break down just say God come along
I cant see my feelings i can feel is that how i feel is it actually real
But how can you open up your feelings and i really saw acouble fof buildings
Feelings can be very powerful with the omighty God looking rite at you, all i knew i stated turning blue
Dont break down I will come aroud
But i really have to express my feelings though my worries and happines but how can  i

Just looking though the window of rain and sun i wanted shoot myself with a gun
But i grew up to tell my feelings to the ones i love i put on my powerful glove

oh secret muse,
the shinning eyes,
the perfect smile

adored in the twiligth,
the vision before nigth,
traps this ******* rigth

oh the tender smile,
the gracious laughs,
you are indeed the
adored one.

beneath the moon,
looking in your eyes,
hope and a smile

secret muse you indeed
make the ******* shine,
inside and out

with a secret glow, the shine
of the one that is loved,
the shine of a smile.

the path is all aroud,
cause you followed
your heart, that is the
sacred path.

the secret way to do
things rigth, is following
your heart.

not shinning like a star, but
as a man, doing rigth,
following his heart, working
on love.

the star in my skies,
shinning brigth, day and nigth
sacred muse, pasion and deligth

elegant and brigth,
beautiful and truth,
divine and prophane,

oh secret muse, queen of hearts,
divine ligth in the ******* nigth,
your love makes a world shine.

Darker yet darker
Everything aroud me gets
Not seeing the light anywhere me yet
But be it by chance or by will
I stumble upon two souls on a hill
Aware not of me nor of each other
I ask both "who is he?"
"I don't remember" says one
"I don't want to know" says the other
So through me
they befriend one another
By getting closer
I manage to see the red thread
Suddenly I remember that
this is not my story
I'm just walking by
One of them asks me
"can two dark make a light?"
As an answer I smile and say goodbye
I was just walking by
But as I get down the hill
Looking up to the sky
I can't help but smile  
Seeing two dark that make a light
But this is not my story
This is not my light
I'm just walking by

i heard you asked about where i am during lunch period
i heard you were disappointed that i hide in the art room

i heard you miss me
i wish you would just kiss me

but youll change your mind when i come aroud again
"we're just friends"

right ?

The forest way

Walk along the forset with his  heat thunping  along a narrow path  way  across a   flowing stream of  water  and down a  step hill  among the trees of forever life looking at the crisp sky of  light. Standing upon the edge  he looks down at the flowing river  of  fish jumping  and  sliding  and  flashing  and crashing  into the  rocks  of a forest way. He looks aroud to hear a sound  of hope from the echo of a forest  way stand their is his maiden  and love of his life  to save him from despair  slowly  pushing him into her ams and taking him to her side and far way into the light of day laying him down to rest   and  keeping him safe from  the  rivers and  rocks of the forset way.  
copyright
produced and written by wayne mockler